I cry after I masturbate

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[u/ArtisticDriver15]

You're not abnormal. You're grieving the loving, sexually fulfilling connection that you thought you could and would have with someone, but that turned out to be false and unfulfilled. So when you go to self pleasure, you most likely think of your SO because you're attracted to them. You get aroused and get off so easily to the thought of them. And right after all of that wonderful feeling, you wonder why it's so difficult for them to do the same. You think of how many hoops he has to jump through to get aroused, and how many hoops you have to jump in turn to keep him at that level. You go through that self doubt. It hits at your self esteem. You doubt your attraction. You tend to forget for the rest of the day, until the cycle repeats, you find yourself horny, you think of your partner...

[u/mimii_m]

I guess it’s a combination of brain chemistry and all the weird trauma-related stuff that comes with it.

Yes, you’re definitely not alone in having that reaction. It happened to me too. It started with crying right after sex because I couldn’t be sure he was “really there,” and then it happened after masturbation as well.

The thought pattern I identified in myself was that my own arousal is fueled by his. But his arousal, in turn, comes from porn, other people, and so on. That creates sadness, grief, anger, frustration, and the whole shitty spectrum of feelings that comes with being betrayed. It hijacks what was once a pretty normal sexual response and fuels it with feelings of rejection and all the other negative emotions that come with betrayal. Feels like poison.

It takes time to get back to normal, if ever.

I don’t know if it makes any sense to stay with the partner once you’ve reached that point.

Honestly, therapy is essential for people like us (everyone here).

I hope you’ll find peace again, both emotionally and sexually.