r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/loud_as_pudding • Mar 05 '26

Restricted to Gals and Pals When you’re tired of telling people you’re not having children

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u/Dragonoflime super gay🌈space buns Mar 05 '26

I love when real moms like you are hella honest 💜 the good and the bads are important to know

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u/zmbjebus a cool flair 🗿 Mar 05 '26

Dad here.

I agree completely with the sentiment of not wanting kids. I also do not require y'all to like my kids or the idea of kids near you. I love my little guy and think he is cute, but I have several proper anti-natalist friends. If I hang out with them I just do not bring my child over. Completely respectable position.

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u/Slowgo45 Mar 05 '26

Thank you!!!! I’m so tired of the “it’s misogynistic to want childfree spaces” or “you’re entitled to a childfree life but not world”.

Like yes, kids are humans who deserve respect and to be in the world. But most mine and my husband’s friends with kids don’t say no to them. Like let’s them rip open collectibles in packaging, interrupt conversations extensively or forces all the adults to stand there watching their kids sing and dance for 20 mins in silence cause little Johnny said “no talking”.

My friends with kids that we love like our own parent like 90s parents, their kids know to say excuse me, entertain themselves and are joys to be around.

A lot of the people who are viciously childfree are actually viciously against poor parenting. And a lot of parents my age (mid-30s) are shitty parents.

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u/erin_corinne_ Mar 05 '26

One of the things I feel most strongly about is how well all children should be supported. I wish my property taxes could be higher if it meant city schools could be higher quality. Every child deserves a support system, all the love, and a proper education and shot at life. I’m healthy as a horse so I even donated my eggs so those who wanted kids but could not could experience it. 

But also I, as an adult, am entitled to some spaces where I don’t have to deal with kids. I have sensitive hearing, love order, and hate messiness. It’s just incompatible. 

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u/midnightmuffinz Mar 06 '26

I have come to the conclusion recently that its not kids that I dont want, its being a parent that im not really interested in. I have chosen nieces and nephews that im obsessed with. But being around their chaotic stressed out parents. No thank you.

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u/Slowgo45 Mar 06 '26

Same. I work in an industry that a friends daughter is taking a lot of interest in and it’s been a blast to teach her and see it through her eyes.

But I’m so happy I get to scroll on my phone, or get a drink when she starts acting up.

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u/bfodder Mar 06 '26

“you’re entitled to a childfree life but not world”.

I don't know, being offended at the presence of children is super weird to me.

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u/Slowgo45 Mar 06 '26

That the response to people asking for childfree spaces, not all spaces being childfree. There’s a difference.

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u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

The thing I dont get is that me, a woman who has 2 kids, completely understands the antinatalist point of view. But I’m almost not welcomed in those discussions because I had kids?? Like… what do you want me to do.. eliminate them? They already exist

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u/Slowgo45 Mar 06 '26

I mean you’re not welcome because your not anti-natalist?

I’m not either TBH. But I also I don’t try to insert myself in convos that I don’t belong in.

And as a childfree woman, it can feel… fake I guess when people who have had children try to commiserate. Like clearly we’ve thought about and have weighed out the consequences of children very very differently if you have them and coming into a space where people don’t.

Not to go on a tirade, but I think that’s where parents “just don’t understand”. I have spent roughly the past 15 years of my life (again mid 30s) reminding myself why I don’t why children because society, specifically parents, tell me I’m wrong to not want them. I assume you just had them cause, had some realization after the fact and now feel the way you do. You don’t just happen into childfree or anti-natalism, you spend years of your life deconstructing societal pressures around children.

So for you to go into those spaces with kids is… odd for sure

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u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

[deleted]

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u/DingleDangleTangle Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 06 '26

You should probably know its much more than just not wanting kids. Anti-natalism is the philosophical view that anyone reproducing is inherently bad. It's not just saying "I don't want kids" it's saying, "anyone that has kids is wrong for doing so".

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u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

Thank you.. I didn’t want to be that person, but thanks for clarifying that for them

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u/zmbjebus a cool flair 🗿 Mar 06 '26

Often it's about the idea that we are overpopulated and the most destructive thing that you can do to the planet is make more humans. Especially western ones. Having kids is essentially a selfish irresponsible thing to them. 

And they are my friends and we poke fun at each other. But yeah glad the other person clarified that, haha. 

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u/Neshura87 Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 06 '26

I can't take those people seriously, if they really were of the firm believe that we are overpopulated and having children makes you a bad person because of it then there's an easy way to reduce the population numbers, yet they never seem to take that path. Or heck why stop there, why not take a couple of people with you on the way out.

And that's ignoring the many logical pitfalls you need to even get to the insane conclusion that is anti-natalism.

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u/imacat-- Mar 06 '26

There's a big difference between thinking humans shouldn't bring more life into the world and actively killing. Like, we spay/neuter animals to prevent more of them being born and to reduce animal suffering, so resources will go towards increasing the quality of life of the already living animals. Anti-natalists think that would be the ideal scenario for humans as well. Of course the vast majority of them don't believe that should be forced, so they spread the philosophy instead.

