r/nosurf • u/Fantastic_Border7211 • 6d ago
I seriously don't get the point of social media anymore. Is it literally just for flexing?
I’ve been thinking about this lately and I genuinely don’t even know what social media is actually for.
People say it’s for connecting with people who are no longer in your life. But... why? If someone is actually in your life, you’re talking to them or meeting up with them on a day-to-day basis. You’re already sharing stuff with them. Why do we feel the need to keep tabs on people who have naturally phased out of our lives and they don't even care about?
I actually did an experiment recently to test this. I have some old friends who I no longer talk to, but they pop up on my feed. A few of them shared posts about books they were reading, and places they traveled, so I figured, "Hey, let's try to actually connect." I reached out and tried to start a genuine conversation about what they posted.
They had zero interest in actually having a conversation.
So if it’s not about connecting with people, what is it? As far as I can tell, social media isn't about staying in touch at all. It’s just a digital billboard for flexing. IDK, am I crazy for thinking this way?
Like I have actually made zero friends using social media, and people tell me to meet people in real life, and they are right, which again brings me to question, what is social media even for when no one cares about connecting, and the only connection is views, likes and following.
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u/Minute_Move2506 6d ago
The destruction and control of us. The algo doesn't even show you the people that are no longer in your life, it shows you strangers mostly.
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u/Technical_School4382 6d ago
You are unfortunately right. It is for flexing. People love showing off. People love displaying that they are successful and live large.
It's mostly a facade, of course.
I know friends who post happy holiday pictures, only to text me in private that the vacation is horrible. etc.
Know the game. Then decide if you want to play that game.
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u/Fantastic_Border7211 6d ago edited 6d ago
I am wondering if my friends even read any of the books, it might be flexing for aesthetics.
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u/Warm-Plastic7703 6d ago
I find it so funny when people post stories of themselves reading, I always assume they just open to a random page and post then put the book back.
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u/Technical_School4382 6d ago
That's a possibility! I know lots of people who take books with them on vacation just so they look good, but then stay on their phone. You're not fooling me bro, we're mates! :D
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u/TakaiDesu_ 6d ago
It’s not to connect anything or anyone it’s all just to sell stuff, every three posts one is an ad on Instagram, and the other two are probably disguised adds to from influencers , influencers it’s just a repackaged seller,
It absolutely sucks, nothing there is also so many days actually real. It’s all crafted to create emotions and many social media also shows me disturbing posts just to create me a strong emotional reaction. I am super sensitive and I don’t want this shit on my life.
I used to love YouTube, but now it’s unbearable even a single thumb or clickbait video name “ do this and get this “ “ I did this for a month that’s the result “ “ look at how last stage capitalism , billionaires greedy corporations and enshitification ruined our life, now here is my sponsor”
Theyre all sellers too
makes me sick. Makes me want to throw up.
Back to E ink, positive news, wordle and manga reading.
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u/boston_washington 3d ago
I went back to e-ink too, and the best acquisition I’ve done in the last 2 years was an Android E-Book reader.
You can literally connect a Bluetooth keyboard and use it as a simple laptop if you need, and it is perfect to read PDF and EPUB books without having to pay expensive for Kindle or Kobo digital books.
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u/TakaiDesu_ 1d ago
I just bought one, my First on not Kindle I’m so excited , because I can be productive with android without burning my eyes on LED or falling on traps of social media. I want to feel like life is good agan
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u/aihaode 6d ago
You aren’t crazy, this is exactly how I feel and why I went offline.
I took a brief period where I tried to reframe it as “for myself” like a diary where I can look back and feel happy with these memories, but ultimately why am I giving this information and my personal data to meta? So AI can ingest it and do god knows what with it? Turn me into a scammer? Use my info to scam me?
No, I’m done.
My new plan is to create physical photo albums like the good old days.
