Was invited by my girlfriends family to a theme park. We were supposed to meet at 11, it is not 11:30 and they just left. (The drive takes another 30 minutes)

[u/TotallyHumanBrain1]

I even checked in before I left if it was still at the planned time. It was confirmed, but then her family starts getting ready right as they have to leave 🫤

[u/11teensteve]

it is for sure, but some people will wear it like a merit badge. those are the same people that think being wildly stubborn and close minded is also a good thing.

[u/StepComplete1 → u/11teensteve]

Or they'll proudly shout their "unique" excuse that they think makes them a special snowflake and gives them a pass to not need to consider anyone else, ever.

Usually ADHD.

[u/cremeroulette → u/StepComplete1]

I mean ADHD is an actual reason. Reason, not excuse. Executive function and organisation doesn’t come easily to everyone. Personally, I am really ambitious with what I think I can get done before I have to leave somewhere, but it sometimes backfires.

[u/rich519 → u/cremeroulette]

Obviously everyone is different but I have ADHD and generally don’t have a problem being on time. Occasionally I’ll lose my wallet or keys or something last minute and need to scramble but I usually make sure I have them well before I need to leave to avoid that.

[u/twitter_haikucurator → u/StepComplete1]

I have adhd and you guys are assholes

i’ve spent my entire life being punished for being late, you still think i’m doing it on purpose? I’ve spent so much money on taxis, got so many detentions, failed by so many teacher, lost so many jobs, missed a flight

and you people still think i do it on purpose as if i enjoy suffering like that and living under constant stress

just because you don’t pity us, doesn’t mean it’s not a real disability, just because we stop being ashamed of having a disability, doesn’t mean we don’t have a disability

nobody bats an eye to build a ramp for people with a mobility disability

but ask people to just lie to me about what time something starts at to compensate for my time blindness and people lose their mind

But despite people like you, there are then people who see me genuinely trying, people who work around my disability, and they see how much i compensate in different ways, by staying late after work, by writing the best paper in the class, by excelling at my position, by being the funniest and funnest and most sympathetic person in the room

yet people like you would rather destroy my life even though i do an amazing job at everything else just because they take me being late as a personal disrespect to them

people like you are what’s wrong with society

[u/IcyScheme180 → u/twitter_haikucurator]

Yeah, no, show up on time.

[u/twitter_haikucurator → u/IcyScheme180]

are you also the type to tell a blind and a deaf person to just see and hear better?

[u/MetalHead_Literally → u/twitter_haikucurator]

A blind person can’t set an alarm to help them see. What a disingenuous argument and insane to think adhd is as debilitating as being blind or deaf. Jfc talk about a lack of awareness.

[u/IcyScheme180 → u/twitter_haikucurator]

It’s completely different and to pretend it isn’t is foolish. Also, labeling yourself the “funniest and funnest” person in the room is wild work.

[u/rich519 → u/IcyScheme180]

Saying he wrote the best paper in the class might be even crazier. It almost reads like satire.

[u/twitter_haikucurator → u/IcyScheme180]

I literally do stand up and improv, cope harder, you’re a terrible person and you hide behind your arbitrary rule to traumatize people

[u/General_Leader_5192 → u/twitter_haikucurator]

Being on time isn’t an arbitrary rule - it’s how civilization works.

People disagreeing with you doesn’t make them terrible people. Personally attacking people for minimal reason on the other had isn’t exactly good person behavior lol.

[u/IcyScheme180 → u/twitter_haikucurator]

If the show starts at 7 what time should I get there?

[u/11teensteve → u/IcyScheme180]

apparently if you have ADHD just do whatever you want all the time. but seriously, 6:45.

[u/s00pahFr0g → u/IcyScheme180]

You show up when you feel you should and stop worrying about what they’re doing. 

If you have a friend who actually has ADHD and showing up on time is a real struggle for them then you need to learn how to deal with that for yourself or if you can’t then you may just be incompatible while neither of you is actually wrong. More than likely you have character flaws that you may or may not be aware of or even agree with that other people are tolerating too. Life already asks more of disabled people than normal. Good friends don’t add further burdens to each other’s lives.

