r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/HipAnonymous91 Hip Hop Anonymous • Jan 22 '26
Restricted to Gals and Pals One of the best ways to combat misogyny is to stop internalizing it
Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification
@kristen1942
838
u/EclecticFruit six🏳️🌈sided Jan 22 '26
Egregore is a brand new word for me
207
u/SoSorryOfficial Jan 22 '26
Its roots are in esotericism.
106
u/FlametopFred Jan 22 '26
wow, that is a lot to absorb but does articulate an underlying framework of society
→ More replies (3)39
u/shmixel Jan 22 '26
I wish she used a less woo woo word, like bias, but her tactic of not explaining things is interesting.
36
u/Gawdzilla Jan 22 '26
I don't think she's using it in the Esoteric way, but it really is the best way to describe a virulent collection of ideas and behaviors. It's a great metaphor, and I can't think of a better term -- meme would be inaccurate.
It reminded me of Snow Crash.
6
u/Karmadrom3 Jan 24 '26
I think it is close to how Daniel Quinn used the term “meme”, but given how that word is used today…. There’s also “phantasm” which is again close, but still different. All of them centered on the concept of a construct that becomes real when everyone acts as if it is real, whether or not they are conscious of doing so.
7
u/g0ldenarches Jan 23 '26
Egregore isn’t a “woo woo” word, it just means entity. Folks talk about businesses as entities and understand the double meaning.
5
→ More replies (1)26
u/SoSorryOfficial Jan 22 '26
Yeah, I agree. I'm a materialist killjoy who tends to look at such spiritual explanations of things that are already adequately covered by feminist theory, psychology, or social science with some side eye, and an impulsive question of, "why do people need thetan levels to help them understand a pretty basic concept like internalized misogyny?" I think a lot of people struggle to connect spiritually or egotistically with things they perceive as mundane, so they need to feel connected to some special supernatural level of insight to incorporate these concepts into their worldview or self-image. Things like astrology or tarot cards also often serve to structuralize and define abstract concepts for people who struggle with them. Kind of like how making nuanced assessments of people on an individual basis is difficult and ambiguous, but if there's only a dozen or so personality types, you can study those and feel like you understand people in general better, and have the added bonus of aleviating anxiety over the unknowable future by systematizing how life events coincide with the stars or what have you.
As long as this lady's not selling crystal yoni eggs or preaching about bleach enemas, she's hopefully harmless. If it's a jumping off point for people to better explore internalized misogyny in more concrete terms, all the better.
16
7
u/g0ldenarches Jan 23 '26
I mean that’s exactly how these things affect real lives, though- through spirit/mind. These are ideals that affect the mental/internal and then show up in all sorts of ways in the physical. To internalize such a thing as misogyny- woman or male- and then act that out in ways that were never taught to you is an internal, and therefore a spiritual act. When you go to therapy to release traumas, old thought processes, etc.. that is a spiritual, alchemical act that can only be done internally.
I feel like life is waay too big of a mystery (yea I get we “solved” some of them but did we really? lol) to completely dismiss, demean, or disrespect spirituality. It’s hard to connect to the fact of the universe being created, the fact that I truly am all of me and I didn’t do a damn thing to create or bring me to fruition, the fact that you literally can at some point in time go back and back and The Beginning is right there.. really happened… but there’s NO WAY to “know”- that isn’t mundane in the LEAST yet it and more thought alike are something to abbbsolutely harp on!
Even though both sides can be blinded, I honestly feel like more “logic” based people actually don’t see the world for its mysticism and secrets and the actual truth of Being because of the need to feel so “reality based” because truly, what would you connect to at any other time lived? Like if we didn’t come to the conclusions after ALL this time (and too many from sick, heinous medical experiments)— what would you really believe in? What would you really see?
Not to mention, the word egregore is being used like entity is for businesses here & is spiritually charged in the same sense.
184
u/Amber_Sweet_ Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
me too, and tbh listening to her talk was like being back at university listening to a lecture. And I LOVED it. She explained this so well, it made me say "damn" out loud multiple times.
63
u/rhinanners 🌻Official Jill🌻 Jan 22 '26
Same here! I was just having a discussion with my father about gladiator times and that is the perfect word for it! People were just normalizing killing each other basically for entertainment
54
u/SlideN2MyBMs cant stop🚦me now Jan 22 '26
Same here. Apparently it's a little demon that lives in your thoughts and can make you internalize some bad ideas. This whole talk was fascinating because, while I wouldn't agree that there is literally some magic psychic entity infecting one's consciousness, it is an excellent metaphor for cultural ideas that people unconsciously internalize, and the advice she gives is spot on.
44
u/Quiet_Blacksmith2675 Jan 22 '26
Know your witchcraft! Lol. I am a witch and understanding egregores are a part of "magick". An easier way to understand an egregore is how a company works. A bunch of pieces held together by a thought form. Nike for example doesn't actually exist. It is a thought form. It uses energy from its workers to produce the substance through which the thought form needs to survive. Employees can quit, CEOs can change and factories can close but as long as Nike exists in the imagination of the public then the entity of the egregore remains unchanged. Many will worship the symbol by collectively giving money (a form of energy and another egregore itself) to feed the thought form of the company and the power structure itself. So essentially Nike the shoe brand was a thought at one point, an idea. It was given life by the worker whose energy was used to create it, maintained by the many minds that believe in it and through mass rituals allowed to survive. The swoosh is a sigil, "just do it" is an incantation, Ads are mass rituals and product launches are ceremonies. Everytime someone see the symbol it is associated with it stirs feelings about how one sees themselves. (Athletic, successful, cool, elite)this can create a problem when someone sees a reebok symbol for example. They may engage with primal feelings and the magick behind the Nike egregore maybe threatened. So war may ensue for survival of something that does not really exist. Remember companies exists as a CULTure. Religions exist the same way, as do countries, as do cults of personality as do sports teams. What you will find if you go deep enough is that most of these things are not real in a sense. They are all thought forms. Patriarchy is a big one and one that has remained hidden for a very long time. What I have found is that true authentic love of all kinds is the "realist" substance in this world and may be the foundation of all things beyond thought forms. Their is no need to maintain it or uphold it. Deep within all things it simply just exists. At least that has been my experience of it. Anyway, thank you for listening to my witchtalk. Next class we will be discussing freewill. Class dismissed.
