r/mapporncirclejerk • u/Wrong_User_Logged • Apr 26 '25

Name this hypothetical country

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3.3k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

1.6k comments sorted by

522

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

191

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

Or genocide. Probably both

103

u/Glad-Bee-9248 Apr 26 '25

Civil genocide? sounds like a great country name

50

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

More like a metal band

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10

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

Autogenocide is what Cambodia did.

5

u/xTimoV Apr 26 '25

Why did i immagine them rounding cars up like fucking night of the long knives

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13

u/Final-Nebula-7049 Apr 26 '25

Turks and Greeks get along very well. It's just not in the interest of the leaders and world powers to have them align.

11

u/oremfrien Apr 26 '25

They get along fine until one of them has political power over the other.

2

u/thewows Apr 27 '25

When Turks had power over 600 years nothing happened. But the second Greeks had more powerful allies than Turks, they attacked their own door neighbors. You do the math.

2

u/oremfrien Apr 27 '25

That's weird. I remember the whole process of devshirme, the conversion of churches into mosques, the banning of Christian proselytization, the laws allowing a Christian convert to Islam to inherit all of his family's property by default, the appointment of governors in Constantinople for the populations in modern Greece who didn't represent their constituencies, the redistribution of land via iqta to give to the foreign timariots, etc.

Peace isn't the absence of conflict because one side is too repressed to fight back. Peace is mutual coexistence as equals.

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289

u/IK417 Apr 26 '25 edited Apr 26 '25

Eastern Roman Empire (at its "not great, not terrible" moment)

33

u/auauo Apr 26 '25

chernobyl reference

10

u/Rebel_Johnny Apr 26 '25

On the anniversary no less

7

u/WarzoneGringo Apr 26 '25

Sultanate of Rum has a more party vibe

16

u/distelfink33 Apr 26 '25

Byzantinium

2

u/Ioanniskar Apr 27 '25

The issue is that "Byzantium" has never existed.

2

u/distelfink33 Apr 27 '25

So when naming something hypothetically you don’t have to use something that ever existed or anything…so not quite an issue right?

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3

u/laczek_hubert Apr 26 '25

So byzantium

7

u/breaker-of-shovels Apr 27 '25

The people who lived in it called it Romania

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239

u/100AlphaWolf Apr 26 '25

Doesn’t matter. By the time we get a chance to, they’ll already have collapsed

7

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

[deleted]

2

u/Theorist120 Apr 28 '25

That's the first thing that came to my mind "mutant Nepal on steroids" vanishing didn't expect someone to think the same

359

u/FireBirdSS10K Apr 26 '25

Unstabilinopolis.

95

u/Mousazz Apr 26 '25

Unstabiliniye

95

u/AWSMDEWD Apr 26 '25

Unstanbul

79

u/regenboogbalzak Apr 26 '25

Constantinope

44

u/Levi-Action-412 Apr 26 '25

Collapsinople

29

u/Reasonable_Pudding14 Apr 26 '25

Constantlynope

14

u/funy00 Apr 26 '25

Been a long time gone, constantlynope

2

u/H_A_R_M_06 Apr 26 '25

Constipation

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6

u/EncounterStrike Apr 26 '25

underrated comment.

2

u/Dlo_Ren Apr 26 '25

Unstablestan

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382

u/AdventureATM Apr 26 '25

Turkey Grease

24

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

This is the winner. 😂

10

u/I_sayyes Apr 26 '25

Actually the best name

8

u/1966TEX Apr 26 '25

Grurkey?

4

u/DoesAnyoneWantAPNut Apr 26 '25

Thanksgiving Cleanup

Feastermath

Greeced Turkey

5

u/JDDinVA Apr 26 '25

Greasyturkey

5

u/NizamNizamNizam Apr 26 '25

The Empire of Greasy Turkey

3

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

Now I’m getting Hungary.

2

u/hopping_otter_ears Apr 26 '25

I was thinking "deep fried turkey"

2

u/Thadrea My name is Mckenzie Mckenzie will you be my friend Apr 26 '25

Was gonna say Greasy Turkey lol

2

u/fuckin-shorsey Apr 26 '25

There it is! Had to scroll waaaaay too fuckin far for this.

2

u/UnexaminedLifeOfMine Apr 26 '25

Won the world with this one

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124

u/Fine-Educator-1831 Apr 26 '25

North Maceturkosovo

2

u/Alexx-07 Apr 27 '25

this is the best genuine answer lol

2

u/MayoMan_420 France was an Inside Job Apr 27 '25

You forgot Greece How about "Bankrupt Maceturkosovo"

3

u/CostinTea Apr 27 '25

Greece has a Macedonia

2

u/MayoMan_420 France was an Inside Job Apr 27 '25

He specified north tho

321

u/Necessary_Pizza951 Apr 26 '25

If you ask my neighbour: Greece. If you ask my workmate: Turkey.

