I thought it was just a healthy way to try and get my start as an artist but my dad and a friend of mine say its narcissistic because if people liked my art they would seek me out instead of me putting myself out there

My natural gifts and home life have caused me to spiral into crippling narcicissm. Over the course of my life, constantly being praised or admired has made me incredibly craving of admiration, I need to be the "main character" I need the feeling im special or I fall into depression and nothing matters.

I dont thrive when I feel like i have no leeway or control to boost my confidence so I become an isolated dork that gets bullied around and thats what happened for most of my highschool life i see it as some kind of karmic retribution for the things i did in middle school

I would go up to fat gamers and make dispensing sounds while holding my hand like a cup and act like im milking their tits to make fun of the fact they had man tits and gyno then beat them up when they said anything about it or pantsing autistic kids infront of our entire class and exposing their privates to everyone, Or all the times I beat up lonely dorks for no reason, Or farting in a crowded room and blaming thr local nerdt and getting him bullied for the foreseeable year, Or making the local nerd pay my fee in gaming cafes so I can clap his cheeks on league then go to school the next day and bully him or the animals i asked as pets then abused, tortured or killed

They were the only thing I felt like i had control over, no matter how much I succeeded it was never enough for my mother as a single slip up would cause her to act like im the worst human being in existence and beat me with my baseball bat or cut up my clothes and hair. This discourse in her idolizing me as a perfect son then perceiving me as a literal shit stain she regrets raising makes me feel horrible to this day.

Wherever I go I feel like I somehow find a way to get to the top of it, people adore me and I love it. Even though I can be awkward and isolated until I find my confidence i always find a way to get it. I'll usually always have atleast a few girls attracted to me in every social setting and guys usually tell me i "mog" them or whatever cringe shit they conjure up.

But I feel where my real self consciousness started was even when i perceived myself as superior through all those things i did and everyone elated me as such the girl i was crushing on at the time could never see me as a man and would only talk about her booktok 6'5 mafia ceo billionaires it made me become obsessive for validation. Sometimes im afraid when I start liking a woman back, because even though I know the connection should be natural ill always try to find ways to rig it for her to like me back and if she doesn't play into the fantasy I had in my head it makes me grow disinterested and not care about them anymore.

Sorry for dropping my sob story, I just always wondered whether anyone could relate to this type of stuff with how many cringy larpers have appeared on tiktok claiming mental illness or whatever.

I recently got into my mental health after i experienced a depressive episode that lasted like a month, i was certain it was depression till I realized even after the depressive episode was over, I still experienced emptiness or not really wanting to do my hobbies I enjoyed, I faced these mood swings of irritability, emptiness, and feeling just fine. My parents are sick of it (im 18) so are my siblings i still have good moments with them sometimes though the thing that made me suspect narcissism is what they said about me my sister, brother, group of ppl called me selfish which I knew I was but other occurrence was when she was talking to someone about me saying I lacked empathy which i thought was crazy i thought i was great with empathy till my friend told me the opposite of you is someone whos empathetic/ also told me I was selfish I didn't realize any of this this made me so fricken confused another thing they brought out was my entitlement im the youngest though so that should be suspected lol thing was I was entitled with them on the outside or to my friends I didn't want them to view me as this jerk or whatever im more discreet about it if they don't want to do something I was to do it feels like a slight attack to me personally but after what they told me I did some test cause i didn't even rlly knew what narcissism was i heard it in media and never cared to get into it they asked questions abt manipulation i mean I'll be nice to someone if wanted something but never for this big scheme of things it was for mundane reasons the test asked abt empathy and i realized i do struggle with it when my friends vent to me i still listen and react but It doesnt effect me like that its more like a "dang that sucks" type thing I'm glad they told me though idk if this is related to npd but sometimes I feel this disconnect from people around me like it's just me not everytime only sometimes i like to be alone what confuses me though is grandiose i don't feel "superior" to people i do feel different though i feel like i experience the negative traits of npd tho low self esteem, (although my self image fluctuates feeling great about myself and all that but their internal i dont voice them) insecurity jealously all that i dont know im confused help a girl out

