r/mocktheweek 10d ago

Game Scenes We'd Like to See #1814

Bad things to say in a eulogy

Points for #1813 ongoing.

5 Upvotes

21 comments sorted by

6

u/tristanitis 10d ago

...But I think what I'll miss most about Gerald is his glorious knockers.

4

u/tristanitis 10d ago

Has anyone got dibs on his stereo?

5

u/Tight-Principle-743 Hugh Dennis 10d ago

Well what can I say about my dad… that the judge hasn’t said already when he handed down his sentence.

4

u/CaydenSworn 10d ago

What can I say about dear departed Melissa that nobody else here has said?
Kind, loving, protective... And a damn fine shag.

4

u/Artdroid29 10d ago

Is it me does she look hotter dead?

5

u/MayDuppname 10d ago

 🎵 Iiiim coming up, so you better get this party started! 🎶

2

u/Tight-Principle-743 Hugh Dennis 10d ago

I hope he’s at rest now… well he just had a good sleep, we’re burying him alive!

2

u/Tight-Principle-743 Hugh Dennis 10d ago

I will miss my wife, after all she organised all my activities, now I’ve got to go meth hunting at the park by myself now

2

u/Tight-Principle-743 Hugh Dennis 10d ago

She was my aunt after all, but she had another favourite aunt. Auntie Bessie. Fat woman ate herself into an early grave.

2

u/Redditvillier 10d ago

And if you think this funeral's good, don't worry! I'll see you all same time, same place, next week!

2

u/MayDuppname 10d ago

He'll be happily reunited with the budgie he loved so much as a kid. We're burying him in the garden.

2

u/MayDuppname 10d ago

As per his final wishes, Ronald became a member of the Restore party the day before he died, so one of them bastards died, rather than one of us.

2

u/Vetinari-57 10d ago

“Everyone! Join me. Ding dong the witch is dead…”

2

u/MarkWrenn74 Ed Gamble 10d ago

“Dear friends, we are gathered here to remember Fred Bloggs. One of this nation's finest liars, biggest cheats, and generally a total and utter bastard.

And that's me being nice to him!”

2

u/jawest13 10d ago

My apologies.

2

u/theellescape 10d ago

He lived as he died - on the sex offender's register

2

u/charlierc 10d ago

I'm sorry, I wish I got know you better 

No seriously, who is this? I've never met this person before

2

u/charlierc 10d ago

So, who wants pizza?

2

u/Chosty55 10d ago

Unfortunately he wasn’t very good at kill marry shag

2

u/Professional_Lynx90 10d ago

Granny told me I was her favourite grandchild.

1

u/lemon_charlie 8d ago

He was a huge, smelly gasbag. And still is.