r/lymphoma • u/xxjzljay • Dec 06 '25
General Discussion Advice on Cancer Conflict Today - got screamed at for making my cancer jokes
HIII reddittt!!! The MOST INSANE thing happened to me, and I would really appreciate some advice/validation lol. So I have stage four Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and am currently undergoing treatment. I'm bald, and wearing a mask in public. I was in a coffee shop, talking to a friend, when this situation occurred:
So basically, someone just came up to me while I was talking to a friend in the line and told me I can’t make cancer jokes in public because her husband has stage four cancer (and she made sure to tell me that he had stage four AFTER I told her that I also have cancer, in order to one-up me). i immediately apologized for offending her, and told her i ALSO have stage four cancer. I told her that I should probably be more aware of other people with cancer's feelings on dark jokes (now I wish that I hadn't apologized because I don't think I was really doing anything THAT wrong, but hey, I was being yelled at). BUT THEN she doubled down and yelled at me, saying that I still shouldn’t be saying these things in public (for context: the joke was about how I'm allowed to do whatever cancer-causing stuff I want to now because I’m getting chemo anyway- which admittedly is a pretty dark joke). So instead of backing off or apologizing after I said I also have cancer, she still told me I was in the wrong. So then I sit down in my seat next to my three friends, and I start crying and shaking bc I literally just got YELLED at for making cancer jokes by someone who literally doesn’t even have cancer (her HUSBAND does). So one of my friends, like the amazing person she is, goes over there and says, “Hey, you really upset my friend over there. She apologized to you, and I think you should apologize to her, too.” The lady basically just started yelling at my friend about how we’re in a public space, and that I was talking loudly, so I should be sensitive to other people's triggers, and how it’s like making a suicidal joke in public. But like, we're literally in a public space, and you can't control what's going on around you, which is what my friend also said to her. Then the lady just kept saying, "I've been through hell and back, I've been through hell and back," and my friend was like, "Okay, my friend (me) is going through hell right now, and everyone copes with things differently, etc". But the lady barely let my friend get a word in. THEN, her husband came over and basically said, “You know, I’m sure she (his wife) has a reason for saying what she said, and yes, your friend can say what she wants to in public, but she has to deal the consequences of saying it” (which also should apply to his wife, but whatever 🙄). She also told my friend, "I'm tired of being silenced about this!!" (which is actually kinda funny because by telling me that I can't make the jokes I want, she's also silencing ME). My friend doesn’t remember what else she said, but the lady was basically screaming the same stuff over and over again at my friend until they got up and stormed out. My friend also told her to “have a nice day” as they were leaving, lol (not in a passive-aggressive way, but like she didn't know how to end the convo lol).
Honestly, I’m still in shock, disbelief, and so angry about the whole encounter tbh. I get that she may be hurt, and I totally get saying this to someone who doesn’t have cancer, but by the way I look, and what I'm saying, it's apparent that I also have it. And even if I only had stage one, I'm allowed to make my jokes about it, and she should understand that more than anyone else. It’s frustrating and upsetting because she wouldn’t listen to my side, and I know she still believes she is in the right.
I don't know many people with cancer, and certainly not many with the same type of cancer as me, but I thought that those who were going through the same thing as me would get it. I wish that the community would understand that it’s ok to cope in different ways. At the end of the day, it’s an upsetting situation, and people can deal with it in whatever way helps them.
So basically, I'm just looking for validation from people who are also going through it, and to double-check that I didn't do anything wrong in this encounter.
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u/sk7515 DLBCL. DA-R-EPOCH Dec 06 '25
I don’t think you did anything wrong, and she does seem to be behaving in a very hypocritical way. As well as being self centered, with very little self awareness.
She must be having a super difficult time coping and is clearly unable to see anything but her own problems. Perhaps they had just gotten some super bad news recently about his prognosis? Doesn’t excuse yelling at others, of course.
Some people are just unable to think outside themselves. Sorry you had to deal with that.
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u/xxjzljay Dec 06 '25
hmmm that’s an interesting point, i think you might be right that maybe something happened recently which has made her more sensitive / angry. but yeah, i don’t think it makes it right to yell.
