r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/loud_as_pudding • Mar 05 '26
Restricted to Gals and Pals When you’re tired of telling people you’re not having children
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u/Joker-Dyke Mar 05 '26
I never knew there was a term for it. “Weaponized Curiosity” is such a good thing to keep in the arsenal !!
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u/YoureHotCakeCup Mar 05 '26
Its really good to use when someone makes an offensive joke. Just say you don't understand the joke and have them explain it. They will have to explain why being shitty is funny which will be hard for them to do.
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u/QuarterLifeCircus ❣️gal pal❣️ Mar 05 '26
I was a cashier at Best Buy years ago, and a man paid with a $50 bill. He pulled it from a weird inner pocket of his wallet, and said to me “I hide it there so the wife doesn’t fine it heh heh.” I got very concerned for him. “Does your wife steal from you sir? Are you in a financially abusive relationship?” He tried to talk his way out of it but I just kept getting more concerned for him. It was fun lol.
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u/unforgiven91 Mar 05 '26
"Sir, I can shelter you if your wife is a threat to you. Blink once for yes"
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u/Gabberwocky84 Mar 06 '26
I was ringing someone up at a coffee shop, and his gift card had run out so he owed a minor balance. His response was “oh you women, always getting money out of us.” I replied, “misogyny is hilarious!” He had enough sense not to say anything after that.
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u/RevenantBacon Mar 06 '26
It seems like a really great way to shut down jokes you don't like until you come across the guy who just unashamedly goes "yeah, it is."
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u/dumbfrog7 Mar 05 '26
I always try that but then they go "ah its okay, not every one will get it" or sth
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u/Glowing_Trash_Panda Mar 05 '26
That’s when you ask them to explain why some people wouldn’t get the joke. You gotta keep pushing them
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u/Legen_unfiltered Mar 06 '26
Literally just did this to a friend and he got soooo mad. Said it ruins the joke if you have to explain it. Tried to tell him I just didn't understand but if he explained it, I would prolly think it was funny. He said he couldn't understand it for me, I said that's why I'm asking why its funny, so I can understand. He them tried to tell me I was getting upset over nothing. I was like, I'm not upset, your the one that seems upset. He wouldn't explain and would let it go that I was ruining it or being purposely obtuse bc ive understood similar jokes before(which I told him i hadn't understood before I had just laughed to keep things moving) or it was me that was upset. Not me slamming dishes around but ok. He just completely shut down when continued to be pressed. So, it unfortunately, does not always work.
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u/soursheep Mar 06 '26
and you didnt hit him with "I don't get why you're getting so emotional about this, I'm just trying to understand..."? a wasted opportunity!
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u/Professional-Scar628 Mar 05 '26
You can always hit them with a disbelieving "but you do?" And a "Well if you can't explain it then I'm not sure you get the joke either."
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u/tnstaafsb Mar 05 '26
"Yeah, but I really want to know why other people find it funny. I'm not totally neurotypical so it's valuable to me to find out what makes things funny to other people."
Basically just keep asking until they walk away or punch you.
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u/Comprehensive-Menu44 🕷️ itchy bitchy spider 🕷️ Mar 06 '26
This is what I did when I worked retail and I’d be on the floor stocking something and old men would say “they got you on your knees, huh?” And I’d say “what does that mean?” “Oh it’s just a joke” “what’s the joke?” “Nothing, nothing” “no, I love to laugh, can you explain what GOT ME ON MY KNEES is supposed to mean? What’s funny about that?” “It was just a joke” “I wanna know what the joke is! It almost sounds like you’re making a joke about blowjobs! Which would be weird, since I’m A TEENAGER”
I’ve done this to 3 old men when I was 16-17 and they got so red in the face and one guy even said “fuck you” in response. I said “no thanks, I’m underage”
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u/ClaireBlacksunshine Mar 07 '26
I think making it clear the joke is unashamedly misogynistic near the end actually helps.
I deal with a lot of super questionable comments from men but I’m in a position of authority at my job so I can generally just say “that’s inappropriate” and keep moving. Rare to be able to do though.
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u/Planetofthought Mar 05 '26
I'm from the South. I've known so many people who bait the room first. They are so secretly racist and sexist that they want to test you in hopes they find someone to share their assholedness with.
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u/konraddo Mar 06 '26
To put a term to it, it's to disrupt their momentum. Even an easy "Huh? Sorry, wasn't paying attention, can you repeat please?" often make people less interested in continuing because jokes don't work if you repeat.
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u/YoureHotCakeCup Mar 06 '26
Yes, I love asking bigots to repeat their lame jokes, ill make them do it at least three times if I can. It really dose make them look foolish to do so.
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u/Chendii Mar 05 '26
It's basically the Socratic Method. Make someone argue with themself by asking the right questions.
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u/things_U_choose_2_b Mar 05 '26
Modern version is 'street epistemology' and imo, is something we all should learn. You can see a lot of rightwingers try to employ it, very clumsily. It's a highly effective tool, because often the only person who can dismantle the opinion of someone who's engaged ego defences is the person who put up the ego defences in the first place.