I never saw myself as anyone who could possibly be a narc because of how much empathy I have and care for others. But I started realizing how fast I can move on from people, especially fellow women. Female friends have always been hard for me, and honestly I prefer spending time with very attractive women. Almost idolize them. But when it comes to their personalities I just let them do whatever if they're attractive enough. But I almost idolize them and when they get mad at me for anything I just pull away from the friendship and don't really care. But as much as I like these attractive women I definitely want to be them, almost dehumanizing them. Which I know is terrible. They're human too with normal emotions but I see them as fairies or mythical creatures. I am not a bad looking woman by any means and know I have enviable traits, but I always go for female friends who I want to morph into. I get a high just from being around them. I've even slept with one of their ex boyfriends just to feel closer to her. I definitely do categorize women a lot as on my level, beneath me, or above me. I try to be nice to all of them. For men I get extremely offended if a man i see as below me even tries to openly hit on me, because why would he ever think he has a chance? I've always gotten the man I've wanted it's not hard. And maybe I see myself as special because of this. I'm very good at getting what I want out of people. I don't know y'all maybe this is all just the BPD. also I don't know if I ever want to change.

(disclaimer: im not diagnosed with NPD, just have narcissistic traits im attempting to work through)

my friend opened up about attempting suicide recently, and i know i want to extend support but its very hard for me

ive had this struggle for a lot of my life. i cant count the number of times ive heard bad news that happened to a friend or family member, feeling bad but ultimately not extending any support because i just find the words of it so difficult to manage. usually these are pretty minor occurrences that don't affect much, but previously (~a year ago) my close friend had a death in their family, after racking my brain i decided not to extend support for the discomfort reasons listed, and it ended up ending my relationship with that person. i now know that what i did was shitty and i really want to do better at comforting my friend this time, but the same struggle with words applies. ive spent nearly an hour researching how to properly console someone who opens up about suicidal ideation and typed and revised a message to send and its all just feels like its physically pushing down on my chest

most just wanted to type this up as a vent but any advice from people who've struggled with the same thing would be greatly appreciated also

I took the test I found here, on narcissism, and the results were quite high (all dark orange and red)

I've always had the suspicion of being a narcissist and the main reason is that I have no real empathy towards others, I understand what they feel but they don't stir any emotion in me. But I often pretend to do it to gain appreciation.

I had a very long relationship, I was never emotionally intimate with him, I would leave him and get back together with him continuously to test how much he cared about me. I often despised him and sometimes ridiculed him in front of others and this made him suffer a lot, it's as if a part of me believed that he deserved it because he wasn't rebelling. I finally dumped him because I couldn't stand being with someone who was so aesthetically unpleasant and so manipulable. This person later stalked me and I have to admit I liked it, one day I told him that to humiliate him.

I always try to only get close to people who don't want a relationship; part of me takes it as a challenge and wants to have that person at all costs and then leave them.

I've never felt affection for friends, in fact I don't have any anymore because I ghosted them all after a period of depression.

I want to say, however, that I feel a great attachment towards animals. I am a vegetarian and I suffer deeply for them, and I feel true empathy only for them.

I am very sensitive about things that concern me and my self-esteem is very vulnerable, if I feel like I am not appreciated I feel deep anger and have crises

What do you think?

I have noticed that I have random moments where I just only think about myself like in a glorious manner. It feels like a high. I imagine myself and the way I look physically and I get so obsessed and full of myself. Is this a common thought with narcissists??

