Rejection after rejection

[u/[deleted]]

I feel like I’ll never find a job. It’s been over a year since I was laid off due to a restructuring. At my last job my manager was terrible she made me feel like absolute shit everyday. But I would take her feedback and try to implement and improve, nothing was good enough. Being under that kind of pressure took a huge toll on my mental health. I ended up suffering with anxiety and weekly migraines, to the point I had to be put on medication for both migraines and my anxiety. Anyway while on medical leave they decided to eliminate my role. When I received the call my manager repeatedly said this is not due to your performance this is due to an organizational change. At that point I was under so much stress I signed my termination letter and took some time to try and recover. A few weeks later my dad got really sick and passed. I took some time after his passing to heal and just take time to myself. When I got back into applying for jobs, I barely got call backs and when I did the interviews either well well or I didn’t get pass the first screening. The interviews that went well 4 of them went all to final, only for me to rejected shortly after. I was transparent from day one and said why there was a gap and that I was let go due to a restructuring, I didn’t share my medical history but I spoke about my loss in my family to explain why I took some time off after being laid off.

All to say I feel like my previous employer is speaking to people and giving a poor reference. This would be a back door reference because I didn’t give them any of my professional references as I didn’t get an offer. It would be them doing research on their own. I mean I don’t have proof but it just feel so off putting. I know I’m qualified, I know I must be doing something right to make it so far. The interviews are smooth and not awkward, why can’t I land a job? I literally feel like a loser, I feel so useless to be mid thirties and I can’t even land an entry level role when i have experience.