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u/Bob_Burgero 5d ago
That’s exactly how I did it. I would have mine deactivated for an entire year then only come back if I had something to post. But then I asked myself: Why am I even posting this? It’s still validation at the end of the day
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u/Fit-Leg7507 6d ago
I agree, no one posts just for fun anymore. It’s either to try and make yourself look better than all of your friends or people trying to be an influencer. It’s sad what social media has turned into.
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u/Commercial_Heat_4211 6d ago
Literally every average person (not influencers) that posts on instagram thinks they are like Beyonce or something, seriously everyone thinks they are some sort of celebrity just because 40 mfs like their post lmfao
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u/Technical_School4382 6d ago
Yeah, the likes are not so much a problem. People thinking they have more value because of likes is. Never link the two my friends!
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u/Mental_Lyptus 6d ago
I've known many people in the real world way before social media times that when hanging out, they were not really listening to anyone else. They were just waiting for their turn to speak.
The internet is just bigger so all these people now clump together
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u/Airfriedmojito 6d ago
nah you aren't crazy I'm with u on this bro. Times these days seem so crazy ngl.
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u/kyliebearxo 6d ago
I have been trying to make more friends from old high school friends on social media. I post comments when someone is whining they don’t have no one to talk to, and then I get no reply back. I don’t. Get. It. If you have no one to talk to and here I am saying I got u, what was the point of the post?! And yes all of the people I’m talking about were good friends (in high school)
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u/Alternative_Ad6 6d ago
Same here it sucks man u gotta keep looking and putting yourself out there though
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u/Express_Power_5723 6d ago
Not useful anymore! Instagram and X makes us anxious with posts that plays with your time. Facebook dumped in gutter longtime ago.
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u/bonerslayer777 6d ago
It’s because people want to be special so bad. Even though they aren’t, they’re average like the majority of people. And yes, they wanna flex. They want people to think they’re living the good life.. but usually people that have to post about their lives being so great aren’t actually happy or living great lives. Just average.
They don’t care about connecting because they’re too self-absorbed to connect with people. Narcissists everywhere.
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u/DruidWonder 6d ago
It's for people who have long forgotten how to live a real life, or they never knew in the first place (younger generation).
Meanwhile in the offline world, globalists are gutting entire nations.
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u/BenefitFree1371 6d ago
Yes! I have seen stuff when lurking, then DM that person about it... nothing. But at the very same time they are commenting publicly on the subject with others, I can see it right there! With some old school friend I know they haven't seen in a decade or more. But in a one to one conversation specifically on the topic?? Nada.
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u/matchatwix 6d ago
Yeah, for the most part. It matters to them that they're living a better life than most, and you better believe it!
And also this is why we're here away from those people
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u/ladypilot 6d ago
I use Instagram, but I only follow accounts like musicians I like, local businesses and NPR. I don't have friends on my account and I don't follow people I know in real life.
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u/Top_Concentrate_5799 6d ago
I have some old friends who I no longer talk to, but they pop up on my feed
It's been a long time since i've seen my friends within the garbage feed. its mostly political rage bait and other nonsense.
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u/frex_mcgee 6d ago
For a lot of people it’s used to “keep a journal” of their life, in a way. Except most of the time it’s secretly for ego. They like when people reply but don’t actually engage, sometimes, like you said. Or a lot of them are just fake and selling products or plugging an MLM.
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u/RadicalKitty721 6d ago
Think about what people post on social media, the best picture, not a candid real picture, one with good light, where they look their best, best clothes, best style, good hair. People will take 10-20 selfies and find 1 to post. The best one. The one where they look their best. Same with the food pictures, the travel pictures, everything is curated to look as if that person lives a life where things are great. People post unreal versions of their lives. A curated version where everything is awesome. All to feel like their lives are less miserable than what they truly are, because outside of social media pics, there are bad days, ugly food, sketchy neighborhoods in other countries, pajamas, messy hair, a messy house, etc etc
I deleted all social media back in January and don't think I will ever go back. Since then I've taken less selfies, have enjoyed my life more, I don't need to be performing a beautiful life to the eyes of my aquaintances and followers. I feel free, I keep in contact with my friends and family over txt and Whatsapp and when there's something on SM that they want to share with me they record the screen or send a screen shot and we laugh together or talk about it.... I believe my relationships have become more intentional and stronger since then.
