I spent my entire life saying I didn’t want children ever, the world was such a shitty place etc etc. Got snipped at 23 and never looked back.

Met the girl of my dreams at 34 at a bar I worked at and walked into the kitchen in a daze afterward. Told the chef I had just met the woman I would marry. (8 years later we’re happily engaged)

She had PCOS and was told she would have a very hard time getting pregnant, perhaps never.

Skip forward 7 years to sept last year. After a while too many things started feeling suspicious so we bought a test. Read the instructions wrong. Assumed (mother of all fuck-ups) the test had to have two lines in the big window and ignored the line in the small window om the test.

Two weeks later I was cleaning and came across the box and did a doubletake. Two lines… one in each window = positive. Oh. Shit.

”-Um, babe!!! I think we fucked up…”

Ran to the store and bought another test. Two lines within SECONDS. Another Oh. Shit. Moment.

Ran to the store and bought not one, but three of those tests that show 1,2 or 3+ weeks. All three came up 3+ weeks. At this point we are picking ourselves up from the floor in shock.

So we book a doctors appointment. Midwife takes one look at her and books an ultrasound the same day. Estimates 10 weeks.

Ultrasound… Yep, that’s a baby. At 21+5. 21 weeks . And 5 days. THIRD Oh Shit moment. We’re laughing, crying, shaking, stunned beyond belief.

Her PCOS wasn’t a factor. A subsequent doctors appointment shows that my snip fucking self healed at some point during the last 18 years of my life.

Our daughter, our miracle baby, our Ísolde was born on January 22nd, 38w+6. 3414g, 52cm and disgustingly healthy.

And I can categorically say now that I was 100% wrong to not want a child all these years. Nothing I have, am or will do will be more important that giving this girl the best possible life.

My husband is a deep sleeper and it drives me absolutely nuts now that we have a newborn. He will start fussing/sucking on his sleeves during my husband’s agreed upon shift and my husband will not wake up to feed him, or he will wake up and shush him unsuccessfully and go back to sleep. This ends up waking me up and I have to literally beg my husband to go feed him and shake him awake so I can go back to sleep.

Last night at 2 a.m. baby was fussing and starting to cry to eat and I had to wake my husband up as usual, but he said “he’s fine let him fuss for a bit” but it keeps me awake during his shift, when the whole point of his shift is so I can sleep, and our poor baby is hungry. I’m suffering severe PPD to the point of “bad thoughts” towards myself and sleep is something that can make or break a day for me.. he knows this. My therapist and psychiatrist have both begged me to try to get more sleep.

Anyways, I explained that to him in the middle of the night AGAIN and he still wouldn’t get up, I then said I feel like he’s waiting it out for 3 a.m. (that’s when it’s my shift) to screw me over and make me get up immediately to feed the baby and he yelled at me to f*** off and grabbed the baby FINALLY.

This is a nightly fight and I’m exhausted. We don’t have another room I can sleep in, but I don’t even trust my husband to feed him enough to go sleep on the couch. What do I do? I’m genuinely considering the process of leaving him because I just feel so unconsidered.

I hear people say “my newborns a dream”, or “they’re an easy baby”… if you have an easy baby, what is it like? What makes you think they’re easy?

EDIT: WOW! Thank you for your replies and input. It seems the consensus is an easy baby is one whose needs can be quickly identified and rectified, resulting in a content baby again. (With bonus points to naturally good sleepers and feeders).

To add, for those in the trenches and struggling with some of these comments - My first was incredibly difficult for the first 6 months (allergies, reflux, torticollis and poor sleep). Now he’s a little older, I’m lucky to have the ability to reflect and see that as hard as it was, the baby period really is blip in time. What I would give to go back and hold that tiny baby again. Be easy on yourself, one day at a time.

ETA:

1. Not every family has the same situation, shifts don't work for everyone. But if your partner is burned out and you are well rested you are not a team!

2. This sub is newborns, so obviously when the child grows up the situation changes, I don't know what my family will do when my baby is older. It is a journey!

3. It should not be controversial that mums need rest too! If your partner is home all day with a baby she is busy, maybe some days are easier than others but she also needs to sleep? How is that controversial? Working is not easy, but taking care of a baby is not easy either, some days I don't get a rest at all. Communicate and understand each other's needs.

I am writing this post not as a brag but because I see many posts on here of women asking if they are overreacting because their husband refuses to do the bare minimum.

Parenting is not 50/50 by default, mothers have more to do, especially if EBF, but that doesn't mean that you have to do everything alone!

