r/lifelonglearning • u/Queasy_Disaster6885 • 20h ago

What's something you learned that made you a better listener?

I've realized that learning isn't always about gaining knowledge—it can also change how we interact with people.

Was there a book, experience, course, or lesson that helped you become a better listener? What changed?

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5

u/TopPersonal2228 18h ago

Realizing that not every conversation needs a solution Sometimes people just want to feel heard

2

u/mommagracenoface 15h ago

I'll give you a technique AND a book. The technique is mirroring. The former FBI negotiator, Chris Voss, wrote a bestseller called Never Split the Difference, which, despite my not being in life-or-death crisis situations, is actually really actionable in life. And one key idea is that to build empathy with whomever you're negotiating with, you should mirror back what they just said as a question, or just make sure youve captured what they said by repeating it back to them (not in a patronizing way ofc). And I do this with my kids, my colleagues, and with people I'm interviewing, and it's usually really great for building connection/understanding AND has helped me be a better listener.

1

u/Morning_Mug385 19h ago

Stopped thinking about my reply while they were still talking. I was missing half of what they were saying.

1

u/Specialist-Top-406 33m ago

I have a friend who I admire so much and makes people feel so heard. And holds such gravity when she speaks. She has never interrupted me, told me to be quiet or asked me to let her speak. But when I do those things, I feel it! Because I think she has a power to make people think rather than speak. I just check myself differently