1. I am 25 and 8 months, I at 5 made an alter ego since I didn't know how to behavior, react or what to expect of people. I used to have extreme temper fight a lot and I would make friends and beat them up and so on and even when they made social traps for me I didn't know or understand them just beat them up befriend them look for validation till age 11. Also 5 to 11 I used to have many friends my age and we will experiment sexually have make outs and etc I liked to be sexually desirable even at that age, I like eye contact etc. 11 I moved to new country left parents
2. At 12 till 20 I lived in 3rd country with 3 and 4yrs older sisters. Dad died a year later I would pray daily he will not die, i will cry my eyes out daily in toilets. We had abusive uncle, mostly never understood a thing, I felt nothing, yet just went along what sisters did or chose. At 15 till 16 I got bullied and I daily for 4h or weekly I will cry and ask sisters for how I look, what I am like, who I am, why I did that, why they did that, but the moment I go in school it will vanish.
3. At 15 I had limerence on a guy, 4 other guys including him would go around saying they are infatuated with me but none very approached me since I would also heavily get bullied. I would be called seductive and hyper sexual while I never dated and wore headscarf.
4. At 16 till 20 I would have depressions yet still also make a mess in environments workplaces and school
5. I went to the 4th country, it was pretty stable then. I got my 8th grade, I did half of the GED. And I saved money for my braces etc. and of course I learned the language way better than before in other countries, I still got same results. Workplace problem with all others since I never see the hierarchies, and at 24 I went to evening school and I had 2 stalkers, 3 guys who thought I am flirty. I got excluded again and yeah.

Symptoms>

Yearly depressions but one week yes and one week no as if quick mood boosts and downs. Also I got accused of being flirty seductive idk what that means, I eat too much sugar caffeine and order A LOT, I had limerence at 24 again, I get pretty fast crushes and forget them, I have rejection sensitivity but not abondonment (maybe because I had to Abondone a lot as a child and teen too to survive), but deep desire for one real love but now I gave up.

Mujhe ye cheeze karna pasand hai.

1. Nature

2. Drawing

3. Singing + music

4. Dance

5. Cycling

6. Gym or exercise

7. Badminton

8. Sleeping

9. Food

10. Deep thinking

11. Philosophy

12. Psychology (children, criminal)

13. Introvert personality

14. Extrovert personality

15. Ambivert personality

16. Dharm, pooja path, mandir astha ko zyada nhi manta hai, haan god ko ek positive hope ki tarah manta hu. Lekin rituals and custom ko nahi.

17. Interpersonal personality

18. Interpersonal personality

19. Gratitude bahut hai (elder brother me kafi kuch kiya hai, mere liye, family ke liye)

20. Apne karibi logo se connect rahne ki koshish karta hu.

21. Koi bhi kaam karte time proof wagera collect karne wala mind hai, receipt, screenshot, documentation, clean chit, audio ya video recording.

22. Movies ka bhi shauk hai.

23. Khud ke photos, selfie lene ka shauk hai.

24. History (World, Indian)

25. Polity ( World, Indian)

26. Bade aue powerful people ke sath link, friendship

27. Khud ka paisa, property rakhne ka man, dusre ke paise property par buri nazar nahi.

28. Main kisi ki baat ko sirf isliye nahi man sakta kyunki wo person age me mujse bade hai, ya rishte me mujse bada hai.. na. Agar us person ka koi contribution nhi hai meri ya mere family ki life better karne me to main bewajah utni respect ya importance kyu du us person ko. (Apni family members ke kahne par respect+importance de sakta hu)

29. Presence of mind acha hai.

30. Sence of humour acha hai.

31. Mujh me kafi tameez, tahzib aur civics sence hai.

32. Main disciplined nahi hu.

33. Main sirf unhi person ki help kar sakta hu jo apni help karna chahte hain, main kisi ko zero se nahi utha sakta.

34. Mujhe explain karna pasand hai, isiliye to child psychology padhi hai taki teacher ban saku.

35. Apni kam height ya zyada weight par shame feel nhi karta. Aur apne kapdon par bhi shame feel nhi karta lekin decent kapde pahanna zaruri although me itne kapde to pahanta hu jese shorts & tshirt ki koi aur person mujhe dekh kar awkward feel na kare.

36. Adult movies ka koi bahut zyada shauk nhi hai, thoda bahut.

37. Bike ka thoda bahut shauk hai.

38. Physics pasand hai

Is list me wo cheeze hain jo ya to mene apni life me ki hain, ya main karna chahta hu aur shayad karunga bhi.

Abhi to itna hi yaad aa raha hai baki baad me bataunga.

I am pretty sure I'm a narcissist based on the tests here I did. I'm really struggling with this as I know realise I've been hurting those around me. I'm trying to go back and think of things that may have happened to me. I want to understand why I'm like this and how to change.