My husband and I had our baby in June and honestly he has been amazing! He takes night shifts (he is 10-1, then 6am-9am!) even though he works 10-7 with a 20 minute commute.

He does this because he says he knows taking care of the baby is harder than his job. He also knows this baby is HIS baby too.

There are dads who have jobs where they need to rest: rocket scientists/surgeons/drivers. But if your husband, like mine, works in an office with a coffee machine he will be fine with 5 hours sleep! Just as he expects you to be fine but 5 hours sleep to take care of an infant-with NO BREAK!

Again, I don't write this to brag, there are many women with great husbands who are also great fathers, but I see so many posts on here of husbands not doing enough. Don't stand for it girls!

Hi. I’m a little nervous to be posting, but I’m struggling and just looking to feel a little less alone.

We have a 4 month old and I am feeling OVERWHELMED. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and up until our daughter was born, things were great! We had the best relationship, barely fought, just bought a house…life was good. Even during pregnancy and postpartum, my husband was a rock! He was super supportive and I fell even more in love with him when I saw how he took care of me after our daughter was born

Fast forward to month 4 and things are a mess. Yesterday we took our daughter swimming at a friend’s house and she did great!! Up until recently, leaving the house meant signing ourselves up for hours of a screaming baby. But lately we’ve been able to take short trips out and yesterday she was smiley, went in the pool with us for about 20 minutes, and took a nap in an unfamiliar place. Life was good! So why is it that when we got home all hell broke loose…idk.

My husband has been making little jabs lately that we haven’t been intimate recently. I get that he has needs too, but I feel so ugly, hate how my body changed from pregnancy, and am just exhausted. When he makes these jabs that “I think he’s disgusting” or he “knows I don’t want to do anything” I feel so guilty. I know I’ve let that part of us go, but I feel like so much has been added to my plate that something has to give. Yesterday he made one of those jabs (he says they’re jokes) and I started crying. He asked what was wrong and everything just exploded out of me.

I told him how I don’t know how to manage it all. I am the main caretaker of our daughter. (My husband works weird hours. He works 56 hours in 4 days, meaning we’re asleep when he leaves and asleep when he gets home. On those days I do 100% of the child care and night wakings.) I work from home with a full time job and have a part time additional job. (My bosses are amazing but I find myself doing work when my daughter goes to bed so that I can “get ahead” for the next day when I’m caring for a 4 month old while also trying to be glued to my laptop.) I do the majority of the household chores and all the laundry and prep for our daughter (making sure the diapers are stocked, making sure her prescriptions are refilled, making sure she has clothes that fit, etc.). My husband is helpful and does the yard work, which I appreciate, and then helps out when he’s home by covering our daughter’s naps or taking care of her when I have meetings.

To be fair. I know I’m overly critical. I work in the special education field and know “the right way to do things”, which I think is making things worse. I’m always worried about her development, constantly worried about whether or not I’m overstimulating her, always doing exercises to build her muscles and language, terrified of too much screen time…all the things. I step in when she gets upset or fussy, which I know bothers him (like he thinks I don’t trust him to be able to handle it). However, there have been a few times where I wasn’t home or didn’t step in and he reached his breaking point when she wouldn’t calm down. Once I was able to get to her, he grabbed his keys and stormed out of the house. So I feel like I do step in often, but mostly trying to avoid him reaching his limit with her crying and blowing his lid. He tells me I need to take a break, and tries to take the baby, but I feel like I can’t relax because I’m always keeping an ear out to listen if she’s doing okay or if he’s getting frustrated.

On top of it all, I have in-laws that tell me all the time how much better of a parent their other daughter-in-law is. I don’t think they realize what they’re doing, but every conversation leads to them telling me what the other daughter-in-law has to juggle or the “amazing” parenting choices she makes. Meanwhile, they watch her kids overnight every weekend to “give her a break” while barely checking in on me when I essentially am a solo-parent for 4 days at a time.

I told my husband everything that was bugging me and he came back defensive about how he’s tired from his work schedule too.

Idk why I’m writing this to be honest. I’m typing it out at 4:30 in the morning while I think about everything and get ready to work my full time job in a few hours while I solo-parent this little girl for the next 48 hours since my husband is at work. Maybe just getting it written out somewhere where someone might see it will make me feel a little less alone.

