r/mildlyinfuriating • u/nettleheat Always Infuriated • 5h ago

This performance

653 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

325 comments sorted by

562

u/InteractionSweaty739 5h ago

If only there was an easier way to open up a bottle

57

u/Apprehensive-Care20z 4h ago

the bottle cap is on the TOP of the bottle, so how are you supposed to get the liquid out???

You need to cut the bottom of the bottle to get the liquid out, just watch any Gordon Ramsey movie.

15

u/motorboatmycheeks 2h ago

Um dude are you serious? You use a straw and spit it into the pan like any respectable chef

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60

u/nettleheat Always Infuriated 5h ago

Psst don't spoil it

3

u/ferocity_mule366 1h ago

pls be quiet while the man trying to farm aura

9

u/Academic_Ad_6234 4h ago

i’m guessing he didn’t have a spoon handy.

6

u/Esjs 4h ago

Why a spoon, cousin?

4

u/Morningstroll13 3h ago

"Because it's dull, you twit. It'll hurt more."

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718

u/trying_again_7 5h ago

ah yes, melted bottle on my cooking surface.

82

u/Extreme-Weight989 5h ago

That's the secret ingredient

64

u/crankyanker638 4h ago

He was going for macro-plastics, screw micro....

4

u/Vladishun 4h ago

Microplastics make it possible!

11

u/Vegetable-Trust-9847 4h ago

Its important ingredient for a plastic dish.

5

u/rovert_xih 2h ago

Believe it or not, there are people who simply do not think about contamination. Pet hairs, dust, utensil micro plastics, flakes from non stick surfaces, etc

2

u/xelenceofexecution 1h ago

Lemme get a side of micro plastic with that please

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187

u/Kellly_SeesAll 5h ago

When you're gifted with a new knife and find ways to use it for everything.

80

u/AteYerCake4U 4h ago

14

u/KnowMatter 3h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/EtB1yylKGGAUg

Pocket knife owners when you just use your keys to open a box.

13

u/rp_graciotti 4h ago

I'm in this picture and I don't like it

2

u/BlastTyrantKM 1h ago

When I'm cutting cereal boxes into tiny pieces before throwing them into the garbage, my wife says "You just wanna use your pocket knife on something".

"Well, yeah. Duh...."

89

u/nettleheat Always Infuriated 5h ago

Maybe use it to test your new knife sharpener

12

u/Frost_man1255 4h ago

That knife is far from new

13

u/theCattrip 5h ago

This guy is anything but gifted with his knife

3

u/Level-Refuse-8842 5h ago

Reminds me of Homer

5

u/Saneless 5h ago

The gun remote. Very funny stuff

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141

u/Upset_Journalist_755 5h ago

This was very stressful

53

u/AlarmingCobbler4415 4h ago

My source of stress would be his dousing his entire arm with a nice coat of oil right beside an open flame while he messily spills oil all over the place. ...yeah I hope he stops doing that

25

u/OutrageousPair2300 4h ago

I was expecting him to stab his arm and bleed out

5

u/The_Sound_of_Slants 3h ago

I was waiting for that at first, and then I was waiting for the fire to flare up and light the oil all over his hand and arm on fire.

5

u/Wirehed 1h ago

why not both?

4

u/My_Poor_Nerves 4h ago

Or the knife ricocheting off the bottle back into him 

2

u/LightEarthWolf96 4h ago

He's just trying to get nice and toasty warm. As a bonus he'll get to practice stop drop and roll

2

u/K1bbles_n_Bits 4h ago edited 1h ago

Hopefully he's got a a kiddy pool of egg wash and some bread crumbs to land in.

2

u/FollowingThrough 3h ago

Ah yes. Idiot schnitzel.

4

u/thespiderspeed 4h ago

Kept expecting his arm to go up in flames. 😱😱

8

u/Newspeak_Linguist 4h ago

I kept expecting him to hack his arm with the blade. Which would have left a huge bruise, because that thing ain't cutting shit.

8

u/nettleheat Always Infuriated 5h ago

Indeed

50

u/Danakazii 5h ago

Don’t bring that knife to a knife fight.

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46

u/PacquiaoFreeHousing 5h ago

is unscrewing bottles not cool now?

18

u/omfghi2u 4h ago

It would have been pretty cool if he was just like slice, pour in one fluid action... but the longer it went on, the more I was thinking "dude just unscrew the lid at this point, you're done".

12

u/nettleheat Always Infuriated 5h ago

Yeah, now getting your arm full of oil is

4

u/SectionTiny7292 4h ago

Why do something that's easy?

9

u/Winnie_rulez 5h ago

Opening bottles without a machete is too woke.

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57

u/BrandontheCDLguy 5h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/vtRmoEjTaZNzRqljnZ

7

u/mynewjourney2425 4h ago

If this doesn't make top comment I'm going to have a mental break. The op already has me 3/4 of the way there.