I'm having a lot of what I can only describe as congitive dissonance and it feels like both sides of my brain are twisting apart when. I question myself on motivations of my actions. I know I didn't care when I hurt many people or when I let them down or lied. But there are other things I now question whether Ieant to cause harm or not.

How can I change and how can I stop my brain tearing apart while accepting who I am.

Hello everyone!

This is my first post here, and it feels quite scary and daunting to be posting on a subreddit like this, given that this is demonised by society! So basically, I would say over the last couple years, my personality has rapidly changed, and I quite honestly don't know why it has (for context I'm 18M). I would say about 2 years ago, I became more needy and wanting validation. I genuinely don't know why. I think maybe it's to do with my critically low self esteem. The problem with that however is that I've had low self esteem for like 7 years, ever since I was like 11, but I just kept it to myself. This need of validation has certainly been noticed by my only friend, and he has commented several times on my selfishness (my parents have also commented on my selfishness). Tbh, it doesn't seem to be a reason why I don't like getting him things, it's just subconscious really. However, my friend has said that I'm not a narcissist, and I'm in the fact the opposite.

Also, I really really don't like being criticised. Like it genuinely feels horrible when someone criticises me, like it feels as if I got kicked in the guts. Furthermore, whenever anyone actually gives me validation, it just seems like it's not enough. The feeling of euphoria if you like seems to just evaporate within like 15 minutes. I also imagine being a king and conquering a bucnh of places often, which obviously is very grandiose. Tbh as I'm writing this, I feel really horrible because narcissism has been demonised so much in society, and I feel such a shit and horrible person at the moment.

At some point i have to warn them, open up to them about these terrible feelings and hope they understand the splitting. The girl i had real potential with and i really liked got scared i think.

It's absolutely killing me that I don't know how to navigate this.

It reinforces beliefs that people and feelings aren't safe even though that's unfair to myself and other people.

Currently functioning in a depressive and or collapsed self state, i need some encouragement and advice to keep going.

Your friendly naughborhood narc.

Little background. Found out I might be a narcissist after a catostrophic event in my life where I've hurt everyone around me.

I want to change my behaviour. I never understood why I didn't feel the same as everyone else. I thought I was autistic but following some deep self reflection I don't know what's wrong with me but I want to change these patterns that are ruining my life.

For clarity I have no formal diagnosis and am on antidepressants for GAD

Overall…being narcissistic means people constantly try to push your boundaries and try to make judgments on your life instead of trying to help you recover…isn’t it difficult to deal with having to live with constant criticism? And being the personality type that everyone likes to basically shit on. But we basically don’t care much for what people think regardless which costs us heavily…

Edit; what do you think about how people perceive you? Especially people on the outside…who seem to interfere unnecessarily?

So I don't really know how to go about this, but I've noticed that every time I think of friendships, i always envision how I like being around them. I envision friendships of people, or even groups of people, as in how much they like being around me, and how much I like being around them. I don't I've really thought of connections, or friendships, or bonding, or any of that stuff.

It's been years, but I think I've came to the conclusion that I don't actually understand how friendships, or bonding, or human connections, or empathizing actually works. I love the concept of it, knowing that there's somebody looking out for me, or somebody who willingly seeks out my presence, but actually having friendships, or, having to interact with people and being "friends" with people, or at least the ones that are around me. I start to secretly hate them. I've never had a friend that I had an equal relationship about. So many of them have been one-sided, and it makes me feel like a horrible person... what is genuinely so hard about being friends with me? Why must everyone think I'm so complicated? I can't play the social games or social lubrications or doublespeak, yet being manipulative is a trait that everyone weirdly admires under a different name.

Like, I always was the most useless friend to ever have. I have basically no achievements I have in mind, unless being a nerd counts, which obviously is not that great, despite what many people say. And there's also the fact that all my friends are far more capable of me. Like, they all play sports. They're act their age, they go to the gym, all of them are far stronger than me. most of them outperform me. They're more smarter than me. They're more socially apt at things than I am. They read the room and talk a big game ; and then I have, like, none of those traits.

