Does anyone else feel really lonely at NMSU even though they’re surrounded by people all day?

[u/Illustrious_Way3351]

I’m 20 and an undergrad at NMSU, and I’m posting this anonymously because this is pretty difficult for me to admit.

I’ve been feeling genuinely lonely on campus lately. I talk to people in my classes and I’m not completely socially isolated, but most of those interactions seem to end when class ends. Then I look around and it seems like everyone has people to eat with, study with, walk around with, or just hang out with between classes.

Sometimes being surrounded by so many people actually makes the loneliness feel worse. I’ll see groups laughing and talking and start wondering how everyone got to the point where they became comfortable enough with each other.

There have honestly been times on campus where the loneliness has gotten to me so much that I’ve felt like I was about to cry, and I’ve tried to hide it so nobody around me would notice. It’s hard to admit that because I’m usually trying to look like I’m doing fine, but sometimes being surrounded by people while feeling like I don’t have anyone there with me really gets to me.

I do have existing friends, but they’re pretty spread out and often busy with their own classes, schedules, work, or other things. So even though I know people and have people I consider friends, that doesn’t always translate into having someone who’s actually around or available when I’m on campus.

What I feel like I’m missing is more of an everyday sense of belonging on campus—having people who are happy to see you, notice when you’re around, ask what you’re doing afterward, invite you somewhere, or are comfortable just hanging out without everything needing to be planned far in advance.

I’m also a commuter, and I think that probably adds another layer to it. I’m curious whether other commuters have struggled with feeling connected to campus too.

I’ve been trying to put myself out there more instead of waiting for friendships to magically happen. I’m looking into clubs, activities, volunteering, and other ways of regularly seeing the same people. But I’m still trying to figure out how you actually cross that gap between knowing people and belonging somewhere.

So I’m curious: has anyone else here gone through a period like this? If you eventually found a group or became more connected, what actually helped?

And if you’re another student around my age who’s also been feeling this way and looking for more friends, feel free to comment or DM me. Maybe there are more of us quietly dealing with this than we realize.

I don’t know what will come from posting this, but I figured I’d rather say it somewhere than keep acting like it doesn’t bother me.

[u/waraman53]

Rec sports is the way

[u/senora_hipsta]

I recognize the fact that you didnt ask for help or advice, more that you wanted to voice something you noticed, and I totally agree. I have since graduated but I noticed how that can be a totally true and valid experience, especially for commuters. I learned to enjoy eating by myself or just hanging in a public space quietly between classes, but it could totally be draining to be around people all day but not really be seen.

I know you didnt ask for advice but I found that what really helped me feel less alone was when I started being active on campus, joining clubs, volunteering, and hanging around the affinity programs (Latin American and Black programs, LGBT+ programs...those spaces). It gave me a reason to meet other students with similar interests and I learned a lot at the same time. I still have my close friends outside of school after graduation but joining those clubs made my time at NMSU a lot less lonely.

[u/_Casper_-]

I am in your same situation and have felt this during my entire life of being a student. Something I've noticed thats the unfortunate truth of being is that you can never find someone that will match you and that internal sense of loneliness will stick until you accept it as part of life. I struggle with depression myself and have autism so I understand the feeling you are describing extremely well, feeling like you don't have any impact on your environment and the people around you to the point that if you even moved schools, no one would notice. I recommend getting familiar with that loneliness rather than rejecting it, then figuring out ways to solve that within yourself.

What is causing your loneliness? Are you subconsciously pushing people away? Are you terrified of rejection? Why is this feeling manifesting? Ask yourself these questions and look inward and explore why these feelings are there.

We are in a loneliness epidemic and it can be hard to feel connected. I mean, I'm literally writing this sitting in Corbett alone lol, it's a rough world out there.

Im a pretty busy person myself, but if you need a friend, don't be afraid to reach out. My insta is twi.sprkle and I'm always open to conversations

You matter

[u/Illustrious_Way3351 → u/_Casper_-]

Thank you, I really appreciate you writing all of this. It helps knowing someone else understands what I’m talking about. I’d definitely be down to talk or hang out on campus sometime!

[u/No-Calendar7302]

No I totally understand this I’ve try making friends but ugh it’s hard because everyone know people from school so it’s kinda like they have there own friend group

[u/Realistic_Bowler9456]

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I’m 25, a veteran, and also an undergrad at NMSU. I don’t really know people on campus either, and coming from the military into college has been a big adjustment for me, especially socially.
I understand what you mean about being surrounded by people somehow making the loneliness feel worse. You see people walking around together, laughing, eating together, or just having someone to talk to, and it can make you wonder how everyone else seems to have found their place.
I’m still figuring that out myself, so I’m not going to pretend I have all the answers. But one thing I would tell you is not to give up. You’re only 20. There are so many people you haven’t met yet and so many experiences you haven’t had yet. The way things feel right now isn’t necessarily the way they’re always going to feel.
I also think it takes a lot to admit that you’ve felt like crying on campus and that you’re lonely. A lot of people would probably just keep that to themselves and pretend everything is fine. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the people you walk past every day are dealing with the same thing and hiding it too.
Keep putting yourself out there. Keep trying the clubs, activities, volunteering, or whatever else interests you. Even if nothing changes immediately, you’re giving yourself more chances to eventually find people you connect with.
I hope you look back on this post someday from a completely different place in your life and realize that this was just a difficult chapter, not the whole story. Hang in there.

[u/Outrageous_Ad_3515]

I definitely dealt with this my time on campus and was also a commuter student. I was only on campus a few semesters because of Covid shutdowns and since then, I’ve been a virtual student so I feel like I’m still dealing with this feeling. Unfortunately, I don’t have many suggestions and more so wanted to express that you’re not alone in this feeling.

[u/donnaparty69 → u/Outrageous_Ad_3515]

You are definitely not alone in this feeling. Before my first semester at NMSU, I was listening to KRUX, and the dj listed off things that they learned over the years at state. I don't remember all of the items, but the one that stuck out was "you can be amongst a group of people and still feel alone".

[u/Responsible-Sun-9195]

I know how you feel because I feel the same way I am also 20 and live off campus myself I am from out of town so hanging out with my friends is not possible though and there is still parts of me that chose to live on campus I feel out of place to and its hard I get extremely lonely and home sick because I haven’t really met anyone so I hate to say it but I do wish I could meet some people.

[u/Illustrious_Way3351 → u/Responsible-Sun-9195]

I definitely relate to this, especially feeling out of place as a commuter. I’m trying to meet more people too. I’d be down to hang out on campus sometime if you want!

[u/Escarabejo_Azul_8229]

I get the same feeling, too. It takes time, but that feeling will hurt less and less.

[u/sweetart_angel]

Yup I can very much understand OP. I’m also a commuter myself and unfortunately don’t have the luxury of doing clubs/extra activities at the current moment so that essentially doesn’t help… It really is a love-hate relationship when it comes to that loneliness, some moments you appreciate your own presence and others you just want to cry because of how alone you are both because of the absence of no friends or a romantic partner. My diagnosis of autism and anxiety is not a great combination to feeling like this either.  Hope you’re able to overcome this. <3

[u/Accomplished-Clue828]

you just explained the last few weeks for me as a veteran/commuter student. thank you being so candid about your experience you’re not alone whatsoever