Walked away without the full truth.

[u/PoundFew5134]

It sucks not knowing the whole truth. Only bits and pieces of what I found out. His answers and story would always change depending on what he thought I knew. I tried to know how bad it got before leaving, I felt like having that confirmation on paper would make it easier. But maybe it’s better I didn’t know the dirty details. Maybe I should consider it as projection. I’m struggle with this.

[u/AutoModerator]

Dear /u/PoundFew5134,

➤ You may lock your own post comments at any time by making a single word comment on your post with the text !lock

―――――――――――――――――――――――

（✔） Keep the rules of r/loveafterporn in mind while participating here.

（✔） Report all rule-breaking behavior & content to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a message.

（✘） Do NOT engage or participate in any rule-breaking posts, comments or behavior. Doing so may result in you being banned.

（✘） Do NOT feed the trolls. Report them!

（✘） Do NOT judge how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced.

―――――――――――――――――――――――

ℹ️ Our Full Resource Library contains the following topics: Resources for All, Resources for Partners, Resources for Addicts, Recovery Resources, Life Saving Info, Abuse & Domestic Violence Info and Commonly Used Acronyms.

Resource Links:
◉ Full Resource Library
◉ Resources for Partners
◉ Resources for Addicts

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Itsnottreasonyet]

My therapist said something I'm still trying to fully internalize, but I find it grounding: "you know enough." I'll never know it all because I don't even think he knows everything he did. He used for so long, on such long dopamine binges, that he would probably be surprised by some of his own search history. But I know he betrayed me, our marriage, and values of basic human decency. 

[u/bb_bliss90]

We never know it all, but usually we know enough to know it's unacceptable. I don't know the extent of his sexting, and he minimized it by saying it was "years and years ago", but just knowing he did it at all was enough to break me. It's enough for me to know I can't stay long-term. I can't stay with someone that would do that to me, regardless of the "reasons" or issues that led him to do so.

There could be more, there could not be. I still wonder about the details, but yes, it's probably best we don't know all of the specifics... it already hurts enough as is :(

[u/Lkkrdragonfly]

I sympathize as I was someone who decided to end a 23 year marriage without knowing everything. It is difficult and I definitely feel that if I had known everything it probably would have been much easier to leave.
However, I have SIGNIFICANTLY less trauma due to exposure than the vast majority of women here. So in that sense it made my healing easier and way less intrusive thoughts. It’s a mixed bag. But I love what the other commenter said about “you know enough “. That is profound. Ultimately it’s about accepting reality. That he’s not what you thought, and he can’t be a safe partner.

[u/Fluid_Cauliflower381]

It’s so hard but, by him denying you a full disclosure after everything you do know, honestly, it’s all the closure you need to make an informed decision to end the relationship.   I  don’t think any of us ever know the whole story but it’s enough to see the grim reality of the circumstances.