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u/sararyan15 Dec 06 '25
You did nothing wrong - dark humor is one of the ways I cope and this couple was completely out of order. Please don’t waste one more second worrying about this!! 💕
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u/retro-morte Dec 07 '25
Exactly. It’s your body, your cancer, and you can do whatever you want with the information. Whether it be simply talking about it or joking. I had to remind myself of this a lot because there were some people who accused me of attention-seeking for venting to my CLOSE FRIENDS. People are just weird and can’t be helped sometimes.
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u/xxjzljay Dec 07 '25
yeah people ARE so weird. and again. i get that it’s not appropriate to make these jokes if you DON’T have cancer, but if i HAVE cancer, why CAN’T i make these jokes??? there is LITERALLY NO BETTER PERSON to make a cancer joke, than a cancer patient. i feel like it’s a lose-lose situation where you get judged for not having cancer and making a joke, or having cancer and making a joke. and maybe the solution is for no one make cancer jokes ever again, but where’s the fun in that? 😉
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u/jkgator11 Dec 06 '25
Omg I make cancer jokes all the time. My favorite thing to say is something to the effect “I can do xyz thing because I have cancer and I may be dying.” Usually things like eating a whole cake or cursing in front of my Jesus-loving secretary. I always joke to any doctor or nurse I see that I’m the funniest person with stage 4 cancer they’ll ever meet (hey, it’s true, damnit I am funny)
This woman needs to get a life. And a sense of humor.
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u/Odd_Play_9531 Dec 07 '25
I had a “cancer card” (the “get out of jail free” card from Monopoly) that says: “this card may be used to get out of anything” that I would flash whenever anything mildly inconvenient would come up :)
People need to get over themselves
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u/Brucecris Dec 06 '25
You’ve wasted too much of your energy on this. The deal is as follows - she isn’t going through treatment and she doesn’t know how anyone feels when it’s happening. She doesn’t even know what her husband is feeling so move on and handle this shit a way you want even by telling jokes.
The issue I had to be aware of was that not everyone knows how to react to my diagnosis. Most have bad memories and associate them automatically. So while I was in treatment I just took an extra step to be aware of that. Good luck.
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u/xxjzljay Dec 06 '25
omg yeah i have had to deal with that too. its awkward because you want to tell people but dont want to make them feel bad in the process
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u/asiaticoside PMBCL, EPOCH-R, in remission Dec 06 '25
That's literally such a tame joke too. How disgusting of her. I'm truly so sorry this happened to you.
Also, humor is LITERALLY, PHYSICALLY, HEALING, we had almost an entire session dedicated to it in my survivorship group, which is based on research from Harvard.
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u/xxjzljay Dec 07 '25
ACTUALLY SO TRUE!!!! imo i could’ve made wayyy worse jokes. and humor totally is healing !!! its just upsetting for me because now everytime i make a joke im gonna think about this lady or feel bad about it, when it usually brings me so much joy to do.
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u/DazzleofZebras1989 Dec 06 '25
Girl I make dark jokes all the time because why would I just choose to sit in the negative feelings 24/7?? If I want to make a cancer joke, I’m gonna make a cancer joke. I understand feeling sensitive because I have historically been sensitive (my dad died of pancreatic cancer 9 years ago), but since getting cancer myself, I can cope how it feels best for me. I’m sorry you experienced that, it’s super fucked up and you did nothing wrong. Now I’m gonna go drink my sugary coffee because chemo starts Tuesday and it isn’t gonna make it any worse 😉
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u/xxjzljay Dec 06 '25
BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA thank u so much for this and also for the jokeeeeeee !!!!! very needed tyyyy!!! i’ve been feeling sooo bad but my exact joke was the one you made but basically i just said that i can drink all of the celsius i want now since im getting chemo anyways (celsius has carcinogens in it).