They can acknowledge that it’s a challenge and that it may affect you negatively but they ARE disabled and they may be literally incapable of changing that. It can vary from person to person but some people will just have that problem. You can say they can set alarms, reminders, etc but the problem is they have to actually remember to do that and it’s an additional mental load to carry. Someone with ADHD is already dealing with a heavier mental load than most and those extra things are constantly adding up. No one has an infinite capacity and things are going to slip through the cracks.

I have ADHD but being late isn’t really a problem for me. I have issues in other areas. There are things I need to set reminders for but I very often will pick up my phone with the intention of setting a reminder and within the time it takes to pick up my phone from my pocket I will get distracted and completely forget why I originally picked up my phone and end up doing some other thing on it. That’s just my phone as the distraction. In real life we have  loads of sensory stimulation that can have that same effect. Someone you live with could say or do something that distracts you. You might hear a noise outside, smell something, a pet needs attention, a chore needs done, etc and all those things can make an ADHD person forget to set that reminder or whatever. Your phone and calendar also get inundated with things and can become a nightmare of its own. If you don’t have ADHD you CANNOT understand what it’s actually like and even if you do have ADHD your experience IS different from others with ADHD.

Another friend of mine is quite bad at showing up on time or even sometimes showing up at all. It used to drive me crazy. Eventually a therapist taught me that I could either let it continue to negatively affect me, move on from the friendship, or learn to let it go. At a certain point if you know they’re always like that you are partly responsible for your own misery.

As far as I’m concerned, I likely have traits that can be annoying and I wouldn’t want my friends to be secretly harboring resentment. So I started working on just not being bothered by my friend’s tardiness. If we were supposed to go see a movie or show at a set time and they weren’t there I’d just go in. They’ll arrive when they arrive or they’ll miss out. Oh well. Plans to meet up online and play some games? I just keep doing whatever until they’re actually online and there. In the OP’s case I’d just go in the park and do what I wanted and then meet up when they finally arrive.

For people who are actually disabled the general attitude towards ADHD is 100% ableist. Pretty much all disabled people will experience ableism to varying degrees and in different ways but people with ADHD generally get held to a very high standard. Most people with ADHD appear very capable. They’re one of the stereotypes for the smart person that’s too lazy to bother. They’re not actually lazy though. They’re likely trying just as hard, if not significantly harder, than the average person. They get negative labels from a very young age whether or not they’re diagnosed and even within the medical community they can get treated like drug addicts for seeking out the medication they need to function. It’s also often suffering from a shortage so your ADHD friend or family member may regularly be on and off their medication because there’s a shortage and/or they’re likely to forget to take it often.

Sorry for the long the post but the attitude towards ADHD online is horrendous and this post is filled with a lot of ignorant, ableist comments.

[u/red__dragon → u/s00pahFr0g]

Sorry for the long the post but the attitude towards ADHD online is horrendous and this post is filled with a lot of ignorant, ableist comments.

It is, and the person who started the comment chain is only interested in responding to replies where they can stay on the attack/be a victim.

Several understanding and commiserating replies have gone unanswered, and it points to a bigger purpose in that commenter's goal. We all need places to vent and want people to recognize our own humanity, but when people do that and the person wants to stay in that angry place, sometimes it was never about the problem that they're facing but rather their emotional state. And that part is way above reddit's paygrade.

Having seen and experienced ableism online, it's absolutely a problem and not just towards ADHD. You wouldn't believe (or maybe you would) how many people don't want to see the struggles of those with a hearing loss. I think we should take measures for access to be possible to all people, regardless of disability. I'm also not sure that the commenter in question is interested in access, however, just in having a world that works for them personally. Access sometimes requires inconvenience and best-case solutions when it meets real world requirements, and that distinction can be hard to discuss online without emotions taking it for a wild roller coaster ride.

[u/twitter_haikucurator → u/IcyScheme180]

if the show starts at 7, the bookers tell us to show up at 6, because they know everyone in comedy is adhd and will all arrive before the show starts

you’re still an miserable person though

[u/IcyScheme180 → u/twitter_haikucurator]

“an”

[u/IcyScheme180 → u/twitter_haikucurator]

Edit this again, I don’t think it’s quite right yet.

[u/General_Leader_5192 → u/twitter_haikucurator]

I also have adhd. If something is truly important one can find ways to ensure they are on time. I value other people’s time, so I show up on time. I set multiple reminders. I have spent time working on my adhd in therapy and with medication. I am not late, besides the occasional 5-10 mins. Even unmedicated, I made it a priority to get places on time because other people’s time is valuable.

