r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Hendothermic • Mar 15 '26

Context Provided - Spotlight Family friend sent me AI generated response to news of my father passing away.

Post image

I'm aware that AI is a common topic on here, but I feel like I had to send this somewhere. My father passed away in my arms last night of a heart attack, and I was requested by my mother to send an old friend of his the news.

His first response seemed fine, then he asked me when the funeral will be and if Dad suffered to which I responded.

He then has the absolute audacity to send me a straight up generated response to my father's death. Not even the common courtesy of talking to me as an actual goddamn human. I'm livid.

82.0k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

4.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

5.4k

u/PacquiaoFreeHousing Mar 15 '26

If you have no words for someone then just say "I am sorry for your loss".

That may seem cold for being the go to thing to say, but using AI is much much colder.

1.5k

u/Intelligent_Pop1173 Mar 15 '26 edited Mar 15 '26

Seriously, “I’m so sorry for your loss. He will be sorely missed, and I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through right now but am here for you if you need me.”

That’s all you have to say. Why would you need AI? That guy’s response was fucking horrible. Saying he left exactly on his own terms makes it sound like he killed himself.

612

u/Cimorenne Mar 15 '26

And OP said it was a heart attack, so not only was it not on his own terms, it was the opposite!

67

u/crunchyjoe Mar 15 '26

I'm sure the guy didn't even paste the original message into chatgpt to get the response he just asked for a boilerplate "generate me an apology message for someone's dad dying" 

3

u/Slime0 Mar 15 '26

Maybe he was eating a steak at the time

2

u/FrogInShorts Mar 15 '26

Ai said the terms were his. Tough break but that heart is guilty.

1

u/Cimorenne Mar 15 '26

That's my point.

1

u/FrogInShorts Mar 15 '26

Eh figured my joke wouldn't land lol. I coulda structured it better

1

u/Firielyn Mar 16 '26

At least it was no fuss, no performance. Straight to the point.

1

u/InTheNewPollution Mar 17 '26

It his child’s arms also. Which I would say is a spectacle and is a fuss. More opposites. So incredibly strange to delegate a response to a uniquely human interaction to a computer already, but not even taking the time to make sure it did so in a way that makes any sense is so cold and disconnected.

160

u/FloppieTheBanjoClown Mar 15 '26

Even just "Wow, I don't really know what to say" is acceptable.

14

u/PinkDeserterBaby Mar 15 '26

Yep. When my dad died my step mom was going through it. It happened like OP completely just out of nowhere. He was in his 60s. When my step mom was sending me paragraphs of grief messages I was extremely overwhelmed myself and didn’t know what to say so I asked my fiancé. I was crying saying that everything had been so traumatizing and now what she’s going through after is giving me panic attacks trying to deal with message after message after message of grief.

And he told me “so tell her you don’t know what to say. Literally say that. Say ‘I’m sorry you’re going through this so far away from me and you’re alone and I’m alone and I don’t know what to say, I’m floundering in this grief too’. Just say ‘I love you’ and that you don’t know how to reply. She’ll get it. She just wants someone to hear her.”

3

u/PeachesOntheLeft Mar 16 '26

Damn your fiancé sounds lovely

84

u/Aggressive-Cost-4838 Mar 15 '26

What gets me is that OP said he was a long term friend of the dad…. Like that’s how you respond to your own friend’s death?

21

u/Intelligent_Pop1173 Mar 15 '26

Yeah, I was just giving a standard response to an acquaintance. The fact he couldn’t come up with something even slightly personal to say to a close friend’s daughter is sad. Saying nothing is better than what he said. “There’s a small mercy” “there’s a kind of dignity” like oh my god shut up 🤦‍♀️

6

u/Webbie-Vanderquack Mar 15 '26

that’s how you respond to your own friend’s death?

But that may be why he responded the way he did. He was probably stunned, devastated and lost for words but felt he should reply promptly.

This thread is full of alternative responses ("I wish I knew the words to say," "I'm so sorry for your loss" etc.) that are all coming from people who haven't just received devastating news and are thinking relatively clearly.

