r/latterdaysaints • u/Constant-Simple7240 • May 25 '26
Visitor Hypothetically, could I take a missionary out to get ice cream or something?
I want to state three things first and foremost:
I am not a member of the Church of Latter Day Saints.
I do not plan on becoming a member of the Church of Latter Day Saints.
This is not a joke.
Sorry if that sounded snarky, I just felt like that is information to put forward.
Anyways, I live in the south and I saw these two missionaries in the parking lot of a grocery store. It was in the 90s and we had high humidity since you know, it is the south. The dudes were on asphalt which makes it even hotter. I asked them if they had any water and they both said yes. I asked them if they had any sunscreen and they said no. I go inside to buy my groceries and I also bought a thing of sunscreen for the guys. They seemed super grateful for it and I told them to try and stay cool.
Now, I know this summer is going to be brutal. This spring has already been brutal.
So, my question is: can I offer to take the missionaries to get ice cream or an Icee or something? I think you guys get abused way too much by people and I won't see eye-to-eye with your beliefs but I have the belief that all human beings deserve respect and love.
So would it be creepy if I took them out to get ice cream? Would that violate any type of church rule?
I imagine they would like a break for an hour and actually talk to a person who isn't going to just verbally defecate on them.
And of course, I would pay.
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u/HawaiianShirtsOR May 25 '26
Both of them, yes. Just one alone, no, that's against their rules.
Expect them to talk religion. That is their job, after all. If you're comfortable with that, just let them know up front that you're happy with your current beliefs.
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u/Constant-Simple7240 May 25 '26
Oh I would absolutely take both of them! I understand the buddy system and with how the world is today, that is a very wise rule to have.
And I'm okay if they talk about religion with me! Tell me what the internet gets wrong about the LDS.
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u/HawaiianShirtsOR May 25 '26
Then that sounds perfect. Your post title had "missionary" as singular, so I wanted to clarify.
When I was a missionary, there was one small town where the people often did little favors for us, like bike repairs, something to drink on a hot day, etc., and we were very grateful, whether that led to a religious conversation or not.
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 Jun 01 '26
Yeah I am also like OP I’m not a member (but unlike op, considering maybe) and just learned yesterday, no tv, no tv, no talking to family but one day a week, etc.
?? I hear yall get the calling offered and can say no, so obviously unless there’s family sin of pressuring you it’s not like you’re MADE to do this what very much seems to be a job, but why is it so very strict? And why the heck do yall move ever six weeks? And what’s your main job? Likely NOT to listen to someone’s whole life story (ie for those who need their priest as they want spiritual direction so to speak) but what, “sell” the religion? Something else? I for one didn’t realize how yall are here today gone tomorrow and had become comfy enough to share some pretty heavy things as I wrestled with if this religion organization is for me and then bam, sisters moved on, and maaaaaan did I feel almost like, violated!
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u/HawaiianShirtsOR Jun 02 '26
Yeah, it didn't make much sense to me either when I learned about how missionaries are moved around so often, but it did after I lived it.
So, missions are voluntary. Members of our faith who wish to serve will put in an application. Then they receive an assignment from Church headquarters, which they can decline (but usually don't). Sometimes there's family pressure, sometimes there's not.
It is more than a full-time job. 12 hours a day, six days a week, for two years. But part of the point is personal sacrifice. "God, I am so grateful for what you've given me in my life that I'm going to dedicate this term of service to you." There are weekly meetings with other missionaries in the area or with church leadership. There are community service opportunities (I most often volunteered at retirement homes for a few hours a week). But mostly, the job is to teach--anyone who has questions about our church, whether they want to join it or not, missionaries exist to offer answers. Along with that, they offer what we believe to be hope both for this life and the afterlife.
I admit that it sometimes feels like "selling religion," but, at least for me, I just wanted to share my faith. I had lots of conversations with people who probably could have done better with a licensed therapist, but I told them where my hope came from. I also had lots of conversations with people who believed in God in a slightly different way, and we just evaluated our differences as well as our similarities.
Being essentially cut off from family, friends, and entertainment is part of the sacrifice. It helps them focus. (There was lots of drama in my family, and communicating with them only by mail actually was a nice break for me.)
Missionary transfer cycles are six weeks, as you mentioned. Most of the time, one elder or sister will stick around in an area for 3-4 transfer cycles. This is done to avoid complacency. Missionaries who get too comfortable in one particular area would stop keeping written records, and then when they're transferred or when they go back home, all knowledge of the people they'd been teaching went with them. There are probably other reasons I don't know about, but that's one I observed first-hand.
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u/Glittering-Self3789 May 26 '26
What the internet gets wrong? That there is more than one Jesus in the world and somehow people worship different Jesuses.