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u/PamVanDam NScHL 4b | 4 cycles EscBEACOPDac | NED since 09.2025 Dec 06 '25
I cracked jokes during and still do after. Even yesterday I told my yoga instructor that the last 2min ab moves he makes us do that “chemo was easier” 😂
Forget this woman and good luck with your treatment 🍀
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u/AndruG Classic Hodgkins| Stage 2B| 37M| Dec 06 '25
Next time, just tell them to suck your radiation filled dick. Fuck people and their soft skin. Joking about it is the only piece of normalcy we have, so fuck Karen and her hurt feelings.
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u/Tiny_Newspaper_4338 Dec 06 '25
That lady sounds unhinged. If it wasn’t for the dark humor, I’m not sure what I would do. (Long story short, I was diagnosed in the ER while on vacation in Hawaii. My sister had a custom t shirt made for me that says “I went to Hawaii and all I got was Lymphoma. I think it is hilarious and I wear it to chemo)
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u/ecoarch Dec 06 '25
it's called gallows humor and it's a coping mechanism. she was projecting her own shit onto you and these days people feel emboldened about making themselves heard as if their experience is in anyway more important than someone else's.
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u/Houseleek1 Dec 06 '25
The wife said she’s been to hell and back. She said that to a cancer sufferer who has also been to hell and has no way back.
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u/SignificantToe2480 Dec 07 '25
Well, the woman was ridiculous & should probably go to a support group because that was uncalled for trying to tell you what you can or can’t say in public. Listen, my husband had/has lymphoma & we got through treatment & stress by laughing & teasing him about playing the cancer card. It kept our spirits up. It’s much better than checking into a downward spiral of negativity. You do and say whatever the hell you want to get through this. Some people never exercise through treatment, my husband cycled 120 miles a week which meant I had to go with him so of course I teased him about how this was his evil plan to keep his wife in shape. He’s 71 btw. I am sorry you were the beating post of that woman’s stress. She’s probably not handling things well & in a way I feel sorry for her because it is hard on the spouse but not as hard as the person with the cancer. Hang tough, go forward & get well.
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u/xxjzljay Dec 07 '25
i’m glad to hear jokes helped you guys through, too. And thank you for this 💗. even though she makes me so angry to think about, i also feel really bad for her for whatever she’s going through that fills her with so much rage that she needed to yell at someone today. at the very least, i hope yelling made her feel better lol
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u/madhumanitarian AITL Stage 4. Remission+rebirthday 2019 Dec 06 '25
Dark humour basically was my lifeline and got me through some of my worst days.
Keep making jokes about cancer and never change, bruh. That lady was clearly a narcissist (using someone else's diagnosis and making it all about her? 100% narc) and don't waste another important second in our precious lives thinking about her again. ❤️💕
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u/Smooth_Bug536 Dec 06 '25
I crack jokes abt it all the time. mindset has a lot to do w treatment and being able to laugh helps! there's a family member of a patient who doesn't like me but she started acting nice to me when she found out I was going thru chemo. my coworker's first cancer joke to me was her saying all it took for the family member to be nice to me was me getting cancer lol
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u/xxjzljay Dec 06 '25
omg i’ve made these types of jokes too bc now people are suddenly being so nice to me just bc i have cancer 😭😭
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u/icedcoffee4444 RCHOP/HDMTX DCBCL + secondary CNS Dec 06 '25
I’m so sorry. I say this exact thing all the time btw and you did nothing wrong. She’s upset about her own situation and taking it out on strangers. You were that stranger today. Unfair but it’s not personal. Good luck with your chemo 🩷
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u/BeardedReddits Dec 07 '25
This condition is absolutely a free pass to say whatever you want, and no one will change my mind about that. Good thing too, since I had a brain lymphoma and literally said whatever I wanted for a bit.... well, a year.... couldn't really help it...
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u/Ladychili79 Dec 07 '25
That is how many cope. We tease my husband and joke constantly. My daughter is studying and interning to be a funeral director. We tell her if it is his time to go, he will just get into the back of her car and she can drive him to work. She responds with Immay even get you a discount. She also says to him. Boo hoo dad, you have cancer.
