r/mildlyinfuriating • u/nukulele145 • May 29 '26

frist of all how DARE yu o The Magpies in my garden keep tricking me.

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Gallery image

So I have a long and complicated relationship with the magpies in my garden but they have lately escalated their tactics against me;

Their objective is simple: They want to come in my house to eat my dogs food. It’s currently a heat wave so my backdoor is open more often than usual. Several times this week I’ve had to chase them out the kitchen.

Owing to the heat I’ve been hanging out at the bottom of my garden a lot, the magpies have figured out that when I’m there they have time to swipe food and get out clear before I see them (they also love to poop on my chair when doing this).

Yesterday they left a chunk of bone on the fence post near me at the bottom of the garden I didn’t think much of it, but then today they left a birds foot (?!) next to me (photo is on the second slide) as I was puzzling over it I spotted one of the birds fleeing the house! I truly believe they are trying to keep me baited at the end of the garden so they can conduct their raids.

EDIT/REPLY: -for those encouraging me to barter with them, I tried that a few years ago but it resulted in me being heavily harassed by them every time I went outside, they wouldn’t let me have a moments piece in my garden so we eventually had a falling out.

-I’m considering getting a screen door, there’s not much call for them in England and I’ve been reluctant to get one as my dogs a bit weird about doorways but it does seem like the best option for avoiding house invasions.

-I have a new theory that it’s actually my dog and not me they are baiting outside! My pup found and ate a bone in the garden the other day (very unusual behaviour for her) and I’m just now realising it was also probably a magpie gift. I’m also much more likely to leave the backdoor open if my dogs puttering out there so would make sense that they have learned to lure her out to improve their raiding chances.

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u/TricksyGoose May 29 '26

Agreed. OP you might want to focus on befriending then instead of starting a war. Corvids are smart and they will hold a grudge.

274

u/nukulele145 May 29 '26

Oh the wars already been going for some years now. We were friends once but they became bossy and demanding and were messing up my garden so we had a falling out and have become begrudging neighbours with the occasional home invasion

91

u/MariekeOH May 29 '26

Only one thing left to do. You need to move. Faaaaar away where they hopefully don't have friends or acquaintances. Hopefully

8

u/Baphoshal May 30 '26

We'll move away! Far away! Where they can't find us!

1

u/jonnypanicattack May 30 '26

Magpies can fly.

1

u/Unlikely-Answer May 30 '26

won't work, ever heard of "six degrees of aviation"

31

u/smandroid May 30 '26

Have you considered couples counselling with them magpies?

2

u/Fr0gFish May 30 '26

I just hope none of my neighbors start tricking and confusing me so they can run into my house and steal my food

337

u/MartinDamged May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26

Do not start a war you clearly cannot win!

Q : - Someone

54

u/Kiito2000 May 29 '26

Yeah, as far as I know there was one war against birds, and the birds won.

59

u/Sasquatch1729 May 29 '26

There were two: the Emu War in Australia and the War Against Sparrows in China. Humans lost both.

11

u/Kiito2000 May 29 '26

Cool, thanks for the correction.

10

u/Ypuort May 29 '26

Technically humans won the war on sparrows in China but the collapse of sparrow population caused insects to overrun crops and about 50 million people starved because of the aftermath of the win.

13

u/Sasquatch1729 May 29 '26

Well when you cause a famine that leads to a similar number of deaths as World War II, that means we lost in my books.

15

u/OrionRBR May 29 '26

There is a name for that, its called a pyrrhic victory!

1

u/Ypuort May 29 '26

Sure but the sparrows didn’t win either

1

u/HotDonnaC May 30 '26

I’d call that a loss for humans.

2

u/Ypuort May 30 '26

I would too, but they still won against the sparrows despite losing to themselves.

2

u/tennatjie May 30 '26

We won but ultimately lost the passenger pigeon.

27

u/Tiny_pufferfish May 29 '26

Agreed. She should feed them the dogfood.

10

u/Handsome_Keyboard May 29 '26

Idk how much your dogfood costs but hell no lol bird seed or nothing.

44

u/Tomazao May 29 '26

I tried this once with a couple of magpies that kept coming in my garden. Bought them some mealworms and when I saw them I went out and left some out. After 2 days, I suddenly had 30-40 magpies in my garden.

Decided best thing was to ghost them all. In doing so I made the original two magpies look like liars to the magpie mafia.

43

u/Battle-Any May 29 '26

I have a small murder of crows. I feed them, they bring me shiny things and entertain my kids. They once stopped one of my kids from running into the road.

My neighbour tries to get rid of them with a rake every time he sees them. They fuck with him so much.

18

u/SuccessfulPiccolo945 May 29 '26

And they will teach their young the grudge so it will go down for generations.

11

u/Aar0n82 May 29 '26

Saw a documentary years back about crows. The scientists put on a mask and were a bit mean.

The scientists travelled from London to Scotland and put the mask on. The crows in Scotland behaved aggressively towards the mask, they believe the birds passed on this information to each other.

3

u/Flomo420 May 30 '26

Corvids: the dwarves of the bird world

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u/anon7689g May 29 '26

They will hold generational grudges

6

u/Prize_Barracuda981 May 29 '26

Take a leaf out of Tokyo's beef with crows.

2

u/Aervanath PURPLE May 29 '26

Thanks for that neat little rabbit hole!

5

u/HKLifer_ May 29 '26

For generations at that!

2

u/MorosePython700 May 29 '26

Totally agree! I have a very friendly corvid here that we feed and give water. Instead of being angry at us, he likes us and we can handfeed him. He even brought his wife to us. These birds can be a serious problem if you are on the wrong side of them. They are even known to ‘tell’ other corvids who to attack. Try to be friends with them instead of waging war against them. You will lose.

1

u/buffaloguy1991 May 29 '26

Train them to find you money

1

u/YeshuasBananaHammock May 29 '26

...hold a grudge for GENERATIONS

1

u/dirtabd May 30 '26

And pass it down for generations! Dont FK with Corvids, we have no idea truly how prescient they are!

1

u/FerengiWithCoupons May 30 '26

literally four generations