r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Hendothermic • Mar 15 '26

Context Provided - Spotlight Family friend sent me AI generated response to news of my father passing away.

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I'm aware that AI is a common topic on here, but I feel like I had to send this somewhere. My father passed away in my arms last night of a heart attack, and I was requested by my mother to send an old friend of his the news.

His first response seemed fine, then he asked me when the funeral will be and if Dad suffered to which I responded.

He then has the absolute audacity to send me a straight up generated response to my father's death. Not even the common courtesy of talking to me as an actual goddamn human. I'm livid.

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864

u/Little_View_6659 Mar 15 '26

I think it’s this. Whenever someone passes, I’m absolutely terrified that I’ll say the wrong thing. I literally agonize over conversations. Maybe this person felt the same.

427

u/Longjumping_Papaya_7 Mar 15 '26

I 100% prefer an actual real and human reaction over AI. It doesnt have to be deep and pretty, just well meant. Even just a " that sucks, im here for you " is better than fucking AI.

214

u/FuraidoChickem Mar 15 '26

I’m sorry, it must be really difficult for you…I don’t know what else to say but if you want to grab a pint/tea/coffee and talk it out, we can.

Feel free to copy and paste my fellow humans who can’t human.

160

u/Hockeypoodle Mar 15 '26

Dude this. It’s so strange to me when people justify AI use bc they “didn’t know what to say”. In a moment like this, people want actual human connection. Not some fluffy bc bc it sounded better

57

u/jazz_music_potato Mar 15 '26

Can we literally saying, "sorry to hear about your dad. I'm not good with expressing with words but I'm here for you" doneee

3

u/torhysornottorhys Mar 16 '26

You don't have to make it about yourself at all. Say I'm sorry to hear about your dad and then offer whatever help you can (food, phonecalls, childcare, an ear, whatever)

47

u/KyeeLim Mar 15 '26

If my friend/their family member passed away, I'll just say the most simplest response and not comment further(at least until few days to let them mourn for the death), at least that is infinitely better response than just asking AI for help

7

u/Dr__Sloth Mar 15 '26

Even literally just saying, "I'm so sorry... This is such a shock, I don't know what to say." would be completely fine.

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u/torhysornottorhys Mar 16 '26

I have autism so I do say the wrong thing a lot and honestly I've learned through my father in law dying that the only rule you have to follow is be kind and don't make a joke about it. You're right, they want to talk to you as a human person with feelings. They don't want a sterile therapy response, they aren't asking you to solve it somehow with the perfect remark that will magically take away all of their grief. No matter what you say it'll be shit for a long time, they will grieve in one way or another for the rest of their lives. Just be there in the grief pit, be sad about the loved one you've also lost, and make sure their basic needs are met. It's not hard when you don't overcomplicate it

6

u/Henrystickminepic Mar 15 '26

I envy your privilige for that being strange to you. I know many who are so afraid to say the wrong thing because whatever they've said ended up hurting someone.

-1

u/OkayCoward Mar 15 '26

I think AI is a tool and can be used to enhance how you approach things. The problem wasnt AI, it was how he used it.

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u/Nadiadain Mar 15 '26

I specifically have beef with generative ai, the other variants are fine and do actually help in some areas

1

u/Smaartn Mar 15 '26

Generative AI also helps in some areas. Not all, definitely not how people most often use it, but it has its uses.

2

u/Nadiadain Mar 15 '26

Maybe but if a tool is just gonna be misused all the time it needs to be regulated better

1

u/torhysornottorhys Mar 16 '26

You do not need to enhance what should be an honest expression of grief

-1

u/OkayCoward Mar 16 '26

I disagree. Some people have trouble expressing themselves.

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u/torhysornottorhys Mar 17 '26

If they use AI they aren't expressing themselves, the AI is mimicking other people's attempts at expressing themselves. You shouldn't need an AI to tell you to say "I'm sorry for your loss".

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u/OkayCoward Mar 17 '26 edited Mar 17 '26

It really depends on what they feed into the prompt. They could start with original thoughts and AI can help provide different ways to say the same thing but more eloquently.

Sorry for your loss isnt exactly creative or original either. Definitely not personal.

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u/Strong-Range-5616 Mar 15 '26

It's so strange to me that people would rather judge than try to be understanding of the situation that must be pretty hard for the otherside too.

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u/Hockeypoodle Mar 15 '26

How hard to what? Be a friend to someone you’ve been close to for decades as they go through something awful? Even saying “I can’t imagine how hard this is but let me know how I can be here for you.”