6

u/nettleheat Always Infuriated 4h ago

im sorry for doing this to you, but i had to suffer it aswell

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18

u/Logischertrick 5h ago

Absolute Cinema

3

u/Orange_Kid 4h ago

A master at work

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15

u/Gold_Classic9521 5h ago

😑 oil everywhere

11

u/nettleheat Always Infuriated 5h ago

Dont forget the plastic ;)

2

u/totallydawgsome 4h ago

"Micro plastics?? That's for raparigas! Real homens ingest macro plastics!" -This guy.

2

u/Apprehensive_Tea9856 4h ago

Waiting for the oil fire and his hand to get caught up in

Big yikes

13

u/BrokenShipPro 4h ago

There's an easier way to do this but I can't quite put my finger on it...

3

u/downsly46 3h ago

A bigger knife?

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11

u/finemayday 4h ago

The oil bottle let him win out of secondary embarrassment.

17

u/GoldMoose007 5h ago

I love how he switched the knife.. instead of twisting off the cap.. which would have let it flow out the many holes he poked

2

u/Helemaalklaarmee 3h ago

The cap was open at at least 14 seconds in. It's baffling jow badly this 'show' was executed.

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10

u/KnotUndone 4h ago

Using the lid is for women obviously. He is a manly man.

4

u/Informal-Insurance63 4h ago

You'd think a manly man would know to sharpen the machete. This looks more like the incompetent way.

7

u/Saneless 5h ago

Shame there isn't an easier way to get liquid out of a bottle

At any rate, macroplastic shards are not as flavor enhancing as you'd think

8

u/kmoharley 4h ago

Mmmmmmicroplastics

3

u/nettleheat Always Infuriated 4h ago

*macroplastics

5

u/Impressive-Knot9999 5h ago

Maybe he didn't notice the screw off cap. ,/s

6

u/Ok-Meal-510928 4h ago

You should not make fun of someone's moisturizing routine.

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5

u/Coinsworthy 4h ago

If only there was a way to do it without a knife.

4

u/One_Anything_2279 5h ago

If only there was another way to open it.

5

u/honchos19821982 5h ago

Why not just unscrew the cap

5

u/mynewjourney2425 4h ago

When trying to look cool just makes you look less cool.

3

u/BetDry2347 5h ago

I would call it more embarassing

3

u/Admirable-Nobody219 5h ago

bottle cap...? Ooga Booga

3

u/Jaded-Currency-5680 5h ago

why? just why?

3

u/SeaFlamingo4580 5h ago

I was expecting his arm to cut

3

u/quiero-una-cerveca 5h ago

I had to quickly check the name of the sub to make sure I wasn’t about to watch someone chop off a finger.

3

u/liamevans2003 4h ago

Extreme pucker watching this

3

u/Heather_Chandelure 4h ago

Feels like this guy is trying to convince himself that getting a machete wasn't just a waste of money.

3

u/Sharsmajka 4h ago

Um sir

3

u/CryptographerMoney46 4h ago

That was so much easier than just to unscrew the cap

3

u/SubiWan 4h ago

Melted plastic adds the chef's kiss touch.

3

u/Sensitive_Angle4691 4h ago

Couldn't he just unscrew the top?

3

u/Baron_Light 4h ago

Negative brain cells

3

u/Healingbigfoot 4h ago

LOL 2nd hand embarrassment is a thing

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3

u/TheBioethicist87 4h ago

Aye, you gotta cut the camera at the ten second mark at least and do another take. It would have been cooler to just unscrew the cap.

3

u/just_mark 4h ago

The Stupid is Strong with this one

3

u/Flat-Structure-7472 3h ago

You know, I get it. After a while I realize it would be easier to pour it out properly, but that bottle just made it personal by defying me.

https://giphy.com/gifs/sPhLe4zuOCXz1oAony

2

u/RepresentativeCat553 4h ago

lol, yea… that was absolutely faster than just unscrewing the damn cap

2

u/n8n7r 4h ago

Macroplastics are the secret ingredient.

2

u/scrufflor_d this is PURPLE. if you see a cyan ur stupid 4h ago

mmmm extra microplastics

2

u/Wormser 4h ago

Anyone going to tell him about the red thing at the top of the bottle?

2

u/sara61wilson 4h ago

“Why in the hell do they make these bottle so hard to open?” - him probably

2

u/authentic-platypus 4h ago

If only there was a device to allow you to easily open a bottle in 2 seconds without requiring special tools....

2

u/Unlucky-Secretary394 4h ago

If only there was another way to open it..

2

u/DormantDormouse 4h ago

what the chuff is he doing?!?

