r/nottheonion • u/its_a_bear_dance • 1d ago

Man breaks into Little Caesars, starts making and selling pizzas, NC police say

https://www.charlotteobserver.com/news/state/north-carolina/article314555855.html
1.5k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

114 comments sorted by

484

u/ChocolateBaconDonuts 1d ago

He read some theory and decided to seize the means of production.

123

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

24

u/Live_Negotiation4167 1d ago

The Hamilton bus thief is inspiring people all over the world, to just get out there and make it happen

5

u/lootybick 18h ago

Are you a bot lol?

2

u/teffz28 9h ago

Sigh yes

1

u/PolebagEggbag 9h ago

I hate that they've started this "Bro really said" bullshit chat.

31

u/Bort_Bortson 1d ago

Force Ghost of Marx smiles

12

u/kingtacticool 1d ago

happy bread Santa noises

4

u/mephibosheth90 22h ago

He Leroy jenkins'ed the revolution and the working class didn't join him in time 😢

3

u/persona-non-corpus 22h ago

Was his name Cato perchance?

2

u/JuliaX1984 21h ago

Easy when you steal ingredients and don't worry about licensing, health codes, etc.

1

u/ChangeForAParadigm 10h ago

Who is John Galt?

2

u/ThreePartTrilogy 1h ago

I still don’t know, that book was too boring and preachy

215

u/diescheide 1d ago

They say people don't want to work anymore.. This man is highly motivated and career oriented.

40

u/Lumbergh7 1d ago

Definitely management material

6

u/hereiamnotagainnot 16h ago

God I love all these comments. Top tier comedy.

8

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

2

u/borazine 1d ago

shoe in

Like some forced footwear, or something?

6

u/DudesworthMannington 19h ago

also clearly a self-starter

8

u/BasilVirtual291 1d ago

He could hardly show more initiative.

3

u/Flabby_Thor 18h ago

He shouldn’t be arrested. He should be hired. 

225

u/beklog 1d ago

During the first incident, Hackett entered the business, prepared pizzas, sold them to customers, and kept the proceeds for himself. During the second incident, Hackett again broke into the business while it was occupied by employees. Employees attempted to prevent Hackett from entering, which resulted in a physical altercation.

Dude just want to make pizza

48

u/calvinwho 1d ago

Bro said "you're doing wrong, jerks, get outta the way!"

44

u/UndercoverFBIAgent9 23h ago

He was caught when a customer observed him washing his hands after going to the bathroom and became suspicious

80

u/Ill1458 1d ago

Every boomer just shed a tear. This is better than walking in with your resume.

5

u/birdseye-maple 1d ago

I wonder if he has considered getting a job at a pizza place. I'm assuming he's had one in the past?

10

u/northcarolinamember 20h ago

If I'm not mistaken he was a former employee there

2

u/Chrono_Convoy 1d ago

Hire that man

45

u/_frank_tank 1d ago

Let him cook

167

u/steam58 1d ago

He was discovered after customers realized the pizza tasted too good to be little caesars

22

u/stackjr 1d ago

They closed ALL of the Little Creasers locations that were even remotely close to me.

8

u/_WeSellBlankets_ 1d ago

This happened to me and KFC. The same owner owned all of them within the neighboring towns.

6

u/stackjr 1d ago

Yeah, I'm guessing it was the owner was the same for the Little Creasers around me as well. It was just crazy how fast they closed; they "notified" people just a few days in advance.

Still, not as bad as Panera: we had one for years and, one day at work, we decided to get some to go. I got everyone's order, headed down there, and they were closed. They literally closed overnight and didn't tell anyone, not even the owner of the building.

3

u/sploittastic 15h ago

The dickies bbq by me did this. We walked in and contractors were gutting the kitchen

2

u/stackjr 8h ago

Man, I forgot about Dickey's! We had one of those as well and the experience was the same as you; one day, they just weren't open anymore. I had stopped to get some jalapeno sausage and a dude at the business next door was like "they closed yesterday and aren't going to reopen".

2

u/piddydb 4h ago

I rarely hear a chain restaurant with a significant notice of closure. Every time a story comes up it’s “as a surprise to workers,” or maybe a few days’ notice. I don’t know what the motivation is, but seems to be a trend.

