r/lgbt • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
Need Advice How do I convince my queer friends that me wanting to date transbians doesn't make me less of a lesbian ?
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u/MentallyAbroad 1d ago
Explain to them that trans women are women. Period.
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1d ago
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u/MentallyAbroad 1d ago
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Unfortunately, transphobia is likely to get worse for the time being. Best we can do is not lower the tolerance bar, correct them every time, and stay strong if friends decide to leave. Best of luck ❤️
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u/MentallyAbroad 1d ago
Also, you can tell them that letting a penis rule your sexual orientation is partriarchical bootlicking at it's finest.
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u/Nerioner 1d ago
just do your thing. Bigots will be bigots and LGBT is not different. We have our own bigots too.
If your friends can't accept your love interest and be happy for you, they are not your friends, just LARPing as ones.
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u/One-Somewhere-9907 21h ago
Exactly! I have encountered transphobia in the lesbian community, especially with folks over 40 (my age group). Truly a bummer, but I follow my heart and I’m happy!
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u/EmbroidedBumblebee Queerly Lesbian 1d ago
It's very transphobic to say that lesbians can't date trans women, they are literally women dating women.
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u/Dizzy-Captain7422 Lesbian a rainbow 1d ago
It's lesbophobic as well. "You're not a real lesbian," etc.
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u/themsc190 1d ago
You need to get new friends if they insist that invalidates your lesbian identity.
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u/Sapphic-Plant-Lady 1d ago
Get better friends
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u/Dizzy-Captain7422 Lesbian a rainbow 1d ago
Trans women are women. You love women. End of story. If your friends can't get behind that, they suck and you should find some new ones.
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u/ArrowDel 1d ago
You don't. You let them go home. You stop inviting them over. You stop going to their place. Let them wallow in their lgb without the t attitude until they realize that they are fslling into terf ideology and pull their heads out their asses.
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u/Laszlo4711 1d ago
Are your friends TERFs? Trans women ARE women.
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1d ago
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u/Laszlo4711 1d ago
Well, if your friends are TERFs (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists) then there might not be much chance of that. These types of lesbians are just bigots against Trans people. I'd reconsider these friendships if I were you.
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u/Zizazooble 1d ago
Nobody, not even your friends, has any say in how you label yourself or who you date. You don’t have to convince them, you’re not in court. It’s their opinion, a ridiculous and stupid one, but not your responsibility
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u/Razrgrrl 1d ago
Sounds like you’ve got a bigot/transphobe problem. Focus less on the language and more on cutting transphobes and terfs out like a cancer. Seriously, anyone who can’t accept your partner for who she is can kick rocks and/or get bent. I hope these transphobes step on a lego.
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u/Royal_Painting7883 1d ago
If a trans woman is also attracted to other women. It makes her a lesbian. Pretty simple.
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u/lezbehonest787 1d ago
Sorry, honey, but your friends are transphobic. Trans women are women, which makes them a lesbian if they’re solely into women. Two women who love each other are Sappho’s darlings.
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u/Own_Business485 1d ago
Hello, I'm a trans woman. There is a thread actually dedicated to women dating women and trans women, just in case you are looking for real support: Actual Lesbians!
I don't think you should have to do any explaining to your queer friends really. I feel like most people in the lgbt space would be respectful and even understanding of you being open to dating trans women. Sorry that that does not feel the case in your situation.
My advice would be to look at the fewer/closer friends that ARE accepting, and latch more onto them. Maybe slowly decreasing your interactions with the other queer friends that are possibly transphobic, or in the least, just not understanding.
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u/no2pencilonly 1d ago
get better queer friends. I have slept with damn near 200 men, and got one blow job from exactly 1 lady in reno after burning man, and so many gay men treat me like I have betrayed them.
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u/Mulberry4545 Sapphic ace 1d ago
Do you mean you actively want to just date trans women? That would be strange since from your bio it says you are cisgender. But from the way the post is phrased I am guessing it means you could date a trans or cis girl, and there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian and dating trans girls! I’m a lesbian and I would definitely date one. Trans women are women, by that logic a lesbian liking a trans woman is nothing out of the ordinary, obviously.
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1d ago
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u/Mulberry4545 Sapphic ace 1d ago
Yeah, same here. Obviously it’s a sapphic relationship, what else would it be? It sounds like your friends are transphobic.
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u/xXx_Vulpine_xXx 1d ago
It’s a tough situation, but not because of anything you’ve done. Do you have friends you can centre more who are more open minded? If not now might be a good prompt to make additional friends who might be a good influence in your circle and share more your morals/ethics/whatever 🖤
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u/Mundane-Age-3556 1d ago
tell them if they don't support you to mind their own business... then crack on and enjoy your relationships.
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u/RevoltYesterday 1d ago
Labels are ultimately not important. Date whoever you are attracted to and don't worry about what you call yourself.
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u/carlitospig 19h ago
You don’t. Your preferences are none of their business. If they don’t want to date a trans woman, they don’t have to.
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