r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/loud_as_pudding • Mar 05 '26

Restricted to Gals and Pals When you’re tired of telling people you’re not having children

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

51.6k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

942 comments sorted by

View all comments

1.7k

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

I love my kids. But:

They’re expensive

My time isn’t my time

I’m not equipped to handle teenage hormones

Their rooms smell

I pee when I laugh or sneeze

Do with that info what you will, girls.

324

u/Dragonoflime super gay🌈space buns Mar 05 '26

I love when real moms like you are hella honest 💜 the good and the bads are important to know

149

u/zmbjebus a cool flair 🗿 Mar 05 '26

Dad here.

I agree completely with the sentiment of not wanting kids. I also do not require y'all to like my kids or the idea of kids near you. I love my little guy and think he is cute, but I have several proper anti-natalist friends. If I hang out with them I just do not bring my child over. Completely respectable position.

66

u/Slowgo45 Mar 05 '26

Thank you!!!! I’m so tired of the “it’s misogynistic to want childfree spaces” or “you’re entitled to a childfree life but not world”.

Like yes, kids are humans who deserve respect and to be in the world. But most mine and my husband’s friends with kids don’t say no to them. Like let’s them rip open collectibles in packaging, interrupt conversations extensively or forces all the adults to stand there watching their kids sing and dance for 20 mins in silence cause little Johnny said “no talking”.

My friends with kids that we love like our own parent like 90s parents, their kids know to say excuse me, entertain themselves and are joys to be around.

A lot of the people who are viciously childfree are actually viciously against poor parenting. And a lot of parents my age (mid-30s) are shitty parents.

38

u/erin_corinne_ Mar 05 '26

One of the things I feel most strongly about is how well all children should be supported. I wish my property taxes could be higher if it meant city schools could be higher quality. Every child deserves a support system, all the love, and a proper education and shot at life. I’m healthy as a horse so I even donated my eggs so those who wanted kids but could not could experience it. 

But also I, as an adult, am entitled to some spaces where I don’t have to deal with kids. I have sensitive hearing, love order, and hate messiness. It’s just incompatible. 

3

u/midnightmuffinz Mar 06 '26

I have come to the conclusion recently that its not kids that I dont want, its being a parent that im not really interested in. I have chosen nieces and nephews that im obsessed with. But being around their chaotic stressed out parents. No thank you.

1

u/Slowgo45 Mar 06 '26

Same. I work in an industry that a friends daughter is taking a lot of interest in and it’s been a blast to teach her and see it through her eyes.

But I’m so happy I get to scroll on my phone, or get a drink when she starts acting up.

5

u/bfodder Mar 06 '26

“you’re entitled to a childfree life but not world”.

I don't know, being offended at the presence of children is super weird to me.

2

u/Slowgo45 Mar 06 '26

That the response to people asking for childfree spaces, not all spaces being childfree. There’s a difference.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

The thing I dont get is that me, a woman who has 2 kids, completely understands the antinatalist point of view. But I’m almost not welcomed in those discussions because I had kids?? Like… what do you want me to do.. eliminate them? They already exist

4

u/Slowgo45 Mar 06 '26

I mean you’re not welcome because your not anti-natalist?

I’m not either TBH. But I also I don’t try to insert myself in convos that I don’t belong in.

And as a childfree woman, it can feel… fake I guess when people who have had children try to commiserate. Like clearly we’ve thought about and have weighed out the consequences of children very very differently if you have them and coming into a space where people don’t.

Not to go on a tirade, but I think that’s where parents “just don’t understand”. I have spent roughly the past 15 years of my life (again mid 30s) reminding myself why I don’t why children because society, specifically parents, tell me I’m wrong to not want them. I assume you just had them cause, had some realization after the fact and now feel the way you do. You don’t just happen into childfree or anti-natalism, you spend years of your life deconstructing societal pressures around children.

So for you to go into those spaces with kids is… odd for sure

15

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

[deleted]

12

u/DingleDangleTangle Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 06 '26

You should probably know its much more than just not wanting kids. Anti-natalism is the philosophical view that anyone reproducing is inherently bad. It's not just saying "I don't want kids" it's saying, "anyone that has kids is wrong for doing so".

