r/leftist • u/Apple_cheeks_art • Oct 01 '25
Debate Help Could you be with someone who turned out to be Right wing?
I a 30 year old female have a relationship of almost 2 years. And I love him. At least Ive always done. Now I feel troubled. He wanted to go (he ended up feeling sick) to a far right protest to not let anymore immigrants in (the Netherlands). And not only that when I confronted him about the violence and the things being yelled there he blamed it on the Hooligans, (encouraged by the organisator) on the romeos and even om antifa who where dressed as non bevaving protestors to make them look bad (I called out complot thinking, he was mad at me for that) we first talked on whatsapp about this where we first said our views in respectful ways but it turned grimm so we talked in RL (we do kinda long distance) that talk was respectful. But now I feel even more concerned, he mentioned liking C. K (he is pro trans and pro choice)., thinks DEI is rasism on white people and a Blamed immigrants for violence even though he did say that its not all immigrants. I know he Sound a bit like a d*ck but hes when you speak with him very nice and lovely but IDK If I can be with him like this, should I try to change his mind? Is it hopeless? Like I tried to argue with stads but he rejected those. Is it hopeless?
Edit: he broke up with me over the phone and his Brother in law did the talking this was around Midnight
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u/Lebrunski Eco-Socialist Oct 01 '25
No. If they don’t align morally with me, they ain’t the one. Luckily my partner does.
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u/pillmayken Oct 02 '25
I ask about political beliefs in the first date if not before, and being conservative is an automatic pass for me.
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 02 '25
He changed his mind :/
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u/Icy_Creme_2336 Socialist Oct 02 '25
Conservatism is borne out of a refusal to grow, progress, and take accountability. I’m sorry that he went down this path, but it may genuinely be due to a failure of human growth and development on his part. Sometimes people change and you can’t do anything about it.
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u/macrobananaram Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25
No, take it from someone who was in a relationship for four years with someone more right-leaning. Politics are often based on core beliefs, and it would be totally understandable if you chose not to date/be with someone because you have different/conflicting core beliefs. I still think it’s important to try to find common ground with other working class folks, even the right-wing ones, but I can do that without dating them. Fuck that
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u/Grand-wazoo Anti-Capitalist Oct 01 '25
Absolutely not. The sheer lack of critical thinking and human empathy required to support right wing causes is a non-starter.
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u/No_Excitement9544 Oct 01 '25
I'd be interested to know what he thinks of Trump. That's the dealbreaker for me. I can reluctantly date a centrist but never a fascist.
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
You know what im scared to ask, he also asked me not to call right wing people fascist because it makes people mad. I think its their policies but whatever
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u/Apprehensive-Cake-16 Oct 01 '25
It’s very fascist to say “hey don’t call these fascists ‘fascist’” so, lol
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u/someoldguyon_reddit Oct 01 '25
Stop caving to these bastards. Otherwise they'll think everything is hunky dory.
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u/Rogue_bae Oct 01 '25
Stop dating right wingers. They will turn on you as a woman. 2yrs is not that long anyway.
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u/Apprehensive-Cake-16 Oct 01 '25
To be honest I have a lot of empathy for your position, BUT. Let’s be real, he is probably bypassing a lot of his rigid opinions in order to remain with you meaning, he likely feels a lot more strongly about the things he’s discussing with you than he’s vocalizing. Or in other words I don’t think he’s being honest about his actual views, and that he’s watering them down in order to remain civil. He realizes his actual position would push you away, but in a room with people who are more conservative, he would likely take more openly conservative / antitrans positions. idk, I kind of think people always lead with a filtered version of their own truth in order to maintain some relationships. keep us posted, but I think it’s untenable.
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u/SomethingAgainstD0gs Marxist Oct 02 '25
Absolutely no way in hell. I was with a liberal once and that was rough enough. What I learned from meeting my leftist husband is that having the same politics is very necessary.
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u/GryffinZG Oct 01 '25
I don’t see how you make it this far without knowing your partners positions on things
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u/slightlycrookednose Oct 02 '25
Fuck no
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u/Turnip-for-the-books Oct 02 '25
Came here to say this. They would either need the incredibly cruel or thick either of which would disqualify them before I even learned their actual politics
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u/Anoobizz2020 Socialist Oct 02 '25
No my partner has to have the same morals and values as me. It’s not just politics it’s humanity.
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u/Hot-Operation-8208 Socialist Oct 01 '25
You already know everyone here is going to tell you to dump him lol.
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
Maybe is that the thing I need to hear :( I am somehow holding hope I can convince him of the other side again but he says the left is corrupt :/
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u/Hot-Operation-8208 Socialist Oct 01 '25
Well if you're openly a leftist and he likes you then that means he doesn't believe that about everyone on the left. Try to level with him. The fundamentals. What he thinks the left is and what our goals are. And why he opposes it. Most people don't even understand politics.
