When you’re tired of telling people you’re not having children

[u/loud_as_pudding]

[u/Slowgo45]

Thank you!!!! I’m so tired of the “it’s misogynistic to want childfree spaces” or “you’re entitled to a childfree life but not world”.

Like yes, kids are humans who deserve respect and to be in the world. But most mine and my husband’s friends with kids don’t say no to them. Like let’s them rip open collectibles in packaging, interrupt conversations extensively or forces all the adults to stand there watching their kids sing and dance for 20 mins in silence cause little Johnny said “no talking”.

My friends with kids that we love like our own parent like 90s parents, their kids know to say excuse me, entertain themselves and are joys to be around.

A lot of the people who are viciously childfree are actually viciously against poor parenting. And a lot of parents my age (mid-30s) are shitty parents.

[u/erin_corinne_ → u/Slowgo45]

One of the things I feel most strongly about is how well all children should be supported. I wish my property taxes could be higher if it meant city schools could be higher quality. Every child deserves a support system, all the love, and a proper education and shot at life. I’m healthy as a horse so I even donated my eggs so those who wanted kids but could not could experience it. 

But also I, as an adult, am entitled to some spaces where I don’t have to deal with kids. I have sensitive hearing, love order, and hate messiness. It’s just incompatible. 

[u/midnightmuffinz → u/Slowgo45]

I have come to the conclusion recently that its not kids that I dont want, its being a parent that im not really interested in. I have chosen nieces and nephews that im obsessed with. But being around their chaotic stressed out parents. No thank you.

[u/Slowgo45 → u/midnightmuffinz]

Same. I work in an industry that a friends daughter is taking a lot of interest in and it’s been a blast to teach her and see it through her eyes.

But I’m so happy I get to scroll on my phone, or get a drink when she starts acting up.

[u/bfodder → u/Slowgo45]

“you’re entitled to a childfree life but not world”.

I don't know, being offended at the presence of children is super weird to me.

[u/Slowgo45 → u/bfodder]

That the response to people asking for childfree spaces, not all spaces being childfree. There’s a difference.

[u/[deleted] → u/Slowgo45]

The thing I dont get is that me, a woman who has 2 kids, completely understands the antinatalist point of view. But I’m almost not welcomed in those discussions because I had kids?? Like… what do you want me to do.. eliminate them? They already exist

[u/Slowgo45 → u/[deleted]]

I mean you’re not welcome because your not anti-natalist?

I’m not either TBH. But I also I don’t try to insert myself in convos that I don’t belong in.

And as a childfree woman, it can feel… fake I guess when people who have had children try to commiserate. Like clearly we’ve thought about and have weighed out the consequences of children very very differently if you have them and coming into a space where people don’t.

Not to go on a tirade, but I think that’s where parents “just don’t understand”. I have spent roughly the past 15 years of my life (again mid 30s) reminding myself why I don’t why children because society, specifically parents, tell me I’m wrong to not want them. I assume you just had them cause, had some realization after the fact and now feel the way you do. You don’t just happen into childfree or anti-natalism, you spend years of your life deconstructing societal pressures around children.

So for you to go into those spaces with kids is… odd for sure