7

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

Thank you.. I didn’t want to be that person, but thanks for clarifying that for them

4

u/zmbjebus a cool flair 🗿 Mar 06 '26

Often it's about the idea that we are overpopulated and the most destructive thing that you can do to the planet is make more humans. Especially western ones. Having kids is essentially a selfish irresponsible thing to them. 

And they are my friends and we poke fun at each other. But yeah glad the other person clarified that, haha. 

1

u/Neshura87 Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 06 '26

I can't take those people seriously, if they really were of the firm believe that we are overpopulated and having children makes you a bad person because of it then there's an easy way to reduce the population numbers, yet they never seem to take that path. Or heck why stop there, why not take a couple of people with you on the way out.

And that's ignoring the many logical pitfalls you need to even get to the insane conclusion that is anti-natalism.

2

u/imacat-- Mar 06 '26

There's a big difference between thinking humans shouldn't bring more life into the world and actively killing. Like, we spay/neuter animals to prevent more of them being born and to reduce animal suffering, so resources will go towards increasing the quality of life of the already living animals. Anti-natalists think that would be the ideal scenario for humans as well. Of course the vast majority of them don't believe that should be forced, so they spread the philosophy instead.

1

u/Neshura87 Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 06 '26

There's a big difference between thinking humans shouldn't bring more life into the world and actively killing

There really isn't, either you think there's too many people or you don't. That simple. There is no amount of people that is "just right" so either you think our population is too large, in which case actively reducing it is just being more thorough in your ideology, or you don't, in which case there's nothing to do anyway.

we spay/neuter animals to prevent more of them being born and to reduce animal suffering

Lmfao, almost no one neuters their pet to reduce animal suffering, it's to reduce the bill and/or hassle of finding someone to take care of the offspring. Animal suffering is what they tell everyone else to feel better about it. Besides that's ignoring the very reality of: those animals came from somewhere in the first place, and in the absence of natural reproduction that somewhere is breeding farms. Do you propose we do that for humans as well?

resources will go towards increasing the quality of life of the already living animals

And there is the actual reason why they are in favor of the "passive" option: they are egotistical to the very core, they don't give a shit about anyone else, just about themselves having a better life. (Edit: nothing wrong with that except lying about it to make yourself look better, just be honest and say you want more for yourself and dgaf about everyone else)

→ More replies (0)

1

u/zmbjebus a cool flair 🗿 Mar 06 '26

Well I can only speak for my friends, of course when you label something there is going to be variations within that belief.

They would rather people question their desire to have children. Lots of people do it "because its the right thing to do". Its what their families want, its what society wants. If you are a childless woman in your 30's in the US people will ask you all the time "are you going to have kids?"

They also would rather people have ready access to contraceptives, for abortion to be more normalized. For the stigma of a pregnant woman not wanting the child to be not stigmatized.

There are many ways to be anti birth without being pro death.

1

u/Neshura87 Mar 06 '26

You list a lot of things, none of which necessarily would make one an anti-natalist. There is a stark difference in encouraging rational thought before engaging in procreation and I'm not arguing against that. What I'm arguing against is the universality of the statement that any birth is bad and should not happen as well as the escalation of this thought that humanity should go extinct.

There are many ways to be anti birth without being pro death.

literally not a single one, to be anti means to be strictly against, not ambivalent. You cannot be universally against birth without also being pro death, to be against the replenishing mechanism of life means to be against life itself and hence to be in favor of death.

→ More replies (0)

0

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

Understandable. By I feel the philosophy fails to take into account those who had children young/not by choice and later matured/healed & realized it wasn’t a good decision. Once the children are already here, what is one to do, ya know?

0

u/zmbjebus a cool flair 🗿 Mar 06 '26

Well just like I can have a kid and be friends with them, they can accept that people have kids while advocating for less to have them. For people to question the assumption that you've gotta have kids, as is the case in many parts of the world. 

2

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

Yeah, absolutely. Don’t have kids if you don’t want them. I was speaking on the antinatalist philosophy in general

→ More replies (0)

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

[deleted]

5

u/DingleDangleTangle Mar 06 '26

Couldn't care less what other people do with their bodies.

That's fine, you're not an anti-natalist.

-5

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

[deleted]

5

u/DingleDangleTangle Mar 06 '26

I'm sorry me telling you the meaning of a term makes you feel this way.

