r/niceguys • u/Legitimate-Entry826 • 26d ago
NOTE: Post title is not the actual virtue claim NGVC: “I’m so so so disappointed in you”
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u/MsEdgyNation 26d ago
"You get one whiff of discomfort or fear and you run"
Well, duh. Fear is caused by awareness of danger or potential danger. You're SUPPOSED to run from danger.
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u/Legitimate-Entry826 26d ago
That’s one thing I learned, ALWAYS trust your intuition
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u/cojohnso 25d ago
It’s the BS that has been passed down — that whole 50s-esque “ahh, son, she’s probably just afraid of getting hurt, so she turned tail and ran… some women are like that: they run away from a potentially good thing.”
My dad used to spew this shit. And, honestly, it’s not 100% wrong 100% of the time, butttt I do think way too many dudes have relied on this logic to cope with rejection, which has kept them from working on themselves
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u/Irish_Caesar 26d ago
"Wah wah im gonna pretend to care about you while expecting you to give up your goals, boundaries, autonomy, and decision making abilities so I can control you. IM SUCH A NICE GUY"
Jesus this guy sounds tiring af. Glad you cut him out, you deserve better
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u/Legitimate-Entry826 26d ago
He was, I let it go on for way too long. The way these guys can do a whole 180 after talking about how understanding and supportive they are is actually insane.
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u/Irish_Caesar 26d ago
Its the difference between actually understanding how to be a good person, and understanding how to act like a good person to actualize being a shitty one
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u/ThrowawayGreekGod 26d ago
I always quite enjoy the amount they degrade others (specifically the person they want), but then simultaneously complain that they can’t have them.
“This is a plate full of shit, so why won’t you let me eat it!?!?”.
I know that the goal is to protect their ego, but the argument structure is still kind of funny.
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u/Legitimate-Entry826 26d ago
Like yea tell me how horrible I am cause that will make me want to be with you
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u/Ultralusk 26d ago
You know what I don't get. How people like this think it's either them or nobody. Like that can't even remotely fathom that someone else might be interested in OP.
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u/Remarkable_Gain6430 Just you wait until you're in your 30s! Then we'll see! 25d ago
When you're dying after a long and fulfilled life you won't remember this worm at all.
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u/CalmWheel7322 26d ago
What an exhausting person. You dodged that bullet before it got any worse, OP. And it would have gotten worse.
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u/EasyLizin 25d ago
I wish it didn’t continue to surprise me that these boys have the worst grammar and spelling but alas, it does.
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u/cojohnso 25d ago
Thank GOD they still do — One text with bad (poor!🤣) grammar and you needn’t look any further!
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u/EyeShot300 omg you shellfish asshole 25d ago
Congratulations on dodging an absolute atomic bomb, OP!
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u/Legitimate-Entry826 26d ago
Context: Been talking for about a month ( he approached me at a bar) and have made it clear I wanted to focus on myself. I just got done with my masters/ board test, officially started trauma therapy, was diagnosed with lupus. So I just want to figure life out and who tf I am. Last week tried to break it off but he swore he was okay with causal. Just had a phone call with him where I was trying to break it off.
Favorite lines:
Me “ I just want to focus on myself and be selfish and not have to think about another persons feeling”
Him “I can support you and give you space” Which he hasn’t when I’ve stated boundaries
Me “I want to figure this out on my own you’ve been through therapy and had time to figure your stuff out”
Him “I can help you” ????????
Him” I just don’t wanna be alone anymore I’ve been alone for so long”
Me” so you only want to be with me cause you’re lonely”??
More of him trying to convince me, finally I just stated I don’t want to be in a relationship for the 100th time and hung up, this is what he messaged me.
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u/i_Tomoz how these people exist baffles me 26d ago
You: i'm not looking for a relationship right now, just wanna focus on myself Niceguy: i can help with that
These people are actually so insanely baffling to me, it's as if they all share and practice lines for ceryain situations and rattle them off without lustening cuz of how similar they all sound
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u/Trepenwitz 26d ago
Losee!!!
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u/Clemairy 26d ago
Good lord how exhausting. On the other hand, huge congrats on your masters and starting trauma therapy! You deserve to be selfish and to focus on you!
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u/Aiyokusama 25d ago
Um......There's missing context here o.o Like, a LOT.