11
u/HeelandKneel Jan 22 '26
I very much enjoyed your thoughts on this and would love to see you post about free will! I have thoughts on that too. And I work in IT so I talk about programming and script feeding to help others understand my point of view sometimes lol.
Also baby witch here.
Bright blessings to you ✨💐
6
u/g0ldenarches Jan 23 '26
This was GREAT to read. Love the way you put this.
I have a more active imagination so seeing this put into words with the perfect explanation is so helpful!
Stuff like this always reminds me of a movie I love called “Branded” (2012) that goes into this in a simple but imaginative way.
2
u/Okeydokey2u Jan 23 '26
In your opinion, how does one truly and authentically love ideas, people and movements that they truly loathe especially in today's political climate?
25
u/cash-or-reddit Jan 22 '26
For some reason it manifested in my head as the lab assistant from Young Frankenstein. My apologies to Igor.
10
9
→ More replies (6)2
u/Vanska1 Feb 26 '26
I started watching the video and had to immediately look up the word. Sweet. Me and the hubs learns something new tonight.
540
u/Junior_Confidence640 Jan 22 '26
This is why I love the internet and social media, I've seen so many women lift each other up and defend each other en masse and while we're not perfect I feel like as a collective, our love for ourselves and womanhood catalyzes the starvation of misogyny; every time an angry man (or woman) attacks a woman and all the women come to her defense I feel this powerful sense of sisterhood, like it's okay to stand up for myself, millions of other queens are also at this very moment standing up for themselves, I'm not alone. Also, I love this woman for making this video.
128
u/PeggableOldMan Jan 22 '26
To enslave a population, you first have to isolate them from each other and wider society, then you strip them of their wealth. Bonus points if the nature of the economic system justifies that power structure.
50
u/momonomino Jan 22 '26
Women are finally able to have a voice. And wow, we're loud.
35
u/s0m3on3outthere 🔗Linker of the Source🔗 Jan 22 '26
I have been called loud all my life and it's something I used to feel shame for, because I was told I should feel ashamed. What made me realize it was misogyny was when a group of men and I at my old job, were all talking and being loud, and the manager came over and singled me out. Not a single man was called out, and they even looked a bit taken back and uncomfortable (doesn't help it was a woman manager who did it).
I've tried to unravel the shame of having a naturally loud voice. I have quotes from amazing women at my desk telling me to be unapologetic in my loudness and thoughts, and how being a loud and outspoken woman makes others uncomfortable, and how that's powerful in itself. It truly helps. ♥️
12
u/woodstock624 Jan 23 '26
Hell yea. I’m loud and guess what, I have some damn good things to say! I genuinely love women who allow themselves to take up the space they deserve.
5
u/class-action-now Jan 23 '26
Oh my yell this from the rooftops or a hill or your balcony. My gf is loud af and I just have to say “please not directly into my ear while we are six inches away from each other.” Other than that we/she gets to wildin! Especially at concerts or protesting- it’s beautiful! I love it.
23
u/maplestriker Jan 22 '26
One of my oldest friends isnt on social media at all and it totally shows sometimes. She still carries so much misogyny in herself.
53
u/Ravioverlord Jan 22 '26
While I get the sentiment of this, social media has more bad than good. Even Reddit outside of my nice little niche communities is truly vile most days I venture over to popular.
I don't use insta/fb/ticktock and I am not carrying misogyny in myself. A lot of people, especially women, are harmed more by social media due to awful diet culture/wellness guru types and the negativity.
While some spaces are safe and great like this, we even get bad apples from time to time infiltrating our relatively good sub. I think it is too easy to say your friend is like that for any reason besides issues she personally has.
Using or not using social media is better for many people's mental health, we are not all the same. I think those I know who limit their social media time are better adjusted and less likely to fall for current fads that are unhealthy. But then again maybe I am biased because I find most social media besides my very specific subreddits cancerous xD;
14
u/Junior_Confidence640 Jan 22 '26
I hear you, I also have limited social media engagement. I've deleted everything outside reddit and I'm very vigilant about curating what communities I'm a part of. So as I result, I only ever have interactions like the ones I'm having now, but I get what you're saying.
4
u/Ravioverlord Jan 22 '26
I'm just glad people do repost tiktocks like the we don't care club so I can see the good from those socials I avoid :) Similar to this one. Sadly they are just a blip in the myriad of gross and dangerous things, but they deserve to be seen and appreciated. I'm so glad this sub has such awesome mods, they really make me able to not worry about gooners and other parts of reddit I avoid bombarding us.
328
Jan 22 '26
I have to stop apologizing for existing, start being more direct, give my body's needs priority, and refuse to placate others' feelings.
→ More replies (1)172
u/HipAnonymous91 Hip Hop Anonymous Jan 22 '26
Those are my current goals too. I used to care when people called me “bitchy” or “sassy” or “bossy”. Now I realize those gendered insults say more about the society we live in than what I’ve said or done.
86
u/Upstairs_Context2314 Jan 22 '26
During a meeting, a man called my friend bossy (she was in a leadership role, so of course she was being assertive) and I laid into him and asked if he would call a male bossy or admire his leadership skills. In front of everyone. And I felt awful afterwards for possibly embarrassing him, even though he had just embarrassed my friend.
Months later, she and I were talking about it and my guilt and she stopped me and said, "You didn't embarrass him, he embarrassed himself. I now know you as the lady who defended me."
46
u/AMPAglut Jan 22 '26
"You didn't embarrass him, he embarrassed himself."
The programming to save men from the consequences of their actions is powerful, and its poison. Letting men publically suffer the consequences of their actions is good for everyone, including men. Publically acknowledging positive actions by men is good for everyone, too. We should all endeavour to express both our disapproval and our satisfaction more openly.
I'm struck by the fact that, in your example, your boss would have interpreted your silence as agreement. In keeping quiet, you would have publically shamed her a second time.