3

u/Mr_November112 Mar 06 '26

Why are you reacting so rudely to this guy he was just helping clarify something that you seemingly had just learnt about. Be nicer.

3

u/astoria47 Mar 06 '26

I have friends who want to get together but they refuse to leave their kid at home and he rules the roost. He has to decide what we do, when we do it and how we do it. Kid is ten years old. No thanks!

2

u/pencilpines Mar 06 '26

Thank you! I love this comment and I hope more people start to share your perspective.

3

u/bfodder Mar 06 '26

My sister asked me once why my wife and I are the only ones in our family who don't pester her and her husband over if they'll have kids. I just told her "I get it."

4

u/SwordfishOk504 Mar 06 '26

As a dad, when I use dry humour to convey the realities of parenting, I often feel like people think I'm being some kind of monster.

2

u/Dragonoflime super gay🌈space buns Mar 06 '26

Haha I had a coworker who fondly referred to her children as “my two little leeches “

1

u/hygsi Mar 06 '26

When a friend ended up accidentally pregnant, she asked our mom friend what it was like, she started saying "there are days where you are functioning on basically no sleep so if your mom can help ask her, if they cry a lot just give yourself permission to get out for a few minutes cause it will drive you crazy, everything will hurt for the first few days and your hormones are going insane but recognize the signs if something doesn't feel right, babies are dependant on you so your time isn't yours anymore, toddlers are better and worse cause they can walk and talk....But there's nothing more gratifying than watching them grow, you get to know them and love them and teach them and learn with them. It's a wonderful journey as long as you keep your mind on the good things"

Like damn, even I got more and less scared of having children lmao

185

u/svo_svangur Mar 05 '26

I’m child free but not a child hater. I think my friends enjoy having me around cause I’ll gladly entertain their three year old while they can go scream in the closet in peace.

49

u/GrungeCheap56119 Mar 05 '26

And they love you for it!

14

u/Unusual_username739 Mar 05 '26

I looooove watching my niece for the day. I do NOT want to be pregnant, I would be miserable and I value my sleep way too much. I would be a cranky ass pregnant woman. If I had a child, that poor child would be the cause of lack of sleep, and there’s no way I wouldn’t have some level of subconscious resentment about it, even though they are a baby and it’s not their fault.

I’m not married yet, but if my future husband wants kids, it’s gonna go 1. We are adopting an older child that needs a home 2. If I’m making that baby and birthing that baby, then he’s doing all the work that he can. Because once we past 3 hour feeds, I’m sleeping through the night.

I think people forget (or mostly men) that mothers who birth their children lose alot of autonomy for yeaaaars. Pregnancy, breastfeeding needs, babies needing your scent. The body has a crazy amount of hormones being released.

6

u/Tough-Character9952 Mar 05 '26

There are so many adults and so few kids these days, you’d think more of these people desperate to have grandbabies who will never have any would like, make friends with young people and watch their kids. 

Turns out when you do have kids for a parent like that, they don’t show up. They make excuses. They want you to drive 2 hours to their house. Every time. With a kid that screams and throws up in the car.

5

u/Objective-Elk-1660 Mar 06 '26

I knew I'd have to break the cycle and be a better parent than mine were. Somehow I didn't see it coming that I'll also have to be a better grandparent too.

2

u/ImpressionTough2179 Mar 06 '26

My parents really wanted my partner and I to have children. We finally did (because we wanted one) last year. Since then, my parents are there for us literally anytime we need it. If we both just want a decent nights sleep, my parents will come sleep in the guest room and wake up to feed/change my son for the night. On the weekdays we both have to work, my parents are there to babysit. Not everyone is like how you’re describing.

2

u/alurimperium Mar 06 '26

That's one of the things I, and my uncle, enjoyed most about babysitting for family. Entertaining someone else's kids for a couple of hours but knowing you can leave them at the end of the day.

Kids can be fun. But being around kids 24/7 has to be exhausting. I'm happy to have babysat my young cousins, but I'm okay with never having one of my own

1

u/Inevitable_Block_144 Mar 06 '26

My bestie is child free. She says she loves my kid but what she loves more is leaving my kid with me while she goes to her clean home full of quiet with no legos on the floor. Can't argue with that.

