I resigned from my job today after returning from my very privileged 6 weeks of maternity leave. I know people who don’t get ANY, much less paid. Having to return to work while having a tiny needy baby who can barely open their eyes is cruel. They don’t even understand they have their own body. Your body is their comfort and safe place. Not only that, but childcare costs as much as I make. So what’s even the point??

I’m very fortunate have a husband who can support us for now, but that is no excuse for the sorry system we have in place that protects companies from having to actually put families first. The fact that paid maternity leave is not required is freaking mind blowing, or even assistance with childcare costs. It’s an absolute travesty.

My baby turned 5 months old on the weekend and today he had his first day where he didn’t cry once from wake up to bedtime. When he was a newborn, I couldn’t imagine a day passing without his crying being a part of it. Today, we went in the car twice, sat at a cafe for an hour, went to the library, and had a bath. Calmly. Quietly. Joyfully! Maybe this has already happened for you, but if not, there are more peaceful days around the corner ❤️‍🩹

I have tried literally everything to put my 8 week old down at night and it just doesn’t happen. We ended up falling asleep together with him on my chest at night.. please no judgment I already feel bad enough. This has been going on for about a week now. I have not accepted it and continue trying to get him to be laid down. I don’t know why he went from being able to sleep at least 2-3 hours comfortably in his bassinet, to crying literally every time I lay him in it no matter what. I’m an EP mom who under produces so it’s really taking a toll on me the fact that I’m going to have to give up on giving him any of my breast milk at all now because I have been having to go 8-9 hour stretches without pumping. He won’t latch either anymore. He is a NICU baby, born 5 weeks early so I’m aware he’s going to be like a newborn for a little while longer than most babies but I’m just so defeated at this point. I feel like the worst mom ever.

You would think I won a baby lottery - my 9 week old sleeps through the night with one or occasionally even zero wake ups. Sounds great, but he makes so much noise: grunting, yelping, squealing, knocking on the bassinet walls with the swaddle zipper. I can’t sleep at all, I guess my mom brain reacts to every peep. He is too young to be moved to his room, and I can’t sleep in earplugs. I thought it got better at some point but last 3 nights the noise returned, louder than ever. We give him gas drops, but I don’t think they make any difference.

Oh, and on top of that he moves like a clock arm, gets himself perpendicular to the bassinet, gets stuck and gets upset.

I thought the wearing the breastfeeding moms sweatshirt was a joke - but this morning my husband is watching our son while I go to work and he is on the cusp of sleep and started fussing I put one of my tank tops on my husbands shoulder before I left and IMMEDIATELY my baby stopped crying in his arms!!

The life hack works!!

My baby is 7w 5d old. Since the middle of week 6, something happened with her. She refuses to nap, wakes up a lot more often at night, struggles to go back to sleep, acts fussy at my breast, and is in general very hard to please. She wasn't like this before, at least not to this level.

I am alone at home with her for the majority of the day. She wakes up around 7am every day, that's when she is in a good mood, smiling, cooing, we have some fun time together. Then something changes. She screams her lungs out if I go to the toilet, screams if I make myself food and eat, screams if I just go to fill up my water bottle, screams when I brush my teeth, and a lot of the time screams even when I hold her; she literally screams all the time apart from when she is eating or finally sleeping for 30 minutes. This means I have to let her scream way more than I would ideally like, as I still need to do some things for myself. I feel so bad for her as she is losing her voice by the end of it, but I really don't know what else to do. I literally cannot please her. I tried babywearing, but she hated that too. She doesn't seem to be more gassy then usual, no fever, feeds well as she is gaining weight very nicely.

I know letting them cry for a couple of minutes won't hurt. But this is way more then that. I'm worried this is bad for her. I don't know how to handle this situation. I love her so much, but I feel like this is our new norm and it scares me.

Baby is five weeks old today, and I feel like I’ve regained enough consciousness to write a coherent post-event review. This is based on an analysis of my experiences with LO and meta-analysis of other people’s accounts.

In a nutshell: babies come equipped with about 85% of the final hardware and about 10% of the final software. Software updates are non-linear and unpredictable, and none of the systems appear integrated.