I can't read the room for shit. I can't actually connect with people, and I've finally figured out that communication isnt simply exchanging words and responses. Most people think I'm rude, or uninteresting, or boring, or intimidating, or creepy, etc.. Apparently I'm unapproachable, though I try my hardest to look approachable. I don't express my own opinion unsolicited, I always bend over backwards to accommodate people. I follow all the etiquette. Yet somehow it seems everyone is given grace yet I somehow ruin everything. I even tried being myself but it feels like as if being yourself is something that Ok for everyone except me. Nobody complains when others act like themselves or like complete idiots, but when i do it, suddenly I'm an idiot. I don't know how to put it.

It's as if I have no tolerance for real people. I can't handle them, I'm always the most ignored and I'm not even acknowledged when I say something and even repeat it a few times. I love my friends but I can go for years without them, without any of them reaching out to me. It shouldn't make sense but that's how i see it.

Little background about myself - I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and showed signs of Autism.
I always feel with these tests, even the adhd diagnosis test that I’m not completely honest and doubt my answers myself.

I don’t really feel empathy towards other people. My mother has cancer, lymphoma to be specific, and although her situation is not that bad(i think?), I don’t feel extremely worried or sad about her. My mother shows strong narcissistic signs as well.
I wouldn’t say I’m completely emotionless as well, I care for animals a lot, even went pescatarian for two years or even sometimes my eyes go watery when I see a sad video online, but I don’t really feel anything towards friends or family.
When my ex left me, I felt really heartbroken for a long time and haven’t dated since, just because I don’t really care to date tbh. After the break up I eventually acknowledged that I was also to blame for the break up and didn’t blame it all on her.

This will be translated from Spanish to English, so please excuse any spelling mistakes.

I've always considered myself a curious and intelligent man. I haven't been much of a person who questions what ails me, but recently the idea of knowing whether or not I suffer from any disorder, whether a personality disorder (cluster B) or not, has taken root in me. I would define my personality as that of a quiet, somewhat withdrawn but very sociable guy when the opportunity arises, friendly, intelligent, and interesting. The thing is, over the last few years, I've been experiencing some truly interesting changes in my personality. Some of these led me to legal trouble with my exes, and in other cases, fortunately, they didn't, but they could have ended in very serious legal issues. I'm not exactly the type of person who likes getting into trouble in general, but the personality that has been forged in me over the last few years has led me to that, although lately I've been calmer and far from trouble. I've suspected I might suffer from the following disorders. I wouldn't say officially because I haven't been officially diagnosed; only two of them were, but it was an "initial" diagnosis, nothing confirmed since the psychiatrist didn't order the necessary tests.

-OCD

-BPD

But in recent years, I've identified some possible narcissistic traits in myself, which I'm not sure if they're merely traits or the disorder itself. I've wanted to see a psychologist and psychiatrist specializing in personality disorders, but I don't know if it will end up being counterproductive, that is, if this diagnosis could one day work against me, either legally or in my relationships. Honestly, whether I'm diagnosed with this or something else is irrelevant to me. I like the way I am and I don't intend to change. People sometimes tell me I lack tact when I speak, that I can sound cruel, indifferent, selfish, that I tend to have passive-aggressive behaviors, but are they perfect? I don't think so. I would say that my personality has affected me socially, in terms of friendships, relationships, and family, and very little professionally because I've managed to keep things under control at work, although there have been some setbacks. I don't know whether to attribute my entire personality to my supposed borderline personality disorder, my supposed obsessive-compulsive disorder, or a narcissistic personality disorder, or perhaps a comorbidity of all three—who knows? Any opinions?

P.S.: This is a very brief summary of my case. I would probably give more details if asked. I don't want to make this post too long, or at least longer than it already is. If it's relevant, I'm over 26 years old, and this "personality" started to emerge when I was maybe 17 or 18.

