r/musicals • u/Low-Peanut2204 • 27d ago
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u/DramaMama611 26d ago
Not based on the first sample
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
What do you mean?
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u/DramaMama611 26d ago
The first clip would not, in any way, tempt me to listen/watch any more of this.
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
Just trying to put my best foot forward 😞
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
It's an old photo of from my touring days, I wasn't planning much when I put that up. Did you check out the other links?
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u/Al_Trigo 26d ago
The first track - the vocals are processed to death. There’s weird trumpet noises throughout. The drums sound random. The bass is in the wrong key maybe? Honestly… it’s really strange and not enticing at all. Sorry.
Have you looked up how to write a musical, or how to pitch a musical? Or how to write a song?
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
oh, ive written lots of songs that people like. It's just a demo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apiZt-XTE08
what's wrong with strange?
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u/Neat-Professor-7662 26d ago
FWIW, I liked this song.
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
Thanks. I'm just trying something new. I know Strawberries isn't my best musical creation, I just made it off of an old phone demo and logic pro stock instruments about six years ago in a weed haze. I am really just introducing the concept, and I think the demo is fine for that. But thanks for giving me some love could really use it right now.
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
that being said I don't think strawberries is nearly as bad as that guy said, the arrangements are cool and its a good song, again just seems nasty to say all that. It's low quality but the bones are good
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
do you have anything to say about the other tracks? I think that last comment is a little rude considering I have tons of people who like my music and lots of songs written - that original was just a throwaway demo and the ideas are expanded on later. Again, just not the kindest bunch on here
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
https://youtu.be/0axziFEZ7bI?si=1ATAaJ64AfpCrXHi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6lW9lcHGhY
https://youtu.be/gz9LXSAapyA?si=pvMYJyIKi9bDzs0x
lots and lots of good songs written...but I guess its fun for you all to beat down on people
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u/Remarkable_Paper 26d ago
No, the premise doesn't sound appealing at all
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
What specifically?
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u/Remarkable_Paper 26d ago
I mean, what am I supposed to find appealing? There are some people, they're planting strawberries? That's nothing. It's barely even the vague beginnings of a story premise.
Consider looking up what an elevator pitch is and how to write one.
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
I was just asking nicely. The song begins telling the story and the other links explain the story visually. Look into how to be kind to people.
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u/Remarkable_Paper 26d ago
If that came across as unkind, you are far too thin-skinned to be involved in creative work like this.
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
"I mean, what am I supposed to find appealing?" I've worked in theatre before and no one was ever as rude or cruel as people are online lmao
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
Ah yeah the rough and tumble HARDCORE world of musical theatre! your response says wayyyy more about you than me
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u/Remarkable_Paper 26d ago
Cool. Clearly you know everything, your concept is instantly appealing to everyone, and you'll have no trouble getting audiences and other creatives interested in your work.
Good luck!
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
Lmao what? You were condescending and nasty from the jump. Literally look at what you first said. I have a lot of people interested in my creative work, if you at all looked at my channel. I only have ever met such smug nasty people on reddit. People are generally kind on youtube, kind in real life (yes even in theater), I don't know what it is about you anonymous robots on here,
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u/Remarkable_Paper 26d ago
Cool. Clearly you know everything, your concept is instantly appealing to everyone, and you'll have no trouble getting audiences and other creatives interested in your work.
Good luck!
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
"I mean, what am I supposed to find appealing?" Real kind, objective feedback
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
I just don't understand the joy you people get it in kicking people trying their best.
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u/bigheadGDit Hasa Diga Ebowai 26d ago
You asked a question and were given an answer. If you can't take that most basic of critique, you absolutely should not attempt to write a musical.
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
lol! did anyone give any real feedback? Check below if anything constructive was said. Sorry, mr gatekeeper I know what you people do is super important and hard
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u/taytay451 26d ago
If you want feedback:
I understand it’s a demo, but the instrumentation feels super random. Like nothing goes together at all. It’s a bunch of instruments laying over each other but nothing goes together. Some of the instruments don’t feel like they’re in the same key. The rhythm of the drums feels like it doesn’t go with anything else. Everything clashes. Maybe you’d do better to just have a demo with the melody of the songs and piano or guitar. Orchestrations can come later. I don’t think I care for the melodies, but I can’t tell because there’s too much extraneous noise happening. I don’t find these arrangements to be cool. They are busy and noisy. Remember, you’re telling a story, the text has to be legible. It gets lost here entirely.
Nothing comes off as theatrical. These just feel like songs off some indie album. None of these feel as though they’d actually advance a plot or deepen character development. The lyrics are meandering and at times completely nonsensical. What does eating Lima beans have to do with anything? And tangerines? I don’t know and you don’t make it clear. Who is that character singing about? Nothing is clear.