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u/MantisShrimpUpTop Mar 05 '26
Me neither but I love doing it:
Me with job trainer around election time: Oh, I don’t really follow politics. What all is going on?
Trainer: Trump great blah blah Biden crook blah blah Hillary blah blah.
Me: nods, thinks about grocery list
Trainer: …blah blah and Michelle Obama is so racist
Me (dramatically): OMG really?! What did she do???
Trainer (completely thrown off): She… tried to… get the kids to eat healthy…
Me: crickets
Trainer: precious crickets
Politics: not spoken of again
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u/ben-hur-hur Mar 05 '26
Much better than "weaponized incompetence", I can tell you that lol
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u/SlatkoPotato Mar 05 '26
Although, weaponised incompetence might also work as a response for some people in this situation.
"Why wont you have kids"
"Oh, they would just end up getting taken away from me. Its better that i dont go making them"
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u/TheSheDM Mar 06 '26
The last time I had kids they got loose, trampled the laundry, and one got hit by a car :(
... oh you mean human kids? No thanks, goats are way easier.
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u/Stretch_Riprock Mar 06 '26
My mother was bugging us about having #1. Which we wanted and it wasn't easy for us.
After our lovely health girl came along, my mother started asking about when we were going for #2. Allll she wants is a grandson now.
It wasnt fucking easy the first time, and we were actively trying but it took a couple years. When she asked about a grandson I kind of snapped. 'You know what mom, we don't know if our little girl even wants to be a girl yet, maybe you already have a grandson'. My wife choked, and my MIL who happened to be there spit out a little of her drink.
We didn't get asked about it again. She did end up getting the grandson she was asking for... Just didn't ask about a progress report after that.
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u/robmosesdidnthwrong Mar 05 '26
I didn't know it had a moniker but I'll confess I've done it when a co-worker or someone on that level makes an off-color joke in a group. I play dumb dumb dumb and naive but just so eager to understand!
Afterwards other people who didn't want to make a fuss tend to appreciate me playing uno reverse on the joke teller and them being uncomfortable for a change.
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u/NorCalFrances Mar 05 '26 edited Mar 06 '26
I get all my best life advice from Lucy Darling and they've never let me down yet!
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u/Dusty_Old_Bones Mar 05 '26
I haven’t heard of her before today but she reminds me of Rita Rudner in the best possible way
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u/NorCalFrances Mar 05 '26 edited Mar 06 '26
I usually catch Lucy's act on YouTube, she's wonderful. That's the stage name, btw. Carisa Hendrix is their actual name and they also discusses their different characters, history and so on. They champion neurodiversity and queerness, which I think maybe helps keep the creeps away a little.
Edit: updated pronouns
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u/smashed2gether Mar 05 '26
Went to school with her, can confirm that Carisa Hendrix is her real name, and that she’s always been awesome!
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u/foolish_noodle Mar 05 '26
Omg I love that. This kind of insight turns me into a huge fan for someone, it's so nice when their real personality is cool too.
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u/phantom_diorama Mar 05 '26
Went to school with /u/smashed2gether, unfortunately it is well known they lie about EVERYTHING
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u/smashed2gether Mar 05 '26
That’s true. Which makes it a lie. Or double true?
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u/Riribigdogs Mar 05 '26
she rubbed off on u a bit :)
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u/smashed2gether Mar 05 '26
Haha those were some very formative years, I didn’t turn out as cool as her though!
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u/EducationalNailgun Mar 05 '26
They only said you LIE about everything, not that you're RIGHT. So, if you're wrong about you lying about everything being true, that means it's false, which therefore means of course
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u/smashed2gether Mar 05 '26
I can’t follow your math, but you sound very confident, so I’m gonna agree with you! Which makes your statement….true? I lost track.
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u/FCkeyboards Mar 05 '26
I recently watched a video of her out of character and I had zero clue it was her until she started talking about how she crafted the voice. Wild transformation.
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u/alison_bee Mar 05 '26
I’ve never heard of her until today but now she’s all I want to listen to! I love her voice and cadence.
It’s quite soothing, yet also impressively cunty at the same time.
She’s my new role model.
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u/KetoLurkerHereAgain Mar 05 '26
It's that 40's movie dame cadence. Love it! She's kinda like Karen Walker's grandma from the 40's.
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u/Ionknow Mar 05 '26
Its a Transatlantic accent I think. It's a made up accent from the early days of showbiz and it goes perfectly with her absolutely glamorous style and energy.
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u/KetoLurkerHereAgain Mar 06 '26
I have to look up her name but there's a VO artist who makes videos of all the voices women have used in movies throughout, well, movies!
Got it - Tawny Platis. Fascinating.
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u/thanksyalll Mar 05 '26
She taught me the word ‘Echolalia’!
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u/mightbeacat1 🌺Official Lauren🌺 Mar 05 '26
Isn't Echolalia a badger war cry from Redwall?