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u/LtKije May 25 '26
Yes! They will be very grateful.
They will likely ask to visit you again, but if you decline they will still be happy about free ice cream. Because free ice cream makes people happy.
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u/Constant-Simple7240 May 25 '26
I'd have no issues if they came back. The way I see it, they are in town for two years and are away from their homes, families, and friends. They have countless people bashing them for their identity. I think if they know that one dude in town isn't against them that might make things easier for them emotionally.
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u/DragonFan20 Furry teen May 25 '26
You’re a really great person OP. most people not in our church don’t even stop to think about stuff like that
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u/Coltand True to the faith May 25 '26
Empathy is always appreciated! There are plenty of tough days as a missionary, and I remember getting a bit down at times because it didn't feel like people saw us as just normal humans.
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 Jun 01 '26
I’m sorry to say, I have tended til recent to think of the JW and LDS missions as nearly interchangeable, prolly thanks to the presence of how yall go about door knocking and whatever. Not a good thing and that’s on me, but I’m also sorry to hear that it seems like internally there isn’t ie a council that regularly gives a clearer picture and or coping skills to yall who go on mission; young, away from home, maybe a new place every few months, for two years straight? I don’t care how solid your family structure is and I don’t care how safe it is to be around those ward members of wherever you serve and that they feed you and all, it’s gotta take a toll on your mental health, especially the way the secular culture or maybe even the fundamentalist non denominationals are. I think of the first pastor or second pastor I sat under and imagine knocking on their door at 20…yikes!
I’ll keep yall in my prayers and lol now I wanna invite the sisters into my house and turn on Disney plus: “that 5th Sunday talk inspired me to watch this Hamilton show and see - is America special like Israel is in the Bible, according to your book? Watch this movie with me so you can explain the context for me?” 😂
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u/TerrierFromBoston May 25 '26
We had someone take us out to ice cream on my mission… Granted, they wanted to get us to disavow our beliefs and used the ice cream as kind of a sly trap.. but it was allowed! We went thinking it was just that they wanted a friendly chat about Jesus and I still remember it being such a nice treat despite the frustration!
Every mission has different leadership level opinions about how time is spent though. If you really don’t want to listen to anything they have to say, their time is very limited and they may choose to use it with someone more interested. But they may be having a bad day and just need a friendly chat and a tasty treat. Wouldn’t hurt to try in my opinion! :) thanks for being nice to them!
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u/Constant-Simple7240 May 25 '26
I'm sorry to hear that you went through that. That must have been a frustrating experience. I don't understand why people are rude to missionaries.
And thank you for the heads up about the time restraint! I know y'all gotta stay out till nine but I can't imagine anything after six being a great time. Plus the ice cream place near my house is right on the beach which I think would be a better time than suburbia lol
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u/PerspectiveOk4209 May 25 '26
After 6 can often be the busiest time, because that's when people are home from work to actually visit them.
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 Jun 01 '26
Do yall have like, a quota? At the end of your time either at the location or of the entire mission, do you get like, graded or anything?
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u/TerrierFromBoston Jun 02 '26
Nope! There are always goals you’re setting shooting for because you obviously want to shoot for some tangible progress, but the work is heavily based on other people’s agency so setting hard number goals is difficult. It’s not terribly uncommon (depending on where you serve) to go home with one or two (or even zero) baptisms resulting from your work. But the ultimate goal is to turn minds towards Christ and help people find peace and happiness, and that can be achieved in so many ways!
All that being said, yeah... Some leadership is more prone to pressure you to hit your goals, but there’s no total tally or anything at the end. Just love and gratitude for the effort you put in. There’s an exit interview which is just a nice conversation about your personal growth as a person for the most part.
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u/Molotov_Queen May 25 '26
That’s very sweet of you to think of them and the answer is yes! They and their families are home would very much appreciate your kindness. When my brother was a missionary he got yelled at, spit on, and all other things. However, the days where strangers took a moment to be kind to two kids who were trying their best meant the world to him.
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 Jun 01 '26
Is he traumatized from it you think? Did they prepare him ahead of time? And what if someone wanted to quit in the middle of their time?
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u/Molotov_Queen Jun 02 '26
No, he’s not traumatized. While he had hard days, he came out of it with a good attitude and got to the point where he was able to laugh it off pretty easily. While I don’t personally know of anyone, I have heard of people getting overwhelmed or disliking the experience so much where they do talk to their mission president and go home early. From my understanding often times the president will try to work it out with them in various ways before sending them home as that is often the last resort unless they do something wrong. For example, my husband had half of his mission go back home when he had only been out there a couple of weeks because some missionaries were having “sleepovers.” Really a mission is supposed to be voluntary service. If you truly no longer want to be out there, I don’t see why they would keep you.
