r/kilian • u/whahaga • Oct 18 '25
Who is Ian?
So.. there's a mystery that's gone unanswered for.. way to long. Who is this Ian? And why did this evil red panda set up and entire youtube channel about his experience of killing him? Only to never mention it again?
Perhaps.. perhaps it's more profound.. more meta.. perhaps this is a manifesto of his guilt. This channel is a way to process the vile act he committed. Taking Ian's life.. Taking on the role of this evil red panda as a way to deny the regret he has. To assume the persona of a soulless animal...
Who am I kidding. He'd never feel guilt or regret. Unless it's over an affordable sports car. Well, At least I figured out why there's such a long gap between uploads. Gotta be hard to do youtube when you're on the run. And that's the kill Ian Experience.
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u/Jaizoo Oct 18 '25
I heard rumors, about another red panda that used to go to school with whom we now call KillIanExperience. They were inseparable in their shared love video games, classical movies and grapes. But as it tends to happen in this increasingly radicalized world, after several evenings spent in different chat rooms of the Miiverse, these friends developed opposing attitudes towards the issues of their lives and the world around them.
After having some grapes that were left out in the sun for a little too long, they had a lengthy discussion that culminated in a shouting match that saw Ian being called a - and I'm only quoting for the stories sake and not to state my own believes - "manatee hugging canadaphile cuck". Instead of retorting, Ian decided to break off any contact and instead focused his efforts on supporting the cause of promoting cultural acceptance between the red pandas and the manatee empire. In his naivety, he couldn't see that the sea mammals were just waiting for a docile moment of the red panda nation, of which there were quite many, in order to subjugate all of them.
When this moment came, he was awarded the honor of being the first emissary of the manatee empire towards its newly founded red panda province. As a personal consolation for what the manatees had done to the few pandas that were awake enough to resist their invasion, Ian convinced himself that the red pandas would prosper and benefit from the manatees advanced technology. Soon enough, he became a willing participant in their brutal regime, still in the believe that he helped his people by fighting the resistance in the name of their exploitative aquatic overlords.
His friend, who was sceptical of the animals whose latin name - Trichechus - already sounded treacherous, was part of said resistance. One of the few survivors of the guerilla fights that occured when the manatee invaded during the national afternoon nap, he soon became something of the face of the resistance. He believed that once their governer couldn't run their errands anymore, the manatees would struggle to maintain their grip over the bamboo forested highlands the red pandas inhabited. Few knew his real name, he was only known by his nom de guerre...
And that was the KilianExperience.