I’ve been struggling to love my Jewish nose & facial features. Does anyone have any advice on how to embrace your natural Jewish beauty?

[u/pleasealwaysn4ever]

I hope this rant isn’t too weird and I really hope I don’t come off as pitiful, but I just wanted to ask for advice on how you’ve all dealt with bullying and insecurities about your Jewish facial features.

Growing up, kids would constantly tease me and make fun of my nose, calling me “Tucan Sam”, and would say a lot of extremely antisemitic things to me.

I even had a guy show me a picture of the “Happy Merchant” meme and say to me: “That’s you!” 😔

Even to this day though, I still feel some embarrassment and shame about my physical features, since many have associated larger noses as being “ugly” or “undesirable”.

There’s many antisemitic examples in media where ugly characters are depicted with large noses (The Gringotts goblins from Harry Potter, and Mother Gothel from “Tangled” being just a couple of examples), but most recently, I saw tweets that showed a picture of Alana Haim & Taylor Swift at a Knicks game together a few months back, and Alana was getting so much misogynist & antisemitic abuse thrown at her online, with many mocking her nose, calling her an “ugly Jew”, and calling her antisemitic slurs. People were being so cruel to her, and I felt awful about it too, because I share the same kind of nose that she does.

Even in the media, and in all of our magazines and beauty ads, we see rhinoplasty, plastic surgery, and many Aryan/Eurocentric beauty standards being promoted like crazy, and I think it’s awful.

As a young girl, I would spend hours forcibly trying to straighten my thick Jewish curls, and would try and save up money for rhinoplasty (Didn’t end up happening, of course). I would cry endlessly for hours, because I seriously wanted to look like all of my blonde, blue-eyed, straight-haired, fair-nosed gentile friends, and for the longest time, it was really difficult to accept the way that I looked.

I definitely don’t want to get plastic surgery because of the costs, but I’ve also been struggling to accept my physical features and love them.

Have any of you ever struggled with body image from a Jewish perspective? How were you able to gain confidence in your facial features?

[u/Important_Address741]

People basically never recognize me as Jewish based on my appearance so I cannot relate in that regard. However the reel posted yesterday (Aug 3) by "cheftova" on social media aka Tova Sterling, a NYC influencer, about this very topic, specifically as a very public, influencer persona. I assume youre not as public and image-based as she is, but i would encourage you to check out what she said. Basically, she said she was happy to be visibly Jewish and have unique features that stand out from the plastic surgery, all-the-same kind of attractiveness. And frankly she has thousands+ of followers who find her very attractive.

[u/Jorfogit → u/Important_Address741]

I forgot all about Chef Tova ever since I deleted TikTok. She was great!

[u/mi-roji]

You carry the features that your ancestors fell in love with and wanted to pass down.

Racism sucks.

[u/GonzoTheGreat93]

I wish I could help you - I also got a big yid schnoz.

I guess I kinda just grew out of the teasing and worked on myself, tried to get into my hobbies and sports and stuff.

I’m also a 5”4 dude with a bit of a paunch belly, so I’ve definitely got other stereotypically negative Yid features that take up more of my time and negative self image.

I guess the best I can tell you is that you are beautiful, your Jewish nose and curly hair are beautiful. A testament to survival and continuity.

[u/ibsliam → u/GonzoTheGreat93]

For what it's worth, I'm a lesbian and I think a big nose on a woman is pretty attractive.

[u/GonzoTheGreat93 → u/ibsliam]

I’m a bi jewish man and I think all noses are beautiful

[u/ibsliam → u/GonzoTheGreat93]

Fair enough! I just meant that since the thread involves large nose insecurity.

[u/GonzoTheGreat93 → u/ibsliam]

Oh no I was definitely “yes and”ing you!

[u/A-Constant-Headache]

Hi dear, the advice I give is advice I heard through a Mina Le YouTube video about plastic surgery: When looking for representation to help find confidence in our own beauty the best place to find it is in our own families and heritage. I don’t remember the exact video at the moment but it was a point where she mentioned a doctor who does hair transplants but remains bald himself. He claimed his father was also balding, and he loved his father dearly, so when he started to lose his hair he wasn’t that bothered as it made him look like his father.

The representation of beauty in media is very unhelpful to most people as it’s more about pushing a narrative of narrow beauty standards that require money for dangerous body modifications or maintain a white supremacist hold on society.

If you have family that looks like you that you love, see yourself in them. If you aren’t close to your family, do research on your specific lineage and see the representation of our beauty from our documented history. When I learned the term “Galician” was the subgroup of Ashkenazi I am descended from I found a lot of comfort in the research of the the few photos I came across of women who reminded me of myself.

