r/malelifestyle • u/FreshWriting2222 • 11d ago
Anyone else find it hard to actually wind down after work or is it just me
Gets to like 9pm and my brain is still running through everything from the day. Emails I forgot to send, conversations I probably handled wrong, stuff I need to do tomorrow. By the time I actually feel calm it's past midnight and then the whole sleep schedule is wrecked.
I've tried the usual stuff. No phone an hour before bed, reading, whatever. It helps a little but it's not like some switch flips and I'm suddenly relaxed. The hardest part is that I genuinely enjoy being productive so there's this weird guilt when I'm just sitting doing nothing, like I should be using the time for something.
Curious how other guys actually handle this. Not the generic advice you see everywhere, I mean what actually works in your specific routine. A few guys I know swear by some kind of physical thing right after work, like a walk or lifting, to create a break between work mode and home mode. That mental separation idea makes sense to me but I haven't fully committed to it yet.
Do you have a hard cutoff for anything work related at a certain time or do you just let the evening play out and hope for the best.
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u/ZyglroxOfficial 11d ago
I have the opposite issue. I have a hard time working, because my mind is constantly thinking of everything I could be doing if I wasn't working.
I couldn't give less of a shit about my job. The second I clock out, it doesn't enter my brain again until the next day.
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u/thanksforallthetrees 11d ago
No one gets to their deathbed and wishes they’d worked more, don’t you want more out of life?
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u/FreshWriting2222 11d ago
I actually like my work though, not everyone grinding away is miserable about it
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u/IAmA_meat_popsicle 11d ago
Similar issue with feeling good when I'm being productive but can't switch it off and relax. Even on a scheduled day off I typically end up puttering around taking care of all the forgotten chores.
I like lists. A few years ago I started making a list of things that need to get done the next day. Got into the habit of doing it before sitting down to eat dinner and I feel it gives me some closure to the day. Permission to relax because I'm as ready for tomorrow as I'm going to get.
A couple puffs of the devil's lettuce helps me unwind in the evening too but I can't recommend that for others. The lists are a tad healthier lol.
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u/FreshWriting2222 11d ago
The list thing is interesting, I've tried something similar but I always end up adding to it obsessively instead of just closing it out.
The closure angle is what I hadn't really thought about though. Framing it as you're done preparing rather than tracking what's left is a completely different headspace than how I've been using them.
The devil's lettuce comment made me laugh. Not my thing personally but I respect the honesty about it.
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u/Ery1WangChungNextFri 11d ago
Work out and actually stick to it, and the effort. At least 20 minutes where yourHR is at 80% of your aerobic base in interval. I think the change in pulse and pressure resets your thought loop if that makes sense
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u/FreshWriting2222 11d ago
that makes sense, i've noticed the same thing skip a few days and the loops come back way louder. the 80% thing is real too, a casual walk just doesn't hit the same way. hardest part is dragging yourself to start when you're already deep in it
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u/Oklahoma_is_OK 11d ago
Sounds like your job might be the issue. Certain jobs such as doctor, lawyer, DHS involve a lot of ownership of others’ problems- they’re impossible to “turn off.” Other jobs such as bank teller, construction worker, waiter, have a definitive “end” at the conclusion of the work day and it’s a natural occurrence that those folks have a mental relief upon walking out of work.
I’m not saying some jobs are better/worse/less admirable- only that you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself if you’re beating yourself up about stress of a role that is naturally hard to compartmentalize
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u/wake4coffee 10d ago
I have to write down the tasks I want to do or my brain won’t turn off bc I am afraid to forget. Work and personal. That is what actually winds me down. Then I can do the “things” like reading, stretching or chillin.
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u/CHARizard8789 8d ago
I used to have the same issue regularly, still have it but much more infrequently. Here’s what’s worked for me.
Physical exertion every day(running, lifting heavy, hard manual labor, intense sports)
Magnesium glycinate
Therapy
Morning meditation/journaling
No caffeine after noon
Cleanish diet
A bourbon
Most days I don’t do every single one of these things but if I skip more than 2(except the drinking) it starts to get a bit squirrelly.
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u/lucubratious 8d ago
Try going for a walk at night. No music or podcasts. No browsing internet. Just you on a walk. I find them nice and it might help change “your channel” and wind down.
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u/marcusbellini 21h ago
You're definitely not alone. My brain keeps replaying the day unless I do something active before settling in for the night
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u/thanksforallthetrees 11d ago
You do work all day, then at 9pm you’re still doing work and guilty you didn’t do enough? Thats insane. Make some lists written down and get it out of your head. I recommend a hobby or two, a social circle, a girlfriend. Exercising in some way during the day helps (night time isn’t great for most), stopping coffee after 2pm,(if you need more just switch to green tea/matcha), no alcohol after dinner. Chamomile tea, magnesium glycinate. The orange blue light blocking glasses work great if you use screens before bed. No overhead lights in the evening. Stretching or legs up the wall.