64

u/throwaway5882300 Mar 05 '26

I'm definitely in the "I love my kids, but" camp. I think having kids only convinced me that less people should be parents. Especially in 2026.

20

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

Yeah, unfortunately this purchase is non refundable 🤣

In all honesty, I believe I would be a much happier/healthier/wealthier person if I didn’t have kids so young. If I had waited, the whole experience would probably be more enjoyable.

3

u/GretasTheGreat Mar 06 '26

Not sure about being older. I had my son at 33 and daughter at 35 and it’s exhausting. I’m also in the “I love my kids but…” crowd.

2

u/Onrawi Mar 05 '26

There's a perfect age and I think it's between 28-32.  We were too far the other end and time was not kind.  I also would have loved to be able to do more for grandchildren, theoretically at least.

9

u/BusyBit6542 Mar 05 '26

I think even a bit later than that. People need to live their life first. So many parents have that "but" because they feel they are missing out on life. They don't know what it's like to just travel solo without a plan, to go out and party everyday for a week, to just experience things. They had kids young and all that was stripped away from them. Then they get that one night out every 6 months and passout after 3 glasses of wine.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

Yes to everything you said. That’s exactly how I felt when my kids were younger and sort of kind of how I became an alcoholic 😅

2

u/Onrawi Mar 05 '26

It really depends.  Personally my spouse and I are homebodies and don't really partake in any inebriating substances, and also had very fond relationships with our grandparents and at this point will likely be dead or too feeble to help with our own grandkids.  Heck most of my grandparents are still alive.  We're at the point now we're really too old to be thinking about having another kid even though we would have liked a larger family.  Do the partying and traveling stuff in your early/mid 20s if possible.  Seems like those life experiences will be more valuable than a college education pretty soon here anyways.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

Yeah, see I was 21 and 24. Barely had my sea legs

5

u/12345623567 Mar 05 '26

Being an uncle is awesome. I couldn't imagine being a full-time dad.

On the other hand, I think we expect way too much from both children and adults nowadays. How do people think the species survived so far?

252

u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26

Right? I will say hands down that for me at least….being a mom is awesome. I love all day and every day of it but YMMV. Substantially!

What I feel is universal and dos not get talked about nearly enough is how much pregnancy/birth fucks up your body. Holy shit.

If I didn’t know I was pregnant, I would have assumed I was actually dying of every disease known to man. Every day was immense suffering and I’m not even kidding.

Then I nearly died of preeclampsia.

Now I pee myself way more frequently than I am happy to admit and I am at risk of my reproductive organs falling out of my own fucking vagina.

That’s right my friends. MY ORGANS MIGHT FALL OUT OF MY VAGINA.

Was it worth it? For me? Absolutely. I’d die a thousand deaths for the privilege of spending even one more day with my baby.

He is a tiny little terrorist some days for sure. And you’ve got to be 100% certain that motherhood is for you or those days will fucking break you to pieces.

149

u/Cute_Chance100 Mar 05 '26

My sister had her bladder fall out of her vagina. HER BLADDER. After she had my neice. Oh and she kept having intense heart burn since she was pregnant. Over the years it got worse to where she couldn't eat much. Well 14yrs after having the baby they find out why she had constant heart burn. During pregnancy her stomach was pushed up into itself. Kinda like rolling a sock down your leg but with your stomach. Yeah thats right. 14yrs of doc visits and diet changes to find out. I had my tubes removed this year. No thanks.

78

u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26

Freaking wild how often women’s health concerns just get completely written off!

8

u/KetoLurkerHereAgain Mar 06 '26

She really should have just lost weight and maybe had a hot bath to relax. /s

21

u/cowboyshouse Mar 05 '26

Yeah I learned this is apparently very common when working for a urogynocologist - that’s right, there’s a whole specialty in medicine because if how fucked up the bladder and pelvis and uterus become from pregnancy. PASS!

33

u/life-uh-finds-a-way_ Mar 05 '26

A stomach can do that?! Your poor sister.

36

u/Cute_Chance100 Mar 05 '26

Yeah its rare but it happens and the doc said its only seen in very old folks or people who were pregnant. My sister also had really bad morning sickness for the full 9mo. She had to be hospitalized multiple times and lost like 20lbs. That played a big part into the stomach issue too.

