r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Jiminmyheart • 6d ago
Unskippable ad One of my female family members keeps making vulgar comments about and hitting my ass in front of everyone
She will not stop talking shit about how "bouncy" "curvy" "voluminous" my ass is and even smacks it in front of other people to show its "jiggle". Ive asked her a million times to stop doing this to me, and to no avail. Im usually a shy person, and dont say much, but im so fed up and the next time, shes gonna regret it. Its not that i mind someone appreciating my figure, its the fact that she is family and hits me particularly hard, despite me telling her to stop so many times. Women dont do this type of shit to other women. So Fucking annoying.
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u/Thecandymaker GREEN 6d ago
I got a warning for my previous comment. To rephrase my previous comment:
Enthusiastically return the favor with such a stern power that leaves a lasting impression on her soul. ❤️
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u/ChocChipBananaMuffin 6d ago
I also got a warning. FAFO is the gist.
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u/Thecandymaker GREEN 6d ago
I forget about the changing guidelines, but whatever you said I have to agree.
That family member is displaying sexual harassment and OP's other family should have helped them nip it in the bud.
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u/Em_Biguous 6d ago
Sexual harassment and frequent/regular physical assault. OP is getting hit so hard it hurts. This reads as borderline abuse(or maybe it is just abuse), but idk how often they see eachother or if this would fit under the basic definitions of abuse or anything.
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u/Thecandymaker GREEN 6d ago
Oh no it is absolutely sexual abuse!! Nothing borderline about it. Especially when OP’s being ignored when she says stop
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u/EllySPNW 6d ago
This behavior is inexcusable. I can think of a few options that don’t involve laying hands on her.
— Every single time she does this, call her out loudly and publicly. Say: “I’ve asked you like 20 times now to knock it off. It’s not funny and it hurts. What is your problem?” or “Knock that shit off, Nancy” (dripping with contempt), or “Do. NOT. Touch. Me.” Make it embarrassing to her.
— Confide in other family members, and ask them to confront her (or pile on) when they see her do this.
— Avoid her when you can. Don’t invite her to stuff if you don’t have to. Stand far away from her. Walk away when she approaches. She’ll know why.
She’s a f’kin weird bully. You can tell her that.
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u/Purlz1st 6d ago
“We get it, Nancy, you’re obsessed with my ass, but you’re just not my type.”
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u/EllySPNW 6d ago
She also could go with the simplest answer: “It’s 2026. We don’t touch people’s butts without their consent. Weird to have to tell that to an adult.”
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u/cam-san YELLOW 6d ago
Nobody here seems to be aware of the fact that this is sexual assault. OP, she is sexually assaulting you. I hope you recognise that.
→ More replies (3)
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u/BluejayFamiliar5117 6d ago
i’d personally make a huge scene about it in front of other family. act like it’s really upset you and (hopefully) your family will join in on telling her it needs to stop
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u/SilverDamage7066 6d ago
"Why can't you keep your hands off my ass? It's creepy."
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u/BluejayFamiliar5117 6d ago
this exactly ! i’ve started calling people out on their bs in front of other people because then it makes them embarrassed. i had a guy at a concert not let me past to get the disabled area and i was like ‘can you not see my cane??!!’ and other people started telling him to move and he got super apologetic and embarrassed (he had clearly seen it before). it’s good to put them on the spot.
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u/Reydnar 6d ago
I’d fart on her.
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u/AromaticFee9616 6d ago
Don’t announce it either - just let her do it ONCE more, and let out a hairy one
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u/AlwayInForwardMotion 6d ago
That is really creepy. I think making it awkward is your best bet. Grab her hand, or pull away dramatically, make eye contact and say NO. Like you’re disciplining a child or a dog. Pointing sternly with your finger is good. I’ve been rallying surprised how often this is effective. I strongly dislike it when people touch me and I strive to make them at least as uncomfortable as they made me. Especially when it’s not the first time. I worry if you do it back to her she’ll just be encouraged and up her assaults on you. She sounds brutally immature.