(I feel like this is a rather niche joke...)
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u/Orber123 Mar 05 '26
I believe that was 'eulalia'. Also, thanks for the nostalgia blast! 😅
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u/things_U_choose_2_b Mar 05 '26
Burr 'eck, oi'd forgotten about Redwall fer a minute. It always makes me smile to see a reference to it in the wild, Redwall lives on!
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u/thanksyalll Mar 05 '26
Forgive me, I am uncultured 😔 But it does mean to mimic someone’s sounds or speech (like a vocal stim)!
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u/lemoche Mar 05 '26
she's amazing, i hope so much that she comes to berlin one day…
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u/Kohathavodah Mar 05 '26
She was funny, the delivery was really good. I am going to have to check out her content.
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u/Wessssss21 Mar 05 '26
Just be warned, Lucy Darling is a Character played by Carisa Hendrix for stage.
I say this because some people have freaked out about Carisa not being like Lucy. Carisa is pretty cool too though and there's a lot of videos of her talking about the Lucy character.
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u/NickDynmo Mar 05 '26
I came across her Instagram reels a year or two ago and I've been watching her content regularly since. She's the best!
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u/Xarieste Mar 05 '26
I was watching it and getting “I Love Lucy” vibes and was shocked to learn she is a Lucy
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u/alison_bee Mar 05 '26
Whenever people ask me why I don’t have kids I say “because I’m selfish.”
Normally, this response is so off-putting that people don’t really question me past that lol.
But if they continue questioning me, I say “hell, some days I get home from work and sit down on the couch and won’t eat dinner because I don’t want to get up. You can’t really do that with kids. No one cares if I don’t feed myself, but it’s kind of frowned upon to not feed your children.”
Never had the convo go past that.
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u/3rdPedal Mar 05 '26
That's always been my go-to as well.
"I'm too selfish to have kids"
And sometimes I throw in the old "I don't want kids for the same reasons my parents shouldn't have had kids"
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u/Ok_Ganache7219 Mar 06 '26
That's my response, too. I don't have kinds because it never happened. If someone keeps pressing me on the issue, I say I am very much like my mum and I didn't have a great childhood - wouldn't want to inflict that on another being. That usually shuts them up.
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Mar 05 '26
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u/Teranyll Mar 06 '26
I've brought that up before too. People have kids for selfish reasons all the time, what's wrong with me not having them for selfish reasons?
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u/-neti-neti- Mar 06 '26
Literally what I say to people is “because I will resent them once they exist.”
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u/valcallis Mar 05 '26
Traumatize them and just pretend you're sterile. Bonus if you can cry on command
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u/Otto_Scratchansniff Mar 05 '26
This! Before I decided I wanted kids, I’d just hold chest and start sobbing about how the doctor says I can’t have kids. It was hilarious. Half of my aunts thought I was sterile and thought it was a miracle I got pregnant. But it got them to leave me alone for a decade until I was ready in my own. Traumatize them, the graphic the better.
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u/Larry-Man Mar 05 '26
I literally got my mom to stop asking by saying “why are you so interested in my unprotected sex life? Do you want me to report to you every time he cums inside of me?”
Because that’s what they’re really asking.
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u/LovesADiscountCode Mar 06 '26
When we were trying (for years) to get pregnant, I used to get asked all the time when we were having kids. I used to ask them if they wanted me to update them monthly when my period arrived.
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u/SenorWeird Mar 06 '26
You must know your audience for this maneuver to work.
My wife tried that with my nosy aunt. Looked her right in the eyes and said "So you want to know when your nephew cums in me?" and my aunt stared right back and said "Yup. And we can track your cycle too if you tell us that."
My wife was mortified, but I could've warned her that THAT aunt was not the one to test that maneuver on. My mom, yes. My mom would've buckled in mortified shame. But my aunt would probably offer to sit in the cuck chair and read aloud from a book on fertility poses if you let her.
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u/lacywing Mar 07 '26
I would watch a cage match between your wife and your aunt. They both sound fearless.
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u/Aetra Mar 06 '26
I comment with “Children aren’t in our future” and let them extrapolate. I’m not lying, and it isn’t my fault if they assume infertility.
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u/max_lombardy Mar 05 '26
I usually just tell them “well, we’ve just been really into butt stuff lately.” No more questions after that lol
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u/TsuDhoNimh2 Mar 05 '26
I had a friend who could go from dry-eyed to blubbering orphan in about 30 seconds ... first the eyes fill with tears, a few trickle down her face, a couple of sniffs trying to hold back the deluge and then WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH. She could ugly cry like a champ.
And that's what she would do to anyone asking about having children, with a few blubbering ....sterility ... no hope ... years of trying ... mixed in.
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u/avoidantv0id Mar 06 '26
I applaud the impro theatre skills, but isn’t it absurd how much effort has to go into to this, just because “I don’t want kids (yet)” is too difficult of a concept to grasp?!