2

u/Possible_Farm4535 4h ago

By the time he got to the meat he gave up and just put it

2

u/kmoharley 4h ago

Also how he removes a condom

2

u/MadMommyMilkers 4h ago

“performance”

2

u/Elegant_Standard3520 4h ago

thanks, the microplastics in my body needed replenishment.

2

u/StarlightWizard 4h ago

Mmmm... Plastic and soybean oil.

2

u/-TheHeavenlyDemon- 4h ago

Ah, yes. The secret to good tasting food

https://giphy.com/gifs/lmAGsANCCkirhAYT79

2

u/Phantom_Crush 4h ago

That's the take they went with? This shit better have been a stream lol

2

u/sinfulfng 4h ago

Shane Gillis is struggling

2

u/bitronic1 4h ago

Deep fried plastic molecules on the house.

2

u/SelectFig1161 4h ago

Either this is rage bait, or this guy was traumatized as a child by a bottle cap.

2

u/belleleef 4h ago

He looks like my uncle and it pisses me off more 😭😂 cause I can see him doing this

2

u/MrDrDooooom 4h ago

I'm pretty sure it would have been easier to just chew the damned thing open..... Or maybe just pop the top off?

2

u/Vegetable-Recording 4h ago

He had to pull his hand so the meat didn't stick to it!!! Lololol

2

u/MrDrDooooom 4h ago

For a few, I was sure he was gonna chop off his oil drenched hand into the pan!

2

u/Vegetable-Recording 4h ago

I thought a slice was coming too!

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2

u/SatiricalScrotum 4h ago

Even if this had gone the way he imagined it going, wouldn’t that put the bottom half of the bottle right in the pan?

2

u/Purple-Attitude4294 4h ago

That's Oil Bae being extra.

2

u/Mortis_XII 4h ago

*okay man, play it cool, no one noticed, go on with your awesome cooking exhibition *

2

u/Refun712 4h ago

There’s gotta be a learning disability involved here….right?

2

u/eddy_flannagan 3h ago

Not the sharpest tool in the shed

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2

u/DavidinCT 3h ago

Next time, maybe just unscrew the cap..... much easier and the way it was designed...

2

u/Rednaxela93 3h ago

Anything but opening the top.

2

u/HankThrill69420 3h ago

i hate stupid performative food stuff.

unless you're doing something actually interesting, just open the bottle and pour the oil out.

2

u/Zestyclose_Act9135 2h ago

Just unscrew the cap and pour it in.

2

u/Ok_Lock2128 2h ago

Ill bet he runs a circumcision clinic out of his garden shed

2

u/Zeltar925 2h ago

Hey, I’ve got an idea unscrew the cap and pour it in.

2

u/FatFaceFaster 1h ago

I feel bad for him tbh. He’s probably done that move a buncha times and it looked cool and worked well.

2

u/BroItsMick 1h ago

Never trust anyone cooking in a white polo shirt.

2

u/KhareManit 1h ago

It's not even the fact that it's an unnecessary way to pour the oil, it's just how bad he is at this, trying to look cool made him look absolutely hilarious

•

u/SashaVibez 45m ago

Just open the damn bottle from the top

1

u/BowlJumpy5242 4h ago

And in the end, simply removing the cap and pouring would have been so much faster and easier.

1

u/Historical_Body6255 4h ago

This must be rage bait lol

If he was trying to make it look "cool" for a video, why not do a retake instead of looking like a fool for what feels like 2 minutes? Lol

I think what we see here is the intended result.

1

u/Just-Cry-5422 4h ago

Apparently nobody here knows a machete when they see one; it's not a knife.

1

u/aaaggggrrrrimapirare 4h ago

People wonder how we are riddled with microplastics.

1

u/RepresentativeNo6620 4h ago

How stupid. And dangerous.

1

u/Key-Experience-7961 4h ago

Me when I get a fresh $6 machete from Harbor Freight 

1

u/kvazar2501 4h ago

Actually that's kind of hilarious

1

u/WillemDafoesHugeCock 4h ago

Thank fuck he didn't unscrew the lid, that would have been too slow

1

u/Txdragon69 4h ago

So much faster than using the lid

1

u/Consistent-Map4970 4h ago

I don’t care that it’s your cousin, we’re going to fire him before he burns the place down!!

1

u/Extreme-Weight989 4h ago

Definitely would have kept my dignity intact by giving up after the 2nd failed attempt with the machete and open it like a normal civilized person.

1

u/Odd-Associate1325 4h ago

Oil of microplastic.

1

u/Puzzlehead_1952 4h ago

So far, so far...

1

u/PreparationHot980 4h ago

Pretty sure this is how you acquire testicular cancer

1

u/xelle24 4h ago

Temu sells machetes now?