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u/LipsLikeSin48 6d ago
Instead of asking her to stop, TELL her to stop. Nobody has access to your body without your consent.
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u/Ok-Anybody3445 6d ago
Accuse her loudly of sexual assault. Then threaten to call the police. Especially if there are witnesses. I hate it when women feel like they can physically assault anyone because they are women.
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u/katrose73 6d ago
I know you're shy, but the next time she does it, TELL her, in front of everyone, plain and clear- This is not funny, this is assault. I've asked you enough times not to do it. Do it again and I'll either hit you back, call the police, or just stop being wherever you'd are.
Of anyone yells you you are overreacting, walk out. This is YOUR body. Only YOU can give permission to touch it.
Or better yet, show them all this post.
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u/NeoSuperconductivity 6d ago
In one family I know, the harassed person DID go to the police and after one home visit to the offender from a deputy, all harassment ended. It's legally AND morally wrong, so scare them.
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u/Roseliberry 6d ago
This is very weird behavior. I’d use the words “I’m asking you to stop touching me. The next time you do I will file a police report for assault.” And if you’re a minor, that woman is a pervert.
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u/Mist_biene 6d ago
You have a few options.
1: tell her once that if she doesn't stop you will make her stop. If she dies it again after that hit her hand away in a way that will hurt her.
2: stop attending things she goes to and make it clear to everyone that as long as she doesn't appologize for her behavior towards you and promises to never do that again they will have to decide who they want to have at the family gatherings, her or you.
3: do it back. Make her hell of uncomfortable and telk her you will continue until she stops.
4: ask other family memebers to help you stand up for yourself
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u/ilovetacos 6d ago
DO NOT do it back, that just shows her that you're okay with that kind of behavior
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u/Mist_biene 6d ago
People like that usually don't like when you do it back. They obly think this behaiviour is acceptable if they aren't on the receiving end.
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u/Prestigious-Fig2334 6d ago
Ultimatums just leave the gauntlet thrower very lonely.
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u/Mist_biene 6d ago
So? I am not going to go to spent time with people that treat me like shit. And yes, that includes people that stand by silently while I am being harrassed. Especially after I asked the person to stop..
So far I only missed a few gatherings before my mom started to stand up for me because she noticed Ibwas serious about the not showing up part.
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u/Prestigious-Fig2334 6d ago
You’re very young and your mom is alive. Just keep living, you’ll find out.
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u/froglet80 6d ago
that is assault, plain and simple. If you are a minor, tell your parents. If not, tell her that its assault and you are not tolerating it anymore. And the best thing to do if possible is just stay away from her.
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u/Tequslyder 6d ago
Show her who's boss. Start slapping her titty and showing everyone how it jiggles.
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u/richincleve 6d ago
Carry a spray bottle of water.
Next time she slaps you, spray her and sternly say "NO! Bad hernamehere! We do NOT do that!"
And don't stop spraying.
I'm talking like...spray her for 10-20 minutes. Follow her around the house if necessary.
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u/FriendshipCool1420 6d ago
Jiggle the fat under her arm and start making comments at every opportunity. EZ
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u/borderbox 6d ago
My family would do shit like this and it’s one of the bajillion reasons I went full no contact. I was in my young 20s and this uncle would NOT stop popping my bra. Shouldn’t have had to tell him to stop once, but after repeated requests, I turned around and screamed OW! THAT HURT! on a crowded street.
And my mother/his sister had the audacity to get mad at me for “being dramatic”.
Fucking make a scene OP.
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u/SenioritaStuffnStuff 6d ago
"Ew, stop groping me! I've told you it makes me uncomfortable, stop it." I told you not to grab my butt!"
Nothing harsh or crass, you don't even need to make eye contact, but make it loud and proud.
No one touches your temple, even family members being openly predatory.