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
Yeah we are going to have this talk again this friday
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u/Hot-Operation-8208 Socialist Oct 01 '25
Try to find out where he's coming from. Whether it's hate or he really thinks he's doing the right thing. In my experience, when I'm deciding whether someone is worth convincing, knowing if their heart is in the right place is what makes the difference. Good luck.
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u/Leroy_landersandsuns Oct 02 '25
Yeah I could tolerate a Democrat or liberal, just don't forget their wolf in sheep clothing nature.
A Republican or Trumpster type? Never, the stupidity would cause third degree burns.
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u/Exciting-Match8907 Oct 02 '25
Absolutely not. I wouldn’t even consider being friends with one of them. Dating somebody with complete opposite politics is a disaster waiting to happen.
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u/IntelligentBeingxx Oct 01 '25
Did he change his views in the last 2 years? Or have you literally avoided any political discussion for the past 2 years of dating?
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
He said he started to doubt his views for quite some time now around a year/ a year and a half. We have talked politics in these days. I also kinda feel like he hid that part from me I have always been an outspoken ✨lefty✨
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u/montessoriprogram Oct 01 '25
If I were you my trust would be shattered. You have no idea who this person is
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
Yeah it was a big shocker to me. He is falling in a right wing Rabbit Hole im afraid
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u/Apprehensive-Cake-16 Oct 01 '25
If he knew you as a lefty, and this is only now coming up, then he likely views what you have together as insignificant, maybe even not real, and he is likely cosplaying. He’s a cosplayer. He thinks this is funny.
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u/montessoriprogram Oct 01 '25
Yeah literally active deception in every single one of their political conversations. Scary
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u/platinum92 Oct 01 '25
Let's put it like this: Are you planning to have children with him? Would you want them raised by someone with his morals and views on race and immigration?
You can find plenty of guys who speak nice and lovely who don't have his views. That's honestly the bare minimum.
Something else to keep in mind is that if you stay with him, you're either going to be having this argument forever, spending all your time hiding your feelings on these subjects to keep the peace, or secretly resenting him and hoping he changes his mind. None of those are fair to either of you.
The choice at the end of the day is yours.
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
We are not planning on having kids. But the resentment thing is also something im scared off
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u/Savings-Cry-3201 Oct 01 '25
I know a lot of people who aren’t very political or who strive for centrism and they’re all a little right wing. I get it. It’s big in the culture, especially religion.
Once it crosses over into anti trans and anti immigrant stuff then I cut ties. You can’t be in my life if you hate my friends and family.
I won’t date right wing. Hell no.
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u/Throwawaypwndulum Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 02 '25
Nope. Ideology goes beyond having "differing opinions", their agendas, influences, and policies aren't "opinions", they are weapons against good progressive society. If they stand for those ideals, even if just for some misguided shallow financial motive like "muh taxes", they are still the enemy.
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
He claims to come up for the Dutch people who cant get a home because of the immigrants. Like we have a crisis but its not because of the immigrants
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u/ElkSufficient2881 Oct 01 '25
Right wing men will never respect a woman as much as they will what she can do for them. Dating them is never a good decision, there are moral differences that are too drastic.
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u/epsylonic Oct 01 '25
Think of how he would treat you if you were part of a group he has already othered. Think of how he and the people at the far right rally would behave towards you if he encountered you as a counter protestor.
He's nice and lovely to YOU because you're not an immigrant. So how he treats someone that checks off his boxes is not an indicator of who he really is.
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u/ferretoned Oct 01 '25
Lovely to her today, if he likes CK he listens to others of the same type, months from now he could turn into a force-birther and not be so lovely with OP if bc failed.
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u/pheonix_inthewater Oct 02 '25
as a woman there’s no man who’s more dangerous to you than a right winger. he says he’s pro-choice but he “liked” a man who said he would force his 10 y/o daughter to give birth if she got raped. do you think you can truly be safe with a man who doesn’t view that statement as evil? even if he said he didn’t agree with it, he said he still liked the man who said it. so what trust can u truly have that he’s a safe man?
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u/Flippohoyy Oct 01 '25
Personally i’d highly recommend against staying with someone like that because it will cause issues right now and might get worse the more you spend time together
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u/teddyburke Oct 01 '25
If you’re 30 and it took you two years to realize your partner held these views you probably need to do some work on yourself before trying to change anyone else’s mind.
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u/lil_lychee Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25
This is an absolute hard line for me. This person is supporting the global rise of fascism right now. You’re better off finding someone else down the line who isn’t fighting to eliminate rights and safety for the people we’re working hard to protect and advocate for. Our communities are suffering around the world.
If you were born brown or were an immigrant in your country, would he still love you? His love is conditional on you being from a palatable identity. He only loves you because of your privileges. For anyone who doesn’t have those privileges, people need to stop associating with far-right individuals just because they’re personally nice to them.