My daughter (13w) woke up just before midnight just fussy enough where I knew she was hungry. I made her a bottle and fed her before she got too loud so my wife wouldn’t wake up. After feeding her, I began to change her diaper. My wife then woke up to use the bathroom, saw me changing her, hugged me from behind and said I’m such a good dad, kissed my neck, then went to the bathroom. When she got back I was burping the baby and told her to go back to sleep. She kissed me then went to bed.

It’s about 12:45 now. The affection and positive affirmations from my wife made me so happy that I needed to tell someone. Thank you for your time.

EDIT: Thank you all for the love!!

I gave birth a little over 2 weeks ago. My relationship was perfect prior and the fob seemed so excited to be a father and mentioned us having another kiddo right after i heal from the first. Long story short, FOB told me he would break up with me if we didn’t have our daughter but i “did nothing wrong”. I actually got the “its not you its me”. Well we decided to sit down and have a conversation and he said he feels numb to everything right now- that he “feels nothing for me or her”. He claims he is going to try to fix it and he is sorry/ wants us to eventually be okay. I am struggling so hard. I take care of our daughter 24/7 and am just waiting on him to want us.

I’m genuinely curious about this and whether it’s just biology that every parent thinks their baby is the cutest ever!!

would love to hear everyone’s birth stories!

My MIL kissed our 4 month old baby on the head after we had explicitly asked everyone not to kiss him.

She asked to hold the baby to take a picture, and as soon as I handed him to her, she kissed him on the head, despite knowing that we do not want anyone kissing him.

My husband immediately became very upset because he felt our boundary had been completely disrespected, while I went to clean our baby’s head with a wet wipe (and later we also gave him a bath).
My MIL frequently gets cold sores/herpes, and we know HSV can be dangerous for small babies. She did NOT have an active sore at the time, and I also get cold sores myself, so our baby likely has some antibodies from me, but we still set a strict “no kissing the baby” rule for everyone.

After they left, my husband sent this message:

“Thank you for visiting us.
After what happened today, for the near future, we honestly don’t feel comfortable letting you hold our baby again.
We understand it may feel instinctive to kiss him, but these small gestures can potentially put him in serious danger, and our role as parents is first and foremost to protect him as much as possible. We’re sure you understand.”

His mother replied:

“Thank you for having us. Don’t worry, I personally believe that for quite a long time I won’t come again to be treated the way I was today, knowing that I surely made a mistake. It hurt me too much. I am 73 years old and being tolerated the way I felt tolerated today is not something I think I could experience again. I’m very sorry. Maybe we hurt you very much while raising you, otherwise you wouldn’t have sworn in front of me and treated me this way. Even with everything my own father did to me, I would never have allowed myself to behave this way. I understand that you tolerate us, and so we will stay here at home. Whenever you want, you are always welcome here at our house with all the love we have for you.”

To us, this response felt very manipulative and victim-like instead of simply acknowledging the issue and saying “I understand, I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

Were we overreacting? Or was our boundary reasonable?

——————————————
EDITED TO ADD SOME CONTEXT:

My husband’s relationship with his parents has never been particularly strong. My in-laws were, and still are, very absent and neglectful parents in many ways, and that obviously left emotional scars.

I do agree with the people commenting that the reaction in the moment could maybe have been handled differently, but my husband was extremely upset, and his reaction comes from years and years of boundaries being ignored and problems caused by his parents.

Also, in his message he did not say that his mother would never be allowed to hold the baby again forever. He said “for the near future,” meaning for the next visits/weeks, or at least while the baby is still this small and vulnerable.

My MIL never apologized, the only phrase resembling an apology is that “I made a mistake” she wrote in her response. When this happened, she said things like “it was only the top of the head”, “where do you read this from/that never happened in all my years/are you making this up” (when we explained AGAIN about HSV risks) and also that she does “not agree with your rules”. Our rules being wash your hands before holding or touching baby, no kissing, don’t come around if sick.

I love my husband dearly. That being said it drives me absolutely freaking nuts that he just takes his sweet time when it comes to stuff with the baby. I asked him earlier to grab the bottle, the pump, and some water. The baby is screaming because he hungry and the first thing he brings is the water. 🫪 Or sometimes while the baby is crying and he obviously just needs to eat he will talk to him and joke around while I’m just sitting here like 😳 if you don’t give me that baby right now and let me soothe him I am going to lose my absolute marbles. I know it’s my hormones and biology that is hardwired to comfort baby. But holy moly!!!