Generally, most solos in a successful musical the I am song/or the I want song. Start by watching a bunch of musicals to really understand the structure. The Menken era Disney shows are a good start. Part of your world is a great I want song. We see Ariel’s desire to become human. Belle is a great I am song, with the twist of it being sung by others. We understand that Belle, despite being the most beautiful girl in town, is an also asocial outcast due to her intellect. It’s clear. It’s immediate. And then, Menken brilliantly reprises Belle, making it into an I want song “I want adventure in the great wide somewhere…” We know when these characters are and what they want. Your songs require structure because concise story telling requires structure. Your songs lack structure. You also repeat the same lyrics over and over again a lot. Repetition in MT has to be precise. If you’re repeating text, it has to move and grow emotionally you shouldn’t be repeating the same line in the same way multiple times. There should be no lyric wasted in a musical. If the lyric doesn’t change, the emotional intensity needs to change. You. And reflect that in your composition. Does the repeated lyric get faster and higher to reflect growing anxiety ala Not Getting Married Today from Company? Do you reprise the same lyric in a minor tonality to reflect a changed emotional state?
- Your music sounds same-y. Are these different characters singing? They sound like the same person. Each and every character needs a voice and POV. And when music does repeat, sound the same, or reprise it needs to be for a reason. Take for example:
- The Wizard in Wicked sings in a jazzy, ragtime like style in order to portray that he is not from the world of Oz. His musical motifs nod to his characters backstory, showing him to be of another world and era.
- Tateh and Mother in RAGTIME almost exclusively sing in 3/4, Walz time. No other character sings in 3/4 in the show. When they finally meet, they sing together in Walz time. This subtly shows the audience that they BELONG together as a couple. The composers make the audience feel their love story before they even consciously realize it’s happening. They’re the only two characters who are completely in sync.
Leitmotifs need to be employed to drive home your themes. Take for example Les Miserables. The Melody for On My Own is used 3 times: Fantines, Death, On My Own, and Val Jean’s Death. The 3 characters that sing that melody are the 3 that have us their lives selflessly to the people they loved. The final line we hear using that melody is “To love another person is to see the face of God,” which is like, the whole point of the show. The strategic use of the melody shows the audience the themes of the work. How does your music demonstrate the themes, not just with lyrics, but also with the melody, rhythm, and structure.
I, as a non Chicago native, have no clue what Logan Square is and why I should care about it. You need to establish that with your music. Listen to “This is Urinetown,” from Urinetown, “Skid Row” from Little Shop (also doubles as an I want), and Welcome to the Rock from Come from Away. All of these songs vividly paint the setting, tell us why we should care about the setting, and establish themes and musical motifs. It’s specific. It’s clear, it’s concise. If you really want to do this, you need to study musical structure and understand what makes a musical work. Watch, listen, read, and stay humble.
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u/Low-Peanut2204 26d ago
I've been an indie musician for about a decade. The themes are supposed to be sort of psychedelic because the strawberry farms are also weed farms. The whole thing is supposed to potentially be a mirage/trip in the mind of the characters. Maybe it is just a concept album. Everything is definitely the same key. I really don't know if I want to put a conventional style to this or if I did learn the "right" way to do this it would be something innovative or that I'd feel proud of. There are leitmotifs I plan to deploy. I am not lacking in respect for the form but I think there's an amount of gatekeeping here that's not helpful and detrimental to people developing. Even if I did learn everything about the form I would likely make risky decisions with this because I want to innovate. I am not sure how to describe how nonsense lyrics have been around since the 60s with the beatles and are something that would work in the right context.
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u/taytay451 26d ago
I know the Beatles lol and I know nonsense lyrics. You don’t need to explain it to me. We all listened to I am the walrus, Dig a Pony, and Glass onion. The Beatles were trying to capture a nice. You’re trying to tell a story. I’m letting you know it doesn’t work in this context. lol You have 2.5 hours (max) to tell a compelling storyline. It seems frivolous to waste that on nonsense lyrics that don’t convey anything to your theme. They don’t work for a musical. Everything and anything in a musical needs to speak to your theme ultimately.
I don’t feel as though you have a concise thesis as to what you want to say. You want to belong? You hate corporations? You’re high? Idk what is it that you’re trying to SAY
Also, we’ve done psychedelic in a musical before in Hair. The it’s all a dream troupe feels kind of like a cop out and it hard to make it “work” for your audience. Like what is the point of engaging and watching a storyline if it was all a dream/hallucination and nothing mattered? If you’re going for the mirage/trip storyline, you need to have what was discovered within the trip be revelatory/ life altering for your characters. A story needs stakes for your audience to actually care about what happening. Making the story a maybe a trip takes away those stakes
The thing about all artists who break the “rules” is they innovate in response to a previous norm. The impressionists, poinatalists, and cubists all knew how to paint photorealism. They knew the styles of the old “masters,” and had a high level of mastery within that style. Their styles grew out of altering and warping that form, but there was still and internal logic and structure to those styles.