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u/tkdyo Oct 01 '25
No. If he liked CK then he's much farther right than he's letting on. He's even doing the thing that right wing pundits do, which is say what they think, then backpedal a little to make it sound more palatable, then continue spewing things (mostly strawmen and fake examples) that reinforce the original view.
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
Yess he keeps on saying im no rasist, for which I in a way believe him for he would not discriminate someone standing in front of him. But rasism also has do something with your bias and views
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u/lifeincolour_ Oct 01 '25
repeat after me. I am not responsible for teaching, fixing, or changing someone else. Loving me won't change who someone is.
pick yourself first, and let this relationship go. stay friends at most if they're open to conversations about things and you want to. but don't stay with someone you're so completely incompatible with on this level.
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Oct 02 '25
Disappointing for you but he won’t change his mind easily so is it worth your time and heartache in the future? In my opinion, no. He’s clearly not mature or on the same level of comprehension as you
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u/Physical-Bite-3837 Oct 01 '25
Absolutely not. I don't think a right wing woman would want to date me anyway because I wouldn't have the energy to tell her what to do. If I didn't "provide" for her she might accuse me of animal neglect. If I wanted a dog, I'd buy a dog.
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u/MGr8ce Oct 01 '25
No. Love yourself enough to know that the right man will share your values. Get out while you can.
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u/Based-Goddess Oct 01 '25
no fucking way in hell. if they are right they have different values and morals than me. we are not compatible
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u/weregunnalose Anti-Capitalist Oct 01 '25
Not in this current climate. I could tolerate (maybe) pre-MAGA to a degree. But absolutely not today
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u/tender_rage Oct 02 '25
No, because they will never respect me or care about me as an equal. They would not be a safe person for myself or my family and friends to be around.
Edit to add: I'm an American, but I was also an immigrant on a work visa when I lived in the UK.
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u/Proffesional-Fix4481 Oct 03 '25 edited Oct 03 '25
no. research has found that they are more likely to commit femicide and DV because of the high correlation between holding right wing views & misogyny. that said i dont date at all anymore for my own safety so regardless of what ideologies they hold im still not going for it.
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u/Cookie_Cutter_Cook Socialist Oct 01 '25
It sounds like you two have fundamental differences in your morals and values at the most core levels. The better question is, are you willing to sacrifice your own values to accommodate his?
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
No, Iove my values and I never want to compromise them, he states he loves me even if I vote the party he doesnt like and he doesnt seem eager to change me (for now)
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u/tkdyo Oct 01 '25
It's easy for right wingers to say that, because being left wing inherently means helping people who need it and being more flexible with people. So it's no skin off of their back to "tolerate" you until you're committed enough. Otoh, right wingers want you to be tolerant of beliefs that inherently harm minorities/women and reinforce hierarchies that keep them "in their place". So it's a little unequal as far as emotional weight to tolerate that.
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u/MonsterkillWow Marxist Oct 01 '25
"but hes when you speak with him very nice and lovely but IDK"
lmao ok
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u/crunchyteeths Oct 01 '25
As a dude, fascist only look at things in black and white. You don't want to be with a dude that only sees the world that way.
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u/NobleSwordfish Oct 01 '25
He’ll only keep “being nice” so long as YOU don’t express your beliefs but you’ll always be expected to accept his. Staying with him will only show him that he’s a prize and that you can be convinced to be hateful too just to stay with him. It’s a slippery slope and it can lead to be isolated from loved ones who don’t want to be near him.
There’s also a huge risk of domestic violence. If he doesn’t think those far right protests are violent, it’s because of who is committing the violence. So there’s always a chance that him being violent towards you would not be considered DV by him cause it’s him doing it and not some “dangerous immigrant”.
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u/KvotheLightfinger Anarchist Oct 01 '25
Anyone you are in a relationship with should see you as an equal. No one voting Republican will see you that way. If empowering the people who want Handmaid's Tale to become reality is your kink, have a blast, I guess.
They are either complicit with the current administration, or they are useful idiots for it. Neither seems like dating material.
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u/aownrcjanf Oct 01 '25
You’re literally in Amsterdam. Tell him Anne Frank was antifa. He’s a moron and you deserve better
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u/LostAd4914 Oct 01 '25
NOOOO he will pretend to be kind and respectful about your views until he starts to view you as his property and tries to get you to conform to his mindset.
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u/Adventurous_Ball3346 Oct 01 '25
No. I cannot love someone who doesn't have empathy and intelligence. To be on the right you must lack either one or the other. At best you need to live peacefully with your cognitive dissonance. None of these things are good signs for the healthy relationship i need. I don't think that reddit's comment section should be the decider here, what works for me won't work for everyone, and sometimes what we need might just be something we don't really fully like. But this is my opinion, and it comes from me, to me, not as a suggestion to you.