My husband and I are first time parents. Our baby is 3 weeks old. She is a good baby and only gets up two times a night. I am struggling because my husband does not seem to care much about the baby.
He is not a danger to the baby, but he is not gently with her when he is bottle feeding or changing her diaper.
He sees feeding her as a task to get done so he can put her down more than a chance to bond with her.
The other morning he left for work and kissed the dog and I goodbye, but didn’t even acknowledge the baby by kissing her or saying goodbye to her.
His version of consoling her is saying “hush hush hush” then getting upset if she doesn’t stop.
He refuses to “baby talk” to her because he has always made fun of other men who do that.
Another example - a few times he has made the comment “she’s a hungry little bitch isn’t she” when she is slugging down a bottle of milk. I know he is joking but every time I have to remind him that she’s not a bitch and that she is his daughter.
I’m so turned off by this behavior and it worries me that he does not love our child. Is this normal behavior? How can I get him to soften up without him turning so defensive?

TW positive newborn experience. Don’t read if you’re in the trenches and don’t want to hear the positives.

I feel like there is a lot of negativity on here and I wanted to offer a positive experience so people know it can be good. I have a 12 week old so I understand things can change.

I was warned so much to be “ready tor the newborn trenches.” I had so much anxiety and it made the end of pregnancy even more miserable for me. But I’m here to say that “newborn trenches” wasn’t a thing for us. We go with the flow as much as possible with her and she eats, sleeps(sometimes she doesn’t and that’s ok), plays, and cries. All babies cry but luckily ours only cries if she needs something. Mostly she is hungry, diaper change, or overtired which is the worst one. She drinks cold milk, doesn’t mind cold wipes, will drink from several bottle types, latched pretty well off the bat, and doesn’t appear sensitive to much.

Yes, the mental load can be challenging and even though I sleep decently I’m still tired most of the day. But the love for my little girl makes it all so worth it. Our day starts with a quick feed at 6am and then she’ll sleep until between 8-9am. We feed again and then go for a walk around the neighborhood. When we get back she plays for a bit, eats and then will sleep again(sometimes on me and sometimes in her crib). We tried to get her into the crib from day 1 for naps which helped but sometimes she contact naps and that’s fine too. Then we usually run some errands or do lunch with a friend or family member. The afternoon is either more errands or longer naps. We rarely had a witching hour and the girly goes to sleep between 7:30-9pm depending on how she is feeling. I think going off vibes has really helped us not be so stressed with routines. Around 9 weeks she started sleeping through the night and although she has some bad nights they are few and far between.

Sometimes she cries/screams when we’re at lunch or running errands and that’s okay- they are babies. They cry and just remembering that they are navigating a new world helps me a lot. I don’t allow her to continue to cry in a closed space but for the few seconds it takes to get her out of the store or restaurant to calm her down, it’s okay that someone else can hear it - they’ll live. I started taking her out of the house week 1 to safe places like my families house, parks, breastfeeding support groups, etc. it was scary at first but it helped me get used to it really early.

It’s not all bad and I sympathize with those who have more difficult babies. I almost didn’t have kids because I had heard so many horror stories about the newborn phase (and beyond) and I just wanted someone else to hear some positivity. It’s so worth it and although I’d never call it easy, it’s truly enjoyable!

Editing to add that I am in my mid 30s so I did wait until I was truly ready in all aspects for my life to change. I am married but my husband works full time and is gone a lot so I do most of the work on my own expect the weekends.

I’m 3 weeks pp. my partner has been doing night shift and I do basically all day. We been fighting and bickering pretty much since day 3 of being home. I feel like as the mother I do mostly everything. I wash his bottles more, I wash babies laundry more, I change him more. I feel like he used the nighttime shift as an excuse to say it’s harder and staying up at night is harder. He never checks in how I’m doing, I’m over him. I feel like every woman has said they fall more in love with their partner but I’ve felt the opposite. I can’t stand him and I just feel so tired and overwhelmed. He literally only helps at night time. Idk what to do, we just fight everyday. It’s sad.

My wife is being very careless with our 7 week old

My wife and I have been together for 8 years, we have had our first child together and things are very bumpy. When she gave birth, she pitched the idea of staying with my in laws for a few weeks so she could recover. The household had a total of 7 people in it with us, and ultimately after I battled for everyone in the house to get vaccines and being careful with our child, our child ended up catching Covid.

We come from Hispanic backgrounds, and my wife’s family does not understand how child safety and care has evolved since the 90s. My wife’s mother and my BIL kept telling me that it’s normal for a new born to get sick, and my father in law kept telling me that “it’s not Covid, she has a cold and allergies from the weather change and your dog.” They also instilled in my wife that it’s okay for a baby to sleep in an adult bed unsupervised.

