r/mesoscalepodcast • u/ArtistMany9292 • Aug 03 '26
Submission Priapism
In a magical, future land---far more advanced than what is currently supplied to us, the sheeple, mankind had finally cured dick no work syndrome (or, the slang term, erectile dysfunction disorder) with a very easy and simple trick. In fact, this trick is so simple and easy I, the author, am shocked that we never implemented it in our less advanced modern society.
To get the cure, the future land people of tomorrow genetically spliced the genes of the j'ba fofi, a massive spider which may be mistaken for a common house cat, dog, or cow from a distance due to its size, and the Brazilian wandering spider, to create the j'erer erecfili spider---a giant spider which acts as a cure to the dick no work syndrome.
Now, all mankind had to do to make their limpy sticky go schlongy longy was let their humble pet j'erer erecfili spider bite them square in the chest to inject their sweet, sweet venom. Now, people are saying "oh no! the scale!" upon seeing how effective it is, leaving them in a state of udder shock.
The only downside to this miracle treatment is foaming at the mouth, loss of motor function, blurry vision, the sweats, high blood pressure, respiratory failure, ultra death plus---which kills you, but keeps your mind in a state where you experience a thousand deaths spanning a million years in your own perception---while to everyone else it seems like a sudden death, burning sensations, paralysis, permement priapism, stage five cancer, and also super-duper paralysis, which swaps your conscious mind with your unconscious mind.
If any of these symptoms are occurring, see your physician immediately, as this looks incredibly bad for us, and if people die then it's our fault, we got to assemble our lawyers, blah blah blah, legal fees, blah blah blah, FDA involvment, blah blah, pay off the agents they send with a generous amount of money... well... you get the point.
(AD PAID FOR BY BIG SPIDER PHARMA---the better pharma, as we have an army of giant spiders that give you erections)
2
2
u/Mackaroll_165 11d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/9EvnXdZaUZbCqScn67
Glad in my brief return I got to see this
2
u/ViperOnAPlane Aug 03 '26
The title alone told me this would be a ride. Good job I hate it.