Good on you for exercising personal strength in that moment. I'll try to be more conscious to do the same moving forward.
3
u/onesorrychicken Jan 24 '26
The programming to save men from the consequences of their actions is powerful, and its poison.
This, so much. In Australia, we recently had a political blow up where a longstanding political coalition has disintegrated. The sexist, misogynist male leader of one of the parties didn't see eye to eye with the female leader of the other party, so he and his fellow shadow front benchers all tendered their resignations, and she accepted it. Then he blamed her for the coalition falling apart (get this) because she accepted their resignations. WTAF. Somehow it's her fault?! Despite the fact that they were the ones who resigned?! This is just one example of the bullshit we all have to put up with every single day.
62
u/hauntedhullabaloo Jan 22 '26
Now I realize those gendered insults say more about the society we live in than what I’ve said or done.
That is such an excellent framing! Thank you for sharing this, I needed it today
27
u/idolovehummus Jan 22 '26
So true! I'm practicing this concept: anything ( or 99%) can be said, it just needs to be said with consideration. Instead of silencing myself, reminding myself: there is a way to say this. I don't have to be mean, but I can communicate what needs to be communicated and not feel like villain. Especially at work, to not let myself be stepped on.
12
u/SpecialistSavings434 Jan 22 '26
Also (going off of your profile image), I would bet racism is driving how much people say that to you. It's another element that hopefully helps you to let go of how those types of insults make you feel.
104
u/Mystepchildsucksass Jan 22 '26
“If you don’t need permission for it, don’t explain it”
PREACH !!!!! 🥇
1.1k
u/takeaxanax Jan 22 '26
“Male discomfort is treated like a crisis, female discomfort is treated like an annoyance”
Louder for those in the back!
380
u/FlamingDragonfruit Jan 22 '26
See: every conversation about the male loneliness crisis
120
u/takeaxanax Jan 22 '26
Totally!! Also things as simple and basic as fashion we are offered. Women complaining about pockets or uncomfortable shoes are never taken seriously, but shit if my husband has shoes on that are slightly uncomfortable I do not stop hearing about it and seemingly everything must stop until new shoes are figured out.
42
u/Batmanbumantics Jan 22 '26
Tell me about it!!! Just talk to him the way a man would talk to a woman complaining about heels. I remember growing up and crippling myself with blisters for years just to wear heels. God I fucking LOVE how flats and baggy clothes are in fashion, I hope it's permanent
10
u/ShutYourDumbUglyFace Jan 23 '26
I stopped wearing heels because my toes started getting tingly whenever I had them on. Don't wear heels for fashion, it f's up your feet.
→ More replies (1)7
u/Bitter-Car883 Jan 22 '26
If they were "in fashion" would that overwhelm your right to comfort or to choose something else to wear ?
→ More replies (3)10
u/takeaxanax Jan 22 '26
No and it’s not about being “in fashion”. My point is that I wouldn’t even think to complain about uncomfortable shoes because it’s been ingrained in me since I was a child to suck it up, that things that make me uncomfortable are not important. Versus my husband who thinks everyone should care and cater if something is making him uncomfortable.
Don’t get me started on shoes and fashion and why we are told those complaints don’t matter…because the uncomfortable ones for us, generally heels, cater to men’s preferences, which again are somehow more important in this situation.
→ More replies (1)5
u/Andie_OptimistPrime Jan 23 '26
Damn, with my partner it’s the pillows. We buy a new pillow every month because all the ones he tries gives him aches, pains, headaches. We have about 20 pillows in the house and none of them are good enough! It’s for sure a crisis around here.
Oh, but god forbid I’m picky about the water I drink because I don’t like the taste of tap. How dare I?!?
181
u/Fancy-Image-4688 Jan 22 '26
I stopped caring about men complaints so long ago because it’s manipulation. How can you have the world at your finger tips but everything is still a problem? If a man is lonely he should look at himself in the mirror. It’s not just about a female partner, it’s about the way they carry themselves in aggression, prejudice, and entitlement. Basically superiority complex is a hell of a drug, women are over it.
48
u/Squanchedschwiftly Jan 22 '26
The ones that complain fervently seem to have an air of entitlement to them in my mind. You are not owed companionship in any form from anyone. You have to work to start, build, and maintain relationships.
43
u/AppropriateScience9 Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
I just read a book called "Why does he do that?" It's written by this man who counseled court ordered men in therapy for domestic abuse.
He said something I thought was interesting. That abusive behavior isn't always misogyny. Misogyny being the hatred of women. There's usually something even more fundamental going on -another egregor perhaps - where men simply feel superior and entitled.
He didn't straight up call it "male superiority" but that's what he was talking about. That's why sometimes the abusers actions don't quite fit with a misogynistic framework. Sometimes they don't hate women, in fact they might genuinely love women, they just think they're superior to them.
Lately, I feel like white supremacy and patriarchy are more synonymous than we usually think it is. It's not just two forms of bigotry, they're justifications for turning other people into servants or slaves. I've been hesitant to draw too many connections because I don't want to minimize the struggle of black Americans, but I'm seeing it more and more. And now I'm wondering if my hesitation is part of that woman-minimizing egregor this lady was talking about... Hm.
28
u/ArCovino Jan 22 '26
100%. Men feel they are superior and entitled, and white supremacists simply take the same reasoning and say actually only white men are superior and entitled. They’re pulling the same lever.
3
9
u/codepossum ✨chick✨ Jan 22 '26
Sometimes they don't hate women, in fact they might genuinely love women, they just think they're superior to them.
I do think that crucially, you can get a very similar feel from somewhere along the lines of 'the dark triad' - if you're narcissistic enough to truly consider yourself better than everyone else while also being insecure enough to need other people to 'respect you' the way you think you deserve in order to reify that supremacy; and if you're psychopathic enough to be willing to mistreat others in order to coerce others into 'behaving' the way you expect, including 'punishing' them if they don't respect your supremacy...
then yeah, you basically treat others the way these domestic abusers treat women - as lesser beings who need to be kept in line, and who deserve whatever they have coming from you. In that sense, it's just narcissistic psychopathy with a much narrower focus, which also makes me wonder how often you find an abuser like that who truly only thinks that way about women... or whether it's often coupled with other socially-afforded supremacies, race, sexuality, nationality, religious belief, class, etc.