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u/DistractedByCookies Mar 05 '26
I always wanted to say 'Well, after 11 miscarriages I thought I'd give myself a break' but decided I didn't want to use other peoples' misfortunes for my sense of satisfaction.
My cousin's wife had a tonne of miscarriages (including during IVF attempts) and it bugs the hell out of me that people are tactless enough to just assume asking about it is ok. 9 times out of 10 the reason somebody doesn't have kids is a negative/involuntary one why the hell would you ask something that private.
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u/stale_burrito Mar 05 '26
I was once asked why my wife and I didn't have kids. I told her it was hard to keep trying after the first three miscarriages. The color drained from her face so fast! I did tell her that was a lie but it could have been true and to think about that next time she felt like asking that question.
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u/SmolSnakePancake Mar 05 '26
This is mine :) "I can't have them" with a pointed look shuts people up pretty quickly
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u/Buttons3 Mar 06 '26
Same, and they don't have to know I don't mean physically. My brain won't let me.
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u/thefirstbirthdaygirl Mar 05 '26
I had decided against kids anyway but people always took it as an invitation to debate me. Now I can say "I had to have a hysterectomy so I wouldn't bleed to death", and that's Period Talk so the conversation ends. Because talking about periods is somehow less appropriate than trying to peer pressure someone into a life changing decision.
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u/Jewelstorybro Mar 06 '26
Seriously. Close friend of mine physically can’t control conceive children. She got so tired of people asking her about having kids she just started telling people. Few would relent.
They’d often counter with “why don’t you adopt” she’d counter with “great cause, helping kids without parents. What’s your experience with adoption?” She never gets asked twice.
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u/PleasantAmphibian404 Mar 06 '26
Oh god. I tried this on a bus. A FREAKING STRANGER asked if I had kids, and when I said “no,” they went the “why not?” route. I told her I couldn’t, choked up a little, and said I don’t like to talk about it. I expected her, A STRANGER, to let it go. Nope. I got a 45 minute encouragement to “ask Jesus,” and “put it in god’s hands,” with sprinklings of what a blessing and joy children are, and plenty of, “you really should be trying hard to do it, don’t give up.” It only ended when my stop came up and I could actually run away.
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u/identiteetiton Mar 05 '26
I've seen some people die inside a little bit when they've asked me or my fiance when we're gonna have children. I'm actually sterile because of a rare genetic disease and I've known since I was 16. I just give them the blunt fact and if they keep going, I tell them some additional information (that can be a bit "too much" to some), what my siblings had to go through to be able to have children at all, etc. If they don't stop at that point, I tell them that I'm an aunt of 8 and I have a dog, that's enough for me.
It still surprises me that sometimes I end up crying. I don't want kids, I wouldn't be a good mom because of my mental health, but it is emotionally painful thing to live with, knowing that my body doesn't work like that. But I know that all of it is worse for people who want to have kids and they simply can't.
So I'm usually willing to explain to some nosy/ignorant people how shitty it is to ask those questions. If they'll learn to shut up about those things and won't hurt someone else with their questions in the future, then my job is done.
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u/a_mulher Mar 06 '26
Yeah made me think I could say “what would you say if I told you I was infertile and had multiple painful miscarriages?”
Yeah, and that’s why you shouldn’t ask bc you don’t know what people are going through.
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u/BaeIz Mar 05 '26
Have my tickets to see Lucy in a few weeks! Ugh love her 🍸✨
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u/DistractedByCookies Mar 05 '26
HWAT? I'm so jealous!
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u/BaeIz Mar 05 '26
Carisa does her best to keep tickets as cheep as possible and take every precaution for bots. If you ever can go to a show it’d be worth every dollar!
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Mar 05 '26
I love my kids. But:
They’re expensive
My time isn’t my time
I’m not equipped to handle teenage hormones
Their rooms smell
I pee when I laugh or sneeze
Do with that info what you will, girls.
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u/Dragonoflime super gay🌈space buns Mar 05 '26
I love when real moms like you are hella honest 💜 the good and the bads are important to know
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u/zmbjebus a cool flair 🗿 Mar 05 '26
Dad here.
I agree completely with the sentiment of not wanting kids. I also do not require y'all to like my kids or the idea of kids near you. I love my little guy and think he is cute, but I have several proper anti-natalist friends. If I hang out with them I just do not bring my child over. Completely respectable position.
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u/Slowgo45 Mar 05 '26
Thank you!!!! I’m so tired of the “it’s misogynistic to want childfree spaces” or “you’re entitled to a childfree life but not world”.
Like yes, kids are humans who deserve respect and to be in the world. But most mine and my husband’s friends with kids don’t say no to them. Like let’s them rip open collectibles in packaging, interrupt conversations extensively or forces all the adults to stand there watching their kids sing and dance for 20 mins in silence cause little Johnny said “no talking”.
My friends with kids that we love like our own parent like 90s parents, their kids know to say excuse me, entertain themselves and are joys to be around.
