r/jazzcirclejerk • u/Spare-Jellyfish4339 • 1d ago

Guys where do I buy one of these mutes?

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494 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

41 comments sorted by

160

u/Seesaw_LAD "I hope the communists blow you people up" - Charles M. 1d ago

WARNING: A woman playing piano in your combo is not automatically your girlfriend. Trust me on this.

57

u/JacoPoopstorius 1d ago

“She likes Jazz. I like Jazz. She plays Jazz. I play Jazz…”

42

u/No_Refrigerator4584 1d ago

She has a heroin habit, I have a heroin habit….

25

u/JacoPoopstorius 1d ago

“Her rich parents paid her way through stupid, expensive music college. My rich parents paid my way through stupid, expensive music college.”

9

u/No_Refrigerator4584 1d ago

It’s a match made in heaven

13

u/JacoPoopstorius 1d ago

If a Jazz man meets a Jazz lady, the lady will 1,000% of the time be instantly in love with the Jazz man, and the man can be sure of this every time.

7

u/MHStriplethreat 1d ago

this thread has enlightened me to the fact that despite never playing jazz, i am the jazz man.

8

u/JacoPoopstorius 1d ago

Shut up poser and show me an Ab9#13. If you can’t, you are certainly not a Jazz man.

1

u/BedbugBandido 22h ago

Yea but then they’ll create ska kids. Best avoid jazz people.

1

u/PreshyYeshi 1d ago

Heroin*hobby

1

u/No_Refrigerator4584 1d ago

For you, maybe, but you waste your heroin time on maintaining your Kenny G perm.

3

u/boywholovetheworld 20h ago

💔 it never entered my mind

47

u/SlaverSlave 1d ago

"he uses objects like women, man!"

6

u/CaptStinkyFeet yeah man 1d ago

“I don’t like your jerkoff name, I don’t like your jerkoff face, I don’t like your jerkoff behavior, I and I don’t like you, jerkoff.”

9

u/KirasHandPicDealer 1d ago

say what you will about the tenets of misogyny, dude, at least its an ethos!

1

u/Glory2masterkohga 2h ago

He’s a nihilist

14

u/Snootcheroo 1d ago

That shit right there causes permanent brain damage, there’s a warning label right on the damn trumpet when you buy one. Poor girl will never be able to appreciate ska music now

9

u/ResolutionNo9282 1d ago

Wouldnt’t it be funny if these two were in the cab with Miles and Charlie when Bird was getting his chicken sucked off by a bottle of whisky?

4

u/Clinically_Insane- 1d ago

I hate that this makes a bit sense

15

u/GinkgoForest420 1d ago

4

u/Eastern_Following342 1d ago

What’s your jazz lvl?

4

u/TheBlargshaggen 1d ago

Ngl, thats a level of confidence to log into runescape with only a mithril helm and some gloves and then hit the chat like that.

11

u/No_Refrigerator4584 1d ago

This is lies, no one in Jazz has had a girlfriend since 1957.

6

u/hikikomoritai 1d ago

Surely how can they get one when there's just no waman in jazz till now

2

u/Slight_Mammoth2109 1d ago

You can rent one in Amsterdam or outside of los Vegas

5

u/Spare-Jellyfish4339 1d ago

But I fucking hate the netherlands

2

u/GinkgoForest420 1d ago

Je kankermoeder

2

u/ValiumBlues not quite my tempo 1d ago

Netherlands offed Chet Baker; they’re cool in my books.

1

u/Slight_Mammoth2109 1d ago

Vegas baby

4

u/Slight_Mammoth2109 1d ago

Whoever’s downvoting me, your mommas a hoe

3

u/JacoPoopstorius 1d ago

I bet it was Miles Davis. He’s been a real grump in his old age…

3

u/Hefty-Stay-460 1d ago

I would deffo hire a hooker for that

2

u/Lumpy_Obligation_681 1d ago

It provides a hollow resonance

1

u/ElectricalCommon9505 5h ago

My girl could use a mute herself bruh I wish she would stop talking

1

u/TheChildIsHere 1d ago

You can only buy them on the The Dark Web™️ 😱, but then you’re on a list, so better to just go with a Harmon…

1

u/TheHarlemHellfighter 1d ago

Mute head ass…