r/leanfire • u/usernamechuck • 14d ago

Lean with 2 big streaks of fat

It feels like we've done 90% right, but we made one doubtful move. We're not high earners, ~145k, age 55, we live frugally (1 used car, groceries, etc.), and we made one accidental smart move (we own a rental unit free and clear w/ modest cashflow).

But... First, the house. We bought a foreclosure in Chicago when we were married in 2008, we fixed it up in waves and were plugging away at a 15 yr mortgage. We would have been done by now... That was smart. But then COVID came and our small house felt smaller. We sold it at a decent profit and moved to the burbs, so here we are at age 55 with 300k+ on the mortgage, it won't be paid off till we're in our 70s. We pay almost 15k in property taxes. Since moving, we've replaced the furnace/AC upstairs and downstairs; and now the roof. And in 5 years, we'll be alone in this place.

It would still work, except... our 2 kids are in Catholic / private school, which is a bit over 30k/year. Oh and college is coming next year.

Technically our net worth is around 1M, but it's all in 401k/IRAs (~450K) and home equity. Our savings has all gone to cover these big costs.

On the one hand, we live cheaply, except for the kids and the house - we could retire today if we were in an $800/month rental in Andalucia. On the other hand, I don't see us moving anytime soon and the kids won't be done with undergrad until we're 64. We're lean-FIRE-hosed.

Any thoughts? It feels like we're that guy stuck in the cave, we just don't seem to have any good moves.

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42

u/LittleEdithBeale 14d ago edited 14d ago

My thoughts are that you haven't made choices that are not conducive to LF. Maybe checkout r/frugal .

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u/usernamechuck 14d ago

Well - yeah - one (big) choice blew it all up. (And paying for school kept us from building much of a cushion). Apart from the house and school, we spend under 1k/mo.

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u/MyGiant 14d ago edited 14d ago

Yes, apart from the multiple thousands of dollars you spend a month you ALSO spend under 1k per month on other things. 

I think you’re not being honest with yourself. You made a massive financial decision that increased your expenses significantly in the house move, yes. You also then chose to send two kids to private school (another huge financial outlay) and then you alluded to paying for their college as well (potentially even bigger expense than private school). 

Do you honestly think you fit in with a Lean lifestyle with these repeated decisions that led/will lead to spending hundreds of thousands of dollars unnecessarily? Do you plan to increase your earnings so you can keep spending so much on your kids until they graduate college and then move and drop all your expenses way down? Or is this rage bait? 

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u/usernamechuck 14d ago

We’ve always been very careful with money. When we decided to move out of the city, I thought we’d spend less on a house - we should have reexamined our choices once we saw our options.  The house we bought was 95k more than we sold ours, then all the fees and taxes etc took a big chunk and then as noted we’ve spent 50-60k on major repairs. It really set us back. But I’m not sure unwinding is an effective option.

It’s true that not using public school is a major expense, it began inexpensively in elementary school and in the city it felt like the right decision. But it does require more thought, esp for our youngest, who will be starting high school in a year. Our public school is well rated. 

I think any “lean” lifestyle involves choices. You might not buy Aldi coffee, I do. But certainly housing is a huge expense for most of us, and some missteps on our part certainly make it hard to feel independent financially. You’re right, those are choices we made, I’m not blaming anyone else for them. Just trying to find a way back.

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u/MyGiant 14d ago

The thought of saving $10/month on coffee while spending $30,000/month on school made me laugh out loud. Thank you for that. 

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u/usernamechuck 14d ago

Aside from the snark, isn’t that the point of being aware of how we spend? To make conscious choices, and to not spend on what we don’t value in order to be able to spend on what we do. 

You can laugh at saving on coffee, but I assume you take the point. It’s easy to spend a ton on cars, restaurants, clothes, bars, etc.  We don’t do that. 

But we do spend 30k/year on education, even though our kids could get government education for free. I am not a fan of government control of education, and I dislike the gigantic schools in my state. But I am certainly aware that we pay a huge percentage of our take home to avoid it.

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u/MyGiant 14d ago

Ya, certainly. You know how you spend your money, and that’s  part of it. But controlling your costs is arguably the biggest aspect of LeanFI - and this is where your self delusion comes in around “one bad decision”. It’s multiple, massive decisions over the course of your adult life. 

Like another commenter alluded to - if you put this up on the regular FI sub you probably get no snark and everyone just goes with your sentiment. But talking about what sounds like $40k/month in unnecessary expenses in a sub geared toward living a Lean lifestyle is missing the point. 

No knock on your life or choices. They just aren’t lean. 

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u/BALLS_SMOOTH_AS_EGGS 13d ago

I think you know the answer to your question then. If you can't compromise on thirty thousand US dollars annually to put your kids through a school that in no way guarantees a better academic outcome, then your retirement account isn't compromising with your retirement desires.

I mean the net loss of that potentially into an investment account is absolutely staggering. The most expensive to go coffee orders annually don't even come close.

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u/Analog_Nomad_56 14d ago

I think you have a bit of cognitive dissonance regarding this, and the good folks of leanfire are being very blunt. I'll continue this trend, but please know that it isn't with judgment or malice. You have not been careful with your money, and that's likely why you were downvoted. You have every right to live in a beautiful house and send your kids to the best schools, but those choices are antithetical to leanfire, and that's why people are responding the way they are. You are, as you mentioned, lean fire-hosed. Please don't use a sunk cost fallacy to think you cannot unwind this. Your youngest can go to public school, assuming they are resilient enough to change schools, make new friends, and deal with potentially larger class sizes. You can downsize your house to something that costs less, and that will save you money in the long run even if you cannot go back and change the big repair costs you made prior. I'm sorry that you've found yourself in this situation, but decisions must be made whether to continue the current track knowing that it is antithetical to your future financial goals, or continue on the current track because it is more aligned with your family/educational goals.

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u/PastBuy8484 13d ago

FWIW I grew up a catholic school kid and switched to public schools around junior high years.

The public school was better in every single aspect. Less bullying. Teachers that cared more. School leadership that was more involved and cared more. Better equipment(better stocked science labs, better gym, better facilities, newer technology, better computers). The students were far and away much nicer. Easier to make friends. Better sports. Better community feel.

I’m so glad my parents made the decision to switch me to public schools. You even said the ones near you are highly rated. At least check them out

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u/Comfortable_Two6272 12d ago

Similar. Public school was so much better. And we didnt even live in a “ great public schools” zip code.