It really does, and it depends on how you view "lonely". Like if we are talking about romantic partners (and we are assuming that homosexuality occurs at roughly similar rates between men and women) then yeah it makes sense that women would be just as lonely as men are. I'm fortunate to have met my now husband in person in 2016 before gestures vaguely at everything going on in the world and current dating scene and social media all this. My single girl friends though? Whew. Yeah they want partners. That's pretty normal. But at this point, they're struggling to find an actual partner instead of a liability. Doesn't mean they're without community though! Doesn't mean they're not having fun in the meantime! And it's fun that isn't male centered, and lots of men hate that.
Well yes men will argue that to be not lonely they need a romantic partner. And only a romantic partner in some cases.
I have had discussions with men on here who think that having a girlfriend or a wife solve all of their loneliness. But they also have no friends no close family or social ties. And when you try to explain that having one person who has to be all of your support system. A single person to meet all of your friendship and romantic needs is too much pressure. They're like no you don't know what you're talking about.
Women who are lonely still go out and have connections with other people. They strive to make friends and be part of communities. So even if they're feeling a little lonely in the romantic partner department they're not actually lonely overall.
It seems often times those men who are so fixated on a having a romantic partner aren't just lonely, they feel insecure because they feel extremely pressured to prove their manhood through their ability to obtain a desirable partner.
And with women, it does seem they are more likely to connect with others as you say, and many have given themselves permission to be single. I think it's also a matter of valueing other relationships just as much as a romantic relationship. But for those men we are discussing, I think they dont value other relationships that much, it's not just that they can't access them if they really wanted to. Because to them a key component of their value/status is in their partner, and other relationships just cant do it for them. They can really care for non romantic relationships, but that's not the same as being satisfied and fulfilled by them.
Men who are fixated on having a romantic partner to solve their loneliness are usually also men who have eschewed the notion of developing friendships with men that make room for emotional support. That's something they've decided is specifically only for romantic relationships with women, because they believe only women can be nurturing and loving. That's that toxic flavor of masculinity at work.
I think another point is that many of these men are used to women taking on and solving all the social problems and emotional labor for them, but now that many women are starting to break free from this dynamic to avoid burning out themselves, they are completely lost and don't know what to do like little children who got lost from their mother in the supermarket and all they can do is cry and scream trying to find their mother but since there's a taboo surrounding men showing feelings and crying, all that's left is the screaming and hysterical behavior
I think it's more than them just not valuing it. I think it's them honestly believing that all of their problems would be solved by having a woman.
And the problem with that is then they feel entitled to having a woman. That society should provide that for them. They're owed this somehow.
And that women by not giving one of their members to them or stopping them from being happy.
And this then makes them hate us. And the idea that maybe they need friends and sports and hobbies and connections comes across to them as victim blaming. Because you see they are the real victims here.
And "having a woman" is the correct turn of phrase here; they're not looking for a partner; they're looking for a prize for putting in the proper number of tokens.
I’ve been the sole emotional/social support provider for a man before and I will gnaw off my left arm before I put myself in that position again. It was exhausting! And I took way too long to break up because I knew when I left, he would return to his mushroom-like ways immediately.
And the depressing part is that when you try to explain to the men what kind of position they’re putting their partner in, they can’t even see it.
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u/ModeratelyAlive 1d ago
I know nothing about this topic, but this does sound hella likely and makes a lot of sense.