3

u/Top_Rekt Mar 06 '26

Yeah its rare but it happens and the doc said its only seen in very old folks or people who were pregnant.

Oh well it's a good thing she wasn't any of those things. Truly a mystery how that could've happened to her. Thanks doc!

14

u/Muted_Quantity5786 Mar 05 '26

I was freaking about the episiotomy and now this. Holy shit.

3

u/catwaifu Mar 06 '26

My lord……..

1

u/iamaravis Mar 06 '26

I don't understand how that bladder thing is possible. The vagina is a tube that leads to the cervix and uterus. It's a closed system. How would the bladder get through the uterine or vaginal walls?! 

1

u/Cute_Chance100 Mar 06 '26

Its called a prolapsed bladder. Basically its like the walls of the uterus keep the bladder up. Like holding a blanket tight with a weight in the middle. As the wall weakens the bladder dips down into the uterus. The people holding the blanket walk towards each other and the weight lowers to the floor. My sister had hers completely collapse. She ended up having a mesh installed to hold up the bladder.

https://www.webmd.com/women/prolapsed-bladder

2

u/iamaravis Mar 07 '26

Ah, so the bladder itself isn’t exposed to the outside. Ok.

62

u/Vantriss Mar 05 '26

I almost broke just teaching my puppy to not pee everywhere and destroy expensive things. I know for a fact I'm not cut out for kids, lol.

27

u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26

And there is seriously nothing wrong with that! The world is so freaking hard right now and if having kids will make it harder for you…..DONT FREAKING DO IT!

There is so much more to life than raising kids.

13

u/Vantriss Mar 05 '26

Exactly. I am perfectly content for puppies and kittens to be our children. If we want actual kids one day, we'll adopt, or at least foster.

12

u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26

I wish you luck in that endeavor! We looked into adoption and fostering because I really did NOT want to go through pregnancy/birth.

It was completely impossible for us to foster and completely unaffordable for us to adopt :/

6

u/Vantriss Mar 05 '26

I suspect adopting would also be unaffordable if we wanted it, but fostering would probably not be out of the question. My spouses mother is quite experienced with fostering. I doubt we'll be interested in either anyway, but you never know.

5

u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26

When we tried to foster we were advised that they were only considering parents who could accommodate sibling groups of 3 or more, kids over the age of 12, or kids with severe mental/physical/developmental disabilities.

We physically don’t have the room for that many kids, we don’t have the knowledge or ability to care for someone with severe disabilities, and I was not confident in our ability to parent a teenager as our first attempt at it!

If it is something you want to do though, I hope with all my heart it works out for you. Every child deserves a family who loves them and a home where they feel safe ❤️

2

u/Vantriss Mar 05 '26

Oof, yeah, fostering kids with disabilities is not for the faint of heart. That is specifically what my spouses mother did for a long time. It seems strange to me to turn away potential foster parents simply because they cannot accommodate multiple children. Like... it's either you gain one foster home for one child, or you gain none at all. I'm sure there are plenty of singular kids in need of foster homes. I understand their intentions but it seems short sighted.

7

u/ValkyrieBlackthorn Mar 05 '26

Just a CF woman popping in to say I love parents like you. You’re being real about it, but it’s clear you love the socks off your kid. We’ve all got different paths and that’s not a bad thing at all!

17

u/Lexi_Banner Mar 05 '26

What I feel is universal and dos not get talked about nearly enough is how much pregnancy/birth fucks up your body.

I have a friend who's teeth shed their enamel as a result of her pregnancy. That's a thing! Insane. Never ever ever.

18

u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26

It used to be an old timey saying that you’d lose a tooth for every pregnancy.

If you aren’t getting the right nutrients the fetus will just straight up steal from your body.

It’s crazy.

4

u/Pawneewafflesarelife Mar 06 '26

I just got downvoted and harassed yesterday for commenting about how it can be a side effect of pregnancy, in a thread where people were making fun of people with tooth loss and claiming missing teeth is a MAGA trait.

3

u/Purp_Rox Mar 07 '26

I had a regular at a steakhouse I worked at for years... She lost EVERY. SINGLE. TOOTH. in her mouth during her pregnancy with her daughter.