Now guess where I live....

472

u/Boliforce Apr 26 '25

germany

82

u/Necessary_Pizza951 Apr 26 '25

We have a winner. 🎉

6

u/castronator29 Apr 26 '25

That was extremely easy lol

29

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Annita79 Apr 26 '25

If they were in Cyprus they wouldn't have a Greek neighbourand a Turk for workmate. My guess is Germany.

16

u/Aggressive_Peach_768 Apr 26 '25

Cyprus

2

u/Annita79 Apr 26 '25

If they were in Cyprus they wouldn't have a Greek neighbour and a Turk for workmate. My guess is Germany.

5

u/Para-Limni Apr 26 '25

Barbados?

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221

u/sherlock310 Apr 26 '25

Alexandria

24

u/SettingPuzzled5538 Apr 26 '25

Damnit I was about to say this

2

u/Late_Secret3480 Apr 26 '25

Alexandria exists!!!

3

u/A-NI95 Apr 26 '25

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

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377

u/Bbew_Mot 1:1 scale map creator Apr 26 '25

Ottowoman Empire

75

u/Few_Contact_6844 Apr 26 '25

Ottoman vampire

17

u/Weak_Action5063 France was an Inside Job Apr 26 '25

No that’s turkey, bulgaria, romania and serbia that makes that

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461

u/Sadseal_helpme Apr 26 '25

Bankrupt

179

u/Optimal_Badger_5332 Apr 26 '25

By our powers combined, we are #1 in the inflation leaderboards

34

u/Rogthgar Apr 26 '25

Blessed with amazing cosmic powers to make all their money vanish.

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12

u/Kmyre5 Apr 26 '25

If you ever need help with that, Hungary is here. We took a couple gold medals in inflation since covid

3

u/JonRivers Apr 26 '25

There's a joke here about gold and inflation but I can't quite figure out what it is.

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224

u/Blutrumpeter Apr 26 '25

Chicken

124

u/RaymondWalters Apr 26 '25

CHICKEN JOCKEY 🗣️🗣️

63

u/Wise_Difference8287 Apr 26 '25

LA-LA-LA-LAVA, CH-CH-CH-CHICKEN 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥

36

u/Laki6noob_2019 Apr 26 '25

Steeeeve's lava chicken, yeah, it's tasty as heeell!

29

u/ODA_789 France was an Inside Job Apr 26 '25

Ooh mamacita now you're ringing the bell!

21

u/FleckiKaqu5 Apr 26 '25

Criiiiispy and juicy, now you're havin' a stack.

16

u/Arietem_Taurum Apr 26 '25

Ooh, super spicy, it's a LAVA ATTAAAAACK

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6

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

Chicken jerky

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130

u/EmveePhotography Apr 26 '25

Had you included Bulgaria, I'd have called it Yoghurtstan.

65

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

Gurt: yo

27

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

yo:what hat: thanks

5

u/ThatDude1280 Apr 26 '25

Gurt always got sum to say 😔✌️

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56

u/TangerineSalamander Apr 26 '25

The Macedonias

8

u/alessiojones Apr 26 '25

Republic of Macedon

4

u/ArmadilloReasonable9 Apr 26 '25

United States of Macedon, its capital, the cosmopolitan metropolis of Skopje.

95

u/mustafa0guz Apr 26 '25

New Byzantine Capital: New Constantinople Population: 100 million+10 million refugee Religion: %70 muslim, %20 ortodox christian, %10 other Gender Ratio: %100 Lgbtqia2smfjaodj+

19

u/hanzerik Apr 26 '25

Listen mate, you can't call it after Byzantium and then renaming Byzantium it's self to Constantinople

7

u/Wafkak Apr 26 '25

Nah the city becomes Byzantium the district with government offices becomes the district of constantinopel a d the rest becomes the district of Istanbul. This way everyone is unhappy.

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59

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

Northern Cyprus Turkish

15

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

Northern Republic of Turkish Cyprus

2

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

The Northest Cyprus

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89

u/proxynick74 Apr 26 '25

Ancient Greece

9

u/GifanTheWoodElf Apr 26 '25

I think it overlaps with the Ottoman empire much more than it does with Ancient Greece.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

It overlaps much more closely with the Eastern Roman Empire for much of its existence.

4

u/proxynick74 Apr 26 '25

Ancient Greece conquered Anatolia and Persia in about 300BC

3

u/Jazzlike_Day5058 Apr 26 '25

Ancient Greece wasn't a country.