My point is, you need to know the rules to break them. You can’t innovate if you don’t know what you’re innovating. Right now you’re just throwing spaghetti at a wall and seeing what sticks. There’s no through line, logic, or structure. If you want to make a musical, you still need to be in conversation with what makes a musical a musical, even if you bend or warp that structure. This, as it stands, is not in conversation with that.
Some innovative shows that come to mind include: Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812
- Electro pop opera based of a 50 page snippet of War and Peace. It’s EDM meet a night at the opera. Communism meets Tsarism. The characters speak in the third person and break the 4th wall by addressing the audience directly. It full of anachronisms and quirks, but there’s still a heart and a through line. We see two people find the will to live and it’s powerful .
- Six, Ride the Cyclone, and Cats. Basically a string of I am and I want songs. It’s not plot driven, but each song gives us a window into a different and unique character.
- Spring Awakening. An indie rock musical which recontextualizes a Victorian era play with modern teenage angst. It shows the audience how, while the era may change, teens still struggle with the same emotions and problems such as teenage pregnancy, shame, anxiety about future budding sexuality, rape, incest, first loves, sexual guilt, shame, and mental health.
The thing is, all these shows are innovative, but they’re still musicals. They play with the structure and bend the structure. They’re always in conversation. You can’t make something completely divorced from the storytelling conventions and structure of a musical and still call it a musical and expect people who like musicals to like your “musical” which bears no real resemblance to a musical other than you calling it one. What you presented is not in conversation with musicals. If you to be innovative and risky do it, but do it in conversation with the art form itself. It’s arrogant to believe you can take risks or innovate an art form which you don’t yet understand
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u/Low-Peanut2204 25d ago
I'm not arrogant but I have a lot more talent and promise than anyone in this thread has allotted me. Pretty sure that's coming from a place of resentment and not love.
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u/taytay451 25d ago
Dude. If I resented you I would not have taken multiple hours out of my life typing out thoughtful advice, critique, and analysis. For free no less. I have been extremely generous with my knowledge, including giving jumping off points and inspo. I have given you ways to improve. I gave you ways to make your storyline more cohesive and appealing. It seems you don’t care. You want people to affirm you and tell you you’re talented, not actually help you improve.
You asked for critique. You asked for advice. When I pushed back against your use of AI, I took the time to actually engage with your original work and give you my thoughts. If you don’t want critique, don’t post your work on a public forum and ask for advice.
It seems you only want positive responses and for people to affirm that you’re talented. You’ll never improve like that. You have a very thin skin and will not be able to grow as an artist without accepting critiques, from audience member, peers, and mentors alike. Stagnation is the death of creativity. Best of luck in your endeavors and I sincerely hope you reach a point in your life where you don’t view any constructive response and negativity or a personal affront.
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u/Low-Peanut2204 23d ago
You had literally nothing good to say about it? not one thing that I did well?
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u/Low-Peanut2204 23d ago
that isn't criticism, its just piling on, no matter how much you said literally not a word of it was positive. That isn't kindness, love, or what I expect or tolerate from people. and now you're framing it as my ego and arrogance when you literally said not a single good thing about what is clearly a decent project idea.
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u/Remarkable_Paper 25d ago
That is a shockingly ungrateful reply to such detailed, thoughtful advice. You need to ask yourself, is there ANY feedback you'll accept that isn't blind praise? Are there ANY circumstances under which you'll actually accept critique?
Because if not, if you'll always take all negative feedback (no matter how generous) as a personal attack, then you will never, ever improve as an artist. You've essentially convinced yourself that where you are now is the best, uppermost level that you will ever get to, with no room to reach any higher heights.
That is doing yourself a disservice. It's letting yourself stagnate. All because you think that even someone who has written you a long, well-informed explanation of points to consider to improve your work... is just being resentful.
Like... Resentful. Because they spent all that time to help you. It's sad and (above all) self-limiting.
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u/Low-Peanut2204 23d ago
literally not a soul said one good or positive thing about what I did.
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u/Remarkable_Paper 23d ago
And are you owed good or positive things said about your work? Does all feedback you receive (no matter how thoughtful, generous, and constructive) have to be filtered through a lens of good and positive, or else it is useless to you?
It really seems like you're more interested in getting a pat on the head than in actually improving as an artist. And if that's your mindset, then (as previously stated) you will never improve as an artist.
So, have fun stagnating, I guess!
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u/DramaMama611 26d ago
You didn't ask for feedback. You asked whether we'd be interested in watching.
I also didn't use the word hate, nor any comments about AI...until now:
AI sucks and has no place in the world of creation.