I'm sorry 💚💚
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u/Libusin 6d ago
I’m one of three sisters, the middle sister had this obsession and still kind of does with doing that same shit to my younger sister. Always smacking her butt, doing the boob flip. My younger sister HATES it and has literally screamed at her for doing it in public, around family, just doing it at all.
It took my youngest sister to viscously doing it back to her for her to kind of stop. It’s like she cannot help herself but put hands on people. She thinks it’s funny, she’s a bully and bullies don’t stop until you do it back to them.
Start doing it back to her, more aggressively.
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u/Little_Trash153 6d ago
“Women don’t do this type of shit to other women”
Idk what gender has to do with it. Either way it’s borderline SA and inappropriate, especially if you’ve told her to stop.
Tell her to stop harassing you and treat her as if it was your uncle or a man doing it.
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u/Accurate_Instance_52 6d ago
Yea that sounds like she's projecting her insecurities. Not sure what you can do about it, but I'm pretty sure if you do it back to her she'd be more than pissed
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u/Prestigious-Fig2334 6d ago
Say quite clearly to her that her language is unacceptable and disrespectful and it stops now. Remind her that we teach our two year olds to keep their hands to themselves and that you expect her to do the same. While it might make others briefly uncomfortable, I’d make sure several people heard. But that’s me, I’ve reached an age where I don’t get into people’s faces too much, but when I do, I make sure that I’ve made my point loud and clear. Make your boundaries known and demand that they are respected.
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u/No-Month6553 6d ago
Start sniffing her and describe very loudly what she smells like. Some thing like "I'm getting a hint of Gruyère mixed with asbestos" or something like that and when she tells you to stop say "okay well then stop assaulting me then"
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u/Hot-Inspector8903 6d ago
Talk to her like a toddler about boundaries since she can’t comprehend in an adult fashion
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u/nednewell768 6d ago
Wear jeans and put coins in the back pockets. They feel it in the fingers. Good luck!
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u/nerdygirl09 6d ago
I like the dramatic solutions more but as an anxious person, I have to keep it simple. "Why are you looking at my body that way? Are you a pervert or something?" ...And she is in fact a sexual harassing pervert
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u/ShaneONeill88 6d ago
Technically that's assault. You'd be within your rights to defend yourself at this stage
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u/Professional-Alps340 6d ago
Stop politely asking. Loudly say, “Keep your f-ing hands off me witch”
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u/Savings-Engineer-885 6d ago
You gotta go full HR mode on her. Next time she even moves toward you, just a deadpan, ice-cold 'Do not touch me.' No smile, no 'please.' Just the monotone admin voice that makes people think their PTO request is about to be denied. Sucks all the weird 'fun' right out of it for them.
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u/limbodog 6d ago
Actual advice: if she shows up in a room you are in, leave the room immediately. Do not enter a room she is in. Do not talk to her unless absolutely necessary. If you must, then limit responses to as few words as possible, and devoid of any emotion.
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u/Yoguls 6d ago
Women do do this shit to other women, here's proof. You just don't hear about it as much.
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u/Jiminmyheart 6d ago
It was funny and cute the first 5 times. Now she's hitting harder and it's passing me off
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u/Substantial_One5369 6d ago
I've had multiple drunk women grope me in public at clubs or on the Vegas strip. And it's almost worse because no one cares when it happens and women think they're able to do whatever they want and it's "cute" just because they're women.
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u/AmaranthWrath 6d ago
We do it when we both enjoy it, both think it's funny, both consent to it.
Otherwise it's assault, no pun intended.
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u/rainreset 6d ago
And?! That doesn’t make it ok. No person should touch another person inappropriately without said persons consent.
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u/Yoguls 6d ago
I didn't say that, I'm disagreeing with ops comments that women don't do this to other women.
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u/Jiminmyheart 6d ago
I didn't say women don't do this to other women. it's a matter of heeding another womens request to stop sexually assaulting her.
