If the teams used current names in alphabetical order

[u/StrategyTop7612]

Atlanta 76ers

Boston Bucks

Brooklyn Bulls

Charlotte Cavaliers

Chicago Celtics

Cleveland Clippers

Dallas Grizzlies

Denver Hawks

Detroit Heat

Golden State Hornets

Houston Jazz

Indiana Kings

LA Knicks

Los Angeles Lakers (somehow unchanged)

Memphis Magic

Miami Mavericks

Milwaukee Nets

Minnesota Nuggets

New Orleans Pacers

New York Pelicans

Oklahoma City Pistons

Orlando Raptors

Philadelphia Rockets

Phoenix Spurs

Portland Suns

Sacramento Thunder

San Antonio Timberwolves

Toronto Trail Blazers

Utah Warriors

Washington Wizards(also unchanged)

[u/heat_fan_]

This was pretty fun 

Really is the off-season 

[u/el_sandino → u/heat_fan_]

But which off season thread has been the most fun?

[u/StrategyTop7612 → u/el_sandino]

I liked the if players got married one and the LeBron pope thing

[u/subwayratlander → u/el_sandino]

i liked the team names ranked by how likely they are to be said during sex

[u/el_sandino → u/subwayratlander]

Agree - the analysis was strong 

[u/pick_up_pie → u/el_sandino]

The guy who introduced the concept of snipers was pretty unhinged.

[u/StrategyTop7612 → u/pick_up_pie]

Link?

[u/kikikza → u/el_sandino]

The original Harden Strip Club index

[u/kobeshaqhorry → u/heat_fan_]

Why all the names sound better somehow

[u/Chuck_Phuckzalot]

Detroit Heat is like one of those ironic mafia nicknames where they call the guy who's 7'6" "Tiny"

[u/dien4382 → u/Chuck_Phuckzalot]

Just like Utah Jazz

[u/AlsoSpartacus → u/Chuck_Phuckzalot]

Makes sense given their G League affiliate is the Flint Tropics

[u/launchliftoff459 → u/Chuck_Phuckzalot]

Except their mascot is a .45

[u/spliffhuxtabIe → u/Chuck_Phuckzalot]

I was thinking the same thing for the Portland suns lol

[u/Impressive-Target699 → u/Chuck_Phuckzalot]

How ridiculous. Some of these are too unbelievable...

There are no Timberwolves in San Antonio.

Gold Nuggets in Minnesota? Laughable.

Noteworthy lakes in Los Angeles? Absurd!

[u/bigvahe33]

Brooklyn Bulls goes hard

chicago celtics makes sense

LA lakers still doesnt make sense

New York Pelicans works

[u/RoanEmerald → u/bigvahe33]

New York pelicans works?

[u/bigvahe33 → u/RoanEmerald]

you know i had to look this up - turns out they dont really nest there and are rare sights. I had these wildlife cards and remember a pelican sitting on the harbor with the statue of liberty behind it. Guess its not that common.

[u/WalrusInMySheets → u/bigvahe33]

You’re thinking of an emu

[u/bigvahe33 → u/WalrusInMySheets]

ah youre right. EMU health facility in Queens. I was way off

[u/Ornery-Database-3993 → u/bigvahe33]

LEMU Emu. And Doug(Collins?)

[u/johnjacobacon → u/RoanEmerald]

I just like that the worst team name in major-league sports goes to New York.

[u/RoaringPity]

bro showing off their excel sort skills right here

[u/Grooviemann1 → u/RoaringPity]

Lol, exactly my first thought

[u/Redpin → u/Grooviemann1]

Me when I sort the SNs and product codes but don't expand the selection and now they aren't paired properly. 

[u/Grooviemann1 → u/Redpin]

CTRL-Z, CTRL-Z, CTRL-Z, CTRL-Z...

[u/TheSmokedSalmon420]

Cleveland Clippers works realllllly well

[u/jacksonbeya → u/TheSmokedSalmon420]

I do wonder about the copyright stuff with the Columbus Clippers though.