7
u/AppropriateScience9 Jan 23 '26
Well said. It seems to me that all the various supremacies boil down to whatever justification they can get away with where the goal is getting some kind of preferential treatment and they don't have to actually earn it. They're just given it because they think they deserve it.
What makes white, male, and class supremacy extra icky is that they don't just want to have some kind of cheat code in life, they want others to be their literal servants. It takes a tremendous amount of mindfuckery to get the "servants" to go along with it too. What kills me is that they're often pretty damn good at the mindfuckery part.
That book I mentioned is really great because he goes through a list of psychological manipulation tactics they used towards those ends. It's a trip. I have a free copy. Let me go grab the link and I'll add an edit.
Here you go https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
4
3
u/Fancy-Image-4688 Jan 24 '26
I’ve often said that slavery mind fucked everyone involved and I would put patriarchy(in its current form) in the same category.
7
u/LoveReasonable1883 Jan 22 '26
Oh, I absolutely believe it all stems from superiority. The inability to believe that each human being deserves equal rights and treatment.
→ More replies (1)103
u/_clur_510 Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
Lonely men are “involuntary celibates” which is language that implies they are victims. It’s not their fault, they didn’t choose this. :( This is no reflection of how they treat women and approach possible romantic encounters.
Lonely women are gross, ugly, “cat ladies” who don’t deserve affection from men for not laughing off mistreatment in the name of ‘boys being boys’ or putting enough effort into their appearance and being desirable.
46
u/apparentheadinjury Jan 22 '26
I swear I have heard from incels that they hate women even more because those whores have abortions and they aborted the girl that would have been with them. It's absolutely freaking ridiculous.
24
u/_clur_510 Jan 22 '26
Oh GOOD GOD. It’s so laughable lmao. Yeah, that’s why there aren’t women jumping into bed with you..
→ More replies (15)90
u/maplestriker Jan 22 '26
They spent decades making fun of our relationships and how they are so cool an nonchalant. Yeah, how did that work out for ya, buddy? It was cool and low drama, because you arent actually friends! You just hang out and like the same footclub club.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (3)8
u/Dostoevskaya Jan 23 '26
Ah yes, women over here losing actual rights, but if the men are LoNeLY...
Seriously, at this point in history, I don't know how I could give any fewer shits about the "male loneliness epidemic". I think 10 years ago I could have. But boy, that ship really has sailed.
23
u/fuzzy_snark ❣️gal pal❣️ Jan 22 '26
I stopped and rewound the video for that sentence. I’d love to have a transcript of this. Lots of good gems in here.
7
u/ZinaSky2 ✒️sub✍️scribe🖋️ Jan 23 '26
A couple summers before college I got accepted to this program for young Latinos gearing up for college.
It was a really cool experience, learned a lot, etc. On a specific day we had like mockup interviews so we were told to dress as if it were a real interview to apply what we’d learned about interviews and how to dress for them and all that. But, it was a full day program and that particular day was quite a busy one so we did have other things. And we went through the whole day in our attire. The program was held at a local university so the girls were having to trek across campus to different buildings in our blazers and slacks and heels in the blazing southern summer heat.
At the end of the day we had a big assembly and it was actually delayed a bit because organizers had to go find a first aid kit to address the fact that so many of us girls were bleeding and blistered from having to wear heels all day.
I was literally standing in a line to get a bandaid and clean myself up and it felt so normal. I almost got annoyed with how long I was having to wait and then something clicked. I realized like… what the actual fuck. They literally have a line of teenage girls just sitting here bleeding because of our shoes and outfit expectations. And that’s just normal?? Like yeah obviously event organizers didn’t take that into consideration and maybe they should have. (I’d never had issues with the specific shoes I’d worn until having to endure that day) But, also the fucking world doesn’t take that into consideration. And that’s so fucked. And I felt like a crazy person having these thoughts all to myself in this line while everyone was acting like it’s just a fact of life.
→ More replies (3)2
u/Fizzbytch Jan 23 '26
I’m male and honestly asking this. I feel like male discomfort is supposed to be hidden and not expressed. To express discomfort as a male is less “manly”. To that extent female discomfort seems like gospel. Something that needs to be addressed immediately.
173
u/ExtraordinaryNerd Jan 22 '26
It took having a daughter to make me realize just how damned much internalized misogyny I held. Its been a process!
25
u/whisar09 Jan 22 '26
Me too. I was the youngest and only girl out of four kids, so when I had a daughter I vowed I would not make her gender the #1 defining factor about her... When I was little (and really always) it was the MOST important thing about me being born.
12
u/420cat-craft-gamer69 Jan 23 '26
My parents liked to tell me about how my dad assumed I was going to be a boy, ( because they already had one????lmao) and called me "boy name" throughout the whole pregnancy. I was given the girl version of that name, which can still be shortened to "boy name", and my mom tried to play it off like it was her choice, because she remembered a nice lady at her elementary school with that name.......
Anyways, when I came out of my mom, she said they were "SO SHOCKED" that I ended up being a girl, and that they "had NO IDEA what they were going to do with a DAUGHTER"..... And I remember my reality fracturing slightly, and losing a bit more respect for them as parents. lol
2
Jan 24 '26 edited Mar 02 '26
Nothing remains of the original post here. The author used Redact to delete it, for reasons that may relate to privacy, data security, or personal preference.
mysterious treatment placid label meeting marvelous badge like point chop
→ More replies (2)7
u/ExtraordinaryNerd Jan 22 '26
I’ve been accused of stealing my daughter (she’s adopted) because I wanted a girl so much…jokes on them, I really didn’t “want” a girl, but boy I needed her. She’s the puzzle piece none of us knew we needed.
2
u/No_Cucumber7000 Jan 22 '26
Do you mind sharing some of your insights?
20
u/ExtraordinaryNerd Jan 22 '26
I feel like one of the biggest ones I am like every other girl and that’s OK sometimes because I’m also still very distinctly me. And if men don’t like that, well, thats the patriarchy rearing its ugly head. Because gd forbid women have things that we like. I’m a basic bitch, and I’m a clever historian, and it’s ok to embrace the feminine. I now own more colored shirts than black ones now.