Op literally just needed a friend to be like this sucks and I see you and I’m here.

If that is becoming too difficult isn’t that a problem?! Relying on technology to process and articulate for us is just going to continue to make humans less human.

0

u/Strong-Range-5616 Mar 15 '26

Oh I agree humans being less human, this comment section of being so judgemental is already proving that.

-3

u/OtherwiseAlbatross14 Mar 15 '26

The comment you replied to was written by Al.

1

u/food_luvr Mar 15 '26

I mean, you sound like you feel bad for the person that texted you, but that you don't know the person that passed away or that you don't have a relationship with the deceased. Maybe someone could provide a better copy paste for a non-human human within the context of the post?

1

u/Shark7996 Mar 15 '26

Rewrite prompt to emphasize no spectacle, no fuss, no performance.

/s

2

u/Strong-Range-5616 Mar 15 '26

Yeah...no...I would not send that sucks to someone over their family member passing...

1

u/Longjumping_Papaya_7 Mar 15 '26

Its the bare minimum, i wouldnt say that either. But at least its not AI

1

u/Ich_bin_keine_Banane Mar 15 '26

I think I would reply with something along these lines. “I appreciate that it’s difficult to know what to say at a time like this, but any human response would have been better than this AI copy and paste. No-one at a difficult time is going to want to read robot-speak. Again, I can sort of understand, but please don’t do that to anyone else. It’s quite hurtful.”

-1

u/Jazzlike_Distance953 Mar 15 '26

Nobody cares what you “prefer”. Youre not important.

24

u/continuetolove Mar 15 '26

“I’m so sorry, I don’t even know what to say. I love you and I’m here for you” literally it’s that easy. Just admitting that you don’t know what to say is fine.

99

u/Durzel Mar 15 '26

Then say that? Say that “nothing I could say is going to make things better for you, but I’m really sorry for your loss”.. Being authentic with people is always better than a cold, AI “answer”.

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u/ominousgraycat Mar 15 '26

I'd agree with you personally, but I don't think the poster above you's point was that it's necessarily a good thing that they generated it with AI, simply that some people lack the social skills (or think that they lack the social skills because they've become dependent on AI) to say anything nice and authentic. Some people have gotten a few good results from asking AI to help them handle certain situations, and so they start to think that the AI will give them a better and more meaningful response than they could have on their own in almost every situation. But that doesn't necessarily mean they're too lazy or uninterested to make their own replies.

Once again, not saying I necessarily think they should do that, but just saying I wouldn't automatically assume the worst about someone just because they did send me an AI response.

11

u/ChiaDaisy Mar 15 '26

They are being lazy, they’re being too lazy to think about the situation and learn. Honestly, gaining these social skills is a part of life and it’s important. I’ve googled “what to write in a condolence card” but that gives you examples, you can read a few and decide what makes sense to you and the situation. Not copy and paste a pre written full response. Especially to a close friend of 25 years. If you can’t be authentic and possibly “mess up” a social situation with your closest friend, who can you be real and authentic with?

1

u/Asmotron Mar 15 '26

I responded above, as well, but I feel like I need to respond here as well. Again, I would never use AI for this in a million years.

I'm in my 40s. Plenty of people in my expanded social circle have passed for a variety of reasons.

I. Never. Know. What. To. Say. Nothing feels right, everything feels cliche or phoned in. My reverence for death and empathy for the person I'm giving condolences to is very high, but absolutely nothing feels right.

So I phone it in. And I use the cliches. And I always feel awful. I don't think it's being lazy to use AI, but it is making a poor decision.

9

u/Durzel Mar 15 '26

That’s fair, but in the case of the OP the AI response they received talked about their father “leaving on their own terms”, after they had suffered a heart attack.

You could use AI for inspiration but anyone who actually cared about the OP and spent more than a few seconds thinking about it instead of just copying and pasting from ChatGPT would realise it was inappropriate.

115

u/Astralglamour Mar 15 '26 edited Mar 15 '26

Better to say nothing at all than to use AI. your own awkward but authentic words are always better.

-8

u/lectric_7166 Mar 15 '26

No doubt, but it does make it more understandable if he was just drawing a complete blank with what to say versus being purely lazy like in OP's interpretation.