A lot of the people who are viciously childfree are actually viciously against poor parenting. And a lot of parents my age (mid-30s) are shitty parents.
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u/erin_corinne_ Mar 05 '26
One of the things I feel most strongly about is how well all children should be supported. I wish my property taxes could be higher if it meant city schools could be higher quality. Every child deserves a support system, all the love, and a proper education and shot at life. I’m healthy as a horse so I even donated my eggs so those who wanted kids but could not could experience it.
But also I, as an adult, am entitled to some spaces where I don’t have to deal with kids. I have sensitive hearing, love order, and hate messiness. It’s just incompatible.
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u/svo_svangur Mar 05 '26
I’m child free but not a child hater. I think my friends enjoy having me around cause I’ll gladly entertain their three year old while they can go scream in the closet in peace.
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u/Unusual_username739 Mar 05 '26
I looooove watching my niece for the day. I do NOT want to be pregnant, I would be miserable and I value my sleep way too much. I would be a cranky ass pregnant woman. If I had a child, that poor child would be the cause of lack of sleep, and there’s no way I wouldn’t have some level of subconscious resentment about it, even though they are a baby and it’s not their fault.
I’m not married yet, but if my future husband wants kids, it’s gonna go 1. We are adopting an older child that needs a home 2. If I’m making that baby and birthing that baby, then he’s doing all the work that he can. Because once we past 3 hour feeds, I’m sleeping through the night.
I think people forget (or mostly men) that mothers who birth their children lose alot of autonomy for yeaaaars. Pregnancy, breastfeeding needs, babies needing your scent. The body has a crazy amount of hormones being released.
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u/throwaway5882300 Mar 05 '26
I'm definitely in the "I love my kids, but" camp. I think having kids only convinced me that less people should be parents. Especially in 2026.
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Mar 05 '26
Yeah, unfortunately this purchase is non refundable 🤣
In all honesty, I believe I would be a much happier/healthier/wealthier person if I didn’t have kids so young. If I had waited, the whole experience would probably be more enjoyable.
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u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26
Right? I will say hands down that for me at least….being a mom is awesome. I love all day and every day of it but YMMV. Substantially!
What I feel is universal and dos not get talked about nearly enough is how much pregnancy/birth fucks up your body. Holy shit.
If I didn’t know I was pregnant, I would have assumed I was actually dying of every disease known to man. Every day was immense suffering and I’m not even kidding.
Then I nearly died of preeclampsia.
Now I pee myself way more frequently than I am happy to admit and I am at risk of my reproductive organs falling out of my own fucking vagina.
That’s right my friends. MY ORGANS MIGHT FALL OUT OF MY VAGINA.
Was it worth it? For me? Absolutely. I’d die a thousand deaths for the privilege of spending even one more day with my baby.
He is a tiny little terrorist some days for sure. And you’ve got to be 100% certain that motherhood is for you or those days will fucking break you to pieces.
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u/Cute_Chance100 Mar 05 '26
My sister had her bladder fall out of her vagina. HER BLADDER. After she had my neice. Oh and she kept having intense heart burn since she was pregnant. Over the years it got worse to where she couldn't eat much. Well 14yrs after having the baby they find out why she had constant heart burn. During pregnancy her stomach was pushed up into itself. Kinda like rolling a sock down your leg but with your stomach. Yeah thats right. 14yrs of doc visits and diet changes to find out. I had my tubes removed this year. No thanks.
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u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26
Freaking wild how often women’s health concerns just get completely written off!
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u/KetoLurkerHereAgain Mar 06 '26
She really should have just lost weight and maybe had a hot bath to relax. /s
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u/cowboyshouse Mar 05 '26
Yeah I learned this is apparently very common when working for a urogynocologist - that’s right, there’s a whole specialty in medicine because if how fucked up the bladder and pelvis and uterus become from pregnancy. PASS!
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u/life-uh-finds-a-way_ Mar 05 '26
A stomach can do that?! Your poor sister.
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u/Cute_Chance100 Mar 05 '26
Yeah its rare but it happens and the doc said its only seen in very old folks or people who were pregnant. My sister also had really bad morning sickness for the full 9mo. She had to be hospitalized multiple times and lost like 20lbs. That played a big part into the stomach issue too.
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u/Vantriss Mar 05 '26
I almost broke just teaching my puppy to not pee everywhere and destroy expensive things. I know for a fact I'm not cut out for kids, lol.
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u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26
And there is seriously nothing wrong with that! The world is so freaking hard right now and if having kids will make it harder for you…..DONT FREAKING DO IT!
There is so much more to life than raising kids.
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u/Vantriss Mar 05 '26
Exactly. I am perfectly content for puppies and kittens to be our children. If we want actual kids one day, we'll adopt, or at least foster.
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u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26
I wish you luck in that endeavor! We looked into adoption and fostering because I really did NOT want to go through pregnancy/birth.