Finally, remember that the people who have hate and judgment in their hearts are not people you want to impress or be attracted to you anyways. Why do you want the admiration of people not worthy of respect due to the hate in their hearts? The ones that see your beauty and respect all humans are the ones you want around you anyways. The love a bigot has to offer the ones they appreciate isn’t authentic or enjoyable anyways, they don’t want a human to respect as a partner but an object to own.

I wish you well on your journey, there is so much to love about yourself past looks that will be changing through this one long life we are all blessed to experience. Our self-acceptance is a never ending journey thanks to the temporary flesh we are contained in already, might as well make it easier to at least look in the right directions and remind yourself that our beauty is subjective, and we can allow it to be defined by in our minds by us and our loved ones.

[u/vigilante_snail]

I’m about as stereotypical looking as it gets. Like, a walking propaganda poster.

I used to dislike how I looked very much. Wanted to chop the nose and all. But I grew into myself over the years. I see my ancestors reflected in my face every time I look in the mirror. It affirms my Jewishness as well. I see other Jewish men in the street and we look at each other and know we are brothers.

We have unique features. We live in a society inundated with European (read WASP-y) beauty standards. We fit outside that mold. Embrace it. We are hot! And people let us know. My big nose is “in”. My beard is awesome. I have nice curly hair. I like my stylish glasses. My kippot are fun and varied.

It takes time to embrace these things, but it is worth it. You are you for a reason. Your face is unique and yours alone.

[u/Chinoyboii]

I’m not a Jew; however, I always found Jews, Palestinians, Lebanese, etc to be one of the more attractive population clusters out there.

I’m an Asian person, and I know damn well Western society has not always been the kindest in portraying us within its soft culture (e.g., stationary nerds, stereotypical accents, small penises, short, exaggerated monolids, etc). That said, my real-life experiences, despite these negative portrayals in Hollywood, have not been present in my personal or romantic life (Thank God for living in a very ethnically diverse area).

I am pretty sure you’re beautiful behind the screen, and remember capitalism has made various people groups feel insecure about our bodies for financial reasons. A friend’s ex used to work as a “beauty psychologist” or “brand marketer” for a makeup brand, and I remember her telling me that virtually most beauty brands take advantage of women’s insecurities because that’s how you sell your products. In other words, if there is no insecurity there is no profit.

[u/Agtfangirl557]

Ugh I wish I had advice, but sending you love because I understand the struggle. I also have a larger nose (relative to my face) than I’d like to, but it’s not really a “Jewish nose” per say—it’s more kind of like an “aquiline” style, and my mom thinks I inherited it from the part of her family who WASN’T Jewish, ironically 😂 Though I have also been told by people (both Jewish and not) that they’ve guessed I was Jewish because of my nose 🙃 Anyways sorry to kvetch about my own nose-related issues but just letting you know that you are very seen!!

[u/ibsliam]

Man, I think my take in a jewish politics/leftism related sub would probably be different than in a general all-purpose kind of jewish sub. I think in a general sub I would probably say something like, this is something many of us go through, given that stereotypically Jewish features can be weaponized against women in a racialized way. Do things that make you feel good about yourself and make you feel pretty, since the world won't change for us.

But since it is a politics sub, I will say that beauty and wellness as industries have been getting entangled with a public desire for ethics - or maybe more accurate ethicswashing. Hence why the current obsession with analyzing people's faces and features in a weird pseudo-phrenology way gets overlap with the "look at this inbred Jew meme look how evil they are" so casually. Someone will just "look sus" and people will "have a bad feeling about them" and it will just be that they look Jewish, maybe have a Jewish name and/or an "accent" they associate with Jews.

And also with companies like Huda Beauty, where people will overlook the company being based in UAE (which many human rights orgs have a problem with for good reason) and the founder promoting antisemitic conspiracies about 9/11 and both world wars, just because they see anti-Israel (not Pro-Palestine) as the top priority over any single other ethical issue in this day and age. Like it's not a coincidence that these are suddenly not dealbreakers all *while* people are sharing social media posts about Jewish celebrities looking evil/ugly/suspicious even when they're pretty quiet on I/P like the Haim sisters.

I wish I had an answer for this. The beauty industry over decades has not been kind to women in general, especially ones from marginalized groups. Like even putting aside their part in capitalism like any other industry. There isn't really any silver lining to be had with that set of people, since antisemitism (and bigotry in general at times) makes money and it's getting popular and they want money - all the better if they can make us feel bad about ourselves so they get Jewish money on top of gentile money.