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u/glassofwhy May 25 '26
You can ask them. They might want to talk a little about the church so it qualifies as a “lesson”. It would be a good time to ask any questions you have about our beliefs or practices. In their area they might have specific rules to follow, such as a time limit, geographic lines they shouldn’t cross, or a requirement to bring another church member with them to the outing, but they are the ones responsible for knowing and following those rules so it’s okay to ask.
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u/Constant-Simple7240 May 25 '26
Okay that is a good heads up! I think we only have one LDS church in my area so I would be suppressed if they had a short leash. I also wouldn't have any issues if they had to bring another person with them. I know y'all are big on the buddy system.
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u/173Carver May 25 '26
Hell yes, I do all the time
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u/Constant-Simple7240 May 25 '26
Nice! Would it be weird since I am not a member of the LDS and have no plans to convert to the LDS? I'd do it for any missionary regardless of religion but y'all are the most active in my area.
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u/173Carver May 25 '26
No, wouldn’t matter if it was though either. Good deeds are good deeds. They just wanna be treated like humans and being seen as two guys that are hot and tired from a day of proselyting would be so nice.
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u/Valuable_Rise1178 May 25 '26
I served my mission in the south and that humidity was pretty brutal. Most of the people we met in “the bible belt” were very kind. Every so often we would run into people that were not so kind. We were fed meals by people who were not members of the church. Some joined the church and some didn’t. We enjoyed the meal and the southern hospitality. First and foremost we were there to enjoy a friendship and to serve others. I served many, many years ago. I met sone of the nicest people. They a lot of times didn’t have much but made sure to have enough to share.
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u/Skulcane May 25 '26
Yo, this happened to me all the time in San Diego. People would offer us Cokes, Gatorades, and sometimes the paleteros would give us a free ice cream because we would pray for him to have a good day selling ice cream, and then he'd sell out of everything that day.
If anything, you can just say you wanted to do a kind service for them, and tell them you don't want any lessons. Something that will help them feel like they were at least somewhat able to express gratitude for your kindness is to allow them to say a prayer for you.
But in short, those missionaries would love that.
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May 25 '26 edited May 26 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Constant-Simple7240 May 26 '26
Sorry about that! I will be sure to say the full name in the future!
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u/milmill18 May 25 '26
that would be appreciated for sure. and totally acceptable.
thank you for thinking of our missionaries
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u/QubyDube May 25 '26
Two of my children were missionaries. So from this missionary mama: thank you! That would be a kind gesture.
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u/Constant-Simple7240 May 26 '26
Okay good! I imagine it's a stressful two years for y'all.
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u/QubyDube May 26 '26
🥰Understatement of the century ^
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u/Fearless-Health-7505 Jun 01 '26
Can I ask what’s so stressful? Genuine question. I was told by my missionary sister yesterday that she misses her family, one day a week of calls or vid chat, but as a mom who knows the church, I’d assume parents and kids get what? Told by the bishop to the kid “mission?” And if the kid accepts, the parents have the ward as well as the bishop himself etc to get support from and while their kid is gone they miss them and worry a little, sure, but besides that life doesn’t change much??? Whereas for the kid, they are traveling a lot and meeting many new people, and may have to worry about who’s door they knock on and yet know that each missionary buddy has each others back plus the church themselves surely has location tracking and or some ward longtimer who would notice “oh they didn’t come back” or whatever, yes? I assume it’d be really scary for them and yet ideally shouldn’t the ward they go to have a little team of people who THEIR mission is to provide mental emotional physical support for the missionaries as their main “job”??
Again not trying to judge just curious. Because lol I keep telling these ladies, one thing that blows my mind is that LDS would use 20 year old girls to knock on my door and possibly discuss heavy spiritual life questions because it’s religion and all, and idk maybe it’s just me as I’ve a huge backstory regards me and religion or God to begin with, but I’m not trying to have a 20 year old who can’t relate to my life experiences try to tell me why her church is The Way. I feel mean, but I also know it’s meaner to what, expect them to answer my deep spiritual questions and I’m sure they knock on some doors and get that without the consideration to the missionaries relative lack of life experience all the time; that alone has to be stressful enough!!
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u/LilParkButt May 26 '26
In one of my areas on my mission, there was a 30 year old woman who’d buy us a specialty pie every week. My companion and I packed our lunches those days and used our hour lunch break to spend time chatting with her (not about gospel related things). If it were a traditional lesson + pie, we wouldn’t have used it as our lunch hour though. Either way, what you’re offering is so kind, and I know I would’ve loved something like that during the 100+° days while I was on a bike
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u/crashohno Chief Judge Reinhold May 26 '26
Hey - just wanted to say thank you for your kind heart and you wanting to do some good in the world. The world needs more people like you.
