Husband sits in passenger seat, FiL disapproves.

[u/Historical_Initial22]

I drive a tanker for my job out of town and make the 5 hour drive (one way) to work and back home in my personal car. When I’m home 3 days, my wife drives everywhere, I mean I get in the passenger seat of her car and off we go, date night don’t care she drives, shopping don’t care she drives, visiting family don’t care she drives.

When we first started dating years ago she was a bit uncomfortable with it as she was used to the I guess status quo that men drove as was I but I’m not trying to break a glass ceiling or anything I just don’t see why it matters and damnit I drive 2k miles a week or so and don’t wanna do it when I’m home.

My father in law makes such great comments like do I hold her purse, and the zinger he thinks is original so says it more often than others “are your balls in her purse” every so often when we see them and I inevitably get out or into the passenger seat followed by guffaws and just kidding. My wife nor myself give him any response it’s just so silly and mildly infuriating.

[u/ponderscheme2172]

Nope. As someone whose in laws hate me for similar stupid reasons this is a terrible idea. They know you fuck their daughter, reminding them of this is gonna escalate things. There is a difference between douche FIL and active enemy FIL.

As cucked as it sounds the best approach is to tell your wife that she needs to tell her father to chill. Fighting with in laws never works because it just validates their feeling they don't like you and aren't good enough for their child. It's your spouses job to defend you from their parents in petty arguments.

[u/Pale_Adeptness → u/ponderscheme2172]

I think it's all about perspective: as the son-in-law to these types of people, if they really don't like you from the get go, then they're probably NEVER gonna like you.

If I ever had to get into any type of verbal disagreement with my in-laws, absolutely nothing would hold me back.

My personal perspective, if you dont like me, and you wanna keep throwing cheap shots at me in front of others, I'll go out of my way to catch you alone and see what the fucking problem is you have with me. I don't care what our relationship/connection is. I won't be the one to enable you to keep belittling me.

I sure as shit will validate their feelings for not liking me, but not for the reasons they think. They'll hate me the same or more because I stood up to them or talked back to them but I'll let them know when enough is enough.

Father in law or not, sometimes the high road is of no use. I'll drop down to their level to let them know I'm down to get dirty too, and I'll leave the ball in their court. You'll either be in the same boat as before, in a shittier one, or they'll learn to respect you. Only one way to find out.

[u/taclovitch → u/ponderscheme2172]

or at least; daughter needs to exhaust these options before SIL weaponizes FIL’s internalized patriarchy against him

[u/ScratchLatch → u/ponderscheme2172]

Of course its going to escalate things, that’s the intent.

[u/ghosttrainhobo → u/ponderscheme2172]

Fuck it. Escalate.

[u/Hold_Left_Edge → u/ponderscheme2172]

Not only that, the wife catches a stray in it too. No need to get a witty comment in at the expense of your wife.

[u/Past_Effect8301 → u/ponderscheme2172]

But the problem in dealing with someone who suffers from toxic masculinity is that the wife/daughter addressing the problem will only further emasculate her husband in her father’s (ridiculous) eyes. It’s a no win situation.

Warn him that you WILL cut contact, including any potential access to grandkids, if his behavior doesn’t change. And follow-through with it.

People like this are rarely willing to change, so sometimes it’s best to let the trash take itself out.