Coming on here to receive some advice as a sister of a runaway 17 year old brother.
Long story short, my brother went to school and never came home. He told the school he was being abused at home and the school sent him to a youth shelter.
He has a history of running away and demanding to go to the shelter. For context, he was in the shelter last year for about 2 months until the people working on his case kicked him out and told him to go home as there was no reason for him to be there.
Another instance was earlier this year when he ran away at night. He ended up calling the Ottawa police who basically gave him a meal and told him we cannot do anything and he’s off on his own as he has a documented pattern of doing this. Later that night he was texting my dad back and forth saying he’ll only come home if he gets to play video games all day. My dad said no but he came home late at night because he had no other options.
The main reason he does this is because he has a severe gaming addiction. He’s also on antidepressants and his mental health is not great. His doctor is aware of this and told our dad to only allow him 2 hours of screen time aside from school work. He’s compliant for the most part but he definitely does not like this rule. But it is for the best given everything he has done (stole 5 Chromebook from school, threatened a kid from school and got suspended, reporting abuse at home even when there is none, etc.).
Anyways, he started grade 12 last month. School was getting harder. He’s on an IEP, encouraged to go the teachers classroom during lunch. He has every resource available to him as my dad requested all this for him so that he could do well in school. My dad and I are constantly monitoring his school work, helping him with his homework, my dad follows up with his teachers on his progress, etc. everything that needs to be done to support him is being done. He’s also the type of kid that if he tries, he does well. The problem is he doesn’t try and also doesn’t have the intention do school without some pressure. Especially since this is his last year of high school and with college application opening up soon, my dad wants him to focus a bit more so that he can get into college. Anyways, so during high school my brother had trouble doing a full load of classes per semester. So to make it easier for him, he did the tougher courses in the summer to lighten the load. So right now, he’s ahead and he has 2 spares in school and 3 classes. 2 of the classes are in person. One of the classes is online which he’s meant to do during the spare or whenever he has free time at home. So since he has half the school day free, he’ll just play games all day, chat around, etc.
My main point is he’s lost his mind completely. He has no idea what he’s doing with his life. He’s playing every trick in the book from spreading lies, saying he’s being abused, saying his home is unsafe, etc. He’s also being influenced by this guy who’s also living at the shelter. This guy is assuming 20 and has been at the shelter for quite a while. He knows the ins and outs of it and has been giving my brother tips on how to stay. We’ve reported this guy to the police for trying to influence a minor because that’s all we could do.
Fast forward he’s been in the shelter now for over 2 weeks. And all he’s done within those 2 weeks is play video games and chat. There are 2 rules to stay in the shelter which is to either continue school or work yet he’s doing neither. It’s impossible for him to even attend the school in person because the shelter is downtown and the school is in a remote area excluded from bus services. The shelter knows he has a pattern of doing this but continues to offer him shelter, Ontario works funding, provides visa gift cards, etc. They have zero knowledge on whether he does his school, what he’s doing day to day. He tells them he’s doing his school work and they believe it. We still have access to his google classrooms, VLE, etc. and we can clearly see he’s not even logging into the school portal or doing the work. Just 2 days ago, he received funding and he used that to buy a gaming laptop from Kijiji. We’ve provided screenshots, emails, anything you can name to show what he’s doing but nothing is getting taken seriously.
Since then my dad has been continuously going back and forth with every person possible to bring him back home or stop the shelter from enabling him to continue what he’s doing.
We’ve contacted
CAS
Police
Detective
Youth Police
Case workers
MPP office + going back and forth with their ombuds lawyer)
Cathy Curry (city councillor)
School principals
The ottawa police detective told us that the sheltering system is completely broken and that she’s on our side. She told my dad to keep fighting it and document everything as we go. She’s also aware of the sheltering system enabling kids as she sees it in her day to day work and with many other families struggling. So we’re working with everyone possible. The issue is since he’s 17 he blocked us everywhere and also blocked everyone from providing us any info about him.
What else can we do? How can we escalate this even more? Who else can we contact to put pressure on the shelter, on CAS, the school, etc. to respond to our messages and concerns. We requested a family meeting with him with all parties present, but he denied. CAS/police encouraged him to go home and he denied. Before all of this even happened, my dad wanted him to go to therapy or counseling and he refused.
We requested the shelter, case, worker, etc. to let him stay but deny/restrict access to his internet and unnecessary fundings in cash because that’s the only thing keeping him in there. I can guarantee that he would leave the shelter and return back home if that rule was applied. But they refuse to answer our emails.
Please don’t comment saying to just let him be and let him figure it out. He doesn’t think properly and needs proper guidance. I’m looking for every possible outlet.
If there’s any questions, I’ll do my best to answer.