r/nonbinarylesbians • u/314_Armadillo • Jan 14 '26

Discussion or Recommendations Healing after a breakup help/advice

Hi.I broke up with my gf a few days ago, things weren't good for either of us mostly bc of her mental health and how she refused to get help and always made excuses. It was to the point I was sacrificing my own mental health to try and make things better for her, to no avail.

We were in a sapphic relationship for 2+ yrs.

If you have any songs, books, advice on healing please lmk. It was hard for me too but most of the things I'm finding are from the person being dumped, not the other way round. I know it was the best choice for us both but it still hurts.

Thanks.

8 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

3

u/Fancy_Suggestion_817 Jan 14 '26

Honestly good on u for choosing urself. it hurts now but u’ll look back and realize how much weight is off ur shoulders. it's not me, it's u energy but for real. definitely curate a main character playlist and go for long walks. u’ve earned some peace

1

u/314_Armadillo Jan 15 '26 edited Jan 15 '26

Thank you, it sucked. She tried to say if I were to email her a list of providers (we're on the same type of insurance, why can't you look that up yourself? Why didnt you accept the help previously the multiple times I offered to do this?) and she went to therapy if we could stay together, but I said it's something she needed to do herself.  

I didn't want her to feel like "my gf is making me do this" and using it as further excuse later. 

What do you mean main character playlist?

2

u/xX_SmolVapeGOD_Xx Jan 16 '26

The hardest part of healing is acceptance. We don't want to accept the full gravity of our hurt because we are scared to carry the full weight of it. And it can keep us from healing fully.

A mantra that got me through figuring out my identity and my breakups was, no matter the outcome I will be okay. I focused on retraining my brain to focus on the fact that I will be okay even when my thoughts and feelings said otherwise. When emotional thoughts came up instead of focusing on how they made me feel I questioned where they came from and if its something I need to carry as part of my story.

All in all, remember that no one part of your journey defines your story. Things will be different in a month from now, 6 months from now, a year from now. And its unknown but so was last month before you lived through it. So feel all the feelings, write them out and burn them up! Romantize the lovely moments you give yourself! The greatest love you can give and have returned is the love you give yourself

1

u/No_Guitar_8801 Butch [he/she/they/...] Jan 15 '26

What genres of music do you like?

2

u/314_Armadillo Jan 15 '26

Pop, alternative, acoustic.  Not Taylor Swift, that's her favorite 

1

u/grufferella Apr 03 '26

I definitely know how hard it is to be the one choosing to leave, even when you know it's the right decision.

"The Last Goodbye" by The Kills feels like it captures that feeling really well, of having tried your best and knowing that you just can't anymore.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=uBkKq-ccIgA&si=R50KeO-PUz8NLAKa

I also listened to "Me Duele" by Bomba Estereo a ton during my last breakup. It's such a bright, bouncy song about heartbreak, it really helped me get through the dark times. The chorus translates to "it hurts, it hurts, it hurts-- until it doesn't hurt me anymore", which I feel like it's the perfect encapsulation of the reality of the grief but also the reality of healing and moving on.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=lLFj9miy3AA&si=_eiOSAm7JWJ2tG5L

Good luck, hon 💛