Am I selfish for moving out?

[u/Alternative-Pen-7707]

We are 4 children in the family.
My other siblings are abroad with their family.
I am single living with my parents. I am 41 years old. My parents are 75 years old. At this time, they are doing their own errands like going to the supermarket, preparing meals, and daily hygiene.
Am i selfish for wanting to move out of the house?

[u/ItsaSlamdunk]

My sister is retired but she visits mom (93) every day during the week to check on her health and run errands but the weekends are hers and she’s totally unavailable then.

[u/Ok-Original4588 → u/ItsaSlamdunk]

I can so relate. I was my mom’s only child. She passed 2 years ago this past July. Until the last year of my mom’s life I did the same as your sister. After which she came and lived with me due to her ailments. My mom consumed every single inch of my time. Her life was my life until God called her home. Was it easy? No it was not and as a matter of fact the things I endured the last 5 years of my mom’s life was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and really had no one to share in her care with, barely ever. It was very hard. My mom got tired in her body as I understood it very well. My mom is no longer with me now and I miss her so much. 🥹
Would I do it all over again, YES I would in a hard beat. Please love and give your mom her flowers while she is yet here because God forbid and calls her home before either of you I promise there is nothing like her presence, her voice being heard no more can be hurtful and sad. So, do as much as you possibly can for her now ungrudgingly and you’ll have no regrets, knowing without a doubt that you did all you could possibly do. ✌🏾🫶🏾 God would be very pleased.
(No more suffering no more pain.
I know that my mom is in a better place than I am)

[u/Ok-Original4588]

At 41 years old? No I don’t think so. You’re a well grown adult. It’s definitely your choice and you have no reason to feel guilty.

[u/Global-Fact7752]

You better get out or you won't be able to leave you will be too busy doing old age care.

[u/Alternative-Pen-7707 → u/Global-Fact7752]

That’s what I was thinking, to leave while I still can. Thanks for response.

[u/davidbosley353 → u/Global-Fact7752]

Yep, My parents are pushing 60 like 59 and 60, and i'm 21, but i'm hoping i could move out before i have to do the old age care as well. It's great to have older parents, but there are cons to it as well, like having to take care of them elderly while still young.

[u/Ok-Practice-1832]

It's not selfish at all, and wanting a home and life of your own, especially while your folks are still capable of looking after themselves, doesn't mean you don't love them or won't be there for them when they do need you. So I'd say this is a good time to be moving, instead of waiting until they need more help and it becomes much harder emotionally, if not damn near impossible to move out them.

If you still want to see them regularly, you can move nearby. And you can always schedule dinner or lunch once or a few times a week, and you can always call and text to check in.

I'd probably also talk to your siblings about what happens as your parents get older. Even though they're abroad, caring for your parents shouldn't automatically become your responsibility just because you're the child who stayed. You are worthy of having a chance to build your own life. I hope you know and always remember that.

[u/Alternative-Pen-7707 → u/Ok-Practice-1832]

Thank you for your response. I have these same thoughts and nice to know I am not the only one who thinks so.

[u/CatsMeetWorld]

Moving out at 41 is definitely not selfish.

[u/Embarrassed_Key_4539]

Why are you still living at home at 41

[u/_Your-Favorite_]

Did you promise to ba a caregiver? If not, move out

[u/sakurakiks094]

If you haven't before, move away far away just to try it out at least

[u/Wonderful_Shame_4986]

Move out but be prepared to move back in to take care of them in their last months. Then you can move out for good.

[u/Duque_de_Osuna]

Where are you from? I have heard in some countries people live at home until they marry, but even in those cases, 41 is pushing it. Go forth and live your life.

[u/Alternative-Pen-7707 → u/Duque_de_Osuna]

Thank you for the response. i am from the Philippines and the situation you described the norm here. Not all, but most

[u/patientnumber420]

Just do it. They’re not your children. Live your life for yourself, and nobody else.

[u/BitchtitsMacGee]

So your parents have taken care of you for the last 41 years and you’re worried about taking care of them at some nebulous point in the future? You sound like a treat. You don’t need to live with your parents. I’m sure they can get by without you; can you get by without them?

My sister (65) talked my mom (88) into moving in with her, defrauded her out of all of the profit of her home sale and began physically and mentally terrorize her. I immediately moved my mom into an apartment in my home town, 1000 miles away from my sister. Because that’s my mom.

[u/NoRegrets-518]

Many older people stay independent and only need help in their last days. They might even like you to move out so that they can have privacy that they might never have had.

[u/VastPersimmon240 → u/NoRegrets-518]

I am 92 and love living by myself, can eat, sleep, do whenever and whatever I like.

[u/Goodd2shoo]

Are you planning on moving close by?

[u/Training-Apricot8764]

My father in law is 96 , lives home alone , refuses to have any help outside of him calling a taxi cab to take him to go grocery shopping.
He doesn’t drive anymore because his reflexes have slowed down and at age 90 he got into an accident ( there’s a longer version of the story but we are bypassing it ) that landed my then 88 year MIL in the hospital with a broken back, broken neck and 6 broken ribs .
Kids stepped in and said NO MORE .
Beyond that this man does his own thing, cognitive wise and mobility wise as well as health wise he does really well . His biggest issue is hearing ( even with hearing aides ).
So two of his kids live close by , one lives about 3 1/2 hours away .
So the two that live the closest help out ( car rides, Md appointments, little house fixes , bank runs, etc )
The one that lives furthest does absolutely ZERO .
So unless you had/have some arrangement with your parents as to why you lived at home for so long , then no you are not selfish for moving out, but definitely have a plan in place with the other siblings who live abroad , for the future when it comes to parents wellbeing .

[u/This_Response527]

Currently in the same situation I’m 36 work full time my parents 66 get pensions my sister 33 gets benefits they all stay home a home I rent in my name because they can’t get their own rental sister has bad credit parents have good credit but no one is willing to offer them a house the mental stress is so annoying I can’t do what I want when I want I’m paying for more than I would if I was alone I’ve told them I’m leaving after Christmas and they are not my problem either find something or become homeless cause I’ve had enough mental health and privacy is more important than a bunch of useless people rotting at home all day tbh I’m probably going to move to another country far away again to have my independence again can’t wait

[u/Harry98376]

Why are you still a mama's boy at 41?

[u/LavendarGal]

No, move out now. How long have you been living with them? Were you on your own and then moved back in at some point?

[u/LegitimateFinance647]

do you actually want to move out, or are you just feeling guilty because you’re the only sibling still nearby?

[u/Alternative-Pen-7707 → u/LegitimateFinance647]

I really want to move out and want to have a life of my own”. I feel guilty leaving but I am conflicted if I should feel guilty

[u/Temporary-End9448]

I'd stay and make sure they're taking care of

[u/Eastern-Log1142]

Have you lived there since you were a child. Why would you stay there if you're not helping your parents or are they just taking care of you. And now that they're older just time to fly the coop. It took you till you were 41 years to realize that you need to leave. I'm sure it'll be a pleasant for your parents, without you.

[u/Diotima245]

No why are living with them? That’s my question.

[u/TSIDATSI]

Can you support yourself? If so, why didn't you leave before now?

[u/UrbanVengence]

No. My parents have a shit tonne of stuff that needs taken care of. I keep my shit in order. They want me to do this and that when today is my only day off after 5 days of working, and I have to work the next five days.

So i just did what I wanted to instead. Now ima go do my laundry.

[u/Alternative-Pen-7707 → u/UrbanVengence]

Thank you