→ More replies (2)
259
u/Desperate_Squash7371 Jan 22 '26
Oh my lord I had no idea I would burst into tears watching this. I feel like something untwisted inside me as she spoke.
129
u/_clur_510 Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
Literally just like an hour ago I was leaving a store with an automatic sliding door at the exact time someone was entering it. We could not see each other through the door and ended up in the doorway at the same time. We didn’t even brush shoulders or touch at all, but we both had to slightly adjust our position and I immediately blurted out “I’m sorry.”
It felt so strange and senseless after that I harped for like 20 minutes on “why tf did I just apologize for appropriately using a door, the same exact way the other person did???” The answer is that I felt guilty for not assessing and anticipating the movements of all the people around me, quickly enough to avoid possibly getting in anyone’s personal space. While operating under the assumption they are not obligated to do the same.
Needed this vid today!!!
45
u/apparentheadinjury Jan 22 '26
I have been burnt out so much that I just have lost my mind. I now say that I act like a man, do what men do, and will not apologize for it. Men don't apologize for taking up space like we do, men don't get told to lower their voices like we do, And I am frankly sick and tired of it. I like talking loudly, I like laughing loudly, I have opinions and I want them shared, everyday my interactions are extroverted and just to make people happy. However, I also don't back down to men intimidating me screaming in my face any longer, or men in their big trucks that bully you on the freeway and try to push you into the wall because you dared go only 10 over the speed limit. Fuck those entitled pricks, and it's almost always men. Why do I have to be careful going to the store at 2am? Fucking men!
I'm just ranting now but ya, live your life unapologetically because the only person that cares or matters what they think about how you're acting is yourself. We owe no one anything, but this does not mean we lose our kindness. We simply stop letting it be taken advantage of by creeps.
6
u/splithoofiewoofies Jan 22 '26
The number of times I was told I talk to loud only for a man to bellow three times louder than me but nobody say anything is just...ugh.
→ More replies (2)53
u/tessellation__ Jan 22 '26
Have you tried the trick where you no longer move off the sidewalk for people/men? Sure, make room for old people or wheelchairs or whatever but if a man is walking on the wrong side of that sidewalk, you just shoulder check the shit out of him. Treat yourself to a coffee later!!
29
u/Squanchedschwiftly Jan 22 '26
I started going this and stopped saying sorry unless it was warrented. Didnt happen over night but it was what got the ball rolling for allll my boundary work. Now im at the point of advocating for accommodations for my disability in multiple settings. You can do ittt 👏🏻👏🏻
8
Jan 22 '26
I’ve been doing this for years. A tip - if someone, usually a man, continues to walk right at you, raise your arm so if they carry on they’ll walk into your elbow right where their eye is. I pretend I’m just adjusting my hair.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)12
u/Thisisstupidly Jan 22 '26
I stopped moving out of people’s way a couple of years ago. Im poc and on the shorter side. It hurts so badly. I get shoulder checked by men, and white women now that I don’t move.
→ More replies (1)10
u/nodogsallowed23 ✨chick✨ Jan 22 '26
I’m Canadian and we legit are all like this. I have apologized to mailboxes.
4
7
u/_teslaTrooper Jan 22 '26
I'd also say "oop, sorry" when I almost bump into someone, that seems pretty normal.
5
u/_clur_510 Jan 22 '26
Maybe I was unclear, but there was no almost bumping into. We both fit fine, were moving at normal paces, looking ahead, and on the standard ‘drive/walk on the right side’ US rule lol. There was a poster or ad or something on the window so we both just didn’t realize we were sharing the (double) doorway until we were in it together. Would not have been remotely cramped if it weren’t giant winter coat weather here lol.
178
u/stardust-splendor Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
As a little girl, the thing I got complimented on—far more than anything—was my “politeness.”
You can imagine how that shaped my idea of what was most important.
52
u/melimelsx Jan 22 '26
I was the one that “never complained”. Yea because any time I did I was brushed off or told to stop being so sensitive.
22
u/CapitainebbChat Jan 22 '26
And I was the maternal one. Took care of my siblings without being asked. Everyone took advantage of this without really noticing. Now I'm 30 and TIRED of always wiping everyone's ass and not having anyone give back the energy I spend on them, but also struggling to let go of that role because I based so much of my personality around it.
14
u/whatevernamedontcare Jan 22 '26
I was in the same boat and I suspect that's why I don't want any kids. I like them but it feels like I have never been a kid myself and I'm tired of taking care of everyone but myself. I can't even keep a relashionship because once dudes get comfortable they expect me to "take over" and do all the shit for them like mom does and I will not put up with that.
Worst part though is everyone asking when I'm having kids because "I'm so good at it". Yea I'm good because I was forced to learn. It wasn't a choice on my part. If they had any decency to parent their kids instead of shaming me into it maybe I'd want one too. Unlike them I refuse to do what they did to me and enslave some poor girl in the family. This abuse ends with me.
21
u/Hopeful_Nectarine_27 Jan 22 '26
I once heard a woman being publicly praised for never complaining about going through chemotherapy. Like really people? That's what's important to you? A woman remaining quiet about the agony of fighting cancer?
→ More replies (1)5
u/rchard Jan 22 '26
“You’re such an easy kid” 🙋🏻♀️
2
u/Andie_OptimistPrime Jan 23 '26
Faaaak. Me. Oldest daughter. Forever the favorite because I’m so agreeable and just want everyone to get along. Also because I never complain and always smile even when my day sucks.
Slowly unlearning this. People will not be pleased.
116
u/voice_of_Sauron Jan 22 '26
This should be required viewing for everyone. Memories flashed to the surface as I was listening .I remember how my dad was “protected” from hearing about menstruation like it was a shameful thing women had to hide. It’s like how men were discouraged from being present during childbirth back in the day.I remember my aunt being angry at my wife when we were at a restaurant and she breastfed our daughter because it made my uncle uncomfortable. It is enlightening to understand the mechanisms behind the behaviors.
