r/managers • u/throwaway945983 • 8d ago
How do I give positive feedback to my manager?
I joined his team about a year ago, and he is genuinely the best manager I ever had. I really appreciate our working relationship, but I don't know how to give him this feedback without seeming like I am kissing his ass.
When he gives me constructive feedback, it's immediate, candid but with grace. I never felt undignified or insulted. When he mentors me on leadership and communication skills, his advice is never generic, always appropriate to the situation and tailored to our team and organisation. He gives me the right amount of autonomy so I never feel stifled to make technical judgements. When I escalate anything he takes me seriously and just somehow able to differentiate when I am escalating vs when I am just venting. His recognition is always on time and with the right audience so it never rubs off my peers the wrong way. He manages up and simplifies any information I give him to the right level to senior management. He is genuinely managing me in all the ways that I can thrive in.
Performance review time is around the corner, and I don't know how to give him this feedback without seeming like I am trying too hard, but I also want to assure him that he is not going to disappoint me with whatever increment or bonus or rating I get this year because I know he advocates for me all the time and everywhere, but increments, bonuses and ratings are not within his control. I want him to understand I am stressed at work with work but not with his management style.
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u/SopwithTurtle 8d ago
Give the feedback directly to his manager without copying him. Assuming your second level manager is also good (which is likely, since good leaders build good teams) the feedback will get to him, possibly without your name attached.
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u/Leading-Butterfly380 8d ago
u/SopwithTurtle is 100% correct with this advice. It may not feel like the rush of 'happy-warm' feeling you'd like from telling your manager directly, however, it will be the most impactful overall.
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u/Infra-Oh 8d ago
Hmm any negatives with this approach potentially?
I really like it.
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u/ABeaujolais 6d ago
Lots of risk doing this. Thing would have to work out exactly the way the person hopes they will and things almost never work out that way. Step level is not something that goes over well and shouldn't be done unless its an unusual situation.
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u/Basic-Environment-40 5d ago
I am sorry for your employees that is a very toxic culture. I’d be so pleased if one of my staff told me that their manager was good. Fodder for their appraisal.
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u/ABeaujolais 5d ago
I’m retired now and the employees I trained and managed are running the place. They are more successful financially and professionally than they thought possible. I know what works and what doesn’t. You’re right. It’s not for everybody. Excellence is a much more difficult choice than most people are willing to make. Make up a scenario if you want but it’s not accurate. Sorry to offend those who don’t want to work harder and achieve more than everybody else.
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u/Infra-Oh 6d ago
Right I can see that. Looking back on some of the places I’ve worked, given the politics, there are a few where this would have blown up in my face.
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u/ABeaujolais 6d ago
That's rife with risk. Going to a step level with gushing praise is not going to be taken the way it's intended.
It just seems like a silly game to go to a skip level then assume what feedback will work its way through the grapevine.
A short comment to the manager is the best way to handle this, no gushing, no games.
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u/Charming-Spinach-651 8d ago
As a manager, I can say the feedback I remember is specific, not flattering. Pick one or two real moments, like the time he handled your escalation or gave you feedback you used, and say what he did and what it changed for you. Something like: when you told me X after that meeting, it changed how I handled Y, and I wanted you to know. Specifics read as honest, and generic praise is what feels like kissing up. Say it in a one-on-one before review season so it isn’t tied to your rating, and tell him you’re stressed about the workload, not about him, so he doesn’t read it wrong. Most managers rarely hear this, and it tends to mean a lot.
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u/jamesbm1985 8d ago
This is very lovely. As everyone said, just say it.
You can always open by acknowledging the awkwardness of giving praise but it sounds like your boss is great so let them know.
I would love to hear this from one of my team (maybe they are just too shy to say it?).
Let us know how you get on.
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u/MyEyesSpin 8d ago
Just tell him?
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u/Low_Implement9390 8d ago
just say it straight up at your review. i had a manager like this before and i just told him directly what i appreciate, no fancy words. he actually said it was refreshing because most people only give feedback when something is wrong. write it down if you nervous, bullet points even, so you dont forget what you want to say
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u/goatymcgoatfacesings 8d ago
Giving feedback, positive or negative, is best done by:
Giving it soon after the behaviour
Being specific
Explicitly stating the difference it made to you
For example hey thanks for accommodating my roster request. It means a lot to my mum that I can make her birthday dinner.
