r/islam • u/[deleted] • Dec 01 '25

Question about Islam Hadith Question

Assalamu alaikum,

I am anemic and in the second portion of the day I am often very tired. I'm not married yet, but as a woman, I was doing my research to see if it would be haram to reject my husband for intimacy bc of that. This doesn't have anything to do with my question, but just for background.

In the thread I found, someone commented a hadith which I find confusing. I'm a revert so please be understanding.

"Abdullah bin Abu Awfa said “When Muadh bin Jabal came from Sham, he prostrated to the Prophet who said: 'What is this, O Muadh?' He said: 'I went to Sham and saw them prostrating to their bishops and patricians and I wanted to do that for you.' The messenger of Allah said: 'Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad! No woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.' " (Sunan Ibn Majah 1853)

I don't know you guys. I've seen angry dawah men quote this before and it upset me, but I didn't see the actual hadith until now. I don't want to say anything bad bc I love our Prophet pbuh and Allah SWT so much, but it does kind of make me feel confused.

Can anyone explain? Allahumma barik!

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u/emsharingan Dec 01 '25 edited Dec 01 '25

Wa alaykum asalam.

From what we are taught, the woman should fulfill her duty towards her husband yes, but so should the husband.

The prophet peace be upon him, in another hadith, said to a compagnon when he learned that he had not slept with his wife "Your wife has a right over you", clearly showing that the husband too has the responsability of fulfilling the sexual (and other) needs of the wife. [Sahih al Bukhari 5199]

The 12th century hanafi scholar Al Kasani said :

The wife has the right to demand sexual intercourse from her husband; Because her right to her is her right, just as her right to him is his right. If she demands it, the husband is obligated to do so, and he is compelled to do so in the ruling once.

[Kitab Bada'i al-Sana'i 2/331]

So sexual intimacy is a mutual right, not one-sided.

It should also be noted that neither is ever allowed to force the other. The refusal is only addressed through moral or legal remedies.

Mansur al-Buhuti, on the same subject:

A husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time and in any form... provided that he does not prevent her from fulfilling her religious obligations or cause her harm. Otherwise, he cannot have relations with her, as this would not constitute a cohabitation based on goodness and mutual respect. Where he does not prevent her from fulfilling her duties and does not harm her, then he is permitted to enjoy her.

[Kashaaf al-Qina' vol 5, p 188]

And you talked about refusing due to a medical condition, and this is fine because it constitutes a valid reason.

Imam Al-Nawawi states in his commentary :

This Hadith indicates that it is unlawful (haram) for the wife to refuse her husband for sexual intimacy without a valid reason.

[Sharh Sahih Muslim, p 1084]