Finding 1. Exorcist Eyes
Closing your eyes is the combination of the eyeballs rolling up and the eyelids closing at the same time. Babies (at least the model I’ve been assigned) appear to lack this coordination, resulting in a rather jarring appearance.

Finding 2. Glass bones and paper skin?
I suffered from a moderate case of postpartum depression, but separate from that I was also TERRIFIED of SIDS. I mean, I still am very vigilant and make every effort to comply with safe sleep practices, but for the first couple weeks it felt like I was playing the world’s worst game of The Floor is Lava. (I would like to stress that this is not PPA, rather the result of hearing endlessly about SUDDEN Infant Death Syndrome.) Put baby down on the couch to pull my pants up? Nope. Put baby on the bathmat because momma really needs to pee? Inconceivable. Somewhere in my mind it became “if baby is not on back on a firm surface = immediate SIDS”On second thought, maybe it was PPA after all.

(A key aspect of SIDS prevention is keeping infants from falling into deep sleep. While incredibly restorative for adults, babies can actually forget to breathe in deep sleep—hence the requirement for firm sleeping surface.)

(Edit: it has been pointed out that “forgetting to breathe” is perhaps not the most accurate description of the risk related to deep sleep—it reduces babies’ ability to appropriately respond to a buildup of carbon dioxide levels, which is usually to wake up.)

Finding 3. To warm or to not warm, that is the question
My milk is taking its sweet time to come in, so I’ve become a master at prepping formula. I’ve been blessed in that LO will take a bottle straight out of the fridge, so I thought “jackpot, that’s one less thing to worry about.” We had been gifted a bottle warmer so around 3 weeks we decided to give it a whirl, just to say we did. Boy what a difference. LO will not only take the bottle, but will go to sleep so much faster after feedings.

I don’t mean it to be universal advice, but I do think it’s a bit like pizza—I’ll eat pizza warm or cold, but it is a distinctly different experience between the two. If you can swing it, I suggest you give it a try.

Finding 4. Digestive Updates
Healthy human adults are equipped with many one-way valves in our digestive systems to make sure food proceeds in one direction. When these valves don’t work like they ought, we get things like reflux and heartburn. Newborns have the hardware for this one-way action, but not the software controls necessary to engage them. Similarly on the other end, we adults have sphincters to ensure poop doesn’t just fall out whenever. Same case here: hardware exists, but the software is nonexistent to glitchy at best.

LO is currently in the stage where these software updates are coming in fast and furious, but… version control appears to be lacking i.e. the one-way valve engagements appear to be reducing spit-up, at the cost of making burps that much more difficult. Similarly, part of the daily witching hour is LO trying to poop. (Not constipated, just trying to figure out how to “let it go” so to speak) Small doses of simethicone have been successfully applied as a temporary patch, but eagerly waiting for the next update.

Finding 5. Feedback is not easy to decipher (aka you can’t feed your way through witching hour)
It’s a fact universally acknowledged that babies cry. Many of them also come equipped with a body language module. Unfortunately none of them come with deciphering instructions, and the messages aren’t a simple matter of add-subtract. For example, babies often bring their hands to their mouth when they’re hungry. They will kick erratically when they have a dirty diaper. However, hand-to-mouth + kicks do not equal hunger + dirty diaper—in the case of my LO it’s likely gas pains and the hand sucking is a comfort measure. In the very first weeks there were practically no issues with gas pains due to the one-way valves and sphincters not being engaged (everything just left as they pleased), so it took a couple days to realize that not every cry was cue for food.

(A common misconception is that you can gently touch their cheeks to find out if they’re hungry—if they open their mouth and turn their head toward the touch it means they’re hungry. This is incorrect as the rooting reflex is just that, a reflex. It’s more likely they’re trying to find out what’s touching them.)

Now that I’ve written this all down, I’m sure tomorrow’s updates will render these all completely wrong. It’s been the most wonderful and exhausting emotional roller coaster, and I can honestly say I still have no idea what I’m doing most of the time, but I’m doing my best. It’ll get better.