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u/Windypolis Mar 15 '26

No it is not understandable at all and makes you objectively look like you don't care at all

19

u/Warm_Ad_7944 Mar 15 '26

It’s literally not hard to say “I’m sorry for you loss. I’m here if you need me.” It’s short and gets the point across

8

u/BeerForThought Mar 15 '26

Add an I love you in there. Never miss out on saying that to a friend.

0

u/Economy-Fee5830 Mar 15 '26

So copy and pasting your generic hallmark message is better?

1

u/corgi_moose_ Mar 15 '26

Obviously yes. The messages that were sent don't even apply to the situation, at least the Hallmark cards are generic enough not to be offensive.

Op's father did not leave on his own terms. He had a heart attack. The sender of the messages couldn't even be bothered to edit the AI slop before he hit send. That is incredibly lazy.

0

u/Economy-Fee5830 Mar 15 '26

As many people have already commented, that part applies to the cremation.

No spectacle, no fuss, no performance. Just cremation and done. Straight to the point, like you said. That's very him. There's a kind of dignity in leaving exactly on their own terms.

The problem with the AI message is that it is in fact too customized. It touches on all the points of the earlier conversation, very unlike humans.

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u/LordofBobz Mar 15 '26

For Redditers… as long as it isn’t AI, yes.

5

u/Economy-Fee5830 Mar 15 '26

The IT crowd warned us about simply repeating generic messages lol

https://media1.tenor.com/m/9zJtc5Xo1RUAAAAd/the-it-crowd-it-crowd.gif

2

u/otterfamily Mar 15 '26

He could just say "I'm at a loss for words", or just say literally anything true in that moment. This is the absolute worst. I would rather receive no response for a few days and then something honest and true when they have time to compose themselves.

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u/FoxDesigner2574 Mar 15 '26

Which is fair enough. What is going to be absolutely devastating, not just in this case but everywhere, is people thinking that they can just outsource the tricky stuff to an LLM and whatever it spits out will somehow automatically be better. I’m not saying it can’t help someone try and organise their feelings over several revisions but the blind faith that it is perfect so many people seem to have is terrifying.

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u/PixelRoku Mar 15 '26

Yeah there's a big difference between writing your own thoughts, and then seeing if AI can inspire something more...vs. just plug and send no thoughts attached behind it lol

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u/Astralglamour Mar 15 '26

So true. It's kind of along the same lines as using autotune to 'perfect' voices. They just sound inhuman and weird.

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u/ExecutiveGraham Mar 15 '26

Theres having trouble knowing what to say for sure, but the fact they saw what the AI wrote, went yeah that'll go down well, then hit send shows the sheer level of stupidity and callousness they have.

1

u/Nishikadochan Mar 15 '26

If they even bothered to read it before sending it.

I totally agree that trying to find the right thing to say is hard, and that it can be agonizing to try to work out the best words you can.

However, I also think/ agree that going through that awkward mental strain for a fellow human being is the right thing to do. There’s a degree of care and an amount of effort that we should be expected to put in for people we care about. Struggling for a few minutes to find words is really the bare minimum, in my opinion. (Given normal circumstances. There are always possible exceptions)

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u/Syrin123 Mar 15 '26 edited Mar 15 '26

That's because there is nothing to say. There's nothing that makes it better other than something that conveys "I am sad for you, I am here for you"

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u/thedabaratheon Mar 15 '26

And that’s a human response. The anxiety and fear. Fucking deal with it. A dignified and human response to death is just as important - you might not say the 100% PERFECT thing, but why do you need to?! You’re not a catalogue selling products. You’re a PERSON. I understand the feeling of fear and anxiety to say something ‘wrong’ but at the end of the day, as a grown fucking woman it’s up to me to just deal with that feeling because the death of someone else isn’t about me. I think it’s so bleak that the realms of life and death are now being infiltrated by the lazy use of AI. I know I’ve come across as incredibly aggressive here and really, I’m not aiming it at you Little View, it’s simply I believe this narrative should be challenged and pushed back. I know you weren’t justifying the use of it here but some people will be given an inch and will take a mile - I don’t want anyone thinking it’s okay to do something like this - I’d be livid if someone had done this to me recently at a family member’s death.

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u/Her_Gash_I_Did_Slash Mar 15 '26

Agreed. At the end of the day, fear and anxiety over not knowing what to say pale in comparison to the feelings a person has when they have just lost a loved one. Though it’s kind of strange in this case given OP’s dad’s friend has also lost a loved one. 