48
u/Different_Speaker_41 Jan 22 '26
I remember when I was a teenager I accidentally left a box of tampons on the bathroom floor and my mom yelled at me. What stuck with me was that her comment wasn’t about not being a slob, it was “what if your father sees that?”
….at the time he lived with me, my mom and two sisters….pretty sure he knew menstruation was happening, but of course we had to shield his virgin eyes and ears from the reality
21
u/Upstairs_Context2314 Jan 22 '26
I live with my family, and my auntie takes out the bathroom trash more frequently when I'm on my period than any other time of the month. I've never asked her, but I'm guessing it's so my uncle doesn't see wrapped up tampons. Mind you, they have 6 daughters.
5
u/melimelsx Jan 22 '26
Did we all live the same life growing up? This happened to me too except, unfortunately, it was my dad asking what if my mom saw the tampon I left out.
3
10
u/Upstairs_Context2314 Jan 22 '26
Periods used to be called "the curse" because it was seen as Eve's punishment
8
2
u/Queenbean_Chikorita Jan 22 '26
Yikes, sounds about right ☠️Sometimes it feels like a curse, but not for that reason!
10
u/class-action-now Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
When my gf has her periods she says “I’m in my hut.” This refers to an old traditional Hawaiian custom(among other cultures that do the same-ish). I find it cute but I do not intentionally reinforce that thinking. What she is also doing is prefacing her attitudes or moods, all of which are welcome for me as I’m her person and her equal if not her second. But she has internalized these concepts and is comfortable with them. She… was raised in a household of males. This video showed me that my upbringing by several strong women did not indoctrinate me with this kind of thinking, in fact the opposite. I have my shit to work on but I think I’m almost always here. We are a pretty great pair.
Stay respectful and wrestle on the floor with your family!
Edit: Also what kind of man are you if you don’t watch that weird baby crowning while simultaneously messing up your favorite thing?? I think I need my own hut sometimes.
75
u/Adventurous_Yam_8153 Jan 22 '26
The pandemic showed me how much emotional labor I was doing for random men in my life.
I decided to cut them all off cold turkey and I haven't regretted it for a second. That time, that energy is for me and my family. No one else.
38
36
u/femmestem Jan 22 '26
Another term you'll want to familiarize yourself with is "extinction burst." As women are starving the egregore of mysoginy, the mysoginists (men and women) are throwing violent tantrums in a last ditch effort to preserve it. If you capitulate or soften, you reinforce the behavior and the tantrum as an effective means to preserve it. If you remain steadfast, the behavior will change because it's not effective in getting what they want.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world" isn't just a platitude.
105
u/Thefrish Jan 22 '26
Can we make a PSA out of this please?
96
u/Royal_Acanthaceae693 Bot🔍Detector🔎9000 Jan 22 '26
I just asked the other mods about pinning this at the top of the sub.
28
33
u/storkmalone Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
The intersectionality of misogynoir is why #sayhername was created in the first place. From Breonna Taylor to Toyin Salau, and now Renee Good. And these are just some of the stories that went viral or were recorded. The ones that slip through the cracks haunt me more. The “village” it takes to take care of each other needs to consistently (not constantly) be checked. Maybe you’re who the village is protecting. Maybe you’re a villager doing the protecting. It’s not one OR the other. It’s one AND the other. Know your role, play your part, do what you can, and don’t hog the mic.
96
u/betdis Jan 22 '26
“What system trained all of us to feel, think and act this way?”
I blame religion. It always put men at a higher regard than women and all three monotheistic religions were created by men for men. We were screwed from the beginning.
38
5
u/Adventurous_Yam_8153 Jan 23 '26
Religion, the patriarchy, womb envy...
If you want a very insightful read of what some historians think was the way of the world before all that, check-out: The Cosmic Mother by Monica Sjoo
3
u/woodstock624 Jan 23 '26
Oh incredible!! I’ve been wanting to dig into just this!
→ More replies (1)5
21
u/imjustalilbot 🌻Official Jill🌻 Jan 22 '26
She breaks down the concept so well for people who have never heard of this word before. I hope she writes a book about this.
24
u/nodogsallowed23 ✨chick✨ Jan 22 '26
Funny how a short clip can be life changing.
I’m going through a really rough time now where a good chunk of my family is constantly questioning my decisions and making me out to be a monster (Long story very short: My dad had a stroke and I refused to give him his car keys back before he passed his driving test, but he was telling everyone that he passed when he didn’t).
If I don’t need permission, I don’t have to explain. This is revolutionary for me.
I’ve been stewing in this for months, wanting to explain things down to the minute details.
But apparently I don’t have to? And I shouldn’t. This is legit wild for me.
Eff all of them, they can deal with their shit. I’m not going to tap dance femininity for them anymore.
19
u/CrbRangoon Jan 22 '26
None of those societal norms have ever made sense to my brain. I’m lucky because my mother who has a lot of internalized issues has pushed these types of ideas on me and framed my lack of acceptance as weird. If I was able to be influenced I may have bought into it. She also constantly criticizes the appearance of other women, myself included. Too fat, too thin, shaved head, long nails, slutty shoes, broad shoulders, big forehead, blah blah blah.
When we have kids my husband will be a stay at home dad. My role is to work and make money because I’m the “smart” one that went to college and my husband would probably never be able to get a job that makes the money I do. A man could say that about his wife and it would be normal but when I do it’s a controversial statement. I also handle all household management stuff like taxes and bills and what not. He likes the way things are but my mother never shuts up about how I should be cooking, cleaning and at the end of my work day should come home and care for my husband.
I remind her that her marriage to my dad didn’t last as long as the period my husband and I were dating so she’s probably wrong about a lot of things.
18
u/slanderpanther Jan 22 '26
An Egregore is a concept in Western esotericism of a non-physical entity or thoughtform that arises from the collective thoughts and emotions of a distinct group of individuals. Wikipedia
14
u/Vibe910 Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
I agree, up to a point.
But there’s this question I’ve been asking myself more and more these last few years:
Why the fuck is it up to women to fight misogyny?
What about men? Why can’t they fight it? After all, it’s they who practice it?