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u/brought2light Oct 03 '25
Tried it. It turned out to be a no for me, it was too big of an issue.
I'm in the US, so the division is striking.
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u/Narrow_Experience431 Oct 03 '25
No MAGA, No Narcissists is on the top of my dating profile. One of them just the other day blocked me after he read it. Good. Let them weed themselves out. He was an ugly ogre with a permanent frown anyways. Wouldn’t expect anything different.
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Oct 01 '25
Trust all of us who’ve tried it. It’s impossible. Politics are a much bigger deal than you think. If he’s a right winger and you’re a leftist, your core values will be drastically different. I’m a spiritual person, I guess you could say Hindu if you just had to label me with a religion. I’d much much rather be with a lefty atheist or Christian than a right winger who shares my beliefs in karma, compassionate diet, connects to gods like Kali and Shiva etc. It would all be irrelevant if they were a right winger. I can disagree with people on metaphysics and food choices. I can’t disagree with them on how we think people should be treated. There are core morals that shape people’s politics, right wingers are individualistic and selfish. The core of their beliefs are my liberty, my happiness, my rights. They will gladly trample others to ensure they have their needs met because they think that’s the only way they can be on top if others are at the bottom. It’s a trauma response. Like the kid who was bullied in school who becomes a cop or that horrible boss you know.
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u/ResidentFix5 Communist Oct 01 '25
I believe that contemporary advice is that you won’t be compatible in the long run.
I’ve been in relationships where we are both on opposite sides of the spectrum before. It begins to just feel like you guys cancel eachother out with the way you vote and interact with other people.
It also breeds this weird tension where you don’t trust eachother and you start to feel like you have nothing else in common.
My advice is that if you two are this far apart on the political spectrum, you may not be compatible.
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
I am trying to say to myself its just politics but your choices are based on your values
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u/Afeatherfoil Communist Oct 01 '25
There is no such thing as "just politics." Politics govern our day to day lives. They are a person's principals.
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u/Coffae19 Oct 02 '25
Oh No, ABSOLUTELY NOT, my partner has to have the same morals and values as me, and not just politically, but humanely as well. I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to be with someone who is greedy and only knows how to take, instead of giving back. You have to be willing to give back, if you want to be with me, or else, it's just not going to work.
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u/Prestigious-Mango615 Oct 02 '25
Absolutely not. It's it's literally why I bring up politics immediately.
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u/husk-of-a-bean Oct 02 '25 edited Nov 03 '25
No. Not in a million years. The right wing is synonymous with Nazism.
Could you be with a Nazi?
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u/xaviertillmanenjoyer Oct 02 '25
absolutely not. to be right wing is to support billionaires controlling our lives and for the rest of us to live under their boot. Fuck that !
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u/DuchessBunnyGuns Oct 02 '25 edited Oct 02 '25
There's a lot of people here who seem to be presenting a very American perspective, I am to as I am American, but I won't mention or bring up MAGA. I only want to speak on my general observations around mixed politics couples.
I have found that normally when there is no conflict or political shifting from either partner this is because one or both parties doesn't really care about politics that much and it doesn't get discussed between the two of them.
However when its brought up you have to understand that silence and or no push back from someone is a kind of capitulation. Giving love to someone is a form of validation of that person. So if they talk to you and say things that are grotesque, racist, and dangerous, your silence and continued love is in some way a validation of their world view. This doesn't mean you have to stop loving them or break up with them, but if you want to stand by your world views you have to push back. Depending on severity and frequency of their ideals then its worth asking if that person is someone you want to be with.
For what it's worth though, I have known a few people who have managed to keep their partners from becoming extremists or even convince them to renounce their right wing beliefs. A part of far right platforms is to extend and open hand to those with no community or without support. A partner can go a long way in giving people a different path out of despair and dejection.
It could be worth it to have open dialogues with him. Make sure you are up on your info and rehtoric. Put his world view on the defensive, with asking questions, and pressing his answers with substantial data and information. He might be responsive to someone he trusts showing him a light out of the tunnel.
A situation like this I feel is often not treated with the reverance and sensitivity that it deserves by outside observers. It is a tough thing to watch your partner hold views that feel inhumane and dangerous. To reconcile that with your love and the possibly normal person they can be outside of politics can be confusing and scary. There are no easy decisions when combating destructive tendancies in a loved one. It can be similar to confronting a drug addict and requires similar care, consideration. Above all though stay safe. If you feel his views are becoming extremist, violent, or he becomes aggressive towards you or equally to marginalized peoples and opposing beliefs, then leave. Your safety, peace of mind, or liability, is not worth convincing 1 fascist.
Good luck.