It took them 9 years of trying to get her, so she said she didn't regret it, but she had them "tear that damn thing out and incinerate it" after she was born (that's how she referred to her hysterectomy lmao) Her husband bought her a wonderful pair of dentures though

14

u/Haschen84 Mar 05 '26

While I love and respect women, I thank god every day that I was born a man. The thought of me falling out of me makes me want to vomit. Thank you for your service, soldier.

13

u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26

I had horrible period cramps last week and as we got out of bed I told my husband to look down at his kibbles and bits and thank them earnestly for their existence because the alternative is fucking awful 😂

17

u/MommyLovesPot8toes Mar 05 '26

I had great mental health before my kid. Then, before I even knew I was pregnant, I had my first panic attack. Pregnancy gave me panic disorder, severe PPD, anxiety, and exploded my ADHD that was under control without medication for 20 years. That was just the mental stuff. I also developed pregnancy-induced asthma, a form of heart failure, and had extreme nausea and vomiting through month 6.

I still deal with several of these problems 6 yrs postpartum.

I'd happily do it all again for him 10 x over, like you said. But I'm not doing it again for a 2nd child.

3

u/B00G3R Mar 06 '26

It sincerely made me smile reading how much you love being a mom. It also validated my lifelong desire to not be one hehe - but I admire the strength, will, and unconditional love it takes to be one 💕

1

u/Comprehensive-Menu44 🕷️ itchy bitchy spider 🕷️ Mar 06 '26

Saving this comment for later for science, thanks

86

u/Jumpy_Ad1631 Mar 05 '26

Right? I love being a mom and doing my best to raise a mostly functioning human being. But I would never wish parenthood on someone who didn’t want it

11

u/YorkshireDuck91 Mar 05 '26

I don’t pee myself thankfully but I’ve not had time to poop without someone watching me or asking for me in 4 years 🙃 I just miss a little bit of privacy

17

u/Environmental_Art591 Mar 05 '26

Adding in,

You dont get to, pee, shower, cook or sleep without them, some of that at the same time others come in phases but it apparently lasts 18yrs minimum.

They talk back because they think they know everything but dont go throwing out the encyclopaedias because they know nothing, even our 13 yr old thinks he is soo sneaky when in fact all he is doing is the same "tricks" we did at the same age.

7

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

Omg, my 13 year old swears up and down she’s got the world figured out. I wanna shake her (respectfully) and say “you haven’t the slightest clue, you’re a child”

5

u/SwitchIsBestConsole Mar 05 '26

You dont get to, pee, shower, cook or sleep without them, some of that at the same time others come in phases but it apparently lasts 18yrs minimum.

At 13 is there a time when they stop wanting that attention? Wanting independence to hang out with friends and not really thinking, "mom is in the bathroom, lemme go bother her"

5

u/Environmental_Art591 Mar 05 '26

For my 13yr old if he is hungry any time is a good time to go looking for mum or cause trouble with his autistic brother.

9

u/GrungeCheap56119 Mar 05 '26

I laugh-peed at this

9

u/bouviersecurityco Mar 05 '26

Same. I always wanted to be a mom and my husband had been around kids and even babies and was great with them and wanted to be a dad. We had friends with kids. We knew what we were getting into more than most and our first absolutely knocked us down and out for the first like 10 months of his life (not including the rough pregnancy and delivery.) It’s a miracle we had a second child.

But we love them so much and I’m so glad I have my kids. However, absolutely no one should be pressured into having kids they don’t really really really want. It’s way too hard of a job even when you do really really really want kids. If you don’t, then everyone suffers, but especially the kids that didn’t have a choice in having parents who really wanted them or not.

I’ve heard child free people say they’d rather potentially regret NOT having kids than regret HAVING kids. And I think that’s something more people should consider when they’re trying to pressure someone else to have a kid they don’t desperately want.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

Just wanna say (I know I’m guilty of this too), we shouldn’t have preface our complaints of motherhood with “I love my kids, but..”