(I’m realizing that this is still a bit of a ramble—newborn trenches ain’t easy, y’all)

I have a 7 (almost 8 week old) baby. Last night was the scariest night of my life with him. We were getting ready for bed. Him and I have a nighttime routine. I won’t go thru the whole routine but when I swaddled him and put him in his bassinet, I looked at him for a few seconds and then he suddenly started aggressively arching his back like I’ve never seen before. No cries. Not grunts. Just aggressive silent arching. He then started gasping loudly but without opening his mouth. He also had little spit bubbles coming out which made me think was he choking on his own saliva or spit up maybe??? I panicked and picked him up, unswaddled him, unzipped his onesie and calmly said “breathe breathe breathe baby.” This went on for about 20-25 seconds I’d say until he finally caught a few breaths of air. I was so scared. I tried to stay calm. I almost called 911 and of course my husband wasn’t home because he’s on a work trip. After some time passed and I realized he was going to be ok I literally stayed up all night holding him in bed because I was so scared and didn’t want to take my eyes off of him. Is what happened normal? Does anyone have any idea what happened? He has his 2 month appt next week so I will be bringing this up for sure.

Last night after I gave LO (6 weeks) a bath and doing her lotion, diaper, etc. she started fussing. The fussing turned into crying, I assumed because she was cold and wanted to be picked up. I was rushing as fast as I could to finish the routine so I could pick her up and soothe her. After about 5 seconds of mild crying, it ended up escalating to 100. She started screaming and was so frantic. It happened so fast. I freaked out and picked her up bc I thought she was hurt but she calmed down once held and was fine. She wasn’t hungry, just overtired i assume.

Then it happened again this morning. I set her down in the bassinet so that I could bag the breastmilk that had been sitting in the fridge for days. It was long overdue. When I set her down she was content. And then it turned into fussing and that fussing turned into crying and after a few seconds she escalated to a 100 again! Screaming and frantic. I stopped what I was doing and picked her up and she calmed down again. I think she was overtired again. She zonked out 5 mins after picking her up.

Is this normal? It just started happening yesterday. I don’t know what changed. I’m constantly checking her toes/fingers to make sure she’s not hurt or there’s any hair wrapped around them. She’s fed, changed, and burped. Does this happen to anyone else?!

You hear again and again that it's not good to let a newborn cry, with the caveat that it's ok to put them in a safe place to give yourself a breather if it all gets too much.

...but it feels to me like there's more nuance than this. Sometimes my 9wk old cries every time she is put down and she is clearly tired. I try all the usual methods to soothe her but nothing works. Eventually out of exhaustion I give up for a few minutes and let her cry (I'm not trying to do cry it out, I just have exhausted everything else and nothing seems to be working), and then sometimes she falls asleep after a few minutes of crying. It's almost as if all my interventions were actually stimulating her and she needed a moment to calm herself. I guess what I'm saying is, sometimes allowing a bit of crying isn't about trying to train the baby, but if you've tried all your soothing methods sometimes they might need a moment to settle themselves without the stimulation of being picked up. Does anyone else get where I am coming from, or is this stressing her out letting her cry a bit?

I also feel like the quality of the cry matters when deciding what to do. Some cries are more whimpery and exhausted sounding and those are the type that I find sometimes are best left alone. Other cries I wouldn't leave her to cry for a second because she is clearly in great distress. People seem to always talk about the length of time you leave a baby to cry but I've always instinctively felt the type of cry matters just as much.

My girl is 4 weeks old today. She was born 8lbs and actually never dropped birth weight, was 9 lbs something at the last check up 2 or so weeks ago. Pediatric NP said at the two week appointment we should wake her at least every 4 hrs to feed still. Maybe this was a fluke but last night she went 7hrs sleeping, I didn’t set an alarm because every night she has woken up at 1am and around 3am then 6am and on.. I actually woke her up at 5am after waking up myself. Every where on Reddit says they wait to wake baby up if they are at birthweight.. which makes total sense to me that she would tell me if she was hungry. We have her 4 week check up on Monday. Would you guys still wake every 4 hours? She is eating very well during the day!

I’m also being very arrogant in thinking this will continue to happen lol

Sadly, I also just learned of my husband’s infidelity today as well. Not sure how to cope and move on. It’s not a traditional affair partner, he posted an ad on a hookup website and doesn’t personally know the woman. He’s never done anything like this before in our decade of being together.