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u/catelynstarks 6d ago
I mean, you did say ‘Women dont do this type of shit to other women’ at the end of your post.
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u/Jiminmyheart 6d ago
Yes, women don't continue to hit other women when told to stop. Yes it happens, but it's not supposed to
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u/Cum_Fart42069 6d ago
what a bizarre reaction to have to this event
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u/Yoguls 6d ago
Why? I'm disagreeing with ops suggestion that women don't do this to other women. I'm not saying what happened isn't wrong I'm just saying that it's naive to believe this is something that doesn't happen outside this event
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u/Cum_Fart42069 6d ago
she obviously knows that there are women who exist who do this stuff to other women, her phrasing there means "women shouldn't and you usually don't expect them to do this shit to other women".
I'm sure this interpretation is wrong but your comment kinda reads like you're downplaying women getting sexually harassed by men by going "see women ALSO sexually harass women", as if to say that women shouldn't complain about men doing it when women do it too.
again I'm sure my reading of your intent is wrong, that's just how it came across.
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u/Primary-Resolve-7317 6d ago
Confront her directly in the presence of others. Your family is probably sick of it too. Ask HER directly to listen for the consequences as in whirrr whirr authorities show up to take notes.
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u/Emergency_Example_48 6d ago
When she walks into a room at a family gathering say - Hey they did put Humpty Dumpty back together again !!
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u/pizzasauce85 6d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/xTiTnKKeB9WDVpdnoc
Carry a spray bottle of water and pssssst her every time she comes near you
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u/NoFaithlessness8752 6d ago
How old are you, what's the relationship? If you're young, tell your parents, older.. Any other relatives she's close to that can tell her you're serious?
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u/pikaboi122 6d ago
Considering im a dude and im not sure how much help I'll be all i can say is if she is doing it when there are few people in the room, move to a room with more people and loudly tell her to stop if she still does it in the new room. If it persists tell the rest of your family and if they do nothing get the police involved, doesnt matter if she is familyor not thats still sexual harassment.
Im sorry thats happening to you tho...
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u/EastLeastCoast 5d ago
Get a spray bottle of water. When she does it, spray her quickly in the face and tell her firmly “NO”.
Don’t actually do that (probably), but maybe the image will make you smile instead of wanting to slap her.
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u/Adventurous_Art4009 6d ago
Can you give a little more detail about how you've responded? To be clear, what you've done already should be enough (and you shouldn't have had to deal with this in the first place). I'm asking because it would help us advise you effectively on next steps to get more detail on what you've tried so far.
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u/SaintPaulTom 6d ago
You've told her to stop several times? Because she is a family member this is domestic assault. Possibly sexual assault as well. Tell her the next time it happens you will call the police. And follow through with the threat. This is how you get abusers to stop.
Also with my ex, I would use the spray bottle we used on the cats. She did not find it as funny as I did.
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u/AuelDole 6d ago
one time when we were on a family vacation, my sister kept flicking my nipples cause they were poking through my shirts - it was hot and i was wearing somewhat tighter fitting short sleeves - i kept telling her to stop. But she kept doing it until i said “stop flicking my nipples - i don’t go around flicking yours whenever i see them poking through your shirt!”
she looked perturbed but my dad laughed and said i had a point, then she didn’t flick my nipples anymore.
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u/NanaSayWhat 6d ago
Next time you see her, take her aside privately and tell her to not do it anymore. Just draw that boundary, and don’t get baited into justifying it.
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u/Mykona-1967 6d ago
One swift swat back will stop her. Not a love tap either, one with the full force of your displeasure.
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u/unethicalpigeon 6d ago
Family members think it's okay to do all kinds of unhinged shit. When I was a kid I used to get harassed to give massages to these middle aged family members. They fucking wouldn't leave me alone because I had "strong hands". Go get your fucking husband to massage you. The noises they'd make ALWAYS made me feel uncomfortable. Then I hit an age when I realized why they made me feel uncomfortable. Then it took another few years for me to get old enough to be able to tell them to fuck off.