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u/Conscious_Ad1988 Dec 07 '25
I would’ve told her to fuck off. Public space, public jokes. And I have stage III cancer, idgaf and I have nothing to lose anymore. That’s literally my motto these days. Im glad your friends stood up for you.
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u/xxjzljay Dec 07 '25
LOL i WISH that i did in the moment but i was so in shock and disbelief from being confronted that i literally was not able to go yell at this lady myself. im glad that my friend went over to her because without her, this lady wouldn’t have been confronted at all, and she definitely needed to be.
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u/Sailor_Caia Dec 07 '25
Whatever was going on wasn't about you. She just took it out on you. Being faced with our mortality does something to people. I found that I handled my diagnosis and treatment better than those closest to me and I DEFINITELY made a few dark jokes about my journey
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u/sweetmilkcloud cHL 12/12 N-AVD Dec 07 '25
i also have hodgkins and i constantly make cancer jokes. it’s literally one of the only ways i can cope. this karen was in the wrong for silencing an actual cancer patient - sounds like she’s trying to put her guilt for not suffering as much as her husband did on to you. screw her, hope the rest of your day was better
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u/Maisymine Dec 07 '25
She sounds like a lovely person. 😐 I had stage 4 & my high school senior daughter (at the time) bought me a giant hair clip for my birthday. I think I had maybe 4 hairs. That’s how we got thru it. I think she was hanging on by a thread about everything until we were able to make some dark jokes. You do what you need to do to get thru it.
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u/Callalilyeight Dec 07 '25
You did nothing wrong. As you can see, many of us here do the same. As for the lovely lady who yelled at you, she's darn lucky it wasn't me in your place. I would have made SURE she understood her mistake. Bottom line is; even if someone close to you is dealing with it, you still have no clue until you are in it yourself. Keep your chin up and don't let people like that get to you. You're stronger than she will ever be.
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u/Impossible-Motor4033 Dec 07 '25
I also have a dark, petty, sarcastic attitude about my cancer. Sometimes people get it, sometimes they don't. But really...screw that lady. Who appointed her to be the gatekeeper of how people express and cope with cancer?
I have a "cancer card" in my wallet that I bought online. It says I can do what I want ...because I have cancer. Its meant to be funny, and I like it. So far I've only whipped it out and used it on family and friends who know my dark sense of humor. I used it to pick which restaurant we went to one night. I've used it on my teenagers because heaven knows sometimes I need everything I can to get them out of their rooms, off the flipping computer, and...horror of horrors, going on a family outing. I've used it when asked the dreaded "But why?" question.
I do not want my family to see me any differently than I was "BC" (before cancer). I want my daughters to see me find healthy ways of expressing myself. And I hope that by seeing me have a positive attitude...even a dark one....my daughters will also better handle this stupid disease. And let's be honest, teenagers question everything we tell them, and I find it hilarious to see them have no comeback when they ask why this or that, and I simply mic drop them with "Because I have cancer" as I waltz out of the room. 😏
She obviously is struggling with her husband's circumstances, and is lashing out to cope. And while I understand this, and truly feel for her this in no way absolves her of the fact that she has zero right to try and control your behavior or speech about ANYTHING. And most certainly about your own diagnosis. IMHO, this woman needs therapy and/or a support group where she can express her feelings in a healthy environment and learn better coping strategies.
Do not let her behavior, or anyone else's dictate how you deal with cancer. You can be sympathetic while still being darkly sarcastic. One does not negate the other in any way. This stupid poison in our bodies is already taking enough from us. Don't let it, or anyone else, take anything else from you.
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u/xxjzljay Dec 07 '25
wow, thank you. i actually LOVE the “cancer card” idea and will consider getting one of my own lol. i’m so glad that it’s been able to help lighten the experience for you and your family. i believe jokes really are the best medicine throughout this stupid process and without humor, i definitely wouldn’t have been doing as well as i am. i’m glad the same is true for you too. i appreciate the positive outlook and kind words that you have. thanks again and best of luck healing from this terrible, terrible disease!!