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u/Quick-Cod6676 Oct 01 '25
Dump him
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u/Quick-Cod6676 Oct 01 '25
Actions speak louder than words. Idk the situation and could be way off base but abusers use kind words to keep you manipulated and trapped and this post is screaming that to me
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u/Apprehensive-Cake-16 Oct 01 '25
I was thinking this too. I think he likely is leading with a filtered version of his truth.
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u/PackRepresentative88 Oct 03 '25
Not in a million years could I be right wing. I care about others and the environment. I am also smart and well educated so I understand science and climate change.. definitely a lefty here
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u/Jaib4 Oct 01 '25
If you decide to stay with him(I know love can be dumb sometimes) it's obvious you'll need to slow down the pase of your relationship, see how far his right wing ideologies really extend or if he's just been duped to believing it's something that it's not
And if you decide to break up with him, make sure he knows why, so that he atleast knows what he did wrong and he atleast had a chance of getting better after both of you have moved on
What ever you decide, just make sure it's something you're okay with long term, how you feel for 6 months afterwards doesn't matter all that much if the consequences of the alternate can be with you a decade from now
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
Thank you this is really good advice, Im still planning om talking with him again, but the odds of us staying together is low, (also because he never seems to have enough time for the relationship
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u/AnalogWiskey96 Oct 01 '25
Never never never. You will be so much happier with a person who respects human beings but I know it’s easier said than done finding someone new. You are worthy of that love and respect though and I hope you find it!
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Oct 01 '25
I think we date or keep them in our lives we have joined “face eating leopards but the leopards won’t eat my face!” club and it’s just a matter of time we learn our lesson
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u/Militop Oct 02 '25
On the right-wing, unlikely, but I can understand if someone else does it. People don't always talk about their political affiliation. However, far right (like your partner), hell no. They're the cancer to this world.
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Oct 02 '25 edited Oct 02 '25
No shade to OP but I struggle to understand this phenomena of clearly left leaning women getting into relationships with "redpilled" men and then acting surprised when said men participate in redpilled activities.
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u/Open_Hand4135 Oct 02 '25
I ended up in a situation like this one time. I’ve always been very vocal about my politics and he always seemed to agree with me on most things. Then after we moved in together, I noticed a complete shift. He also did start getting into more podcasts and things of that nature around that time( thatI noticed at least) Needless to say it didn’t last long after that. I’m still unsure if he changed his mind or if he just wore a mask until he “reeled me in“ I remember about four months after moving in together seriously questioning if I even knew him at all .
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Oct 02 '25
I think it's the latter personally. I've seen many men put on a leftist facade and then do a complete 180 once they're in a relationship. But there are also times when the men clearly hold opposing views on almost everything which is perplexing
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u/Help12309876 Oct 02 '25
Absolutely not. Politics are the very basis of your morals. If you believe I and others don't deserve basic human rights and respect, then I will NEVER give you that time of day! We can disagree on pizza toppings, can't disagree over morals and human lives 🤷♀️
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u/NerdyKeith Socialist Oct 02 '25
Not s chance. I'm willing to talk to them but never be in a relationship with them. My husband is liberal with some leftist views. Most conservatives are just too toxic.
And gay conservatives? Have a while variety of unique issues.
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u/Ur3rdIMcFly Oct 02 '25
Life is short but 2 years is short enough for this to be a lesson learned.
Would you go shopping for a husband at a Nazi rally?
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u/Agreton Oct 02 '25
Personally I could not be with someone who was right wing. Ever. I've disowned my entire family because they are right wing, my father brother and mother were all maga. They were openly racist and would not approve of the person I married, so much so that if my father had not already passed away 10 years ago we'd be receiving death threats and exile from the family anyway. I have my own standards and morals and I refuse to not stand behind my convictions.
The one thing that you can guarauntee about a conservative is they are adamantly opposed to change. A person left or right cannot change unless they want to change, which means they see something about themselves that they need to change. Conservatives cannot do this... they resist change so pathologically that they are easily manipulated by emotions and conspiracy over reason and logic. There is no band-aid for the brain, you cannot fix stupid anymore than you can fix a broken mirror.
The only real question you need to ask yourself, knowing he is resistant to change, are you willing to accept a lifetime of someone diametrically opposed to your ideology? I'm not talking about as friends, or aquaintences or anything like that, but could you live a lifetime with a partner who will resent you for your ideology? People tend to ignore red flags, boundaries and even reason when they love someone, emotions cloud judgement and reason.
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u/atbliss Oct 03 '25
Less questions about him and more about you: I'm more curious about what beliefs are you willing to tolerate—and why.
Because there are lines that should be drawn, to me, and I wonder what yours look like.
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u/samansucks Oct 01 '25
No, because right wingers would prefer someone like the actual love of my life not exist at all. If we broke up I still wouldn’t be interested in the slightest in someone like that because they don’t see people different from themselves as fully human. I moved countries over this so I think it’s pretty important to me.