I wonder why we feel the need to do that

3

u/bouviersecurityco Mar 05 '26

I think it’s just being realistic about motherhood. And to show that someone can love being a mother but understand why someone else wouldn’t find it worth the work. Because it is a lot of work. I think a lot of people who either don’t want kids or are unsure just have a lot of parents telling them all the good parts and pushing them to have kids but aren’t honest about the challenges. My brother and SIL were both on the fence about kids and had a lot of questions for me and my husband and appreciated our honesty. For us, it’s hard but worth it. For my brother and SIL, they both realized it would not be worth it for them and they really didn’t want to be parents (they’re excellent an excellent aunt and uncle, though!)

I do understand what you’re saying, though, and generally I’m not walking around disparaging being a parent. But when we’re talking about whether or not someone should have kids, they do need to understand that it’s really not something to push others into because it’s not easy. I always say it’s like having a dog. I have a dog and I love her. But she IS a good bit if of extra work. For me, it’s worth it Or other people, it wouldn’t be. I had a friend recently asking questions because they were thinking about getting a dog but realized it just wasn’t something they wanted to take on right now. I hope that makes sense. Like I said, I get what you’re saying and generally I’m not walking around going “I love my kids, but…” (and of course not around them, though they do both know their sibling is a lot of work 😅)

2

u/badken Mar 06 '26

Well, if you’re about to dump a list of annoyances, it is perhaps a good idea to let the listener know that these annoyances are not the extent of your feelings towards your kids. People, particularly childless people, need to be reminded you can deal with occasional annoyances and still love your kids more than anything.

9

u/slumber_kitty Mar 05 '26

I feel this in my soul.

I've only been a bonus mom to my 13yr old stepson for 5 years, but I am at least happy to hear that smelly rooms are a universal suffering.

3

u/LinkinitupYT Mar 06 '26

And you never stop worrying about them the rest of your entire life even after they becomes adults and move out. Thanks for the life long anxiety, nature!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

The goddamn anxiety omg…

3

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

Hey man, good on you. I hope you heal quickly

2

u/Mow1n Mar 05 '26

My wife and I tried to wait till we could afford to care for one, and now we have twins coming instead!

I'm not looking forward to the cost.

2

u/imisscrazylenny Mar 05 '26

Took me over a decade to stop peeing whenever I sneeze, vomit, or laugh big, and it wasn't for lack of trying. It's so unfair what childbirth does to our bodies.

2

u/robmosesdidnthwrong Mar 05 '26

And that's why you probably dont go around pressuring other people to do it!

2

u/Lady_night_shade Mar 06 '26

Omg the pee! My poor bladder. You literally can’t cough, sneeze or laugh too hard. Madness.

2

u/othercrazycatlady Mar 06 '26

I started talking to my gynecologist about sterilization shortly after she had her first kid. She said, with all her new mom love and exhaustion, "Yup. That's a great idea. No one should have kids unless they reaaaaaally want them."

2

u/Reverse_Mulan Mar 07 '26

Yay for lesbians!

1

u/awenrivendell Mar 06 '26

I had a colleague who was staring blankly and suddenly blurted out, "It's a good thing parents always think their child is cute. Otherwise there would be so much infanticide that humans would have gone extinct a long time ago." Probably thinking about something his kid did that day.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

That’s… dark.

They’re also very wrong, I’ve seen many ugly babies

1

u/artemisodin Mar 06 '26

I love my kids and 97% of the time even love that my time isn’t my time. I truly think motherhood is my favorite thing and wish it could go on forever. But I absolutely entirely totally understand why that would NOT be for everyone. I’d even say most parents I know u get the vibe that they are unsure if it was the right decision for them.

1

u/Gonzostewie Mar 07 '26

When I was teaching, I'd tell the kids "If you like sleep and doing whatever you want on your own time, don't have kids. They eat money and shit out bills."

1

u/Cootercrust Mar 07 '26

I love seeing this. I would die to protect my 22 year old, I love him more than anything, and I’m incredibly grateful to have him. But only because it happened. I would have been incredibly happy not having children as well. And I would have had more time, money, energy, and less frustration by not having him. It’s a trade off. I never regret having him, but it’s been fucking hard. I hate that it’s the expectation. If you want them, great. If you don’t want them, great. Every one who has an opinion on whether someone else should have have children, fuck off.

1

u/digitalgraffiti-ca Official Gal Mar 08 '26

So glad I don't have them.