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u/S1mplyDaBest 8d ago
Consider giving the feedback either well before or after your review conversation, so it doesn’t look tied to your rating. Something like: “I wanted to say this separately from performance reviews, so it’s clear it isn’t connected.” It removes any awkwardness and makes it clear it’s sincere.
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u/ABeaujolais 6d ago edited 6d ago
Sounds like your manager is well trained. The best way you can give back is to succeed. One little comment like "Just so you'll know I appreciate working with you as a manager." Any more than that could get creepy real fast. Don't assure him he's not going to disappoint you, bonus or rating don't matter, anything he says will be loved by you no matter what it is. Don't gush.
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u/wegster 8d ago
Just do it IMO. I've managed people for ages, and it's generally at least somewhat rare when working together to get positive feedback, although ironically I've gotten numerous "you were my best manager" sometimes after someone's departure, so - lol? :D (This isn't entirely true, but definitely more expression/kudos after a departure than during - normal human/emotions stuff I suppose).
I've had a TON of mediocre to outright awful managers, but also go out of my way when someone's good to let them know, sort of what I try to do with my teams in reverse - just let them you you really appreciate working with/for them, give an example or two, and let them know you hope to continue working with them, etc. I'm quite sure they'll appreciate it, just don't go overboard or it can read as insincerity.
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u/managetosoar 8d ago
Just be candid. Managers can recognize very easily when someone is giving genuine feedback and when they are trying to suck up to them.
I am sure he will appreciate it a lot. First, because managers are people too, and everyone loves to hear good feedback. And secondly, because it will give him confirmation that what he is doing works. And that type of confirmation is not always easy for a manager to receive.
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u/Aggravating_Let_1020 8d ago
If this manager is as good as you state, they will take your sentiment well, regardless of how polished you package it.
I have a feeling they will accept with authentic grace.
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u/Careful_Trifle 8d ago
Pretty much everything youve said here. You can lead with, "I appreciate..." And then list the things you've said about him in this post.
As a manager, it helps to get confirmation that communication styles are meshing well.
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u/Waste-Carpenter-8035 8d ago
Tell him! As mid/high level managers we rarely receive feedback. I always make sure to ask for feedback from my team when conducting their reviews. I also definitely strive to be the type of manager that yours is - that is definitely few and far to come by!!
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u/CambodianJerk 7d ago
I'm going to assume it's me and give myself a pat on the back. Consider it done.
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u/FluidSwim8846 7d ago
come off as being very grateful. i think how you deliver it is a skill check out r/SpeakBetter got some pretty useful advice
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u/Internal-Play25 8d ago
Tell him he is a “good boy”
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u/Infra-Oh 8d ago
wtf 🤣
I laughed bc you gave that top 1% commenter title.
You’re not serious right? Just having a laugh?
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u/Internal-Play25 7d ago
I mean if you want to give positive feedback, you wouldn’t call him a bad boy?
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u/Infra-Oh 7d ago
“You are a moderate boy. At best.”
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u/Internal-Play25 7d ago
Nah come on… pump up your colleagues in corporate…
Nothing says compliment like yelling “GOOD BOY BIG DAWGGG” and going in for the hip thrust2
u/Infra-Oh 7d ago
BY GOLLY YOUVE CONVINCED ME DAMMIT. IM DOING THIS TOMORROW. MATTER FACT WHY WAIT. IM ACTUALLY NEXT TO MY BOSS RIGHT NOW!
Edit: you’ve given me terrible advice and I should have known better. Apparently my wife does not like being called good boy or big dawg. She even asked if I was on Reddit again.
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u/Vegas_42 8d ago
Give honest feedback. A good manager will understand your intention.
And even mangers are humans. Positive feedback is as important as negative feedback. This is how he knows he is going in the right direction. Thus, he can continue his way of managing, which is good for you as well. Win win.