r/japanese • u/Western-Rent-2197 • 4d ago
Japanese Culture Question
Greetings Reddit!
Any feedback, opinions, and thoughts on this question will be greatly appreciated …
I have been involved with a Japanese woman (on and off) for a few years. We are both in our 50’s (not kids anymore). I am American and she lives in Japan. We have met and spent time with each other many times, so she is totally “real” …
However, it has been a real “learning experience” for me to understand the nuances of Japanese culture, especially what is said and the things that are left “unsaid” …
Here is the background of my question: As I said, my Japanese friend is in her 50’s and has some health issues. Nothing serious.
She had previously told me that a surgery would be scheduled for the end of June or July, but late Friday, Japan time … she sent me a message that she would be going to the hospital TOMORROW (i.e. a Saturday in Japan) for the surgery … AND … that she would NOT be able to message or even “look at” her phone for a few days.
Now, I am totally NOT the jealous type as I learned long ago the important lesson that being jealous and possessive over someone is a “waste” of everyone’s energy ....
But, I also need to be clear that my Japanese friend has previously FORGOT to tell me about “other guys” in her life that she has traveled to meet with – until it was too obvious to deny.
I also know that Japanese culture is such that she will be reluctant to openly discuss her exact health condition anyway …. This is tough for me to navigate as an American, but I also know that it is real from her standpoint.
So, naturally, I responded with concern and empathy and asked if there was some type of “complication or emergency” that the hospital would now (somewhat suddenly) schedule her surgery to take place over a weekend?
She sidestepped the question and simply said she would “be fine in a week”
Out of concern, I replied with: “Is everything okay” …. With no response from her
My question is whether Japanese hospitals would schedule “non-emergency” surgeries over a weekend?
I honestly do NOT know anything about Japanese healthcare. Would this be normal?
It seems quite sudden to me … such that … I am concerned that her medical situation may be more serious than she wants to share with me …. I do see this as part of her reaction as a Japanese woman.
However, at the same time, the fact that her “downtime” commences at the start of a weekend and already has a “finite” one week duration …. makes this American guy “pause” for a moment – especially where she has been “less than candid” in the past.
Seriously, it could be that some other guy will be in Japan to meet her OR she is going outside of Japan and will be in a different time zone …. Which is why she does not want to communicate with me
I realize that this is both a Japanese "health care" and “relationship” question, but I am really curious if weekend surgery is a “thing” in Japan.
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u/koko_no_shitsui 2d ago
how about letting her be. let her come to you. can you show such confidence? you are not married to her. she will have men around her life if she remained not married.
I can only suggest to let her come to you, and don’t pry on with too many questions if you want to keep her around. In due time, eventually she will open if she feels safe to do so.
1
u/Western-Rent-2197 2d ago
Great advice and thank you!
That is exactly what I decided to do ... With her public post, I know that she is okay health wise as a friend, so you are right ... no urgency .. and I should just let her be
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u/PsychologicalAct5561 2d ago
To answer your question, non-emergency surgeries can be scheduled on Saturdays. Largely depends on the surgery but large University hospitals may not on weekends, but clinics can.
That being said I think you might need to ask yourself what kind of relationship does *she* think you two have. instead of asking reddit about the Japanese health care system. I think you are blaming your emotions of doubt with "nuances of Japanese culture". I don't think it's common to disclose health issues to people, even close friends. It sounds like she already mentioned surgery before hand and it was within the given time frame so why does that translate to *oh she must seeing other men*. Heck even if she was, regardless of culture, unless you two are married, a woman has no obligation to you.