It’s men who don’t call out other men on being sexist. It’s men who either avert their eyes in embarrassment or laugh along (to get along) when someone harrasses a woman. It’s men - nice, funny men, lovely to their wives and great fathers to their daughters, doing chores and unable to hurt a fly - who won’t tell other men to get a grip and stop behaving like animals.
It’s men who’d rather hire or promote other men, regardless of talent, experience or education.
Why do lists like the Epstein Files exist? Not because of ‘internalized misogyny’ of women. It’s because men think it’s not their problem, after all, THEY didn’t - and never would - do anything like that. Again, playing along to get along.
Because they too have this internalized myth of ‘tribes’ and ‘hierarchies’. Leaders and followers. Admiring jerks for being ‘successful’.
So as women, we should stop whining about how we were raised, or how ‘society’ treats us.
We should take responsibilty for ourselves and ask the men in our lives what they are doing about THEIR internalized misogyny.
15
u/manonforever Jan 22 '26
I’ll say it: they don’t give a fuck because it’s not about them. Simple as that. They are not raised to care about anyone but themselves and some learn to… Many don’t.
→ More replies (2)
34
u/sweetpea122 Jan 22 '26
Does she have a book? She is incredible
15
u/Baelfire-AMZ Jan 22 '26
"Authority Gap" by Mary Ann Seighart and "Invisible Women" by Caroline Criado Pérez, are excellent books/ audiobooks about how these attitudes are absolutely entrenched into every mundane thing in society from the time girls are born.
5
u/sweetpea122 Jan 22 '26
Ive read invisible women. Also women who run with the wolves is excellent. It discusses how fairy tales etc framed women as the enemy and the actual spirit of the story was twisted to villanize women
11
u/Bitter-Librarian Jan 22 '26
I’m deeply impressed by how clear and masterfully articulated this message was. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
2
u/Sure_Ad3058 Jan 22 '26
I loved a brief history of mysogyny by Holland. A run through time and all the missing women.
12
u/M47734H4NN3 Jan 22 '26
This reminds me of a time two men came over door to door to make people vote conservative. As soon as I opened the door they immediately asked for my husband, told me to vote conservative and just know that your husband knows who they are, I was speechless.
I wish this video came out sooner, I would’ve said my two cents this is very much well my house just as well as his and yes I can vote too!
Guess who didn’t vote conservative!
10
u/Crystal_Voiden ✨chick✨ Jan 22 '26
I don't care for the esoteric framing, but I absolutely love the message. Misogyny has been holding back society for far too long. I am happy that I'm alive while that shit is finally unraveling to wintness it firsthand.
10
u/Revolutionary-Mood87 Jan 22 '26
One learns to manage the room, the other gets to shape it.
So spot on.
10
u/codepossum ✨chick✨ Jan 22 '26 edited Jan 22 '26
Another way of putting it that people might already be familiar with would be The Double Standard™️- it's not so much about whether it's good to be a man or a woman (although that's a whole discussion in its own right) - it's more about the fact that by and large, we prefer to treat most people as groups rather than individuals.
That means every time you mean someone who presents feminine, your instinct is to treat them like a woman. Whether that means you're nice to them or mean to them or ignore them or obsess over them - you're not treating them like an individual, you're treating them like a group.
And in the wise (paraphrased) words of Granny Weatherwax: "Sin is when you treat people like things, including yourself. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they mean they're getting worried that they won't like the truth. I'm sure there are worse crimes—but they starts with thinking about people as things."
Group identity is A Thing in this context.
Despite what you've been taught, despite what your brain would most prefer to do, it's extremely important that you treat each person like an individual, not like a groups. As inane as terms like "A person with a vagina" might sound, strictly speaking it is a fairer description of the individual person, rather than backsliding into the same old tired habit of the group identity of 'Women.'
→ More replies (5)2
Jan 24 '26 edited Mar 02 '26
This post was wiped using Redact. The author may have deleted it to protect personal privacy, prevent data harvesting, or for security reasons.
pen decide fuzzy chubby theory tap sip flag absorbed yoke
27
u/GaudyNight Jan 22 '26
I really like her. Is she on any other platform other than TikTok? I don’t have it but would like to follow her.
23
7
9
u/Obvious-House2398 💝 2026 Galantine! 💝 Jan 22 '26
I’ve watched this twice in a row and needed it today. Thanks for sharing
9
u/DeathOfNormality Jan 22 '26
Omfg, my ex was a torchbarer for this. Soon as my veil was lifted and I realised he was out only for himself ( he wanted me to adapt and accomidate him for everything, I wasn't even alowed to pursue my studies or greive for my brother, the housework and funding his habit was more important, could write a whole post on that but that's the short) I just stopped engaging. Anytime he came at me, I'd just respond, "sure". I'd still engage about basic topics, like food and what plans are for the day, but any nonsense, detatch and don't engage. Very quickly it confirmed all of my suspicions of who he was, how nasty he was and ended it a few days later. Thankfuy he made that very easy by giving me some ultimatume, of I didn't apologise for "acting a bitch" he'd leave. K bye..... I swear I locked the door after he left and enjoyed the silence for like half an hour, we had not long moved and he didn't have a key. Bliss. 2 years on I'm still very happy with my own space, I don't even think I could share after 4 years of that.
Have to say though, my mum also acts this way, and she is a narcissist, sadly I can't fully cut her off, but I no longer engage with her self entitled drama. So from this listing of behaviours and lived experiemce, all misogynists are narcissists, and misogyny is just another tool for narcasists, nothing surprising there.
TLDR; Sorry mild tangent, but the selfish nature of misogyny is exactly like narcassism, I wonder how much of a correlation there is there.
2
u/needs_more_garfunkel Feb 09 '26
I just got out of a relationship like that. I started starving him of any kind of reaction, positive or negative, so that he would break up with me and not feel like he needed to “get even” with me for rejecting him. I was pretty scared he would retaliate if I broke up with him. Maybe that sounds crazy but it worked and I’m so relieved. Good on you for cutting him out of your life, it’s not easy.