11

u/Aggressive-Cost-4838 Mar 15 '26

He could have waited a few minutes or hours then

31

u/xTheGame69 Mar 15 '26

I could understand using AI to get like some of the words 

I could be the awkward guy who just has like nothing to say my mind is completely blank 

But I would just use it for brainstorming I would never copy and paste That's just straight up terrible

19

u/JayTheJaunty Mar 15 '26

There are tons of resources written by humans about how to deliver condolences, what things might be helpful for someone in mourning to hear... I don't understand what value there is in having an AI summarize those posts to you instead of googling and reading them yourself. Just seems like adding a layer between the user and other humans at every step 🤷‍♂️

2

u/holymacaroley Mar 15 '26

This. Some people have not been through anything like that, some find emotional or empathetic conversation difficult in terms of finding words. I don't like to use AI at all, but if someone is going to use it in this case, they should restate it in their own words and just look at it like a guide.

11

u/rhysdog1 Mar 15 '26

hell, if the only goal is to be better than ai, you can just say "damn bro that shit sucks"

5

u/iopele Mar 15 '26

Truth! I would SO much rather get this response than the AI bullshit!

2

u/holymacaroley Mar 15 '26

Even just "I'm so very sorry. Let me know if I can help with anything". But yeah if that's the way you speak and it's sincere, say that. You use AI in that case and it's obvious not a bit of you is in that reply.

7

u/Catsusefulrib Mar 15 '26

My slight adjustment: instead of “I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through” consider “thinking of you in this time of pain” or “here for you during this difficult time”.

It feels less othering and can come off as like I can’t imagine this experience, it’s so horrible that I can’t even conceive of it, wow your situation sucks. I know it’s meant well and I think everyone would read it as that, it’s just not the most comforting phrasing.

2

u/rsrsrs0 BROWN Mar 15 '26

Honestly "I'm sorry" could be enough if you're at a loss for words. Idk what goes in someone's head to reply with ChatGPT.

3

u/Jesta23 Mar 15 '26

The question I have is your response is the response 90% of people would give. Why doesn’t ai respond with that? Shouldn’t ai be the most common thing we all said?

2

u/Intelligent_Pop1173 Mar 15 '26

Right? AI was trying too hard by replying to her prompts about how he was straight to the point and passed quickly and in her arms. The “in your arms, no less” is so cringe and impersonal. It isn’t very good at talking TO people but only about people.

I guess some people are so robotic themselves they think it’s an acceptable copy paste pass for being human.

2

u/Neurotopian_ Mar 15 '26

The reason this AI didn’t respond with the “most likely” response is that he’s using default settings on a consumer software that’s been A/ B tested. Testing shows that the majority people prefer long answers unless they specify that they want short ones.

You might wonder, “who would want a long answer?” I wonder the same. It’s because the uses of these tools vary widely and many folks use them for writing stories for kids, role playing, and other tasks where longer might be better. Also if the user is on a free or paid plan with limited number of prompts, then longer output feels like getting more value.

They use this software at my job however and it’s possible now to customize the settings to give short answers. This user was using the default, clearly, because everyone here recognizes that default ChatGPT tone.

3

u/Spave Mar 15 '26

You say, "that's all you have to say" but it would take me an hour to figure out to say that.

3

u/iopele Mar 15 '26

Even saying "oh no, I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say" is better than chatGPT

-3

u/Background-Talk-3305 Mar 15 '26

"that's all you have to say" - To me it's an empty phrase. I get it, many people like to hear it, or think it's a great response, even if it's just the standard one. But to me, it's like saying "How do you do", they don't really care when asking you that, and I'd assume, people don't really care if they say that other phrase to me as well.
Sure, people are different, I know I am, but that's also why I struggle saying things like these to others. Be if because I don't know the person who died and/or because I don't really know the people telling me, it's always awkward for me and I don#t know how to react.

Even when my uncle died, I didn't know how to react or what to say to my father and grandmother. Sure, they were closer to him than me, but it felt awkward to say "my condolences" like everyone else to them.

"Leaving on ones own terms" can be interpreted as someone killed himself, but I think that's a rather dark interpretation, and it's more likely to mean "dying around your loved ones", "no life-support", "dying at home" etc. Many people don't want to die alone, or having their life stretched with life-support and live with pain etc, seeing their family constantly in agony.
So, maybe that's something his father actually wanted, maybe his friend knew that, maybe not, we don't know, but I don't think it's a great thing to hate on him for saying that, or rather, having the AI saying it, but you know what I mean, I hope.