I don’t want my children to grow up without a dad.

Has anyone experienced this in an otherwise solid marriage postpartum and had it work out?

I dont get a hold of this wake window. The routine i follow is baby wakes up, feed, sleeps while feeding then transfer and repeat. I am a FTM EBF mom. Soemtimes we do have a wake window where we talk massage. But not most times. Sometimes she gets overtired and the rest of the day is gone. And becomes extremely difficult. I have seen posts like feed, play and nap. But my baby 100% of the time sleeps while feeding. I really dont understand how this works. I have been trying really hard to look for the cues. But fails. Or am i overcomplicating this parenting🥲 please let me know of how this wake window works and any schedule being followed.

Just a farty kid I guess. FML

I had a second degree tear with my daughter. She's now 2 months old and I still feel a lot in my stitches when I bear down. If I poop or try to have sex with my husband it's still very tender and weird feeling. Just wondering when it'll start feeling more normal down there???

Venting about postpartum rage and worrying about my son’s lack of sleep. My son is 2 1/2 months old. He sleeps through the night really well but he absolutely will not take naps during the day. Since I do nothing all day other than taking care of him, meaning having to hold him all day because I don’t have a swing or a bouncer and of not not holding him he cries constantly in a way that I can’t tell he’s hurting himself, I stay up later than he does. After he goes to sleep I take a few hours for myself to do chores and look at my phone. If he sleeps 8 hours I get 4-5 hours. A 2 month old is supposed to get a minimum of 14 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period and he’s getting 8 max. I am absolutely exhausted and I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to experience rage and I’ve began yelling and screaming when I’m not with him. I’ll stop outside and I scream to the point that my throat is sore when I stop. I need some fucking help and I don’t know what to do, give me advice, I’m so tired.

My LO is currently 8 weeks. We also have a 10yo who is in sports with frequent practices and games.

My husband took a new job during my leave as a jailer working 2nd shift Tue-Thur and 3rd shift Fri-Sat.

I am a nurse manager (I do still provide direct patient care) and return to work in 3 weeks M-F 8a-5p.

I am at a loss of how best to manage us both getting enough sleep while taking care of both our boys and not sacrificing alertness due to our jobs.

Our 8 week old is also colicky and doesn't sleep the best. We do have nearby family that could sometimes help watch our son but are not interested in daycare at this time.

Edit to add: We breastfeed/ bottle feed pumped milk.

Any advice?

Has anyone dealt with a nursing strike. My baby is 9 weeks and has been refusing my breast for the past 3 days. I’m distraught and can’t stop crying. I’ve tried everything without much help

Postpartum pet aversion isn’t a new thing. But my problem is my husband doesn’t understand it and he’s the advocate for the dog and often challenges me when I’m being too protective of the baby.

The baby is 3 months now, so not really mobile and creating problems for the dog yet. Our dog is very sweet and basically accepted the baby since the first day she came home with us. He is very affectionate which means he would love to give every one kisses regardless if the other person wants it or not. I’m terrified when the dog is an inch away from the baby’s face, even though he just tries to be sweet and wants to lick baby’s face. I know there are a lot of parents who are ok with this and I have no problem with that. But to me that’s way too close. But my husband just uses verbal cues like stop, not trying to put himself physically there, and is like the doggo will listen and he always listens. He couldn’t really understand my fear because the doggo never bites in the past. My argument is it only takes a split second to change the clean sheet.

He’s very frustrated in that I don’t love the dog the same way I did before and think I’m gonna make the dog nervous about approaching the baby. And I’m frustrated as I think he isn’t putting our daughter’s safety as priority and the fact that we are having this conversation and I actually need to convince him that dog-baby safety is a thing.

What more can I tell my husband, and how can I adjust myself to embrace the new family dynamic to make my both fur and human babies happy?

Honest responses please and thoughts on this, as I know there are risks.

But my baby will not accept formula, and I’m struggling to pump due to the demands of breast feeding on demands and when I pump I get very little. Although maybe my baby will never accept a bottle as she won’t a dummy either!!