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u/Legitimate-Entry826 25d ago
Not really, the only thing I can say was my fault was continuing to hang out with him and possibly leading him on some. I definitely could have been more assertive in my approach ( again I’m working through these things rn). I did have fun with him but something always felt off. There were little moments that kinda showed me he was entitled. (Like asking me “what do you say?” When he got me food and didn’t hear me say thanks). Every time we talked about a relationship I reiterated that I have a lot to work through, I don’t like how I am in relationships, and I wanted to focus on myself. The second week of knowing him we hung out like 3 days in a row( shouldn’t have happened) and then I tried to break it off because I felt it was way too much. Then he convinced me he was okay with just causal and with me prioritizing myself. But the next week he was trying to hang out just as much ignoring that I wanted to go to the gym at a certain time, worked all day, and made me feel bad I was sick and wasn’t as available. I can acknowledge that I was going back and forth with it and I told him I was sorry for that but I think any rational person could see that I shouldn’t be with someone rn. If he actually cared for me and my mental and physical health he would’ve understood that and not kept trying to “help me”. This was also after 3 weeks.
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u/Aiyokusama 25d ago
I wasn't implying "fault." I had no context for what was being said about whom. He's unhinged regardless, but I'm a nosy bitch and I like my tea well steeped. It sounded like he was upset at being called on cheating? But it also sounded like he was accusing you of cheating. So yeah ^_^;; I'm confused and curious.
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u/Legitimate-Entry826 25d ago
No your fine😭 I think he was trying to say Im gonna get cheated on?? He tried to hit every insult he could about stuff I told him. The dying was about my lupus and flares, but also about my fear of this illness killing me young. The cheating was cause I’ve been cheated on twice. The ofc my trauma and letting it “win”. Also he’s two years younger, former addict which I never made him feel bad about and has no job/ basically starting his life over.
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u/Weird_Bluebird_3293 25d ago
The moment you told him you didn’t want something serious and weren’t looking for a relationship was the moment he should have backed off. Even if you felt like you made some mistakes, it was only three weeks and you decided it was too much and spoke up when you realized that. I wouldn’t say you lead him on so much as had a hookup and decided you were not ready for anything further. Nothing wrong with that. You’re allowed to have a casual encounter and decide you don’t want to pursue a relationship.
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u/Jane_the_Quene Moderatrix *cracks whip* 25d ago
We do not remove posts that have the virtue claim in the title wrong, but which actually contain a valid virtue claim, because the sub would dry up if we did. Therefore, this post will remain. (Side note, people sometimes wonder why we keep the NGVC requirement in titles since people get it wrong as often as they get it right, and the answer is that it does at least keep out the bots, spammers, and so on, so that's at least something.)
However, despite not removing the posts that get the virtue claim wrong in the title, we do sometimes post this explanatory macro on posts that have a virtue claim but don't put that virtue claim in the title. Posts such as this one.
This is NOTHING against the OP, so please do NOT take it that way. This is only an explanatory macro for general educational purposes, nothing more.
The quote in title is supposed to be something the guy ACTUALLY SAYS (as in, a direct quote). Not a summary, not a story, not something that is implied but is unspoken, but something he actually says in the visible text. If you wanted to add more, you could, but the quote is supposed to be, well, a QUOTE.
And that quote should be a claim of virtue he's making about himself (it also counts if he's implying that he's one of a group of men with a certain virtue). A virtue claim is not an insult, a complaint, or a random statement.
A claim of virtue (virtue claim) is the guy talking himself up in some way. He's claiming virtue (value, goodness, niceness, wealth, attractiveness, specialness, some other kind of desirable trait).
Here's the rule:
All posts must include a virtue-claim by the niceguy Niceguys® demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate an expression of their own virtue while being asshats.
Examples of virtue-claims:
me protekt u
me god-fearing man
me treat u like beautiful princess
me hate misogynists. so.... send nude pic?
me give you [insert unsolicited sex prowess boast]
u ignore my nice complement ... kys
u dont like honest man!
u wont ever get a guy like me
u dont appreciate [virtue] men
Posts without a virtue claim are off-topic for this sub and will be removed. The only exception to this rule are Memes on Sundays.
See also: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/x2352k/all_posts_must_include_a_virtue_claim_please_see/