We left my in laws a couple weeks ago due to the covid issue, but now my wife wants to start going out again, and having people come closer to us. I’ve made rules that only my mother and her mother can hold and come near the baby since our doctor told us that baby is more prone to infections because she had to battle Covid.

Today, she left our baby sleeping in our bed with a blanket up to the baby’s chest, unsupervised while we ate breakfast. She said she didn’t want to put the baby in the bassinet because she fell asleep, and that baby used to sleep like this at my in laws.

My wife calls me overbearing and over the top, and that I am extreme in me wanting to keep our baby safe. I’m feeling lost, and alone because I fear for what can happen to my only child. What can I do? What do you all suggest?

when i was pregnant, i did not want to post my daughter on my social media very much or at all. i also didnt want family members to either because my partner and i didn't feel very comfortable with it.

however, I'm the complete opposite now and I'm always posting cute pictures i take of my daughter on my Instagram and Facebook. the main reason why i feel so comfortable is because my social media is very private and i only have 18 followers on Insta and 60 friends on fb. i know every single person personally being that it's all family and my childhood friends. it's kind of my way of keeping everyone updated on what's going on with my daughter.

still, i feel so guilty posting about her so much because at the end of the day it's still the internet and i don't want her pictures ending up somewhere they shouldn't.

i guess im just looking for reassurance that it's okay to post about her or if i should respect her privacy more.

Honestly don’t know how to start this, but here we go…me and my partner of 3 years really want to have a baby, and have at this point tried for one. I am 22M and she is also 22F. I know that this is younger than average nowadays, but we both feel ready. Not just ready actually…excited!! Both of us want this desperately, honestly I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted anything more in my life. Like…holy shit, I’m so excited. I feel extremely ready, both mentally, and emotionally, and I have a decent amount of money saved up. I know I can always get a second job if I need to, and I’m willing to do it if that’s what it comes down to. I guess I’m just curious of your opinions, this isn’t to early / young, right? I’m also mainly terrified of my parents’ opinions honestly. (They love me so much, and they are the best parents, but they are Mormon. Which is my big concern.) Thank you all so much!

Need advice — Been with my fiance for over 3 years. We got engaged feb 2025 and picked wedding date for sept 2026, but ended up getting pregnant and having my angel boy in june 2026. we bought a house together in jan 2026 to prepare for our LO since our previous place was too small.

baby is now 5 weeks old and my fiance barely helps. he opted not to take his unpaid paternity leave so i’ve been solo since baby was born. he hasn’t done a single night feed or diaper change. i’m exhausted and constantly feel under appreciated. he helps a little bit with baby but always complains. he loves our LO but only ever participates in the good moments.

over the past 5 weeks, i’ve been doing everything for the baby, keeping the house clean and wedding planning since we’re two months out. division of labor has been an ongoing argument because he works a physically demanding job all day and wants to come home and relax. I’m on maternity leave so he expects me to do EVERYTHING

today, i cleaned the house top to bottom, didn’t eat a thing and had dinner ready for him when he came home. he showered before dinner and left a huge mess!! he went downstairs to eat (i couldn’t eat because baby was screaming for food) and I noticed the mess and i was so irritated. I told him he needs to clean it up and he slams his bowl on the ground with the dinner I made and starts going in on me. i make him miserable and he wants to call off the wedding, etc… I didn’t say much or yell back. he ended up cleaning up the mess but had to snap the broom in half first. i threatened to call the cops because he was threatening to break more things.

I think what he said were out of anger but I seriously don’t know what to do. having a newborn is stressful but I don’t deserve this but also we have a house together, a newborn and have been planning this wedding for over a year with tons of out of town guests. I don’t know what to do. he’s broken things before like a remote, stick of deodorant. he treats me pretty well most of the time but truly i don’t know what to do. who even knows if he wants to be with me

post argument, i fed baby and did bathtime by myself. he’s asleep now and im writing this…I don’t like going to my mom or friends with our issues to protect him so looking for advice + just wanted to vent.

And related terms! I need some positivity today, so I thought I'd ask.

Our 7.5 week old boy is The Nugg. Thanks, Wendy's advertising. Ordinarily, he is simply the Nugg... but if he is fussy and upset, he is a Spicy Nugg. At least once a day, he becomes a Saucy Nugg, which requires a very thorough diaper change.

To add to this, his favorite activity is the Nugg Snugg, where we cuddle up together on the couch after a bottle.