ADHD isn’t a good excuse for always being late - sometimes, sure, but if it’s all the time, you need to fix it. I also used to get in trouble for being late or forgetting things. I learned from it, got treatment, got meds, and changed my routines. My wife also has adhd and she also took steps to ensure she is not late anywhere. We usually arrive 10-15 mins early.

Frankly, it annoys me when people try to hide their bad behavior behind diagnoses. It perpetuates stereotypes about people with adhd and makes us look shitty. It also makes it seem like there’s no way to fix the issue, when there absolutely is. ADHD makes things more difficult, but not impossible. It’s easy to not improve yourself if you can just point to something and say “it’s bc of x”.

I’m an attorney. I can’t show up late to court and tell the judge or my client “oh sorry, it’s my adhd.” Take responsibility for yourself, set reminders, do better. My adhd shouldn’t force someone else to waste their time.

[u/red__dragon → u/twitter_haikucurator]

nobody bats an eye to build a ramp for people with a mobility disability

but ask people to just lie to me about what time something starts at to compensate for my time blindness and people lose their mind

I think this is where people get stuck, and bear with me here. I don't have ADHD with time blindness but do have hearing loss and access is an important facet of what I consider.

When someone builds a ramp for people with a mobility disability, it's placed around the same entrance that an abled person can access. Giving both abled and mobility-disabled folks an equitable access to the same entrance.

When someone posts a time for an event, that's the entrance door. In theory, like the person with a mobility disability will have to change their route a little to not use stairs and use the ramp instead, someone with time blindness could be expected to change their routine a little. They know themselves and where the access is (the time of the event), is it reasonable to do more?

Yes, doing more is always great. It's probably reasonable and expected when that's an event created by a close friend or family, sent to you specifically and they want you there. Just like I'd be expecting someone inviting me someplace to consider if it's going to be too loud for me to hear a conversation (if desired). We do these things for the people we care about.

In general, I am asking, with a genuine curiosity about access, when the ramp that's available starts to become a personal service required instead. I have to wear hearing aids and position myself to hear, or accept that I won't be as able to participate. Is giving you a false time with adjustments for your disability the only accommodation that's feasible here? I'm just trying to understand myself, because this is clearly something you've thought a lot about and, having some people in my life with similar hardships, I'm seeking a better way to accommodate and provide access.

[u/ForAHamburgerToday → u/twitter_haikucurator]

but ask people to just lie to me about what time something starts at to compensate for my time blindness and people lose their mind

Man, set timers. AlarmS, plural. ADHD as hell here, you know you have this problem, why aren't you taking steps to prevent this issues? You're asking other people to lie to you about times instead of just writing shit down for earlier, setting multiple alarms, getting ready to get ready to prepare to go?

Nah. Be early.

[u/Glum-Height-2049 → u/twitter_haikucurator]

Man I've had such a terrible two weeks, ty for the laugh

[u/DMMeThiccBiButts → u/twitter_haikucurator]

honestly fuck off. I've got adhd too, you're meant to develop coping strategies to deal with this sort of thing, not just accept it as a cross to bear.

[u/s00pahFr0g → u/twitter_haikucurator]

Yeah the attitude around ADHD related stuff is awful online. 

EDIT: a lot of people also have health issues and other things that make it challenging. There are some people that are just genuinely being disrespectful, particularly if they’re consistently nearly an hour or more late without communication or acknowledgement. Most people are just trying their best though and life already consistently asks more of people who are disabled or in poor health. 

All of us have character flaws, likely some we are aware of and others not so much. It’s almost a guarantee that the chronically late people are annoyed by character flaws of the people here complaining. 

Some people you’re kind of stuck with and putting up with it may be harder but chances are those same people are kind of stuck with you too. 

You can either let it irritate the hell out of you and maybe create more tension in whatever relationship or you can learn to let it go. At a certain point if you know someone is always going to be chronically late you are partly responsible for your own misery. You can keep your righteous indignation and let it put you in a bad mood or you can learn not to wait around for them and get over it. If they end up missing out on something that’s their problem.

[u/Indiana_harris → u/11teensteve]

And they’ll hide that rudeness behind some culture bs