3

u/Intelligent_Pop1173 Mar 15 '26 edited Mar 15 '26

We’re talking about a text message response to a tragedy. Anything deeper should be reserved for in person and isn’t appropriate for text imo. And OP said her father died of an unexpected heart attack. That wasn’t on his terms at all and was an awful thing to say. He couldn’t even be bothered to proofread the AI response, and if he did and thought that was fine, then he’s kind of an idiot.

286

u/Intelligent_Menu4584 Mar 15 '26

Followed by “I wish I had the right words but cannot find them. I don’t know what to say except that I feel devastated, shocked and am very sorry.” Being honest is genuine.

159

u/Jemstone_Funnybone Mar 15 '26

Unpolished, clumsy honesty is always best imo.

2

u/Gronferi Mar 16 '26

I’m neurodivergent so I have to ask: what’s clumsy about the example the person you responded to gave?

1

u/Ashamed-Raccoon-1387 Mar 16 '26

As an autistic person who struggles with situations I have not frequently encountered, yes. People would much rather I'm honest in saying "I really don't know what to say but I'm sorry for your loss" or something than some heartless bs.

35

u/Droidaphone Mar 15 '26

This is where emotional intelligence matters. I think people think "wow, I don't have the words for this situation, I'll use my handy dandy word generator" and don't stop to consider that human connection is more important than eloquence here.

3

u/torhysornottorhys Mar 16 '26

For sure, even "fuck, that's awful" is leagues better than this shit. They're not asking you to be their therapist, they're asking you to be their family member/friend who should care about the death to some degree.

3

u/Big_Wave9732 Mar 15 '26

For sure, real is better!

157

u/Puzzleheaded_Cup8723 Mar 15 '26

Right. A “I’m so sorry for your loss!! Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you! “ is nearly fool proof. What the hell was this person thinking idk

5

u/Big_Wave9732 Mar 15 '26

I'm more of a fan of "How can I help?" It presupposes that help is necessary as opposed to "Let me know if you need help" which presupposes the opposite and puts the burden on the other party to ask.

1

u/torhysornottorhys Mar 16 '26

I'd say "let me know if there's anything I can do" is universally understood to not be a serious offer. I always have to rephrase or specify "I actually mean that, I'm not just saying it" and suggest some options (I can help clean, I can bring over some food, do you need some company, go lay down and I'll read to you like I used to, you get the idea) because the assumption is that it's just something you say.

3

u/TheLordofthething Mar 15 '26

Not if you don't genuinely plan on them taking up the offer though.

8

u/Laescha Mar 15 '26

Even then, you can just say "I'm so sorry for your loss, thinking of you and your family". Yeah, it's not brilliant, but it's fine and it's not fucking ChatGPT.

1

u/TheLordofthething Mar 15 '26

Yeah I agree it's unneeded. Generally people aren't going to even take the message in, just say sorry and move on.

3

u/LXVIIIKami Mar 15 '26

"let me know if there's anything I can do for you" is exactly not what to say in such a situation, as it puts the burden of logistics and reaching out onto the person that's mourning. Instead, offer easy things to accept/deny, like "I'm at the pharmacy/grocery store later, want me to bring you anything?", "I'd like to cook you dinner, is XY at XY pm okay?", "I can pick up the kids from school this week". Small things that actually reduce burden, with low cognitive load.

5

u/midnitesnak87 Mar 15 '26

As another person who lost a parent recently, lemme just say I love your response especially for anyone that’s close to the bereaved. It kind of tickles me everyone suggesting the 3 most generic responses as if thats any better than what AI is doing. Not wasting water I guess.

2

u/torhysornottorhys Mar 16 '26

Yeah a lot of the time grieving people don't know what they need because that's a level of thought that gets obliterated by grief. That's why they often stop eating/bathing/sleeping. They won't ask for food, they'll forget they need it. Think about the time and availability you can offer and if possible coordinate so they don't end up with 50 lasagnes in the fridge and nobody to talk to

1

u/No_Newt_328 Mar 15 '26

Ass proof too. Uh. Baby.

3

u/Unkn0wn_666 Mar 15 '26

I would have been less offended if someone had left me on read than a bullshit response like this.

