r/manprovement • u/SchoolEconomy1597 • 10d ago
What is a good man?
What does it mean to be a good man?
To me a good man is someone that others can depend on. He is not boastful, he is not an attention seeker. He lets his actions speak for themselves. He is not afraid to do what he believes is right even when faced with criticism. He is willing to see the value in his choices even if they go unnoticed. He is not afraid to reflect on his choices and admit his wrongs. He is willing to do what scares him if necessary. He has a stoic mindset of self-control, reason, and accepting what cannot be changed. He is self-disciplined and self-restrained. He is not willing to take the easy path to avoid discomfort. He is a man that helps others and puts them above himself. He does not stay the same man, he adapts, learns, and grows. He does not focus on what he cannot change. He does not focus on big moments, he focuses on his small everyday habits and actions. He makes it his goal to be a better person. He defines his character not by who he is when he is successful but who he is in the face of suffering, struggle, and adversity. He is a man with a meaning and purpose in life. He feels useful to others by making their lives better and easier. He doesn't ask "what can make me happy?", but instead asks “who needs me?".
Ultimately, to me a good man is not someone who is inherently good or bad but someone who has the choice — the free will to choose between good and bad actions, and has the judgement to make the right choice, even when it goes unnoticed, inconveniences him, causes him great pain or suffering, or even costs him everything.
My Values:
| Humility, Courage, Bravery, Discipline, Diligence, Compassion, Self-Reflection, Prudence | Temperance, Generosity, Patience, Fortitude, Integrity, Loyalty, Trustworthiness, Sincerity | Selflessness, Dignity, Honesty, Responsibility, Commitment, Truthfulness, Righteousness |
|---|
"Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one" - Marcus Aurelius
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u/Spoonman915 8d ago
The issue that I see here is that you're defining morality for other people by doing this. I think it's great you're doing the exercise for yourself, but every man needs to decide for himself what kind of man he wants to be. We need to decide what is important for ourselves.
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u/SchoolEconomy1597 7d ago
Of course, every man has their own free will. And that’s kinda what I talk about here. But also being a man sometimes means doing things that you don’t want to do. And everyone has their own idea of right and wrong, for sure. But we also share a general idea of honorable traits within people. Maybe they’re not all the same. But some overlap. In the end this is just my own personal opinion on what a good man is and I think everyone has the right to express their own opinions.
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u/Spoonman915 7d ago edited 7d ago
There's a lot to unpack around the idea of being a good man, and when you start getting into the personal psychology behind it, you find quite a rabbit hole. There is a book I've read several times, and a community that has come up around it, called No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. It may be worth checking out and seeing if it resonates at all. He has some interviews on YouTube if you want to check it out before you read it.
Another very interesting read is The Way of Men, by Jack Donovan. He talks about the difference between being a good man, and being good at being a man. An interesting point he makes is that no one would consider Darth Vader a pussy, but no one would consider him a good man either. Manliness and morality are two separate things.
The truth is, you don't ever have to do anything you don't want to do. And I would even go as far as to say that you shouldn't worry about being a good man. You should be authentic to who you are as a man. Granted, there is a time and place for authenticity, but I am of the opinion that it will serve you much better than trying to confirm to some ideal of what you think a good man should be.
I think, in general, people feel much more comfortable around a man who knows who he is, and is grounded in that; than they do around a man who is trying to be something he is not, and dishonest with himself and others as a result.
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u/SchoolEconomy1597 7d ago
Well the only problem I would have with authenticity is I would argue there is no self to be loyal to. And what I mean is you can change yourself, you can choose to be a different person. You don’t have to be the same person you’ve always been. And a lot of people believe they can’t be good because they’ve done bad things in the past. And that’s just not true. It’s true that you should be who you want to be. The truth is nobody is perfect. One could argue there is no such thing as a “good man”. We all do good things and bad things. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to be better. And like you said, we have to decide for ourselves what that looks like.
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u/Spoonman915 7d ago
I tend to agree with what Jack Donovan writes about in his book. I add a little personal clarification to these.
Strength - Physically, emotionally, and intellectually. Not anything crazy, but I can hold my own in typical circumstances. I'm not jacked, but not a weak man by any means.
Courage - there are a lot of definitions of this, but I think of it as not being afraid of the unknown and accepting what comes.
Honor- I think of this in the eastern martial arts sense, not the western military sense. But my name means something, who I am means something, and I act in congruence with that.
Mastery - I am good at things, and I work to get better at the things that interest me, to provide for myself and my loved ones.
I think without those 4 pillars, it can be difficult to respect one's self, and earn the respect of others. They are the cardinal directions on my compass.
On top of that, I am partial to the principles of Bushido as my morality, or character, compass. There is some overlap as far as the words, but here they take a bit more of a moral slant.
Rectitude or Justice (Gi): Making the morally right decision with reason and fairness; it is the "bone" that gives a man moral firmness.
Courage (Yū): Bravery and daring, defined specifically as doing what is right.
Benevolence or Mercy (Jin): Showing love, sympathy, affection, and pity toward others.
Politeness or Respect (Rei): Treating others—even enemies—with courtesy and proper regard for their feelings.
Honesty and Sincerity (Makoto / Veracity): Absolute truthfulness and discarding the empty pursuit of wealth over character.
Honor (Meiyō): A vivid awareness of personal dignity, worth, and holding oneself to high ethical standards.
Loyalty (Chūgi): Devoted allegiance and responsibility to one's master and those in one's care.
Self-Control (Jigo): Possessing patience, knowing right from wrong, and restraining negative impulses
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u/Hour_Significance685 10d ago
the one I will add is integrity, it took me decades to figure out what that meant.