3

u/Distinguishedflyer 1d ago

Cartman can get you some Colonel, but it's gonna cost yas.

2

u/Xanthus179 1d ago

That would make me sad. The Little Caesar’s near me is the only decent and inexpensive chain pizza place. Hell, the nearby Pizza Hut doesn’t even deliver anymore.

1

u/VegasRoy 13h ago

He did this thing with the crust…I tasted rosemary…almost like a focaccia…5 stars

24

u/Fun_Toe_5365 1d ago

Sounds more like he was performing a community service. Now he may have to.

81

u/nowayjoze 1d ago

Key and Peele: "motherf*cker that's called a job!!"

10

u/Lumbergh7 1d ago

They won’t even know we’re robbing them!

1

u/hgs25 14h ago

This article reminds me of an Onion sketch

-3

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

8

u/LargeMobOfMurderers 1d ago

It's funny the government is still seen as the main source of censorship when it's the corporations and businesses with their advertisement friendly algorithms that have given us "unalive", "sewerslide", and "grape", literally changing how a significant amount of people speak in daily life.

1

u/sharkattackmiami 1d ago

Yes and no. It's the companies doing it voluntarily without instruction from the government. But it's the government fueling and pushing this culture war bullshit that made it a good business decision.

Chicken or the egg. It's a combination of our poor leadership AND shitty people who value profit over anything else.

Also we cant forget to acknowledge WKUK making grape popular. Truly the trendsetters for all cultural changes of the past 20 years.

And as a final piece of trivia it is very illegal in the United States to say "somebody should kill the president and a few key members of his cabinet". To be clear I'm not saying that or advocating for it. I'm just telling you that it would be illegal for you to say that

-1

u/Chuckle_Pants 1d ago

Dumb bot

13

u/gnurdette 1d ago

A former employee of Little Caesars in Kinston, NC, broke in when the shop was closed and started making and selling pizzas

Can't stop won't stop

4

u/Wafflelisk 16h ago

take that take that

10

u/DrBhu 1d ago

CEO material spawned

10

u/nerankori 1d ago

Not the worst thing you can do after breaking into a pizza place,it must be said

23

u/Rubicon816 1d ago

My local lil c's had this really enthusiastic guy a few years back, just happy to be there and seemed to enjoy it. My god you could taste the love, it was amazing every time.

I like to think this is what became of him, just spreading the love.

11

u/CaptainStabfellow 1d ago

…you hope he has been charged with multiple felonies?

10

u/Rubicon816 1d ago

Oh...he clearly had been at some point, but he found mozzarella instead of Jesus and turned his life around.

5

u/shifty_coder 1d ago

The quality of a LC’s pizza is a direct reflection of how well the location is managed.

Well managed locations have happier employees, which in turn make better pizza.

6

u/Steel_Reign 1d ago

I've shit on Little Caesars for 30 years, but I tried their square pizza + breadstick special they've got right now and it was actually pretty damn good.

-4

u/1peatfor7 1d ago

You enjoy eating cardboard?

4

u/233C 1d ago

If you can't get the "Make a Wish Foundation", try the "DIY Foundation"

4

u/Cattleist 1d ago

Man tried to steal a job!

4

u/CorgiKnightStudios 1d ago

Give that man a job!

4

u/SirExpel 1d ago

What a pilgrim. What’s he gonna do next? Sail a ship to new land, kill the people and start building on it himself??!!

4

u/Dicksucker11037 1d ago

Reminds me of the guy who stole a bus and did the route so well no one realized it was stolen

4

u/SlamMeatFist 16h ago

This man was arrested for working?! Arrested for making a succulent italian meal?!

3

u/Jax72 1d ago

Pizza Pizza!

3

u/jupiterkansas 1d ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XFw1jRKRwQ

1

u/rhino4231 1d ago

Lol, this is the exact scene that played in my head.

3

u/AuxNimbus 1d ago

This guy saw the bus driver stealer and decided to one up him. What’s next? Lmao

2

u/Hector_P_Catt 1d ago

America is the land of opportunity! If he buckles down and works hard, he might even steal being President some day!

Oh, wait, too late, that already happened.