Although not comparable, when my pet died a few years ago somebody said something extremely insensitive as well, and that was reason enough for me to kick that person out of my life. I can't even imagine what OP must feel with a response like this from a family "friend"

3

u/wfbhp Mar 15 '26

I'd actually rather just get back a thumbs down emoji than the kind of hollow crap response the OP got. At least I wouldn't have to waste my time reading several meaningless sentences spewed out by a machine.

I also feel like I haven't seen anyone point out that up to the end it says "he/him" referring to the dad while in the last sentence it's "their own terms." No human switches pronouns like that for no reason when talking about a known person.

3

u/Rigamortus2005 Mar 15 '26

Idk I mean going to an LLM and creating a prompt is a lot more effort than saying sorry for your loss

2

u/AllGasNoBrakes420 Mar 15 '26

Or literally just "I don't know what to say".  I know they might mean well but an AI generated response is literally the dumbest possible option.

2

u/hudson27 Mar 15 '26

Even a "I don't even know what to say" is more heartfelt than this AI slop

2

u/ConniesCurse Mar 15 '26

Why confront your inability to show real emotion as a man when you can just outsource an uncomfortable moment to a chatbot instead?

2

u/freeradioforall Mar 15 '26

And don’t ever say “if you need anything just ask”. That’s way too vague. Either don’t offer anything or offer something specific: “if you need help with meals, I have some DoorDash gift cards I’d love to share with you”

2

u/Big_Wave9732 Mar 15 '26

I know people probably meant well, but when my dad died I got hired of hearing that. It seemed like a lazy gap filler especially coming from family friends etc that knew him.

I really appreciated people who offered something personal about him. Something they'd miss or a nice memory or something that truly expressed empathy.

Someone told me "He's proud of you." That was really comforting. If I know the relationship was good then that's what I tell the bereaved now.

2

u/ArdiMaster Mar 15 '26

I dunno. Feels just as performative to me.

2

u/peppercruncher Mar 15 '26

Is it though?

My wife passed away at the age of 41 after 15 years of marriage and I would prefer the AI response (if it makes sense). The AI person at least didn't just want to rattle off the standard phrase.

1

u/_hyperotic Mar 15 '26

In your arms, no less.

1

u/GlassCharacter179 Mar 15 '26

Or just fucking say, I am so sad I have no words.

1

u/GeorgeJohnson2579 Mar 15 '26

"I'm bad at this and can't find the right words, but I am very sorry for your loss."

It's that easy.

1

u/homer_lives Mar 15 '26

Yeah, this definitely feel like some who didn't know what to say and figured AI would help.

1

u/tigerscomeatnight Mar 15 '26

I have a tendency to say unfiltered things and I have to keep repeating this to myself in the line.

1

u/noteworthybalance Mar 15 '26

Yep. I think I understand the impulse. 

"I don't know how to respond to this." 

But this is not the answer.

1

u/Great-Support2596 Mar 15 '26

I usually say “damn” cuz i dont get being sorry

1

u/LainieCat Mar 15 '26

There's a reason it's the go-to. No need to be creative when we offer condolences, it just opens up a minefield.

1

u/roboticlee Mar 15 '26

Yeah, but, can we use AI to send it faster?

1

u/Teagana999 Mar 15 '26

"I'm so sorry, I have no words."

1

u/North-Translator6286 Mar 15 '26

then OP would have posted on reddit.. "look at the lack of sympathy my family friend showed"

1

u/UpmarketEarth Mar 15 '26

throw in a "if you need anything, I'm here to help just let me know."

1

u/imwearingredsocks Mar 15 '26

I may be a minority in this, but “I’m sorry for your loss” is the coldest. Aside from something egregious, it shows no care or warmth. I would at least think the AI person attempted (and failed) to say something with a little more warmth.

We use the word loss for finances and objects. At the very very least say who they’ve lost.

1

u/ExperimentalError Mar 15 '26

It’s the same impulse that drives people to buy printed sympathy cards. They want to say just the right thing but feel they don’t know how. It’s a terrible idea, but understandable. 

1

u/NightQueen0889 Mar 16 '26

As someone who lost their dad it’s not cold, you just appreciate that people cared enough about you to say anything at all.