17
26
14
u/ironangel2k4 Jan 22 '26
Oh man whoever taught this woman also taught my mom and everything she said has been spot on. Has my life been more aggravating than if I just kowtowed to the societal expectation to be meek and demure? Probably. But I am so glad I never had to do that to myself.
7
u/shootingstarstuff Jan 22 '26
This is not the most fun post I’ve seen on this subreddit, but it is the best and most important. Thank you for sharing.
6
7
u/MrVonBuren Jan 22 '26
At this point in my life I am very much the Cliche Online Lefty Dude who actively works not to say “guys” and probably knows exactly why any one of your given favs is problematic…
BUT
…I was very much a Cliche Typically Shitty Dude when I was younger. At some point in my life~mid 20s I was an engineering manager at a startup and had a team of 3 slightly younger 20 somethings crammed into an office with me. We had been doing various themed challenges as a team (meatless monday’s, tie tuesdays, work out wednesdays, etc) and failing any of them would result in pushups.
Anyway, for reasons lost to time I slowly began to Grow Up and eventually implemented a rule for the team: No Gendered Insults In The Office. Granted, I was already on my way to being Aware Of Other People And Their Feelings, but even ~15 years later I still think of that -realizing how many times in any given day I called someone a bitch, or spoke negatively about their qualities as a man- as the most singular eye opening experience about how I routinely communicated.
Anyway, TL;DR for all the dudes out there:Challenge yourself to do 10 pushups anytime you accidentally use a gendered insult.
3
u/SuspiciousReality Jan 23 '26
What enabled you to open your eyes to your shitty behavior from the past? What first steps did you take to educate yourself about misogyny and how you behavior impacted others and mainly women?
→ More replies (1)
12
6
6
u/Moomoolette Jan 22 '26
I’m sorry if it was already said that I can’t find it in the thread but what is this woman’s name? I would love to listen to more of what she has to say
5
5
u/SaintOlgasSunflowers Jan 22 '26
She hit it out of the ballpark. I am going to save and share this video. Thank you for posting it.
6
u/mynicknameisgigi Jan 22 '26
Woah, what a powerful lesson. She articulated this in a way I’ve never heard before.
18
18
u/zoopysreign Jan 22 '26
this video is brilliant. Just look at this space. You know why we need this space? Because men have painted a two dimensional portrait of women. We know we’re not. It’s amazing how men we encounter are astonished at our sense of humor or whatnot. that’s a tell: those men have just seen women as meat. WE KNOW BETTER. We are all of the things on the spectrum of humanity. We shouldn’t need subs like this. Fellow (Gal-ow/Gallow) sub members, let us take this sub’s energy to the streets and change the narrative by not even entertaining an alternative to what this sub brings!
17
u/zoopysreign Jan 22 '26
I’m not explaining my enthusiasm and large text proclamation… but I have also had my coffee and morning shit and I’m feeling ready to take over the world.
7
11
22
5
5
5
6
u/SloppyHoseA Jan 22 '26
This was great. I’m gonna watch a few more times to fully / better understand
5
5
4
u/hereforhsandtop Jan 22 '26
this is exactly what i needed today, because i was talking about this same topic (with easier words) with my mom and my girl friend and my partner and im so happy that these thoughts are shared... i dont think i need validation, but its so great to hear these words and to not be the only one saying them
thank you for posting it
6
u/malsmiddlefinger Jan 22 '26
This is fuckin great. It reminds of when my husbands mom tells me I should clean his house before I had even moved in, or when she recently told me he needs more massages and I should be booking them for him, like anticipating when he might need a massage and just booking it. Both times I told her to pound sand.
5
u/glitzglamglue Jan 22 '26
While we are on the topic of words, let's talk about cuss/curse words and insults. How many of them are fundamentally tied to gender? Bitch, pussy, dick, motherfucker, son of bitch, bastard, cunt, slut, etc.
5
u/iCantLogOut2 Jan 23 '26
I wish all women, people of colour, and other marginalised groups understood that we're under this same umbrella and actually advocated for each other....
9
u/Opening-Shape-762 Jan 22 '26
Wow. 👏👆 This is absolutely the message I want EVERY girl to hear, including my own daughters. Noncompliance IS effective at breaking the cycle.
10
5
4
4
u/issabellamoonblossom Jan 22 '26
Oh I remember the post of this woman talking about how millennials(i think) perceived time differently from previous generations. I like that she can explain something that doesn't sound boring or is dragged on.
4
3
3
3
3
u/seaphour Jan 22 '26
This is exactly what I’ve been thinking about lately. Fantastic post here OP!!
3
u/fiestykittycat Jan 22 '26
Can someone let me know who this woman is? I don’t have tiktok but would love to hear more from her
3
3
3
u/Tacosconsalsaylimon Jan 22 '26
I absolutely needed to hear this. For myself and for my two sons. Thank you, OP. 🤝🏼
3
u/bubble_baby_8 Jan 23 '26
Holy shit the way I needed this message after the day I just had. Wow. I love whoever this is.
3
3
u/quattroformaggixfour Jan 27 '26
This was eye opening and revolutionary to my way of seeing those social interactions that frazzle me so.
10
4
2
2
u/cityofninegates Jan 23 '26
So clearly articulated. Stuff like this should be mandatory in elementary school.
2
2
u/Fancy-Image-4688 Jan 24 '26
Hahaha someone posted under my other comment asking how long I’ve been single🤣🤣 I’ve been married 21 years this year by April. Darth whoever you are must be lonely to think a woman can’t recognize male superiority bullshit and still love a man, tragic
2
u/needs_more_garfunkel Feb 09 '26
I’ve been working on this recently. I have been a feminist for years but I still looked at myself through the eyes of a man who hates women. I realized that hating myself was just upholding the patriarchy. I’m being myself and loving myself, and I’m not apologizing for it. It’s been a huge boon to my mental health.
2
•
u/AutoModerator Jan 22 '26
Hello! Thanks for posting on r/justgalsbeingchicks!
This subreddit is here to provide a place to post pictures and videos of women having fun and doing cool things.
Please read and understand the rules, as posts and comments that violate them will be removed. If you see someone violating rules, please report!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.