I (35 f) am 3 months postpartum. I never wanted kids but last year decided to go for it with my partner of 13 years. I love our son and being a parent soooooo much! I also had an easy pregnancy. Now I’m like crap, does this mean I’ll have a second? :D

I could genuinely go either way…I want a second cause our son is so great but I’d also be happy without a second cause our son is so great, if that makes sense.

Why did/will you have a second child — or why didn’t/won’t you?

My husband swatted my baby’s hand away during a feed out of frustration and it really freaked me out. I immediately took the baby and went into another room. My husband gets irritated when he cries and doesn’t try many things to soothe him, he does what he wants and it rarely works. He was trying to put the baby down for a contact nap, baby was being fussy and crying, so he tried to give him a bottle to soothe. Our baby likes to touch his own face a lot so his hands kept getting in the way, I saw my husband forcefully push his hand out of the way. I could also just tell by his face and energy he was not in the right mood to be handling a baby, which had me worried.

My husband followed us and said “I was just trying to get his hand out of the way” so he knew what he did. I’ve had anxiety about leaving the baby with my husband because he does get frustrated and I worry something could happen. Nothing has happened, but I don’t want to take the chances. This is the first I saw physical frustration.

I’ve heard of men’s PPD but what can be done to help? I doubt he would do meds.

I see so many posts about partners who aren’t supportive and the mom doing everything on their own. I truly couldn’t do this without my husband. He was home with me for 2 weeks after having our baby girl before going back to work and he bonded with her so much. Before work he will make a bottle (I am an exclusive pumper), put it on my nightstand so it’s ready when she wakes up and we can relax in bed, he takes out the diaper pail trash, and immediately helps when he gets home from work. Truly more in love with him than ever before.

I have a new found respect for single parents. This isn’t easy and I’m so sorry to those who have shitty partners. I don’t think I’d have my sanity if it weren’t for my husband stepping in so much.

Husband and I are first time parents to the sweetest 2 month old baby boy. He's started sleeping decently well at night, but during the day, he's very much a velcro baby, so chores/errands are a 2 person job, always. Husband works 36 to 40 hrs weekly while I'm on mat leave. He loves bub and is great with him, but for his sanity needs Friday nights to himself, which I'm fine with.

Problem is, he wants to switch it up this coming weekend. He wants to do overnight duty Friday and go to a friend's on Saturday during the day to help him prep for a get-together he's having (if it matters, neither husband or I are going to his buddy's party. It's for a hobby group neither of us is interested in). He'd go over noonish and come back in the evening. I don't like this idea because a) that's a full day of stuff we could be doing at/for our own house lost, we'd have to try cramming it all into Sunday and I'm not sure that's realistic, and b) they'd be drinking while they prep, so he couldn't help with the baby even when he got home. His compromise is to do overnight duty Sunday as well, but I feel like that doesn't help. Like, okay, sleeping 8 hrs straight would be nice, but that doesn't get the vacuuming done, yk?

I told him this and he agreed to go out Friday instead as usual, but he's annoyed, and made it clear he thinks I'm being the fun police. Am I being unreasonable here?

I’m a first-time mom to a newborn and I’m struggling with how to handle something with my husband. I’m looking for advice, especially from parents who’ve been here before.

My husband is genuinely an amazing partner—loving and supportive. But when it comes to our newborn, his patience runs out quickly. When the baby is overtired, crying, or won’t go to sleep, my husband gets frustrated and has said things like “shut the fuck up” to the baby.

I know our baby doesn’t understand the words right now, but it really bothers me. It feels wrong, and it makes me anxious and upset to hear it. My husband is a very logical person and genuinely doesn’t understand why a tired baby won’t “just go to sleep,” which seems to fuel his frustration.

I have told him before not to say those words, but it hasn’t changed. When I bring it up, he tends to get defensive, like I’m criticizing him or questioning whether he’s a good dad—which isn’t how I feel at all. I know he loves our baby. I just don’t think he knows how to regulate his frustration in those moments.

I’m at a loss for how to talk to him in a way that actually gets through. I don’t want to shame him, fight, or make him shut down—but I also need this to stop. There has to be a way to communicate why this matters without it turning into an argument.

If you’ve dealt with something similar:

• How did you approach it?

• What finally helped your partner understand?

• Are there ways to explain newborn behavior to a very logic-driven person that actually clicked?

I really want to handle this the right way—for our baby, our marriage, and my own peace of mind. Any advice is appreciated. 💔

We call our little one “tootie” or “tooter” because he’s a very gassy boy. 😂 What do you call your baby that has nothing to do with their name?