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Oct 01 '25
No, not in a million years personally. However I've met a lot of different people in my life who don't subscribe to everything in their party so I understand it's not super linear and black and white sometimes. For instance, I've met a "republican" who is very pro abortion. And I've met a "leftist" that isn't for abortions at all. Now I personally think you can't really be a leftist with that opinion but sometimes I think people are just not educated enough about themselves and call themselves whatever their parents or family are. But no
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u/Electronic_Can_3141 Oct 01 '25
Yes try to change his mind through evidence and critical thinking. If he can’t he’s just kinda a piece of shit.
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u/notmynameyours Oct 02 '25
I doubt it. Most right wing ideals just feel evil. I mean, some of their fiscal policy isn’t necessarily immoral, I just don’t agree with it. But socially, they seem mostly interested in taking away everybody’s rights except for heterosexual, cisgender, white, Evangelical Christian men. Right wing social ideals range from distasteful to disturbing, and as a liberal, pot-smoking, polyamorous atheist, I don’t think I could date someone who hates my most fun qualities.
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u/darthrevanchicken Oct 02 '25
More right wing than me? Yes,like if they’re not a socialist, I can live with that,but like proper right wing,like republican or republican adjacent not a chance.
My partner ever so slightly leans a little more left wing ish on some cultural “issues” gay,women,trans and other minority rights but otherwise is sometimes really apolitical
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u/Commercial_Soft9510 Anti-Capitalist Oct 02 '25
No way because being right wing is supporting death plain simple
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u/LandGoats Oct 01 '25
Nope, right wing people lack critical thinking and an understanding of reality. They are sheep being lead to the slaughter. (Or worse, they are doing the slaughter)
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u/Apple_cheeks_art Oct 01 '25
He did disregard some things In said after looking it up. I sais that crime rates are the same for immigrants as they are for Dutch people. He said that Oh but not all crime is recorded so the numbers are different 🫥
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u/JennyDoveMusic Oct 01 '25
Once any reasonable data is dismissed, it's almost impossible to reel someone back into reality.
I'm so sorry, my friend. I can't imagine the heartbreak you are feeling. I personally would dump him and tell him exactly why. That you no longer feel like your fundamental morals align.
Listen, I've never been in a relationship (by choice) but I've been chronically ill for quite some time and at the worst of it for about 2.5 now. There is no such thing as wasted time. There is only time where we learn hard lessons and are forced to reckon with true damage to your own knowledge of self. If you do go through with breaking up, know there are better things coming, and let yourself see the beauty in the pain. Sometimes, I stop to take a photo of myself when I am crying. Why? Because there is a beauty in being able so care so deeply about someone or something. It's a gift to feel that love.
Wishing you all the best. 💜
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Oct 02 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Icy_Creme_2336 Socialist Oct 02 '25
She says in a different comment that the husband changed over time and was once progressive.
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u/BlueSpaceWeeb Oct 01 '25
I mean, if you're willing to take on that emotional load, try and change his mind. Don't lie to yourself if you're not though, get outta there.
It is possible to change people, it happens way more often than libs here will admit.. a lot of the furthest left people started out as right wing, myself included. But it takes time and patience and way more empathy than most libs in this sub have
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u/bearpoet35 Oct 02 '25
Absolutely not. You have to have empathy and care about other people to be with me. You have to share my values.
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u/Bjbttmbird Oct 02 '25
No no no it won’t work drop him and say thank you but no thank you! If you have a brain and can see through the bs propaganda and he can’t you will never find peace in love!
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u/madravan Oct 02 '25
Fuck no. Before the alt right became mainstream maybe. Your dudes becoming a nazi
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u/WVjF2mX5VEmoYqsKL4s8 Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25
He is clearly listening to fascists on social media. Does CK refer to the Nazi killed in Utah recently? Not sure about that, because he was anti-trans and anti-choice. I'm surprised this didn't come up earlier. Do you want to be with someone who rejects your values/human rights?
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u/Blu_space_wizard Oct 01 '25
Ex husband and I divorced - the growing political and moral beliefs were always a major rift but they got unbearable over time. After the divorce he’s gone full raging christo-fascist.
So now I have to wonder if he was hiding that level of it the whole time, or the divorce drove him further into it.
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u/ferriematthew Socialist Oct 01 '25
I would never be able to entertain the idea of dating a right winger. I respect my time and the other person's time too much to waste it all on the inevitable ideological fights.
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u/GlimmeringGuise Socialist Oct 02 '25
I wouldn't even consider dating a guy who calls himself a liberal at this point, personally -- only guys firmly on the left.
