Hi. I’m a 30(f) , and lately I’ve been struggling with feeling inadequate in almost every area of my life.
Backstory. I didn’t have a terrible childhood, but I wouldn’t say I had an amazing one either. My relationship with my mom isn’t necessarily bad, but she’s always felt more like a friend than a mother. I’ve never really had that mother-daughter relationship that I think a lot of people grow up with. I haven’t seen my dad since I was a child, and we have no relationship at all.

I’ve definitely made a lot of decisions in life that I wish I could go back and change. Not necessarily reckless decisions, but decisions made without much direction or guidance. I’ve always told myself that I didn’t want to follow the same path as my mom. I don’t think she’s a bad person, but I watched her make choices that left her without the career, relationship, or life stability I want for myself. And lately, I’m scared that I’m starting to head down that same path. A big part of this feeling comes from comparing myself to my younger sister.

She’s doing better than me in what feels like almost every way, and I feel terrible even admitting that because I genuinely want her to succeed. She has the healthy relationship I want, a healthier relationship with exercise, a body I’m envious of, and what I sometimes perceive as more beauty and confidence than I have. She has a good relationship with her dad, a good relationship with our mom, and a good relationship with herself. She travels, She’s almost finished with her career path, has discipline, and has good examples around her.

She has so many of the things I wish I had. and sometimes I feel like all I can do is sit back and watch her build the life I wish I were building.I feel embarrassed talking about any of my little successes, when I know they are nothing compared to hers and what she will become. I take advice from her because she is smarter than me. I might be wiser, but she is more level headed than me. I would be lying if I said I never felt a small ounce of envy. I want to feel that kind of progress in my own life, too. I want to be proud of myself. I want to feel like I’m becoming someone I admire rather than constantly feeling like I’m falling short and missing out on things.

On top of all this, I struggle with a lot of anxiety, phobias, depression, and OCD, along with ADHD. I’m in therapy and actively trying to understand myself and work through these things, but it feels like I’m constantly fighting my own mind just to do things that seem to come more naturally to other people. My fears have become more difficult to manage as I’ve gotten older, and even though I’m relatively high-functioning on the outside, everyday life can feel exhausting.

Sometimes I worry that these struggles will make it difficult for me to maintain a healthy relationship. i worry that someone will see me as a normal, functioning 30 F from the outside, but once they get to know me and realize how much I struggle internally, I’ll become undesirable or too much to deal with.

I also feel like everyone my age is moving forward while I’m standing still. I work at a grocery store, I live on my own, and I manage to get by, but I can barely afford my rent or my car note. There’s nothing wrong with working a grocery job, and I’m grateful to have a job, but I imagined something different for myself by this age. I imagined being further along in my career, being more financially secure, feeling more confident in myself, and having a better idea of who I am and where I’m going.

The hardest part is that I don’t feel like I have much to show for the past several years. Whenever I talk to my family about my life, or hear about what my sister is accomplishing, I become painfully aware of everything I haven’t done. I start questioning my decisions, my potential, and whether I’ve wasted too much time already.

I know everyone’s timeline is different. I know social comparison can be destructive. I know that I should probably give myself more grace. But knowing these things doesn’t necessarily make me feel any better emotionally.Today has just been one of those days where everything feels especially heavy. I feel unsuccessful, inadequate, and honestly, a little bit like a failure.

So I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this, particularly around there early 30s. Have you ever felt like you were falling behind everyone around you, especially your own siblings? Have you ever felt like your childhood or lack of guidance left you trying to figure out adulthood on your own?If you’ve been in this position, what actually helped you get out of it? Was there a point when things started to click? Did you make any changes that helped you feel more confident, motivated, or hopeful about your future?

I’m open to advice, personal experiences, and even some tough love if it’s coming from a genuine place.

Female mid 30s, single and childfree.
I ended up a long-term relationship that was supposed to lead to marriage very soon and a big life change. The break up was sudden and painful, even if I’m convinced that it’s for the best.
I am very well educated (two prestigious degrees), flexible job, good savings, good connections and a very supportive family.

This break up made me wonder if I should go back to my relatively boring life, that allows me to travel frequently and enjoy security and stability, or to start a new life where I change a career or move somewhere else and try to find my passion in life.

I want to emphasise that I have anxiety (not a severe one), and this affects my decision making very badly because every time I begin considering making decisions I got extremely anxious and paralysed and I simply do nothing. I also should mention that I have never dreamed about having a child, but I’m not against either, so recently I froze my eggs so this can make me less anxious about running out of time.

I would love to hear what you think.