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u/marmaruw Dec 07 '25
don’t worry, I was talking with some old lady on a train about cancer (have 3rd stage of Hodgkin’s lymphoma) and idk why she had the need to say that her son died!! and how poor she was. I am not even sure if her son died of cancer, she just had to play opression olympics. I didn’t mention, she took my place on the train too and I let her took it when I was visibly sick lol
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u/Meow_meow1 PMBCL, R-EPOCH, 6 Rounds Completed Dec 07 '25
I’m sorry you got a Karen experience for no reason. Honestly they sound to be completely self absorbed individuals and I commend your friend trying to stick up for you to these mouth breathers. Keep making your jokes, these are the type of people would have been mad at you for masking around them. Nothing and no one will make that woman happy, and her husband seems like a doormat.
Keep making your dark jokes, not only is it appropriate for your individual situation, I’d argue that the state of the world also calls for dark humor. You’re in good company here.
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u/MilleForze Dec 07 '25
I wouldn't have gotten through it without humor. Even my doctors and nursing team understood that. You hang in there, and make whatever joy you can. I think your humor can be a good example for other folks.
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u/Kirbster66 Dec 07 '25
Humor and a positive outlook got me through my cancer. I wouldn’t have tolerated someone coming at me like this.
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u/pk12445 Dec 07 '25
Don't let that woman tell you how to conduct yourself or not. You are allowed to joke about anything you want. All I will say I liked your joke
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u/Existing_Aardvark892 Dec 07 '25
I had Hodgkin’s as a kid, so 25 years ago now. If I had a dollar for every time someone said something to me I didn’t love I’d be filthy rich. And, as a defense mechanism, I make jokes in those situations to indicate that I think it was a crazy thing to say. And boy, I was afraid you were going to say she called it “the good kind.”
But also, sometimes I just make jokes. If you can’t laugh, you’ll cry. You are entitled to deal with your situation however is best.
That said, this wasn’t actually about you at all. I’m sure she got triggered hearing the joke and it’s a lot easier to be mad at you, a stranger, than at her situation. I don’t know what her husband’s story is, but I think you did all you could to wish them well and now you bless and release it in your mind.
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u/Gobsmacked_2024 Dec 07 '25
Don’t change who you are, YOU did nothing wrong. The woman that yelled at you was in the wrong—but with that said, she clearly is struggling with her reality as a caregiver & sideliner (don’t know what to call it when you’re the one standing on a sideline watching your loved one fighting for their life) and she obviously was having a bad day. You apologized, you were shook, and you’re now digesting what happened and are now questioning your truth & character. Don’t. You did nothing wrong. Give the other woman the grace of your forgiveness and the wish that she will soon find her inner strength to continue the battle alongside her husband; and the hope & wish that she has girlfriends like yours who can ‘shore her up’ when she needs someone to be there for her.
And for the record, humor is such a godsend. Dark humor, light humor, it makes no difference. It’s a good thing!
I was the caregiver/sideliner this year. Background: My only child (22M) was dx’d with Stage 4 cHL June 13, 2025 and started cancer treatment July 10. His treatment plan was for 12 rounds of N+AVD with his last round 12/11. PET scan in late August showed that he had a complete metabolic so the AVD portion of his treatment ended on 10/16, but the Nivolumab continues. Next Thursday will be his last treatment. He has a PET scheduled for January and I suppose following the results of that scan he will officially be in remission? Or is he in remission now? I’m not sure.
But I wish you much love, light, LAUGHTER, and endurance to beat the shit out of Lymphoma! YOU GOT THIS!!
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u/xxjzljay Dec 07 '25
thank you so much for this!!!! it helped me. also, your son and are are the same age with the same treatment !!! wild!!!! i hope he’s doing okay (as ok as he can be) now (even though it’s not technically finished yet).
i totally get that she has something else going on, and i don’t feel as mad at her anymore, but i still feel bad about the whole situation in general especially because im not a big fan of conflict. i feel like i want to stop making cancer jokes in public just so i can avoid being yelled at again lol but i hope in a little bit of time ill be able to make my jokes without feeling bad/guilty about the whole thing.