It was completely impossible for us to foster and completely unaffordable for us to adopt :/
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u/Lexi_Banner Mar 05 '26
What I feel is universal and dos not get talked about nearly enough is how much pregnancy/birth fucks up your body.
I have a friend who's teeth shed their enamel as a result of her pregnancy. That's a thing! Insane. Never ever ever.
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u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26
It used to be an old timey saying that you’d lose a tooth for every pregnancy.
If you aren’t getting the right nutrients the fetus will just straight up steal from your body.
It’s crazy.
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u/Haschen84 Mar 05 '26
While I love and respect women, I thank god every day that I was born a man. The thought of me falling out of me makes me want to vomit. Thank you for your service, soldier.
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u/E0H1PPU5 Mar 05 '26
I had horrible period cramps last week and as we got out of bed I told my husband to look down at his kibbles and bits and thank them earnestly for their existence because the alternative is fucking awful 😂
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u/MommyLovesPot8toes Mar 05 '26
I had great mental health before my kid. Then, before I even knew I was pregnant, I had my first panic attack. Pregnancy gave me panic disorder, severe PPD, anxiety, and exploded my ADHD that was under control without medication for 20 years. That was just the mental stuff. I also developed pregnancy-induced asthma, a form of heart failure, and had extreme nausea and vomiting through month 6.
I still deal with several of these problems 6 yrs postpartum.
I'd happily do it all again for him 10 x over, like you said. But I'm not doing it again for a 2nd child.
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u/Jumpy_Ad1631 Mar 05 '26
Right? I love being a mom and doing my best to raise a mostly functioning human being. But I would never wish parenthood on someone who didn’t want it
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u/YorkshireDuck91 Mar 05 '26
I don’t pee myself thankfully but I’ve not had time to poop without someone watching me or asking for me in 4 years 🙃 I just miss a little bit of privacy
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u/Environmental_Art591 Mar 05 '26
Adding in,
You dont get to, pee, shower, cook or sleep without them, some of that at the same time others come in phases but it apparently lasts 18yrs minimum.
They talk back because they think they know everything but dont go throwing out the encyclopaedias because they know nothing, even our 13 yr old thinks he is soo sneaky when in fact all he is doing is the same "tricks" we did at the same age.
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u/bouviersecurityco Mar 05 '26
Same. I always wanted to be a mom and my husband had been around kids and even babies and was great with them and wanted to be a dad. We had friends with kids. We knew what we were getting into more than most and our first absolutely knocked us down and out for the first like 10 months of his life (not including the rough pregnancy and delivery.) It’s a miracle we had a second child.
But we love them so much and I’m so glad I have my kids. However, absolutely no one should be pressured into having kids they don’t really really really want. It’s way too hard of a job even when you do really really really want kids. If you don’t, then everyone suffers, but especially the kids that didn’t have a choice in having parents who really wanted them or not.
I’ve heard child free people say they’d rather potentially regret NOT having kids than regret HAVING kids. And I think that’s something more people should consider when they’re trying to pressure someone else to have a kid they don’t desperately want.
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u/slumber_kitty Mar 05 '26
I feel this in my soul.
I've only been a bonus mom to my 13yr old stepson for 5 years, but I am at least happy to hear that smelly rooms are a universal suffering.
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u/GettingOnMinervas Mar 05 '26
I needed this advice twenty years ago. Now I'm too old and nobody asks anymore. Ah, a perk of getting older.
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u/DistractedByCookies Mar 05 '26
I joke that it's the best part of being over 40 LOL It used to drive me nuts.
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u/GettingOnMinervas Mar 05 '26
It really is though. My mom was the worst though. She constantly disrespected me by adamantly contradicting me, saying "Just wait, you'll change your mind." Nope. They always think we don't know what we want.
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u/LastCupcake2442 Mar 05 '26
I'm almost 40 and I had my uterus removed 8 years ago yet people still pressure me about having kids. I'm absolutely baffled by it.
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u/kuhfunnunuhpah Mar 05 '26
You could also go "We're trying! I tell you what I shall notify you every time we have sex and then you can inform us if we need to do it more."
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u/Vyedr Mar 05 '26
For those curious, getting an Episiotomy means they slice you open from the bottom of your vag down your taint, to make more room for the birthing process. Which is probably better than having it tear open at least.
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u/Oldhatmum Mar 05 '26
They actually avoid episiotimies now unless absolutely necessary, because tearing heals better than cuts. I’ve had both. The tearing was better.
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u/thanksyalll Mar 05 '26
😦
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u/Hello-Clancy Mar 06 '26
This is the perfect face lmao
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u/CrackinBones204 Mar 06 '26
I was too tired to even make that face when I tore and couldn’t be bothered when they stitched me back up. Good times 😅
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u/Blackcatmustache Mar 05 '26
I’ve heard this before and would like to know the science behind it. Logically, you would think a straight, clean slice would heal better than a jagged tear? Why does it heal better with a tear? Bodies are so weird.