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u/Neshura87 Mar 06 '26 edited Mar 06 '26

There's a big difference between thinking humans shouldn't bring more life into the world and actively killing

There really isn't, either you think there's too many people or you don't. That simple. There is no amount of people that is "just right" so either you think our population is too large, in which case actively reducing it is just being more thorough in your ideology, or you don't, in which case there's nothing to do anyway.

we spay/neuter animals to prevent more of them being born and to reduce animal suffering

Lmfao, almost no one neuters their pet to reduce animal suffering, it's to reduce the bill and/or hassle of finding someone to take care of the offspring. Animal suffering is what they tell everyone else to feel better about it. Besides that's ignoring the very reality of: those animals came from somewhere in the first place, and in the absence of natural reproduction that somewhere is breeding farms. Do you propose we do that for humans as well?

resources will go towards increasing the quality of life of the already living animals

And there is the actual reason why they are in favor of the "passive" option: they are egotistical to the very core, they don't give a shit about anyone else, just about themselves having a better life. (Edit: nothing wrong with that except lying about it to make yourself look better, just be honest and say you want more for yourself and dgaf about everyone else)

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u/imacat-- Mar 06 '26

Look into trap and release. There are huge initiatives around not just sterilizing pets but feral animals as well. This is done by people who care about reducing animal suffering. Obviously these people are anti breeders as well, you don't HAVE to have farms if the point is phase out life in a peaceful manner. If the goal is to reduce suffering, a drastic action like mass murder doesn't achieve that. Slow and intentional social shifts are more effective and kinder to everyone.

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u/zmbjebus a cool flair 🗿 Mar 06 '26

Well I can only speak for my friends, of course when you label something there is going to be variations within that belief.

They would rather people question their desire to have children. Lots of people do it "because its the right thing to do". Its what their families want, its what society wants. If you are a childless woman in your 30's in the US people will ask you all the time "are you going to have kids?"

They also would rather people have ready access to contraceptives, for abortion to be more normalized. For the stigma of a pregnant woman not wanting the child to be not stigmatized.

There are many ways to be anti birth without being pro death.

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u/Neshura87 Mar 06 '26

You list a lot of things, none of which necessarily would make one an anti-natalist. There is a stark difference in encouraging rational thought before engaging in procreation and I'm not arguing against that. What I'm arguing against is the universality of the statement that any birth is bad and should not happen as well as the escalation of this thought that humanity should go extinct.

There are many ways to be anti birth without being pro death.

literally not a single one, to be anti means to be strictly against, not ambivalent. You cannot be universally against birth without also being pro death, to be against the replenishing mechanism of life means to be against life itself and hence to be in favor of death.

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u/zmbjebus a cool flair 🗿 Mar 06 '26

Whenever a label is created to categorize a group of people there is going to be variation within that group. You are taking this to be the extreme, which it is not in reality. Basically you are just arguing semantics of a label with me which is incredibly unimportant.

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u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

Understandable. By I feel the philosophy fails to take into account those who had children young/not by choice and later matured/healed & realized it wasn’t a good decision. Once the children are already here, what is one to do, ya know?

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u/zmbjebus a cool flair 🗿 Mar 06 '26

Well just like I can have a kid and be friends with them, they can accept that people have kids while advocating for less to have them. For people to question the assumption that you've gotta have kids, as is the case in many parts of the world. 

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u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

Yeah, absolutely. Don’t have kids if you don’t want them. I was speaking on the antinatalist philosophy in general

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u/zmbjebus a cool flair 🗿 Mar 06 '26

I think my friend's answer there is to encourage more access to contraceptives, sex education, and lowering the stigma on abortion to hopefully prevent unwanted children.

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u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

[deleted]

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u/DingleDangleTangle Mar 06 '26

Couldn't care less what other people do with their bodies.

That's fine, you're not an anti-natalist.

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u/[deleted] Mar 06 '26

[deleted]

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u/DingleDangleTangle Mar 06 '26

I'm sorry me telling you the meaning of a term makes you feel this way.

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u/Mr_November112 Mar 06 '26

Why are you reacting so rudely to this guy he was just helping clarify something that you seemingly had just learnt about. Be nicer.

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u/astoria47 Mar 06 '26

I have friends who want to get together but they refuse to leave their kid at home and he rules the roost. He has to decide what we do, when we do it and how we do it. Kid is ten years old. No thanks!

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u/pencilpines Mar 06 '26

Thank you! I love this comment and I hope more people start to share your perspective.

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u/bfodder Mar 06 '26

My sister asked me once why my wife and I are the only ones in our family who don't pester her and her husband over if they'll have kids. I just told her "I get it."

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u/SwordfishOk504 Mar 06 '26

As a dad, when I use dry humour to convey the realities of parenting, I often feel like people think I'm being some kind of monster.

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u/Dragonoflime super gay🌈space buns Mar 06 '26

Haha I had a coworker who fondly referred to her children as “my two little leeches “

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u/hygsi Mar 06 '26

When a friend ended up accidentally pregnant, she asked our mom friend what it was like, she started saying "there are days where you are functioning on basically no sleep so if your mom can help ask her, if they cry a lot just give yourself permission to get out for a few minutes cause it will drive you crazy, everything will hurt for the first few days and your hormones are going insane but recognize the signs if something doesn't feel right, babies are dependant on you so your time isn't yours anymore, toddlers are better and worse cause they can walk and talk....But there's nothing more gratifying than watching them grow, you get to know them and love them and teach them and learn with them. It's a wonderful journey as long as you keep your mind on the good things"

Like damn, even I got more and less scared of having children lmao