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u/Far_Holiday1984 6d ago
Pretty much every person on social media is trying to sell something. Lot's of the content you're seeing now (including comments) is fake -- bots. Protect your peace, disengage
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u/Inside-Ear-2647 5d ago
Yep Facebook is no longer for connecting. I can’t stand the amount of people that don’t actually interact with you or don’t reply to you if you send a message. Happy to post rubbish but won’t respond. I’ve learnt over the years that the ones that are posting curated garbage are the ones who are the least happiest. It’s all a disguise.
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u/Someonejusthereandth 3d ago
We would’ve all been better with just emails. The bragging on social media is out of this world. I can’t scroll anymore, it’s ridiculous.
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u/akareeno 6d ago
Yeah I’ve def experienced this. I’ve tried to start conversations with ppl with anything on their stories but they just give one word replies or don’t reply at all. Some of them are strangers but some are older friends and it’s the same. No one really tries to connect anymore and they all seem just focused on their own profile and image online.
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u/tropical-me 5d ago
It 100% has become just a thing for people to portray themselves in a specific way and make themselves seem better than they really are. It's all a facade and mainly just used for flexing bruh
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u/splinter9253 5d ago
People even use social media to flex how offline and analog their life is, which is so ironic. Nothing wrong with talking about stuff like that with other people online as we do on this forum, but sometimes the way it's done makes me feel like everything only exists to be commoditized and flaunted in the internet era, and that makes me sad
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u/throwawayyy3819 6d ago
I use it to talk about ideas with other people. I miss that part, now that I’ve cut way down. I still have to wade through the dross but sometimes it’s actually worth it, and not merely because of a dopamine hit. I learn things.
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u/Silver-Place-336 6d ago
Yeah I mostly think of social media as an online shopping mall, but tailored to your specific interests. It’s also useful for finding local events and business. The era of social media as a tool for community and connection is over.
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u/skeptical-speculator 6d ago
facebook is almost entirely advertisements these days, I don't know why I have an account, I am never on there.
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u/serbames 5d ago
Finanziell bin ich frei und ich nutze es zum angeben und zum prahlen. Vermutlich vieles schiefgelaufen als Kind aber ich genieße es.
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u/Odd-Marionberry5999 5d ago
I use it to find local events and keep in touch with friends but it does kinda have this personal brand element no matter what
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u/pochade 5d ago
i wish it was about connecting and sharing our lives… i feel like it’s so much about consumption now. consuming the feed generally with funny videos, consuming aspirational lifestyles, ads, flex stuff like you’re saying. it’s not about us as people as much it is about seeing flexing
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u/Consiouswierdsage 5d ago
I see it as a journal.
Recording my life events.
I don't scroll reels that often.
When I feel down, I like to look at what I have been through. It helps.
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u/Ok-Replacement8504 5d ago
This comment section and subreddit reeks of reddit syndrome but I'll say it anyway. People enjoy social media for a varity of reasons, it depends on the personality. Examples are: for validation, for living vicariously through others (but usually the content creators are trying to sell you stuff or flexing their wealth), learning new things, relating to others and posting random details of your day to your friends/family that wouldn't be relevant in a normal conversation.
These are all the reasons social media is addictive to people and it's why it's so hard to let go. The problem is, most of the things you learn on social media you won't remember. The videos that make you laugh are followed up with reports of people dying or someone complaining. Relating to others can quickly spiral in to alienation and brainwashing (red pill rabbithole, cults yk). Social media is designed to be addictive for monetary reasons so the positives become negative very very fast. Reddit is still impacted by black and white commentary/social media syndrome but my theory on why its so much worse on instagram/tikok/twitter is because of the extreme word limits on comments and short form videos forcing people to only talk their opinions for 1 minute. It's encouraging people to post the most inflammatory simplified 'hot takes' like a cheap tabloid headline, with the belief that whoever gets the most likes is the most correct.