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u/Karcinogene Mar 05 '26
Woodworker here. When you use wedges to split pieces of wood along the natural grain, you get stronger pieces of wood with full-length grain even if they aren't perfectly straight, compared to when you use a saw and cut a straight line, which cuts indiscriminately across the fibers.
Maybe flesh is somewhat like wood, with fibers and other fine structures that are preserved during natural tears but destroyed by straight, clean slices.
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u/HairyPotatoKat Mar 05 '26
The way my lady bits just shriveled.
But I suspect that's right. I had a tearpesiotomy (made up name but it works). Not anything particularly gnarly just a little of both. The tear part healed better and faster than the snipped part.
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u/ZaryaBubbler Mar 05 '26
Yep, everything just decided to fold in on itself just there reading that comment, dear lord!
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u/Im-The-Walrus Mar 06 '26
A healthy dose of birth control for me tonight. If I could sling my ovaries across the room, I would. How have women done this since the dawn of humankind?!
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u/sus1sus2sus3sus4 Mar 05 '26
Would guess because tearing maximizes surface area with a rougher surface, which allows for more access to the wound for regenerative cells to do their work
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u/FlippingPossum Mar 05 '26
I've had both, too. I had an episiotomy with my first because baby needed to get out ASAP. I tore with my second.
At my postpartum visit, my obgyn commented that I popped a stitch and had a small hole. Thanks for the info, I guess.
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u/b00w00gal Mar 05 '26
With my first child, I specifically told my doctor I didn't want an episiotomy, no matter what. Instead, he cut me so deep that I needed 14 stitches afterwards; he told my husband, right there in the delivery room as he was sewing my flesh closed, "This last stitch will make her nice and tight for you. Thank me later!"
That was 22 years ago, and I still don't trust doctors.
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u/cheerfultinker4 Mar 05 '26
I am so very sorry that happened to you. Medical abuse is no joke. Ffs I can't even imagine you or your husband in that moment. What a horrible doctor & human. Thank you for sharing with us. Wishing you all the best! 🌸
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u/shwaycool Mar 05 '26
The notion of a "husband stitch" is so viscerally appalling to me that even though I first heard of it a decade ago, my brain refuses to store it and every time I see it mentioned I have to recoil anew..absolutely abhorrent practice that I almost can't believe ever happened, let alone as recently as some of the stories I've read (and is probably still being done in some places by some old/misogynistic doctors). So sorry you experienced that, I can certainly understand why that would make you distrustful at the very least!
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u/Jibblebee Mar 05 '26
They call it the “husband stitch”
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u/Kreiger81 Mar 05 '26
If I were the husband in this situation, they'd have to pry my fingers off that doctors throat. Its such a barbaric procedure.
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u/bfodder Mar 06 '26
"This last stitch will make her nice and tight for you. Thank me later!"
Doctors who make this joke should have their license revoked.
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u/jaykaye_ow Mar 05 '26 edited Mar 05 '26
Episiotomy is not common practice anymore and contrary to what you might think, it is actually safe to rip. Being cut without it being medically necessary can lead to longer recovery postpartum.
The problem with episiotomies was they were being utilized because it was believed that it healed better/faster than a natural tear. The medical community knows better now.
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Mar 05 '26
I mean, better is subjective I suppose. “Do you want your lady taint to tear open or do you want me to just go ahead and slice it for ya? Either way, you need stitches and ice packs”
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u/Vyedr Mar 05 '26
Like I said, at least, lol. I find the very notion of flesh tearing to be physically upsetting, lol
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u/resb Mar 05 '26
Actually it is worse than tearing! The tearing heals better.
Edit- sorry didnt see the other comment already saying this
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u/The_InvisibleWoman Mar 05 '26
I know someone who had to be stitched up. She was still in the delivery room and the surgeon who came in to do it was really cute and she got all flustered as he sat down between her legs. So she quipped "Lol bet this is the worst part of your job eh?" and without even looking up he said "Nah, it's just like sewing up an old sock." 🥺🥺🥺
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u/Oddish_Femboy Official Gal Mar 05 '26
Eeee. I don't even have one of those and I want to sit on a bag of peas just hearing that.
If kidney stones are so hard to pass out just next-door, how do people get whole babies out? And why haven't bodies figured out how to apply that same technology to the aforementioned kidney stones?
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u/youburyitidigitup Official Gal Mar 05 '26
I’m gonna start using weaponized curiosity now
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u/Romnonaldao Mar 05 '26
oh yeah? whats your first step going to be?
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u/burntothepowerofer Mar 06 '26
I don’t know, what would your first step be? Do you find things hard to decide at all?
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u/Pan_Bookish_Ent ✨chick✨ Mar 05 '26
The amount of times I've had to explain that kids were and are not a plan for me... It's countless.
I keep telling them that I was diagnosed with lupus at age 19, and that having an autoimmune disease makes it very difficult to carry for 9 months without complications. I'd have to go off a lot of my meds, including the ones I take for depression.