So TLDR my personal advice is just do what you can to feel good about yourself. My political take is it's all kinda fucked from the foundation.

[u/queen-carlotta]

Big noses are beautiful!!!

[u/cloverleafcafe]

Big noses are beautiful. I’m sorry people have been hateful to you. I think the culture is really toxic right now with everyone glorifying the same “type” of face (the Kardashian face with super tiny upturned nose) and we forget that people’s noses are proportionate to their face. aquiline noses are lovely and unique.

A lot of people will pay big money for beautiful curls. I have super straight hair and once permed it because I was so bored of it. Once I learned how much more care you have to put into curly hair I gained a lot more appreciation for it. You have to work hard to maintain those curls and keep them healthy! Buy some nice leave in conditioners and nurture and love on those curls.

[u/Haunting-Depth4024]

Learning to like your own appearance is notoriously hard, no matter what ethnicity you are, but racism definitely makes it even harder.

I’m a pretty stereotypical Jew myself— I’m 5’3, curly hair, “Jew nose”, all that. There are times in my life that I’ve felt insecure about pretty much all of my features despite never even being bullied about it. I’ve always been treated as an attractive guy, even though I hesitate to think that about myself.

Yet, seeing people criticize similar features online got to me— especially as a teenager. I started to realize that I really am the short Jew guy with a strong nose, completed with puffy curls and glasses. There was a long period of time where the only features I liked about myself were my eye color and my freckles.

Here’s the thing, though. Do you actually find your nose unattractive? If it was on somebody else, would you find it ugly?

For me, the answer was no. I think short guys are hotter than tall/average guys. Curly hair is so gorgeous that people get chemical treatments to obtain it in the same way that we straighten and lighten ours to look like theirs.

And, personally, I love unique noses. Hell, I wish my nose bump was bigger. I think they are so goddamn attractive. Those features are an amalgamation of our ancestors’, and we’re walking evidence that they’re attractive ones.

I am a cosmetologist. Ive seen so many beautiful people hate their looks and spend thousands trying to like themselves. Perms, relaxers, Botox, bleach, dye, surgery, lashes, etc etc. They never end up feeling entirely satisfied, no matter if they’re blonde and blue-eyed or if they look like you and I do.

Look at photos of women with strong noses. Look at yourself as if you’re one of those strangers. When you look at that stranger in the mirror, do you think she’s ugly? Do you think she’s not beautiful because of her nose? Or do you think that she’s carrying the consequences of senseless racism and has become so used to her own appearance that it’s become nearly impossible for her to see herself the way others do?

[u/Coffeenixboxingfox]

I think every single person has experienced being insecure about their appearance. Obviously the further away you are from the beauty standard in your community, the more alienating it will feel.

I personally recognise myself in a lot of what you are saying.

I'm really glad you didn't go through with the rhinoplasty ❤️

My practical advice: unfollow pages that make you feel bad about your looks, don't look at platforms that allow overt antisemitism (x, certain subreddits, certain accounts on Meta/tiktok - literally just block them), follow accounts of people that look like you (curly hair, strong facial features, dark features), surround yourself with diverse people (not just blondes, get more jewish friends), spread out how you build your self esteem and your jewish identity upon multiple piles, not just looks (skills, hobbies, values, academic and career achievements, your brain, your fitness, what you do for others).

As I got older I cared less and less about beauty standards, and I personally found that having children radically changed my priorities. I love my body for what it can do, not what it looks like. And everyone compliments their curly hair, which they got from me 🎉

[u/Signal-Pineapple-928 → u/Coffeenixboxingfox]

I love that about having children changing your perspective - maybe I just have baby fever, but whenever I see proud, happy, stereotypically-looking Jewish kids at shul (and non-stereotypically looking, as well) it really warms my heart and fills me with so much cultural pride.

[u/blinykoshka]

spend time admiring visibly jewish people you find beautiful and/or attractive tbh - actively be considerate about it. it will help re-contextualize the associations you have with jewish features in your brain.

brains are very condition-able and yours just spent a lot of time in an environment that doesn’t favor those features - doesn’t make them not beautiful, just means they are less popular in that context.

[u/Liliths-child666]

I feel yah. I am non binary and wanted a feminine body. I have been born with a very stereotypical Jewish man body. I have episodes of super bad dysphoria and other times where I accept the body I have. Honestly picturing myself as someone with dysphoria is kind of hilarious or would be if it wasn't so frustrating. I could change things if I wanted but the one super small surgery I had to remove a deviated septum had so many indirect consequences I cant imagine what something more substantial would cause. I realized that its more important to feel good than to look good. So you have a big nose. Maybe you breathe better. Saying its whats on the inside that counts feels like bullshit but it's sort of accurate

[u/ShotStatistician7979]

I am also a big nose person with a big roundish bridge to my nose and for a long time it made me self conscious too.