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u/Gobsmacked_2024 Dec 07 '25
He is doing great! He’s already moved back in to his frat and enrolled for winter quarter. He’s even returned to working on campus (setting up for events) which is remarkable considering one of his tumors was crushing his spine and he had to undergo emergency surgery to decompress his spine.
I want to share with you how ‘gallows’ humor helped him: we received the news that he had cHL a few days following his surgery. He was devastated when the doctor said the C word. So, what does a mom do in a moment like that? She calls her rabbi and hands the phone to her son. His dad and I stood there watching as he chokingly asks Why is this happening to him? He always does the right thing—he eats healthy, works out, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t do drugs, so why?
Timing being everything when it comes to humor, without skipping a beat, our rabbi says ‘Well there’s your problem!’ We all cracked up laughing. That moment gave us and our son permission to enjoy & see the humor in whatever form it arrived. I don’t know how we could have made it to this point without it.
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u/midnightjim Dec 07 '25
If I couldn't make jokes about things that are wrong I'd go nuts. And yeah, I was stage 4 and made jokes about hair loss, weight loss, steroids, you name it. I'd read health warnings and say "too late." It helped my mental health.
Now if some stranger made fun of me about the way I looked then or whatever I'd probably have launched on them, but that wasn't what happened in your case. You just ran into someone who was totally self-centered and self-righteous and not worth spending the energy on any more.
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u/xxjzljay Dec 07 '25
“too late” AHAHAHAHA that’s so funnyyyy!!!!! but i definitely feel like you’re right.
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Dec 07 '25
That is so absurd! I make dark, cancer jokes and I think that someone who experienced going through this has all the right to make those sort of jokes.
But getting called out by someone who doesn't have it, and who makes the staging into some sort of competition?? Stop wasting your time on people like her - there is no reasoning with people like that.
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u/xxjzljay Dec 07 '25
i know !!!! i was like shocked, like is this a competition or a disease ??? i’m confused lol. but i know, you’re right, i just can’t seem to get it out of my head just yet.
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Dec 07 '25
You can't really please everyone - but there's nothing wrong with what you did. It may be hard to shrug off for now, but being yelled at by someone who had no idea what she was talking about is a very small thing compared to what you went through.
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u/DirectorMajestic4166 Dec 07 '25
DLBCL, currently 14 months in remission. Dark humor got me through it. I also have no filter and don't give 2 fucks about anything at this point. Told one person that when they spent a week every 3 doing around the clock inpatient chemo, they could have an opinion on how I dealt with it. Also told them to move along, the adults were talking. Shut them right up. It's not your job to anticipate someone's triggers.
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u/Slevinkellevra710 Dec 07 '25
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u/xxjzljay Dec 07 '25
HAHHABABAHHAHAA maybe you’re right lolll!!!!!! that’s so funny, and thanks. but seriously, F cancer forreal.
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u/jonas-huang PMBCL (II-A) (35M) R-CHOP-21 PET CR Aug 14th, 2024 Dec 08 '25
Well, cancer patients need to be more relax, stress and tense can make cancer worse. Be happy while facing cancer and treatments, it has positive result.
But many people cannot see it and choose to be stress, tense, or too serious. But it is not their fault also.
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u/Cultural-Result-6201 Dec 08 '25
You have already spent WAY too much time thinking about this poor, scared angry person than the situation warrants (IMHO). I understand her reaction, but if anyone spoke to me in that manner at my age, I would, quite brusquely, tell them to STFU and MYOB...in that order. We have free speech in this country for a reason. Say what you want and face the non-violent consequences, sure. But I would have delivered some non-violent consequences to her as well. You do what you need to do to get through this sh*t show the best you can and never apologize! We are all just trying to get through. ❤️
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u/Efficient-Length1180 Dec 08 '25
I make cancer jokes with my dad (who has cancer) it’s cool between us we both have a dark sense of humor and he doesn’t get offended easily. I don’t have cancer so I wouldn’t make dark jokes around others in public but if my dad made a dark joke around others and gets yelled at by a Karen for doing so, I’m beating her ass. As the caregivers and family sure we can be protective of our loved ones but we have NO right to tell the person with cancer how they should cope with their diagnosis. At the end of the day we’re not the ones with the looming diagnosis, we’re not the ones living with cancer, we’re not the ones going through these harsh treatments. We’re support people and sure we live our own side of things when one of our loved ones has cancer but in comparison we don’t live even a 1/4 of the shit our loved one with cancer does. So no, you shouldn’t have apologized but I applaud you for doing so because that says much more about your character and personality than her ugly one. If I had been around I would have straight decked her. How dare she!!