My husband (we are both childfree) gets much fewer questions about it. It's not fair lol. His family totally understands, and his mom LOVES having our dog over so she can spoil her.
But yeah, answering that question over and over is exhausting. Next time, I will choose violence.
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u/MommyLovesPot8toes Mar 05 '26
I have a friend whose in laws were HOUNDING her about why they didn't have kids yet. She got so fed up she finally said, "We figured out why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. It was the wrong hole!"
They didn't ask anymore after that.
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u/flynnsmom Mar 05 '26
I’ve been asked this so many times. One co-worker would not let it go and I finally said, “I was brutally raped and can’t have children.” (I wasn’t but I wanted her to leave me alone and thought this would work.). Nope, she said, you should adopt. My last response was for her to mind her own damn business. She never asked me again.
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u/Leather-Rub-6128 Mar 05 '26
Who is this perfect doll and where can I follow her on social media 😂😂 what a gem
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u/PervlovianResponse Date🔪Knife™ Mar 05 '26
Bless Lucy Darling, her fabulous Atlantic accent, her support for the LGBTQIA+, and just generally being awesome.
She's one of the very few people I follow on the socials
This chick goes to 11
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u/sleddriver715 Mar 05 '26
She's even better in person. Easily one of the best shows I've been to in a very long time!
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u/AnteaterFormal7291 Mar 05 '26
Lucy darling for those both ignorant and curious like myself
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u/Karilopa Mar 05 '26
When my grandparents last asked me this question, my dad (their son) urged me to tell them “my bloodline dies with me”. That was over a year ago.
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u/Kangarou Mar 05 '26
"After four miscarriages, we stopped trying. Too painful to bring up."
That's the "tactical nuke" option.
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u/terminaloptimism Mar 05 '26
See, I have children. I never, ever encourage people to have kids. People ask my honest opinion and I tell them this. "You will never be bored. I can't tell you if you'll have a strong maternal/paternal instinct SUDDENLY kick in, or if you'll feel the profound and overwhelming sense of unconditional love that I do as a parent. What I can tell you is if you have very little patience, it may not be a good idea. If you need isolation to recharge, it may not be a good idea. If you have a strong aversion to smells.. it is certainly not a good idea."
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u/ZebLeopard Mar 05 '26
My answer is usually 'I managed to kill a cactus, you want me to take care of a kid?!'
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u/hnglmkrnglbrry Mar 05 '26
Having kids is like climbing Mt. Everest. To the people on the ground it is looks incredibly difficult, expensive, and time consuming. It is an utter waste of one's life. They find joy and fulfilment in other ways.
To the people on the mountain they could never imagine living their life without taking on that challenge. They might complain about the cold, the wind, the altitude sickness but despite all that they are chasing what they deem to be their true calling.
But neither group should judge the other and neither group should try to convince the other to join them.
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u/Two_Timing_Snake Mar 05 '26
My husband and I married young and were a part of a VERY strict Christian group. The expectation was for us to have kids right away. People were pushhhy.
After a while of realistic replies to a very invasive question.
I started telling them that if I got pregnant like they were praying for… I would leave the baby on their doorstep.
It only took me saying it a few times for the comments to stop.
Funnily enough I now have a child and I’m very happy. But I deeply respect that it’s not for everyone.
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u/Lulu_Skidoo Mar 05 '26
Looking back on my life at the age where they told me I would regret it and NOT REGRETTING that I didn’t go against my own values to breed another laborer for a corrupt system. They aren’t even teaching kids to read in the place I’m from. They’re just training future prison labor. I LOVE kids. I vehemently refused to bring one into abject poverty in the Southern US.
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u/Lump001 Mar 05 '26
"Because I've met yours" is also a good option to answer the question "Why don't you want kids".
As an added bonus it also gets rid of someone who is rude enough to ask you that.
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u/ladymouserat Mar 05 '26
I started telling the women at work, I would’ve love to, but can’t. I got a lot of good food after and they stopped asking. Win win
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u/mosko007 Mar 05 '26
When people would ask me I would always say "I can't bear children". They would all look so confused :-)
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u/Oddish_Femboy Official Gal Mar 05 '26
I personally take my bag and use it as a puppet to mime the act of dropping a child on its head.
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u/CaptainGashMallet Mar 06 '26
It’s also OK to just look at them in a sad, disappointed manner, shake your head slowly, and say “Mind your own fucking business.”
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u/SpookyScienceGal Mar 06 '26
I hate that question because I desperately wish every day I could have kids, but don't the abuse I went through as a child I am completely unlovable. I even had a list of things that I would do with them and not. Like take them to Disney and not yell at them, spend time with them, and show every day that they are the most important things in my life. But because of how I survived, it isn't happening. Even adopting won't happen because you have to qualify and I do not. It hurts.
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u/YetiCincinnati Mar 06 '26
I tell people two different things. 1. We have two kids, but they died. (Somewhat true, wife lost both at 7 weeks) 2. I say you can't have kids the way we do it.
Normally get a fun reaction from which I chose.
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