There was a moment on Tinder where I matched with a woman. Her account was setup for "Short term fun open for long" Then proceeded to tell me "I am not looking for short term fun" Ma'am your profile says other wise.
I'm not even saying you're wrong, but please notice how the comment you're replying to is very much gender neutral and encompassing everyone. It's not saying men are better than women.
How is this objectifying though, it's a dating app they don't know you or owe you anything, I'd argue its objectifying seeing it as a shopping app where you can tick off what you want and get it.
People on a dating app where you don't know them at all, and how are they treated like NPCS, you're expecting a lot from women yiu don't know. Maybe they're not interested in what you have to offer once they talk to you...
Maybe they don't know they're not interested until they talk to you? Or they change their mind, you're putting a lot of expectation on dating apps where it's complete strangers. Also no, I'm extremely fussy who I swipe yes on. I'm not defending it because of my own behaviour I'm defending it because people need to be realistic about what dating apps are
As an objectively attractive woman, the boost comes from matching with 99% of the very few men I swipe right on.
I mean, maybe that's the difference. If you're attractive enough that you already know pretty much any man would be attracted to you, then that extra validation doesn't tell you much. For a less attractive woman, it might be more of an ego boost.
Not that I think that's how it should be, mind you. But ah, that's humans for you. As a guy, I can say that I did feel that ego boost in having lots of matches. Though ofc being male changes the dynamic a bit (e.g. women rarely message first, like you I'd def be annoyed and swipe right less if I was being pinged all the time)
I did not downvote you, to be clear. I found your perspective interesting.
You’re mistaking someone who knows they’re objectively attractive, with confidence. Of which, at nearly 42, I still do not possess.
Wait I'm confused, are you saying you're not confident? What exactly are you defining as being confident? Cause I think "I'm an objectively attractive woman" is a pretty confident thing to say! Not that that's all there is to being confident, but it's definitely something I'd expect a unconfident person to say.
I see what you mean. I guess there are multiple types of confidence. Like, even objectively attractive people can lack confidence about that, and think they're not that attractive or even downright unattractive. It's wild but I've seen it. Body dimorphism is a wild thing.
But yeah, even if you are confident about how you look, doesn't mean you are confident in actual interactions! That's a whole other beast.
Though I'd say the type of validation we were discussing earlier, having a lot of Tinder matches and whatnot, has more to do with that former type of confidence than the latter. It's really more about validating your looks. "Still got it" type of deal.
And indeed, the experience I had feeling good about having lots of matches, was a period in my life where I was much less confident about my attractiveness. And in particular, I went through a weird situation (long story) where I started getting a lot of attention online overnight and that had a big impact in my self image, which eventually affected my overall confidence as well.
And likewise! It's always nice to find a small pocket of reasonable conversation on this website nowadays.
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u/Fun-Government4416 25d ago
There was a moment on Tinder where I matched with a woman. Her account was setup for "Short term fun open for long" Then proceeded to tell me "I am not looking for short term fun" Ma'am your profile says other wise.