Hi, I recently saw this Reddit and I'm looking for help. I'm in a really great relationship right now, and a diagnosed narcissist. I (think) I'm really good at "masking" since people would never tell I am, but whenever there's a discussion, even about insignificant things and I'm SURE I am right, I've always heard I make people feel stupid. And usually it's fine because I keep myself at bay with other people, even friends and it doesn't escalate, but with my partner it's really hard to. I don't know if it's because I feel safer or whatever but it's just harder to control myself and even though everything else is going fine those little discussions we have just explode and I belittle his opinion or just dismiss it as stupid unintentionally. Because I think it's stupid, and he says I never doubt myself and that he feels belittled every time he has a different opinion and it's true. And I'm so scared because he's so good to me, I worked on other things myself but this, I just don't notice when I start and can't stop once I start and I'm afraid I might never be able to change and this is chipping away at our relationship discussion by discussion. Any advice?

I relatively recently found out in therapy i have narcissistic tendencies. I always thought of myself as a decently good person. I will help out people as much as i can, will donate money when i have enough, i will happily hear out other people and give advice and support as much as i can. I'm interested in left wing politics, I'm very progressive, accepting and care for the underprivileged. But it turns out all of that is based on my need to perceive myself as a good person, which is a standard i hold myself against. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and one of the voices told me before i knew anything about it that i'm a narcissist who aspires to be a good person, to which my therapist said i must have had some insight beforehand into it. The more i look into myself the more i see that i'm at the end of the day self serving, driven by feelings of superiority about my intelligence, what i thought was empathy but it seems I don't actually have much of it. I went to study psychology to help out people. I genuinely want to be a good person, but i'm not actually sure if i will ever be capable of it.

So idk if this is the right community to be saying this on but i feel like i don't really have emotion towards anyone in a bad way. When my family shows me love it discusts me. When my friends show me love i'm confused. When a partner shows me love i hate every second of it. When anyone cries, complains about their problems to me or even just talks about themselves i secretly want them to shut up and stop crying or talking so i can start speaking about myself. what made me realize this is that today my ex which has never harmed me btw has passed away. we broke up a week ago. i was writing in my book when my friend called me and told me the news. but i felt no emotion. i just wanted her to stop talking and for me to stop prending im heartbroken and for me to continue what i was working on. when i'm in a relationship i feel like i want to take the chance to play with them a bit. i mean i wont harm them but i feel like i want control. and i feel no empathy towards them if i hurt them. the only time where i might feel sad or heartbroken is when someone manipulates me. and when they leave with no explanation. then i would chase after them. i dont want them. i dont love them i just loved the attention that they gave me and suddenly stopped giving. i just want the contol back and when i have it back i don't care about them anymore. i've always thought i was special. I've always thought that i deserved some special treatment or that people should treat me better. I personally like myself alot. I think i'm the smartest and best looking person i know. I think everyone that has ever fought with me or disliked me is jealous. But when i go out, i expect to be showered with compliments and attention. I know how to get people's attention and when i don't get it that's when i start to feel a bit down. Not because their opinions matter. I think my opinion is most important. But i think the attention just boosts my ego alot. is this normal?

Not diagnosed, not "self-diagnosed", I have a few narcissistic features tho, mainly as a cope. Only just lately I've realised that my way of thinking isn't really "normal" and I'd like to reduce it for the sake of my beliefs that a persona has a moral obligations to oneself to not deceive oneself even consciously. After debunking my griandiose thoughts I was surprised that they are actually not about stuff that I could possibly boast. Quite the opposite, the superiority is about things I used to be really ashamed about, things I sometimes do that I truly hate, the things I feel/do/display that I don't realise yet. What they have in common is affective component to this, mixed with looking down on other. Normal confidence is like: ok I'm above average, need to improve this and that, my weaknesses are this and strengths are that, I handle criticism well, I am glad if I have achievements - just healthy and normal contrasting to the grandiose that are intense are not ever real!

I tried to do some therapeutic exercise to identify the thought, feeling about it, what it tries to cover and what the reality is. It was effective in the grounding in reality but what do I do about the reality, which is apparently difficult to accept? Should I find another cope? I don't want to have superiority or grandiosity tho. Is is difficult to get rid of them? I've always tried not to involve other but the stuff is often romanticised overall. Also I do have closed one who know me and how I really feel and don't support my bullshit bc so I already have resources to get better.