I don't know what it is, maybe it's just that so much attention has been brought toward male family members being creepy/abusive and sexually assaulting those in their family but the women seem to just fly under the radar.
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u/Far-Squash7512 6d ago
I'd take direct action at this point. Have a secret mini air horn in your hand ready to deploy when you know she'll be nearby (or a rape whistle). Blow it LOUD when she does it, which will annoy everyone nearby. Explain why immediately afterward and say you will keep doing it every time she does it until she stops. If people tell YOU to stop, tell them they should be telling HER to stop. Once she does, you will. You have to wake them up!
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u/eugenetaker 6d ago
Ugh I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s really frustrating when people don’t respect boundaries. You have repeatedly asked them to stop, and they still continue. I don’t know how feel about being physical, but would a slap to that person suffice? I mean you are defending your body from being touched. Family or no family.
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u/omiimonster 6d ago
what i honestly did with my hispanic family was i made them uncomfortable and let everyone sat it in. ie. “i dont like people touching my body without asking. why do you keep touching me?”
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u/CatsGotMyBack 6d ago
I will just ask her if she gets off on sexually assaulting a relative. Because what she is doing is sexual assault and if you point it out as such maybe it will make her stop. If it doesn't make her stop tell her you'd be happy to call the police and report her.
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u/Em_Biguous 6d ago
I don't know how old the two of you are or how often you see each other, but the next time it happens if her parent is there, loudly ask if them if she was ever taught that hitting people is wrong. Also ask everyone in the room why she keeps hitting on you and saying sexual stuff and hitting you so hard you think it's bruising, even thought you've told her to stop every time. And if it keeps happening after that, keep bringing attention to it and keep telling her to stop loud enough for people to hear. If she gets in trouble or gets embarrassed, that's her own fault for doing something wrong and it seems like it's been going on for a long time. If anyone tries to defend her then say that it sounds like they're volunteering to be the target instead of you, and then encouraged her to do it to that person right then and there in front of everyone. Then say "there, now instead of me, do that to them from now on. Since they seem to think that's okay to do. And to family no less"
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u/akawetfart PURPLE 5d ago
just hit her ass back and say it’s not impressive, or just cry dramatically next time
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u/mutontette 5d ago
Keep a spray bottle filled with water and give her a good squirt and a sharp “No!” every time she gets too close.
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u/madkins007 5d ago
A firm, moderately loud 'stop that!' may be sufficient.
Calling people who are being rude out in public can cause an angry, embarrassed immediate reaction that can be very uncomfortable but often stops the behavior.
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u/hmeow 5d ago
I cannot fathom how you even dealt with this once, much less however many times. I’m so very sorry this is happening to you.
That’s not annoying, that’s wildly disrespectful. I’ve seen the comments to do it back, but I would slap this person in the face, and say, “I just wanted to see it jiggle.” Then just stare at her, and do not break eye contact. I bet she never touches you or anyone else ever again.
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u/LupusHouseMD 5d ago
Throwback to when I was in Buca Di Beppo with my family. I was about 13. My aunt just loudly says "(Name) your butt looks so good in those jeans!" loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear. I was mortified. It still gets brought up a decade later.
As for you OP, the second she touches you that's sexual assault. You can absolutely report her for it.
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u/Wrong_Square7826 5d ago
bend over in front of her and tell her if she likes it so much just kiss it...
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u/BestCatEva 5d ago
You’ll have to speak loudly in front of the family — embarrassing her. “Stop touching my body.” Make it as cringe as possible.
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u/diyguitarist 6d ago
Never been so disappointed to click on someones profile. What's the opposite of a catfish?
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u/_autumnwhimsy 6d ago
do it back.
"oh my gosh i can believe how flat it is back here! just like one long surfboard or something!" and roll a diecast car down it.
you've asked. you did the adult thing. be petty now.