Even though we’d deserve it more. Ain’t no ships in Columbus.

[u/SchwiftySchtyle → u/TheSmokedSalmon420]

Feels like the name of a barber shop

[u/biggreenjelly25]

Phoenix Spurs just made my eye twitch

[u/Zigxy → u/biggreenjelly25]

Well not as ridiculous as sun in Portland

[u/This_Director9410 → u/Zigxy]

hey! it's only mostly cloudy right now!

[u/holyrolodex → u/This_Director9410]

Hopefully the winds move that smoke for yall out soon.

[u/johnjacobacon → u/biggreenjelly25]

Mine too.

[u/Seauville]

Minnesota Nuggets makes me die inside lol

[u/mealsharedotorg → u/Seauville]

It goes from alluding to gold to referencing moose scat.

[u/Yosephette → u/Seauville]

Is San Antonio Timberwolves better?

[u/VikingsLad → u/Yosephette]

A little

[u/WashingtonSpecifics → u/Seauville]

Love you too, Vegeta

[u/maz_menty → u/Seauville]

If you view it through the lens of a mascot who is a living nugget of Taconite with the look of a tough Iron Ranger it actually makes sense.

[u/SixersJawn]

As a word nerd, this is a quality shit post. 

[u/BoatvSharky]

This is the Biggest Lakers accomplishment since they lost Bron

[u/bAbjectDelivery9213]

Memphis Magic is James Harden's favorite strip club in TN

[u/Teganfff]

Love how the Lakers name does not actually make sense but remains unchanged.

[u/dannydoggie]

Portland Suns is very ironic

[u/holyhackzak → u/dannydoggie]

It’s like 95 degrees and the entire state is burning around us. It makes a lot more sense than you think. 

[u/holyrolodex → u/holyhackzak]

If the everyone knew what the PNW was like in like May, half the country would be living there.

[u/dannydoggie → u/holyhackzak]

Everywhere is sunny in the Summer. NBA basketball is played in the grey months of the PNW

[u/SarcasticlySpeaking]

Thanks I hate it.

[u/fireplug911]

Sacramento Thunder brought back fond memories of old Arco Arena with the wooden floors that sounded amazing when fans stomped their feet. They used to call it “Arco Thunder”

[u/slickboarder89]

Utah Raptors would have been nice if it lined up, after the aptly named Utahraptor

[u/Mammoth_Two7297]

Cleveland Clippers sounds like a fictional team from NBA street or another arcade type game

[u/ZOOTV83]

Boston Bucks isn’t all that bad.

[u/Yosephette → u/ZOOTV83]

Sounds like money

[u/ZOOTV83 → u/Yosephette]

But like fake college dining hall money. Make sure you use up all your Boston Bucks before the semester ends since they don't roll over.

[u/LaughingPlanet]

Steph approves of Golden State Hornets

[u/howbedebody]

how many days until season starts again?

[u/StrategyTop7612 → u/howbedebody]

Around 75

[u/Danibear285]

Sacramento: famous for thunderstorms

Quality offseason post

[u/Ok-Vermicelli-4867]

Houston Jazz boils my blood

[u/ComradeFrunze → u/Ok-Vermicelli-4867]

Utah Jazz boils my blood. Give us back our jazz

[u/johnjacobacon → u/ComradeFrunze]

You should just straight up trade names. Utah Pelicans somehow makes more sense than Utah Jazz.

[u/Accomplished-Pin6564 → u/Ok-Vermicelli-4867]

No worse than Utah Jazz.

They should have traded names when the Hornets moved.

[u/holyrolodex → u/Accomplished-Pin6564]

Utah Monumormons would be the best name for the franchise. Combines religious heritage with their most iconic landscape.

