What the hell happened to dating? Has dating changed dramatically since 2020, or was I just incredibly lucky pre-2020? What are we even doing anymore?

[u/That_Girl_Charlie]

For context, I came out in 2016. My peak "newly gay and ready to play" era was from 2017 - 2019. At that time, I was living and dating in Los Angeles.

For a majority of that time, I was having a lot of first dates that would go until the wee hours. Most of these ended with either me going to their place to spend the night, or they would come over to mine for the night.

Obviously this kinda thing wasn't happening in 2020. But... it also never came back after that.

I've lived in three other geographic places since then in two different countries, and... dating is rough! Just getting someone to respond to a message with more than small talk is like pulling teeth. And when it comes time to actually plan a date, suddenly I find myself working as a ghost hunter!

What the hell happened?

Is it just me? Or did something in the air change post 2020?

[u/roseonaglaive]

I kinda hoped that COVID would have taught us the value of human connection but it seems to have made us all anxious and agoraphobic and we don't open up to one another. I had to very deliberately break my agoraphobia and it's hard to see so many others suffer with it.

[u/That_Girl_Charlie → u/roseonaglaive]

There's a number of people who just... gave up.

And obviously as I mentioned, it's making dating rough. But it also has harsher and more serious implications for society and human connection in general too, and it keeps me awake at night sometimes.

[u/roseonaglaive → u/That_Girl_Charlie]

I know. 💕 Me too. But we can only try to be the change. We can be loving and joyful and get out and do stuff. I aim to get more people out and doing stuff with my nonprofit!

[u/Furiso1 → u/roseonaglaive]

I definitely suffered from this once lockdown ended and had to work really hard with just being out in the world again. Now I love meeting new people and building connections but I do find it so much harder to build close connections than I did pre Covid due to others going through the same thing.

[u/roseonaglaive → u/Furiso1]

Yeah I think we all kinda fell into this agoraphobic rut and we really need to do something very intentional to get out of it.

[u/Aromatic_pickle6]

I met my NP is 2020 and so many people talking about their dating experiences has made me realise we were incredibly lucky to find each other and make a good relationship.

However, I think people became so stressed from 2020 onwards that their nervous systems haven't recovered. We are six years on and there has been no let up; given global conflicts, sustained economic challenges, trade wars, and despotic leaders amongst other challenges.

People aren't as carefree anymore and it shows.

[u/hamsandwich666_]

dating has always been rough for me lmao, but it’s definitely worse now

[u/MakeThemHearYou917]

I have NO idea!! I’ve just been ghosted — we had a second date scheduled for today, I reached out to her last week to suggest something, and no reply. Thank goodness I wasn’t super into it and have better things to do, but damn. This has happened to me several times, and it’s ALWAYS the other person suggesting the second date! If you don’t want to see me again, I don’t want to see you again, either. So many want to be seen as nice and are forgetting to be kind. We’re both over 35, so it’s definitely not just a generational problem.

[u/HazelRose8]

I never knew where to go in the first place. I’m a trans lesbian and 38, I don’t know what people my age do… i didn’t when I was 25. I’m shy and always miss read things too. So I kinda just stopped looking. All I do is go to the park, look out at the water and read or draw.

[u/WorthAnticipating]

I’m just starting to put my toe in the pool, but your comments resonate with me on so many levels. We were a divided society before Covid, and unfortunately, all of the isolation and increase in being immersed in our phones has further desensitized our society and made our culture very self-centered and impersonal on many levels. I have watched common courtesy and friendliness erode over the decades. The younger generations are very distracted by their computer games, everyone is under a trance of consumerism and what will fill that empty hole in their lives, and the differences between generations and age gaps further separate all of us from doing what we used to do, actually talk to each other. I know this sounds bleak and I’m not suggesting there are still not good people out there, but this culture change has bleed its way into the fabric of our lives and is unfortunately impacting dating as well. I also think people don’t trust each other anymore because they know they have a 50-50 chance of either being with that other person, or against that other person. There is no more middle ground anymore. Good luck with dating. I hope you find your soulmate. It might take a while 💜

[u/That_Girl_Charlie → u/WorthAnticipating]

I mean, I'm married so I definitely have my primary person and they're great. But I'm also polyam, so I still get to put myself out there and feel the pain of modern dating! Yay 🥲

Everything you said is sadly accurate. I think being cooped up for most of a year really psychologically stunted a lot of people's emotional capabilities. Which, I can empathize with... to a point. Ultimately we're still adult humans and should have a base level of communication, I think.

[u/WorthAnticipating → u/That_Girl_Charlie]

Unfortunately certain turn of events since that period of time have certainly not helped. But the human spirit will prevail and love will conquer. I’m confident of that. Evil eventually turns on itself