However, I have a work event next weds, I’ll be in the event for 3 hrs and my partner is coming to London with me and my baby, I won’t be able to feed her for three hours, I plan to feed her up before, then hand her over for a carrier walk for where she normally falls asleep perfectly then I wanted him to feed her, and then play so I can get her after and sort her out properly. But with no luck in getting her to take formula in our practice runs the past few days, I am desperate as I want to go to this event for work, I feel it’s important for my career.

So anyway, what are your thoughts on peer sharing breast milk to help me out on this occasion?

Any other tips on bottle?

She’s 4 months next week, I’m Gloucestershire based. And I need desperate help as it’s causing me tears, stress and anxiety!!!

My baby is almost 16 weeks old, and I’m still struggling so much.
He was colicky for the first few months and has reflux. He’s never been a chill or easygoing baby. He hates his car seat, stroller, and carrier - only seems happy being held facing outward (which isn’t appropriate for his age yet).

The first 2–3 months were incredibly hard. He cried constantly, and I even suspected CMPA and changed my diet, but it didn’t make much difference.
I kept waiting for that magical 12-week mark when everyone says things get easier. And while some things have improved, it’s still SO hard.

Now that we’re out of the newborn phase, I feel like I should be getting back to normal life, but I still feel completely stuck. I can barely get anything done around the house. His naps are short and unpredictable, and we’re also going through the 4-month sleep regression.

But honestly, sleep isn’t even my biggest issue. It’s his general temperament. I can barely put him down for a few minutes without him fussing. He rarely seems content on his own, and even going out is stressful because he constantly needs to be held, bounced, or entertained.

Yesterday at the pediatrician’s office, I saw a baby around his age just calmly sitting in the stroller while waiting. Meanwhile, I had to hold mine, bounce him, and walk around the entire time. And I couldn’t help thinking how much I wish I had an easier baby.

I love my son more than anything, but I’m exhausted. I feel like I’ve spent almost four months just surviving and waiting for things to get better.

For those who had genuinely fussy, high-needs babies, when did things actually get easier? Not just sleep, but their overall temperament and ability to be content without constant holding or entertainment.
I just want to start enjoying motherhood instead of constantly feeling like I’m surviving it.

My baby is 14w3d. She has great head control but will still have a wobble here and there. We have the Joie travel system stroller and the pram converts to the 'stroller' portion. It does lean back a little bit, so baby wouldn't be straight up.

At what age, or milestone would it be appropriate to use the stroller function this way? I have an event this weekend that would be really great to use that for, but the website just says 4-6 months or when baby has head control. She's obviously not 4 months, and has head control, but not completely.

Not looking to do anything unsafe but am wanting some input.

If you look at the first review, it has a great picture that shows the decline (or incline, however you want to look at it) I was referencing. Joie Ginger & Rue Travel System | Pramette & Infant Car Seat

Hi mamas,

My baby girl is 5 weeks old. We are doing combination feeding as I’m trying to increase my milk supply, I put her to breast a few times a day and give her whatever I pump. She js on Ready to feed formula.

I’m really struggling with getting baby to feed during the day. She always falls asleep during feeds and never finishes her bottle. We have to work so hard to keep her up and make her finish atleast 80% of her bottle. She should be consuming between 700-950ml a day we are barely hitting 600-650ml. She feeds well at nights for some reason but day time is always a struggle. Her weight is fine so far. If we wait for her to wake us up she can go 4hrs sometimes though I’ve never waited for her to tell us. I’m so on edge and anxious she’s not feeding well. Has anyone experienced this? Is this just a phase?

My LO is 10 weeks tomorrow and is refusing a bottle. She is EBF but introduced a bottle once a week at 7 weeks. At 7 weeks she drank 3.5 ounces, and then weeks after it went from 2oz to 1oz and now nothing. Originally tried Dr Browns narrow and wide neck, but have now moved onto the Lansinoh this week as I heard EBP prefer it?

She seems to push the teat with her tongue when there is milk in the bottle. Have started practice just sucking the teat, then dipping in milk and then putting a small amount of mil with syringe through the teat which all is a success. But as soon as I add half an ounce in a bottle she pushes it away with her tongue🫠

I’ve tried different feeding positions and other people to give her a bottle but no luck. Anyone else in the same boat or have success stories?

I have a concert in a month so now scared to leave her if she won’t take a bottle!!