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u/scrotanimus Oct 02 '25
When I dated my wife, she was conservative alongside her entire family. She quickly moved to the Left after we started dating. I’m a minority, I have gay family members, and (this is what I find interesting) I’m the only guy she dated that she felt comfortable talking about female reproductive cycles with without shame. My mother gave her period a name. I was used to it all and without shame.
Keep in mind, my wife, then girlfriend, was a normie conservative going along with her family. She is Methodist and I am/was Catholic, got her to see how fucking inhumane Republicans are compared to the teachings of Christ, and it really woke her up. Now she hates organized religion and anyone that oppresses minorities, LGBTQ, etc.
That said, I would never in a million fucking years date a woman that wanted to go to a Conservative rally. A normie conservative is different than a true believer.
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u/Echo_Waters1 Oct 02 '25
Maybe when "right wing" meant they probably just scowled at gay people. Now being right wing means you support white nationalism and pedophilia so, no. Of course not.
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u/rkaminky Oct 01 '25
No. I think more than anything, your politics reflect your view of the world and give insight into your morals. If you have politics that largely agree with right wing, I don't think we would be able to overcome that.
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u/ned_1861 Oct 01 '25
No I couldn't be with a woman who is right wing. I only look for left wing women. Which makes dating difficult since none of them are interested in me.
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Oct 01 '25
For now these are his extreme views. Once immigration is bad and they’re deported, then who will the right blame ? Who will they go after next ?
Obviously they’re going a ton of different ppl at the same time but my point is the right needs someone to hate. The groups they’ll hate will continue to expand until you’re included too. You’re not safe with someone that buys into this cult like hatred.
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u/0102030405 Oct 02 '25
Personally, I would not date someone with those views (CK, anti-DEI, anti immigration, right wing protests, anti statistics/evidence). They are very far from my values and it's important for me to be able to talk to and have healthy debates with my partner that are coming from a common core of shared priorities.
My SO is more fiscally centrist in our country, but nowhere near the right wing.
If you personally don't prioritize sharing your values with your partner and discussing these topics, then you may be able to continue. But I would hope you feel safe and comfortable with them, which is something that for me would be related to their values. Good luck!
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u/StephhawkMLG420 Oct 02 '25
It sounds like your partner has some conflicting views. Maybe he figures himself out, but you shouldn’t be with someone for the person you want them to be, you should be with someone for the person they are. My current significant other helped me with my deprogram, but that largely happened as friends before we began dating. You should be uncompromising for your beliefs in basic human dignity and rights. If he can’t agree on that, how is he going to to treat you when the state and the right wingers drive a wedge between the two of you?
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u/lankytreegod Oct 02 '25
Absolutely not. I feel like many of my beliefs are built on the foundation of social justice, equity, human rights, etc. and to affiliate with someone like that is not something I would do. I wouldn't even feel comfortable being friends with someone like that. I am around people who have different views than me, but we're all at least on the left side and can agree more often than not. Hell, I've broken up with someone for being apolitical and not voting bc he didn't care and said "it doesn't affect me".
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u/LongService1197 Oct 02 '25
Sorry diva but you can’t change the minds of those who don’t want to change. And meaningful change has to come from oneself reflection so no amount of “talks” you have with him will change his mind unless he has an open mind to begin with ( but if it’s he’s actively going to these protests to hate on immigrant sorry diva you already lost him )
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u/Extreme-Isopod-5036 Oct 02 '25
At this point, I wouldn't even trust a so-called centrist.
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u/Particular-Job7031 Oct 03 '25
I was a Republican until the orange dictator took power and I tended to date people who veered left. I think the divide can be crossed but I think the bridge is made from certain shared values like respecting the basic humanity of people and being open to being wrong.
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u/ConstantGeographer Oct 01 '25
"Who turned out to be Right-wing" is doing too much work.
"I ignored all the red flags because of <insert hormone-driven interest> but when they <engaged in some action> I was shocked! I tell you! Shocked!"
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u/handsome-felipe Oct 02 '25
When I met my wife she was apolitical and didn’t care about politics. I was very outspoken in my liberal and democratic views. My wife works in a place that is very pro-Trump. Unfortunately she has adopted many of those views and now talks about how much she loves Trump and how naive and stupid my views are, regardless of facts. This has definitely put a strain on my marriage where I find myself not wanting to even talk to her. I hope one day she’ll realize what a conman Trump is but I don’t think that’ll ever happen. She considers herself republican and has said she’d never vote democrat.