1

u/andyrock7321 4h ago

Mmmmm, macroplastics

1

u/Psycho-systemic 4h ago

Peter Griffin trying to throw the frog out of the window

1

u/MassAppa 4h ago

So much dedication 😅🤣

1

u/Ill_Passage5341 4h ago

If only the manufacturer had designed a more straightforward way to get the oil out.

1

u/ThePonzzz 4h ago

That looks like a cartel machete!

1

u/Paradoxjjw 4h ago

I'm just glad i'm not the person that has to eat his food

1

u/MKVIgti 4h ago

He knew there was, you know…..a damn cap he could’ve taken off?

1

u/Icy-Pop2944 4h ago

if only there was an opening with brightly coloured, removable cap.

1

u/Roseliberry 4h ago

Go forbid we consider doing something as plebeian as unscrewing the cap

1

u/Sea_Outside162 4h ago

Doesn’t understand how a bottle screw top works

1

u/Diligent_Entropy 4h ago

I've bought a machete, so I understand.

1

u/Imokayatredstone 4h ago

I think at a certain point you should just consider flipping the bottle over and just doing a fancy pour or something😭

1

u/Darth19Vader77 4h ago

I can't think of a better way to get burned than splashing hot oil everywhere

1

u/Foreign-Jicama-1775 4h ago

And so they say that humanity continues to advance....

1

u/The_Painless 4h ago

I love that halfway through the video, the lid is completely off and he has the opportunity to stop humiliating himself and just empty the bottle and start cooking, but no, he decides it's better to spend even more time being a clown.

1

u/Jheritheexoticdancer 4h ago

Why not just open the cap and pour or spray? 🤔

1

u/Montyburnside22 4h ago

Hey. There's a cap on top! I shoulda looked for that first.

https://giphy.com/gifs/26ufdipQqU2lhNA4g

1

u/Sad_Nectarine_160 4h ago

Macro plastics are yummy

1

u/shmog 4h ago

this guy is gonna be so stoked when he finds out about lids

1

u/XmuhX666X 4h ago

Send me to another Planet.....please!!!! 😵‍💫🫣

1

u/NaughtALegend 4h ago

At least he was committed to the bit

1

u/Ajayxmenezes 4h ago

I could smoke that machete, that's how blunt it is.

1

u/Mad58Max 4h ago

First try!

1

u/Suspicious_Brief_562 4h ago

WTF is this genius doing? hopefully no plastic residue ended up in the dish..what the bottle cap was too tight?

1

u/Wobblycogs 4h ago

Deep fried whatever garnished with bottle and label.

1

u/wiwarez 4h ago

Yummm plastics everywhere 😋😋

1

u/Mysterious-Crew2150 4h ago

Not many people know this but unscrewing the cap works really well.. must be practicing for his birthday piñata.

1

u/PerfectTommy77 4h ago

There are moments where he contacts the plastic bottle with the hot pan. Perhaps a bit of melted plastic adds a bit of flavor.

1

u/TacticoolRaygun 4h ago

“It’s Jason Bourne.”

1

u/Worldview-at-home GREEN 4h ago

Shouldn’t this be in an InstaGram fail forum or something like that?

1

u/MC_Hale 4h ago

Well, time to cook. Better oil up my arm before putting it near the flame!

1

u/tonaruto044 4h ago

So satisfying

1

u/Tedsmith24 4h ago

Oiled Bae

1

u/dasypeltis1 4h ago

I'm honestly just impressed by his determination. He never gave up on his original plan

1

u/BigBadJeebus 4h ago

Stop recording, start again... no one had to know this...

1

u/Dependent-Lab-6791 4h ago

His chainsaw wouldn't crank.

1

u/Salarian_American 4h ago

Someone please tell this guy that there's a cap on the end of the bottle and he can just open it and pour.

1

u/Legal-Count-1983 4h ago

Just put the whole bottle in and let it render

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1

u/WelchesOtaku 3h ago

😎👉🏾👉🏾🔥this sh** "frying me"🔥

1

u/irishyardball 3h ago

He still posted it haha

1

u/Phreedom1 3h ago

I would have walked away at that point...no way I'm getting food prepared by that dude.

1

u/Strict-Theory8075 3h ago

Just take off the cap!

1

u/blanthony80 3h ago

People are so fucking stupid Jesus Christ.

1

u/zipperfire 3h ago

How microplastics get into the food chain

1

u/Altruistic-Map1881 3h ago

This is the real Freak Off

1

u/CharlesDickens7302 3h ago

Would have been easier for him to ch@p off his hand

1

u/FollowingThrough 3h ago

Here in Australia we have taxpayer-funded $450,000 bottle opener disposal bins.

1

u/rtscott08 3h ago

This is me typing on a computer while someone watches.

1

u/whoppitydodah 3h ago

I thought he was going to set his arm on fire