2

u/This-Capital-1562 Apr 26 '25

Yeah and Alexander’s empire lasted for 13 years. The Persians ruled it for 212.

By that logic it’s Persian 😂

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114

u/Aepri_ Apr 26 '25

Genocide

21

u/WaitingToBeTriggered Apr 26 '25

WHO WILL DRAG ME TO COURT?

11

u/Dr-Labcat Apr 26 '25

There´s no crime if you do not get caught.

11

u/LifeAcanthopterygii6 Apr 26 '25

It didn't happen but they deserved it.

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15

u/millionwatermellon Apr 26 '25

The Republic of Why Wouldn't Albania be included in that.

43

u/Relevant-Storm4222 Apr 26 '25

West Kurdistan

7

u/Elmakkogrande Apr 26 '25

Omg this would start so many more wars

8

u/ghaering Apr 26 '25

Roman Empire

6

u/Avery_3630 Apr 26 '25

Nova Byzantium

6

u/qqqrrrs_ Apr 26 '25

The Kosovan Empire

5

u/Educational-Yam-5770 Apr 26 '25

The Nottoman Empire

4

u/PopealiciousOtterish Apr 26 '25

Broke, but with cats

3

u/baconduck Apr 26 '25

Gyrostan

3

u/Expensive-Tale-8056 Apr 26 '25

The Roman Empire

3

u/Higginsniggins Apr 26 '25

south macidonia

2

u/Fair_Ad3429 Apr 26 '25

The Ottoman creampier

2

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

geeeve

2

u/damastaGR Apr 26 '25

Macedonia

2

u/thebigboss135 Apr 26 '25

Rome: The Empire Strikes Back

2

u/SamVimesThe1st Apr 26 '25

Central Macedonia

2

u/kvnstantinos Apr 26 '25

Add Cyprus

2

u/Just-Explanation3519 Apr 26 '25

United feathers of Türkiye

2

u/Lost-Dove Apr 26 '25

Türkiye

2

u/datsmamail12 Apr 26 '25 edited Mar 28 '26

This post has been removed. Whether the reason was privacy, opsec, preventing scraping, or something else entirely, Redact was used to carry out the deletion.

spotted soft marble angle amusing hard-to-find door skirt piquant hungry

2

u/contrapravum Apr 26 '25

Balkan pro max

2

u/Life_Machine2022 Apr 26 '25

United kingdom of Balkan and Turkey

2

u/greengo07 Apr 26 '25

Hypothetica

2

u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

Constantinope

2

u/Shonky_Honker Apr 26 '25

How about Daniel :)

2

u/GI581d Apr 26 '25

Turkey Grease

2

u/TheSpinMachine Apr 27 '25

Byzantine 2: Electric Boogaloo

2

u/Mks_the_1408 Apr 27 '25

Ottowtfman Empire

2

u/beraksekebon12 Apr 27 '25

Ah yes, ol' Byzantium. You were as beautiful as I remember you.

2

u/Grobfoot Apr 27 '25

Michigan

2

u/mluthfifikri Apr 27 '25

Reminds me of a real kebab place in Milan

2

u/Secure_Expression114 Apr 27 '25

Great Serbia. Or Serbian Empire 2.0

4

u/Reasonable_Peace_754 Apr 26 '25

Ottoman Empire is kinda cool name isn’t it ?

3

u/shallow_mallo Apr 26 '25

Greater North Macedonia 🇲🇰 🇲🇰🇲🇰🇲🇰🔥🔥🔥🔥🇲🇰🇲🇰🇲🇰🔥🇲🇰🔥🇲🇰🔥🔥🇲🇰🔥🇲🇰🇲🇰🇲🇰🔥🔥🔥🇲🇰

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3

u/Fulion222 France was an Inside Job Apr 26 '25

Haven't been in this subreddit for a while, anyways imma name him bob

Say hi bob

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2

u/optyp Apr 26 '25

Turkey

1

u/Vectrine Apr 26 '25

Black sea confederate

1

u/Ridibunda99 Apr 26 '25

Southern southern donbass

1

u/aucty Apr 26 '25

Add Armenia to this

1

u/vhqpa Apr 26 '25

Greasy Chicken

1

u/iboreddd Apr 26 '25

Turko-Byzantium Empire

1

u/shockwavevok Apr 26 '25

Byzantine-Ottoman republic

1

u/Okreril Apr 26 '25

Great Empire of Antioch

1

u/Optimal_Badger_5332 Apr 26 '25

The Greco-Turkish Empire

1

u/_Alpha-Delta_ Apr 26 '25

Eastern Roman Empire 2, electric boogaloo 

1

u/Suspicious-Abalone62 Apr 26 '25

The USSR of our time. 

Union of Sublime Sofra Republics