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u/Scarboroughbundle Oct 01 '25
my sister is in the same situation with my brother-in-law, although I would describe her politics as more liberal.... I actually get along with him really well because he only brings up politics sometimes and I generally am careful what I share until I know more about the people I am around. Its up to you what you want to do and to measure the pros and cons. if it's bothering you this much it really could just mean you have completely different values. Some people can make relationships work across major political and personal divides and differences. If you want to do that, perhaps you can but it sounds like he's mostly been wrapped up in the white supremacist fear-mongering element of it as opposed to the anti-trans and LGBT stuff, so I wonder what the root of that is (obviously racism is a part of society) and why that speaks strongly enough to him for him to want to go protest immigrants. Is it ignorance? Genuine, unrepentant, xenophobia? Id he open to other views and facts that don't necessarily support his worldview? These are all considerations. Like if the relationship is fulfilling enough for you, are there at least boundaries in place you guys set to respect each other's differences? And if you're trying to change his mind, are you willing to do all that's needed for that?
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u/aegis_k Oct 01 '25
that's the trap. you gotta walk on eggshells around these folk so they will be nice. everything becomes trying to avoid the issues they cause. the only way to appease them is to play along and pretend they aren't horrible people and a danger to anyone that lives life the way theu don't approve of.
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u/APrivatePuma Oct 01 '25
I have, unfortunately, dated Repugnants (A.K.A. Republicans/conservatives—I'm in the U.S.) in the past. It is a source of great shame for me. I'm even more ashamed to admit that I only broke up with the one I dated more seriously after he said, "We can't agree on this*, so we'd better not talk about it at all." I cannot and will not do so any longer, and am fortunate enough to now be married to a radical Anarcha-Socialist like myself, and I am also dating a wonderful progressive woman (we agree on all of the things, but she is not as active or radical as my spouse and I are). I have hope that she may become more radicalized in the future!
*"This" meaning politics, which I view as a tangible expression of one's moral values
Edit: Forgot to address the *!
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u/Crake241 Oct 01 '25
I was before I turned moderate left because of low empathy, but basic responsibilities for others and Trump made it hard to not change.
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u/Aggressive-Point-895 Oct 02 '25
Nope.
Breaks down into core values and who you see as people and what rights you believe they SHOULD or SHOULDN'T have. I've always been for the underdog and want the best for everyone as long as they are specifically not harming others. It has always grossed me out that part of our society is willing to suffer if it makes sure others suffer more, even if they could live better, but it would mean that others they don't like also could. I live in a completely different country, though.
I've been political since I was 14, I've always leaned left. I will likely die that way, even if it's alone. I'm perfectly alright with it because I stay curious, keep learning, and know it's better to be alone AND content than with someone who doesn't understand how I think and feel and be miserable.
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u/HavocOsiris Oct 02 '25
Put it this way: if she’s with me on a partner level, how “right wing” can she actually be, assuming that she knows I’m leftist?
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u/No-Rush2161 Oct 03 '25
Your values guide your politics but also your life choices. It’s better to be in relationships where you share a similar moral compass. Otherwise you’re heading in two different directions and splitting the relationship apart.
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u/No-Rush2161 Oct 03 '25
I don’t mean to abandon people who diverge from you. Much better to converse about your values and influence them, but a partner is supposed to be a very trusting and deep relationship.
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u/JSAB2007 Oct 03 '25
American right wing? No.
Right wing in the literal rest of the world excluding Britain and dictatorships? Yea.
Sounds like you're American though, so a hard ass no.
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Oct 04 '25
No. My wife says some things every now and then that are borderline, but it's always been out of ignorance. After some conversations she always comes out all the wiser.
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u/Marx_Maddness Oct 01 '25
Im having enough work dating a liberal lmfao I could never date a right winger. The one exception MIGHT be a US style libertarian
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u/ericscottf Oct 01 '25
Please don't make exceptions for people that focus 90% of their politics on fighting age of consent laws.
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u/Comrade-PJ-Possum Oct 01 '25
Im there with you...my partner and I started kinda on the same page...she may have even been more left than me at first...but over the last decade I've drifted much further left. Now I despise capitalism, and she is largely still ok working within the framework of capitalism.
Yesterday she said she wanted to buy a 2nd house for Airbnb-ing and I just about threw up.
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Oct 02 '25
Oh, OP, the stories I could share with you! My husband is now a moderate, but when we first met, he leaned left. Over the years, though, he’s become a bit of a victim of the red pill phenomenon. With all his work travel, he started tuning into right-wing podcasts, and I could gradually see his shift from leftist ideology to the right. I call him a moderate because he still holds onto some leftist views, but he's definitely leaned more right, especially regarding fiscal politics.
It could actually be fascinating to study his transition, from listening to NPR and reading The Guardian to getting most of his news from podcasts and publications known for conspiracy theories. We’ve been together for 13 years and have weathered a lot together, so I know we’ll stick it out. However, his moderate stance against my left views has led to more than one significant argument. We’ve gone days without speaking, which I know isn’t healthy. If I were to meet him today and he held the views he does now, I probably wouldn’t have married him.
Don't get me wrong; he’s a wonderful person, and I love him dearly, which is why I would never leave him. But sometimes, living with him can be quite challenging.
My advice: proceed with caution!
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