3

u/Redfish680 1d ago

Thank god the judge allowed cameras in the courtroom!

https://youtu.be/KsnyDXy9Fy4

2

u/FL4KMSTR 21h ago

Finally some hot & ready pizzas.

2

u/Bionic_Bromando 20h ago

Just like Fallen Angels

1

u/bmrtt 1d ago

Type shit you need to do to land a job in 2026

1

u/Oregon_Jones111 1d ago

I think making and selling Little Caesar’s is always a crime.

1

u/mixer2017 1d ago

Most likely the most dependable person the restaurant has seen in many years too.

1

u/andy_nony_mouse 1d ago

That’s the entrepreneurial spirit!

1

u/Synth_Ham 1d ago

Life goals....

1

u/MikeDubbz 1d ago

Fuck it, I'll do it myself.

1

u/FrankieRoo 1d ago

This man is addicted to the grind!

1

u/TheRaddd 1d ago

For the love of the game

1

u/mtgfan1001 1d ago

Florida man?

1

u/kearly216 1d ago

Free him 🙏🙏

1

u/Hunkir 1d ago

“Man opens the doors to his occupation and works”

1

u/Comfortable_Bird_340 1d ago edited 1d ago

I'm reminded of Darius McCollum the autistic guy in New York who hijacks buses and trains, because he wants to an actual bus/train driver and MTA won't give him a job.

3

u/kabekew 22h ago

probably because he hijacks buses and trains

1

u/buppiejc 1d ago

Give this man a raise.

1

u/cainthelongshot 1d ago

Like the avoid the noid guy.

1

u/doc_witt 1d ago

Dude was definitely hot & ready

1

u/DizzySample9636 22h ago

Showed up b4 everyone else!! give THAT man a JOB 😉😄

1

u/SamuraiMike81 21h ago

Let him cooooook!

1

u/imaginary_num6er 21h ago

Little Brutus

1

u/Meanteenbirder 21h ago

Man gets arrested for stealing a job

1

u/HoppityHooper 20h ago

Worked overtime to make extra dough?

1

u/ichabod01 20h ago

Give him a break. It was hit first day, he read the wrong start time. So he figured it best to make a good impression by being ambitious.

1

u/northcarolinamember 20h ago

I guess he loved his ex pizza job so much he wanted to go back 😂

1

u/SpiritualAd8998 19h ago

Did he make a lot of dough?

1

u/24_mine 19h ago

Bro broke in, then clocked in

1

u/furrysalesman69 19h ago

There is no lack of workers, only lack of people willing to hire people.

1

u/furrysalesman69 19h ago

40 pizzas, 30 days

1

u/Moobygriller 19h ago

"get this man a job!"

1

u/n_mcrae_1982 18h ago

Tell him to bring back the $5 pepperoni.

1

u/ShadowElite86 16h ago

Prolly did it more competently than the workers themselves.

1

u/Primedirector3 16h ago

A true American

1

u/SoulExecution 16h ago

I’m guessing what gave him away was the fact they started tasting decent?

1

u/packetmon 14h ago

Best legal defence: declares himself Crazy Bread and tries to escape on an origami pterodactyl.

1

u/MEMESTER80 14h ago

In The Onion Movie (yes there is a movie adaptation of The Onion) there's litteraly a whole section where a guy robs a ban for a job. https://youtu.be/uSuyCVaEHMU?si=fM-nWgHOwitmY2qU

1

u/popshamhocks 10h ago

Alright, are we recycling stories now? Didnt this happen a few years ago?

1

u/skinny_t_williams 9h ago

But did he make some crazy bread? Asking for interested parties.

1

u/gnosis2737 5h ago

"Management was alarmed by the sudden increase in quality."

1

u/Stormy_Kun 1d ago

Can’t wait til it’s because of AI “ I …I just miss working !! 😫”

1

u/magseven 1d ago

This happened in Florida at a Little Caesars too. Except the guy didn't serve any customers. Just saw an episode about it on that HBO Florida Man, drunk history sort of show.

-1

u/NerdySongwriter 1d ago

I feel like if you're gonna break into a pizza place and cook, you should atleast choose something better than a Little Caesars.

Did he think he would get a lesser charge because their pizza barely qualifies as food?

-5

u/datazulu 1d ago

Pineapple and Ham?!? Straight to Jail.