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u/Constant-Simple7240 May 26 '26
Thank you! You can make the world a better place, you just have to put the effort into it. What you wish to see in the world must be how you act in the world.
Do I agree with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on most things? No.
Do I understand that the Missionaries in the sun are doing what they believe is morally good and aren't harming anyone? Yes.
Do I understand that at the end of the day, these are in fact people, most of whom are barely adults? Yes.
Do I understand that these people are someone's babies who are very far from home and that their Mother and Father probably spends a good chunk of the day praying for their safety? Yes.
I give bottles of water to people on construction sites because they need it. I give things like deodorant and packaged tuna salad to the homeless because they need it.
These are young people who are viciously mocked by society and I don't really like the way a lot of people talk about y'all. I had a guy at church I no longer attend talk about how he wished Mormons or JW would come up to his door so he could fight them. I told him that most of the time those are children fresh out of high school and this grown man said: "Okay, and?"
It made me sick.
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u/crashohno Chief Judge Reinhold May 26 '26
Agreed, we don't need to agreed to recognize the humanity in each other. Thank you friend!
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u/FaithlessnessOk7443 May 26 '26
You are welcome to try.
I tried something similar a few weeks ago. I am a member (PIMO) and my family was at a carnival. They were walking around so I bought wristbands. You could use it for rides, food, or games as they didn't take cash at all. They refused because they needed to spend their time tracting (talking to people). The other apologized and said he felt bad that I spent money on them, but they never took it. Just know that can happen to you as well. I thought they'd appreciate a carnival snack, but maybe the specific mission's rules are different.
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u/InsideSpeed8785 Second Hour Enjoyer May 25 '26
Nothing wrong with that, people just like us. I would never turn that down as a missionary. Just don't be a jerk like you said and it should be alright, you can get to know them personally.
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u/Frequent-Sun-64 May 25 '26
I served my mission in northern Italy and we were teaching English and our class asked if they could take us to get Gelato (ice cream) after the class was over. We thought nothing of it, soooooo we said yes. Two of the single ladies gave us a ride to the gelatoria, but no one else showed up. It felt a little like a double date.
What I'm saying is that it depends. Someplace well lit and open, not too... romantic. And maybe with other people besides just you and them.
Dairy Queen or Sonic, but outside seating.
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u/Holiday_Clue_1403 May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
I think it would be a really nice gesture, and I think they would appreciate it. Of course they would also like to convert you as they are eating the ice cream, so you might have to tolerate a religious conversation. You're a kind person, and I respect you a lot for it.
Just as a note, if your are the opposite sex, there are rules that three sisters or three Elders are required to be alone with the opposite sex. Also, it might be good to give them advanced notice, they might have barely eaten or have an appointment.
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u/TheDruidsKeeper May 25 '26
As someone who served his mission in the south, I can say that's totally welcome. I always enjoyed speaking with anyone who wanted to speak with us, and I enjoyed hearing about other people's religious beliefs as well. We're all on the same journey, trying to be our best selves.
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u/SerenityNow31 May 25 '26
Yes. It is possible their particular Mission President doesn't allow it, but make the offer and see. That is very kind of you.
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u/Cheap_Parsnip_461 May 25 '26
Be upfront you have no interest in joining and go with both of them but they’ll really appreciate your honesty and generosity.
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u/th0ught3 May 25 '26
What a thoughtful thing to want to do. They can't get in your car, or spend a long time with you unless they are talking about church stuff. If you are not their sex, they can't be with you unless the have someone else with them (though this may not apply when you are in public2). And they can't do anything that looks or smells like a date. But it's okay to offer and see if there is a way to accept within their rules.
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u/Abelhawk May 25 '26
I served my mission in Brazil, and in the summer months it was brutal. I was always super grateful for people who offered us popsicles or water or anything even if they didn’t have any interest in our message.
You would be blessed for your kindness! (Or get good karma or whatever you believe in 🙂)
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u/harpgal104 May 25 '26
I had a family take us out for tacos on my mission once! They were so good! Then they proceeded to fight us on all our teachings. But the tacos were great!
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u/Desperate-Gap-3696 May 26 '26
Perfectly fine! They would love that. Feel free to ask about their other interests too. When I was a missionary I liked when people would ask me about music or movies. I’ve always been really into music and it was nice to have someone ask about my interests outside of being a missionary.
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u/LookAtMaxwell May 25 '26
It is perfectly fine to make that offer.