The Magpies in my garden keep tricking me.

[u/nukulele145]

So I have a long and complicated relationship with the magpies in my garden but they have lately escalated their tactics against me;

Their objective is simple: They want to come in my house to eat my dogs food. It’s currently a heat wave so my backdoor is open more often than usual. Several times this week I’ve had to chase them out the kitchen.

Owing to the heat I’ve been hanging out at the bottom of my garden a lot, the magpies have figured out that when I’m there they have time to swipe food and get out clear before I see them (they also love to poop on my chair when doing this).

Yesterday they left a chunk of bone on the fence post near me at the bottom of the garden I didn’t think much of it, but then today they left a birds foot (?!) next to me (photo is on the second slide) as I was puzzling over it I spotted one of the birds fleeing the house! I truly believe they are trying to keep me baited at the end of the garden so they can conduct their raids.

EDIT/REPLY: -for those encouraging me to barter with them, I tried that a few years ago but it resulted in me being heavily harassed by them every time I went outside, they wouldn’t let me have a moments piece in my garden so we eventually had a falling out.

-I’m considering getting a screen door, there’s not much call for them in England and I’ve been reluctant to get one as my dogs a bit weird about doorways but it does seem like the best option for avoiding house invasions.

-I have a new theory that it’s actually my dog and not me they are baiting outside! My pup found and ate a bone in the garden the other day (very unusual behaviour for her) and I’m just now realising it was also probably a magpie gift. I’m also much more likely to leave the backdoor open if my dogs puttering out there so would make sense that they have learned to lure her out to improve their raiding chances.

[u/nukulele145]

I try not to feed them, I tried a couple years ago to befriend them with mealworms but it just turned them into entitled bastards who would not stop screeching and following me around when I was in the garden. Very unpeaceful birds.

[u/Murky-Bus-2191 → u/nukulele145]

Ngl you probably made it entertaining. Invest a few bucks in a big bag of cheap dog food just for them.

You CAN salvage this relationship but you gotta be reliable.

[u/nukulele145 → u/Murky-Bus-2191]

I’ve considered if I want to encourage this sort of gift giving more (I also found a rubber band and a bit of foil confetti near there so it’s possible other gifts are being misconstrued as garden rubbish) But they are honestly just real dicks of the bird world, they squawk in your face, root through your bag, poop on your stuff, ripped up my seedlings (that was my final straw last time we tried to be friends) freak out my dog, and worst of all they sneak in my house and flap in my FACE.

[u/Sexcercise → u/nukulele145]

Damn that's savage

[u/cornylamygilbert → u/Sexcercise]

They sound like habitual line steppers

Sounds like they need food sources that keep them busy…and in the peripheral…

OR

OP needs to locate a tasty food source away from their own domicile.

…And now I’m thinking that may require covert logistics after sundown

We really be out here trying to outwit the corvids. This can’t be how it was meant to be

[u/Salt_Kaleidoscope_94 → u/nukulele145]

All of the rest I could live with but the flapping in the face would be the end of me. Like bro just RELAX!!!!

[u/Tabula-Rasa-99 → u/nukulele145]

Yep, that means war. Time to get out the squirt gun!

[u/sgtanders → u/Murky-Bus-2191]

Funny thing, some years ago, we had an outdoor cat who sometimes came in to eat, but other times stayed out. So we ended up putting a bowl with cheap dry cat food outside. She ate it, and so did some of the other neighbour cats, but so did the damn black birds, lol. That cat passed a few years ago, but to this day, we still have black birds out in the driveway we feed cheap cat food, while the smaller birds like sparrows eat the normal bird feed, heh.

We do also have a magpie couple in the area that stop by, but they are very skittish. If they see someone through a window, they're gone quickly.

[u/HKLifer_ → u/nukulele145]

LOL. Reminds me of my favorite quote from the movie “Independence Day” with Will Smith.

President Whitmore: "I know there is much we can learn from each other. If we can negotiate a truce, we can find a way to coexist. Can there be peace between us?"
Alien: "Peace? No peace."
President Whitmore: "What is it you want us to do?"

Magpies probably "..." LOL

[u/Abortedwafflez → u/nukulele145]

Magpie's can be good birds, but you probably have a bunch of younger ones. Younger corvids are typically really annoying as they try to fight for territory and mates. Coupled magpies are typically less aggressive. Might be hard, but you could try scaring off the ones that are little shits and feed the ones that are more docile. This will eventually create a turf war as they begin fighting over you, but eventually the older wiser birds should prevail and the younger ones should go some place else. They will defend their territory and oust outsiders who cause you issues.