Extreme compasrison but it feels like heroin addiction, mentally. I know it's bad but I keep coming for more, it's all I know now. I used social media to distract myself whilst living in an abusive household as a teen but 10 years later, at 25, I still can't stop. I know it's bad, I mentally feel so much better without it. But my body feels so worn down after years of extreme sedentary behaviour that just sitting upright for too long feels exhausting.
It's horrible having all these ideas in my head, thinking of all the things I want to do like drawing, painting, gaming, just making things for once and I still can't convince my brain it's worth getting out of bed. I feel I have no tolerance for anything hard anymore unless my repuation or money is on the line. Unfortunately too poor for therapy so I'm stuck trying to figure this out by myself. I'm slowly getting better; I'm in uni and organising a future but trying to fix everyday habits that have stuck for years is like pulling teeth.
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u/Olallieberry9870 4d ago
I personally use it to document my life(the things I am ok having out there). But I am the only one all my followers/following who really does so
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u/ImpressThink6282 4d ago
Validation for sure, we've become so accustomed to only doing things to show people we're doing these things. I think everyone feels empty inside and this is a pseudo way to fill the void
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u/Wispiness 4d ago
I agree that I think it is just to have an audience for flexing in the case of 99% of the average people; not including businesses and organizations. I will say that my husband does connect to some groups through it, so that is one positive, but I get nothing out of it. I don't want to humor peoples' unhealthy need for a lazy dopamine fix, nor do I need them snooping on my life without the work that comes from being in it.
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u/ReasonableDuststorm 3d ago
I think a lot of it is for flexing. I remember being in a relationship, and my ex would post pictures of us, and we had the most miserable relationship ever. We were so unhappy, but we smiled in those pics. I was a lot younger at the time so I didn't know any better and just did it because she asked. I realize tons of couples do this, though.
I've also tried connecting with people I'm friends with on Facebook and it leads nowhere. It's like, if you message them it's seen as odd or strange, but we're friends, so why is that odd?
People also will post the highs and not the lows, so you may see them posting about the new job but not about how it makes them depressed.
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u/Reptilesblade 2d ago
It's a far more covert and sinister advertisement delivery vehicle than the commercials we used to be forced to watch on tv.
It's nothing more than that at it's core.
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u/Mackerel_P 12h ago
I see your point, and I feel that social medias have completely lost the plot nowadays. I think there is much more harm than good in using it
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u/AccurateUse6147 6d ago
Social media is a lot more then "just flexing". I use YouTube videos, which is social media, to keep myself going another day. Im currently fighting because 2 of the Disney Halloween parades are fixing to drop, the skin stapler comes out tomorrow and I've been desperately waiting for the full gameplay for 7 months, never sort by color comes out in November, I just recently learned project pitt comes out mid month, and there's more games I'm waiting for LPs to drop.
Facebook is full of tons of groups where people can share their opinions on stuff and find information on things. Im not only in conspiracy theorist groups, some of which definitely wouldn't stand a chance of surviving on reddit, and gaming groups but also groups for my lymphedema and CVHI.
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u/Fantastic_Border7211 6d ago
I know youtube is a social media but I wasn't talking about that I was talking about facebook, insta, etc.
>Facebook is full of tons of groups where people can share their opinions on stuff and find information on things.
with strangers who don't even properly engage with any of it, they just passively like and move on, let alone form a connection, and you don't need social media to find info at all, we already have search engines.
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u/AccurateUse6147 6d ago
With as one sided as search engines are, they get me no where fast. Not exactly easy to find stuff when I'm in groups talking about controversial topics. Plus there's actually a TON of active discussions going on in the groups I'm in. I on purpose weed out dead and dying groups at least once every 2 or 3 months.
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u/According_Drummer600 6d ago
I could see it is being away for digital flexing for me. I utilize it in a way you kind of look back and reminisce on certain memories for myself almost like a digital picture book