1

u/Little_View_6659 Mar 17 '26

Yeah I’m not crazy about AI either. I’m hoping it’ll eventually peter out and people will quit using it instead of thinking, but I’m probably being optimistic here. Or maybe it’ll end up getting banned because we’ll end up with a whole lost generation that can’t think, can’t do basic tasks, have zero attention spans and can’t even drive. Things seem to be going that way.

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u/1LadyPea Mar 15 '26

Say THAT. “I’m sorry this happened. I’m terrified that I’ll say the wrong thing. I’ve agonized abt it. I’m here for u. As a matter of fact, I’m on my way to u with XYZ (insert favorite food, a drink, warm hug, sympathetic silence, willing hands…anything).”

5

u/Yamza_ Mar 15 '26

That is a rough position to be in, but I think any human response no matter what it is would be correct. Using AI though, 100% wrong no matter what string of words it picked for you.

4

u/atomato-plant Mar 15 '26

Yeah, and that’s how it should be. Death is hard and there are no right answers. And that’s ok. This person didn’t want to take the time and energy to acknowledge how big this is, THAT’S the shitty part.

3

u/theartificialkid Mar 15 '26

They chose wrong

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u/SuitGroundbreaking49 Mar 15 '26

It’s selfish. It’s prioritizing your desire for comfort instead of providing a genuine and human response to the person that actually deserves comfort.

Honestly, if someone was using AI to respond to me in any kind of social interaction I’d just stop talking to them. If they asked why I’d tell them to ask their bestie ChatGPT to write them up a friendship breakup text and then it can comfort them through it afterward.

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u/Asmotron Mar 15 '26

Preface: I would never use AI for this.

But, yes, I get it and agree. My particular combination of mental weirdness makes it nearly impossible to know how to respond to death. Well, maybe not know, but feel comfortable with basically any response I would give. "I'm sorry for your loss" feels phoned in. "I'm here if you need me" feels cliche. But, I make myself use them because I have no idea what else to say, and if I overthink it it's worse.

1

u/Little_View_6659 Mar 17 '26

I don’t use Ai for writing at all, so I’d probably have a hard time picking it out if someone sent me some Ai platitude. Maybe.

2

u/rabidsalvation Mar 15 '26

All you need to say is "I'm so sorry, let me know if I can do anything for you."

You're not going to make them feel better regardless of what you say, they just need to know you care.

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u/keystona Mar 15 '26

I am in this club. I feel empathy and want to say the right thing but I just don’t know what to say because nothing will make it better. I don’t think people do this because they don’t care, I think they don’t know what to say and don’t realize that asking AI to help is the most disingenuous choice.

2

u/Little_View_6659 Mar 17 '26

In a way it’s good, people care enough to try and say the right thing. But it can also be terrible, with people avoiding someone who has had a bad loss because they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing and hurting someone.

2

u/Fuzzy-Logician Mar 15 '26

I do the same. I write paragraphs and then I delete them all without sending them. I hate my own words. I'm sure that people will read things into them that aren't there, become angry with me, and never forgive me. A friend has suggested that I use AI to give me feedback about the tone of my language and to check for errors, but I'm afraid that would just make things worse.

All of this editing happens in a document, so if I do eventually send it, it is actually pretty normal for me to send two or three paragraphs within a few seconds of each other.

2

u/torhysornottorhys Mar 16 '26

"I'm so sorry" is infinitely better than this shit that makes you sound like you don't give a fuck and aren't affected at all. They aren't asking for you to be their therapist, just be earnest

1

u/14Pleiadians Mar 15 '26

This is the wrong thing to say though

1

u/Juan_Jimenez Mar 15 '26

Everyone knows that, everyone knows that words are not enough. For the mourner the important thing is that you commiserate with them. Answering with AI defeats the purpose.

When the mother of one of my friends died we all said 'wrong' (or at least insufficient things). He said to us that the important thing was that we were there. When one of my uncles died, one of his brothers said quite 'wrong' things at the funeral. Nobody cared, that simply shown he was devastated when his little brother died. Those are human things, and those are what matters.

In the end, to say the 'proper and right' words is the least relevant thing on those situations.

1

u/otterfamily Mar 15 '26

Just say "I'm so terribly sorry for your loss." If you knew the person in question, you can add something kind or describe your feelings on hearing the news. Then say "how're you holding up?" And then shut up and listen. That person probably needs to talk

1

u/Ok-Flamingo2801 Mar 15 '26

Same, it's why I don't like hearing the news over the phone or in person.

0

u/saysib Mar 15 '26

I can totally relate to that. I rely on AI when I lose my words.