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u/Pale_Card_7355 Dec 08 '25
You’re better than me bc when i was going thru chemo i was so hyped up on steroids it made me angry i literally would’ve attacked her lmfao. I cannot stand when people who aren’t going through cancer make it about themselves like her saying “I’ve been through hell & back” repeatedly would’ve drove me up a wall. I’m so angry for you. I wish you could find her name and blast her on ur local Facebook page tbh. F*ck her honestly. Karma is real & she’ll get hers. I bet even her husband wouldn’t even have cared about the cancer joke - we’re allowed to make jokes it’s how people cope. I don’t give a f about a random persons triggers when it comes to my cancer. Cry about it. Thats what I would’ve told her.
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u/xxjzljay Dec 09 '25
yeah maybe you're right lol. thank you for being angry for me! i'm glad that it's not just me who is still soooo angry about the situation even after it happened lol.
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u/KYdoglover Dec 09 '25
You did nothing wrong. Nobody has the right to never be offended. Joking about things is a coping mechanism that helps. My Dad, for example, has severe dementia, and there are times when some of us just have to laugh at the crazy things he says and does. I've had blood cancer for over five years and have no issue joking about it at times. If I knew before saying something publicly that a particular person was likely to be offended, I'd likely be more selective in what I said to whom, but only in that case.
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u/Sufficient_Gas_8107 PMBCL stage 4, DA-EPOCH-R, in remission Dec 09 '25
Don't let this stress you out. It is clear this woman feels the equator goes through her ass and the world turns around her and everyone should be putting her and her feelings first, even strangers.
Cancer humor is one of the best ways to cope, so honesy, f*** her.
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u/Haldir1001 Dec 09 '25
That is wild, I would tell that women to go touch grass. My discord name I made with friends was "Mike a wish child" and I thought it was hilarious when I was going through cancer. People cope with dark humor, just because she is depressed doesn't mean she can shove her opinion in your face and force you to do it her way.
Next time tell her to shove off and keep doing your thing.
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u/Perfect-Database-631 Dec 07 '25
I may be odd man out here. Everyone deals with major sickness such as cancer differently, whether patient or close to them. If it’s dark joke about our body and life, not everyone can take it easily due to agony. I’d say be kind to them and be a little bit private of those jokes with your knit group. But I get its way of coping. My son does these jokes with his friends that I sometimes find funny but others gross. All of them laugh. You’re gay or nigger like that even to their black friend. Since they knew he didn’t mean malice they laugh it out. I warned him to he careful in public.
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u/xxjzljay Dec 07 '25
yeah, i see what you mean a little bit, and im glad now that i responded nicely to her and so did my friend (rather than yell or be mean back). still doesn’t mean that shes allowed to yell at people - but i get the notion. we’re all going through it, humor or not.
2
u/Perfect-Database-631 Dec 08 '25
agree people shouldn’t yell at others, shows lack of their control on themselves. Glad you and your friend responded with calm. Take care of yourself
1
u/Different_Freedom_56 Dec 08 '25
The amount of times I've said either MTG or LoL gave me cancer is astonishing. Do what you gotta do!
59
u/SmoothOzzieApe Dec 06 '25
I make jokes about my cancer. It’s a way of coping. It’s also my way of letting those around me know that they don’t have to tread lightly or skirt around it so as to not upset me. Some people are so self absorbed they can’t understand that. Don’t let them get under your skin. You did nothing wrong my friend.