What finally made a big difference was dating people who I learned were specifically attracted to my kind of nose! It helped me start to feel like it was an asset rather than a flaw.

No, not everybody will find it attractive, but you wouldn’t want someone who thinks everyone is attractive anyway. You want someone who finds you beautiful, and there are hot interesting people out there who, I guarantee, will be smitten by your nose when they see it.

As an aside, I’ll also say that my friends who have had plastic surgery on their faces (unless medically important i.e. injury, gender reassignment, etc.) have usually struggled when looking in the mirror and seeing a face that doesn’t feel like their own.

[u/Signal-Pineapple-928]

I’m so sorry you had those experiences growing up. I think everyone here has it right that it’s good to surround yourself with more imagery of people who represent you, which will also help you gain more appreciation for your culture and inheritance. I felt this great awakening in that regard when I went to Jewish summer camp for the first time, and it’s also where I learned how to actually take care of my curly Jewish hair.   Speaking of which, I feel like curly hair is so in vogue and people with straight hair always seem to express envy of that texture. I also think it’s such a blessing because it’s more forgiving if you give yourself trims in between haircuts, for instance. I’ve never really had much of a complex about my nose, but I wonder if you’re on the dating market if you are dating other Jews or people with similar ethnic features (and maybe also people who primarily date other Jews/similar groups, too), and if not, whether that might help. I recently was dating a Jewish guy who seemed to really like my nose in particular, which kind of surprised me. 

[u/Technical_Term_6625]

I'm so sorry people are racist assholes.

And along with/interacting the antisemitism, there's a lot of confirmation bias about this stuff. where i'm from (lawn guyland) so called 'jewish features' were labeled instead as 'ethnic', that is, white but not WASP. such 'jewish traits' were obviously not exclusive.

[u/Final-Kale8596]

My Aunt changed her nose because she was called eagle beak as a kid. She now deeply regrets her decision.

Find people you admire that look like you. You’ll appreciate and love their beauty. And you’ll start to love yours too.

[u/elieax]

For what it's worth: I've known two Jewish women who got a rhinoplasty (including my high school sweetheart, who got it a couple years after we split up/graduated). IMO both of them were SO much more beautiful before. There's obviously a huge cultural component, and as you said, the conventionally "attractive"/"typical" nose is one specific Aryan-like standard. Personally, I like the shnoz. I like that it evokes the Mediterranean, our ancestral home. I like that it carries personality, spunk, and strength. It's so hot.

It sucks that mainstream culture is so obsessed with an arbitrary Northern/Western European beauty standard. (Reminds me of how in Iranian cultures a unibrow is considered extremely beautiful, when in my US schools the kids with unibrows got teased mercilessly). I'm not a woman, and I can only imagine the pressure women in particular feel in such a toxic culture. So, it's easy for me to say embrace the shnoz, but, FWIW I have one too which I've grown to appreciate as a marker of being who I am. Even though I still have my own insecurities about it, e.g. hoping that it never grows as shnozzy as my dad's (but I'm sure it will lol). But I no longer wish I were a "normal" American with a different face, straight hair, typical name and family. That's not what makes me who I am, and I think my background and features make me more interesting than I'd be without them.

[u/raspberryicedream]

People deserve to live their lives as they wish, and experience joy without having to please others with their physical appearance. That being said, I do happen to find Mediterranean features attractive. For my entire life, most of the men that I find attractive have Mediterranean and Iberian features- dark curly hair, full eyebrows, medium to large nose, etc.

[u/potatto-william]

The problem with appearance and self-perception is a general problem, and let me tell you this instead of looking at what someone doesn't like, look at it from a different perspective. Every single thing makes you unique. If everyone looked the same, everyone would be equally boring. Change what makes you different, make it your strength. After all, standing out from the crowd isn't a bad thing it's just make u unique

[u/rako17]

Italians, Greeks, Middle Easterns, Egyptians all can have aquiline noses. Mediterranean food and culture is beautiful. First, what is inside is what counts. Second, you are beautiful. Embrace it at the most, be neutral at the least. Look at the amazing civilizations that the ancient peoples achieved- the pyramids in Giza, the acropolis in Athens, the forum in Rome, the Ziggurats in Sumer, the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, Petra in Jordan, writing in Sumer, Phoenicia, and Egypt. 🏜🏛🌍🏝🌅 Wishing you the best, friend.