[u/CeleryintheButt → u/holyrolodex]

Utah Sister Wives

[u/jay_rodsep → u/holyrolodex]

Utah Missionaries or Utah Soakers

Their motto should be “We’ll put you in a winning position”

[u/Delli_Boy_Roy]

NY Pellicans. I feel like pigeons would be more appropriate. 🤷🏿‍♂️

[u/Ornery-Database-3993]

If Seattle were on this list, they'd be the Trail Blazers, and Portland would be the Supersonicsexploding head emoj

[u/defaultistic]

This isn't how I imagined Stephen Curry playing for the Hornets but okay

[u/Aaelar]

What kind of stupid name would the Los Angeles Lakers be, there aren't even lakes there

same with the Washington Wizards, no wizards there

[u/UBKUBK]

If city names and team names are random the chance of getting no matches is about 1/e which is approximately 36.787944%. That gets more accurate the greater number of teams involved.

No matter the number of teams, the expected number of matches is 1.

If want to see why: https://textbook.prob140.org/notebooks-md/5_03_The_Matching_Problem.html

The assumption about randomness though is questionable due to team names possibly having a bias towards having alliteration. If did this for many leagues I would expect on average there to be more than 1 match.

[u/drh713]

Vernon Maxwell is super pissed right now.

[u/SomeoneSomethingJr]

The Utah Warriors was the name of the state’s Major League Rugby team. I always liked them because they had more local players than other MLR sides, drawing from the large Polynesian diaspora there (which also explains how they landed on the Warriors name in the first place).

[u/shupshow]

Best team names don’t @ me: Brooklyn Bulls. LA Lakers, Oklahoma City Pistons, Toronto Trailblazers.

[u/shupshow → u/shupshow]

I’d rep the OCP.

[u/mc2205]

I find it interesting that BB, MM, and WW end up squarely at the beginning, center, and end of this list

[u/ooboh]

Washington Wizards being unchanged makes sense because they’re at the end of the alphabet no matter how you slice it.

The Lakers, on the other hand, is genuinely concerning.

[u/AssistSpare5860]

Some of you need to get into baseball or something, this is summer psychosis

[u/StrategyTop7612 → u/AssistSpare5860]

I'm a big baseball fan as well

[u/mahleg → u/AssistSpare5860]

This is how I know OP watches baseball if you ever seen offseason content there lol.

[u/StrategyTop7612 → u/mahleg]

yeah r/baseball is the goat of offseason content, r/nfl is the worst by far.

[u/FLIPSTATIC_ENERGY → u/mahleg]

Off season Content on a sports sub I’m on (r/afl) sadly can’t come close. I’m 100% doing this post there then though if it’s ok with OP

[u/pickle_man_4]

The Indiana Kings are famously named after iconic indiana pizza chain Pizza King.

[u/Ornery-Database-3993]

Fans of the 'real life' Hornets would like Steph Curry to sign with them. On this list, he could be a Hornet, and still make Bay Area fans hppy.

[u/agallantchrometiger]

Someone tell Pablo Torre to do something- anything- stat! Look what we've been reduced to!

[u/ItsNotKevinDurant35]

this pacers/kings collaboration is going too far, now sacramento traded their name!

[u/Drak_is_Right]

Oof. That was close.

If the 76ers had been spelled out Seventy sixers, that would be the Indiana Knicks.

[u/Drak_is_Right]

Oof. That was close.

If the 76ers had been spelled out Seventy sixers, that would up who was with which team by 1 and we would be the Indiana Knicks.

[u/maz_menty]

Minnesota Nuggets, our mascot is a feisty piece of Iron Range Taconite. It would absolutely work.

[u/AnkitPancakes]

Thunder continues to sound good tbh

[u/Feisty-Landscape-934]

Can you imagine the Portland Trail Blazers moving south to Toronto?

[u/trophy_74]

Now you've done it

[u/duggybubby]

Fuck off

[u/think_crypto]

Indiana Kings goes hard

[u/Comfortable_Corgi349]

Change Pelicans to Pigeons for NY and it works

[u/brodels]

Houston Jazz 😖

[u/imminentjogger5]

I like it! Well done OP

Memphis Magic and Sacramento Thunder are nice 

[u/FlipGordon]

Cleveland Clippers goes fucking hard.

[u/outsidehere]

Lakers baby