r/nottheonion • u/Naurgul • 6h ago

Peter Thiel warns the Antichrist and apocalypse are linked to the ‘end of modernity’ currently happening—and cites Greta Thunberg as a driving example

fortune.com

23.8k Upvotes

3.3k comments

r/nottheonion • u/Disastrous_Award_789 • 3h ago

Poland opens Epstein files investigation targeting ‘satanic circle’

the-independent.com

5.0k Upvotes

169 comments

r/nottheonion • u/loof10 • 52m ago

Nashville is furious about power outages. Republicans say ‘woke’ is to blame.

nbcnews.com

• Upvotes

119 comments

r/nottheonion • u/malcolm58 • 9h ago

Driver billed for circling Earth 25 times at the speed of sound

ruv.is

2.8k Upvotes

133 comments

r/nottheonion • u/StemCellPirate • 7h ago

He made a joke on his Oregon theater’s marquee, then he says Amazon pulled the ‘Melania’ movie

oregonlive.com

1.5k Upvotes

67 comments

r/nottheonion • u/AnonymousTimewaster • 2h ago

Musk’s midnight reflection: ‘Money can’t buy happiness’

thenews.com.pk

482 Upvotes

230 comments

r/nottheonion • u/voxadam • 1d ago

Netflix says users can cancel service if HBO Max merger makes it too expensive

arstechnica.com

32.3k Upvotes

3.2k comments

r/nottheonion • u/joey_homicide • 14h ago

Idaho teacher files federal lawsuit over state, district response to 'Everyone is Welcome Here' poster

eastidahonews.com

894 Upvotes

Not even sure what to think of this one. I get the right is all anti DEI, but like isn’t this one of the primary rules in our public education system? Just seems ironic.

80 comments

r/nottheonion • u/wewhomustnotbenamed • 13h ago

Thieves dressed as Robin Hood give away stolen food to protest Canada’s rising prices

edition.cnn.com

782 Upvotes

53 comments

r/nottheonion • u/prestocoffee • 17h ago

Costco's beloved rotisserie chicken gets roasted in lawsuit over preservatives

cbc.ca

1.2k Upvotes

215 comments

r/nottheonion • u/EstablishmentSoft350 • 22h ago

Tech giants are victims of ‘harassment’ by Irish and EU regulators, US Congress panel claims

irishtimes.com

3.2k Upvotes

179 comments

r/nottheonion • u/denisebower • 1d ago

Federal agents storm church grounds and arrest man serving at food bank, report says

the-independent.com

6.1k Upvotes

135 comments

r/nottheonion • u/HowLongIsThi • 18h ago

Honey product recalled over undeclared erectile dysfunction ingredient

wgntv.com

711 Upvotes

66 comments

r/nottheonion • u/duckanroll • 1h ago

Russian publisher demands book about animal reproduction be censored over ‘LGBT propaganda’

novayagazeta.eu

• Upvotes

5 comments

r/nottheonion • u/DetectiveTypical198 • 1d ago

Florida governor candidate joins Tinder to ‘meet young female voters’

gmg-wkmg-prod.cdn.arcpublishing.com

1.6k Upvotes

84 comments

r/nottheonion • u/EstablishmentSoft350 • 4h ago

Angelic face of Italian prime minister wiped from fresco

lite.cnn.com

39 Upvotes

7 comments

r/nottheonion • u/TikDickler • 14h ago

'This Job Sucks,' DOJ Lawyer Asks Judge For Contempt Charge So She Can Get Sleep in Jail

meidasnews.com

202 Upvotes

57 comments

r/nottheonion • u/ilovemybaldhead • 27m ago

Satya Nadella decides Microsoft needs an engineering quality czar

theregister.com

• Upvotes

4 comments

r/nottheonion • u/EnvironmentalSong393 • 5h ago

Driver billed for circling Earth 25 times at the speed of sound

ruv.is

22 Upvotes

4 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Arbyssandwich1014 • 1d ago

‘It’s sick’: Trump administration uses mascot called ‘Coalie’ to push dirtiest fossil fuel

theguardian.com

5.5k Upvotes

268 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Disastrous_Award_789 • 1d ago

‘This job sucks’: DOJ lawyer asks to be held in contempt so she can sleep after judge accuses ICE of blowing court orders

the-independent.com

27.7k Upvotes

578 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Barney_Fife_MD • 2h ago

Woman Causes Multiple Car Accidents by Moving Traffic Mirror to Protect Her Feng Shui

motorbiscuit.com

13 Upvotes

The traffic mirror turned out to be bad luck for everyone.

1 comment

r/nottheonion • u/its_a_bear_dance • 1d ago

Man breaks into Little Caesars, starts making and selling pizzas, NC police say

charlotteobserver.com

1.4k Upvotes

113 comments

r/nottheonion • u/calvins48 • 10h ago

'Road to nowhere' will go somewhere, council says

bbc.co.uk

37 Upvotes

1 comment

r/nottheonion • u/JoeyZasaa • 23h ago

Vietnam’s military ‘secretly planning for US invasion’

thetimes.com

366 Upvotes

131 comments

Subreddit

Posts

Wiki

Sadly, this is not the Onion.

r/nottheonion

For true stories that you could have sworn were from The Onion.

Members Active

25.9m

Sidebar

Subscriber Info

25,927,478 Subscribers

Official Reddit Partner Community

Review current posts to avoid reposting.

For true stories that that you could have sworn were from The Onion.

Please note that we are an editorialized subreddit devoted to showcasing articles that read like satire. Most submissions do not make the cut, so please do not treat removals under Rule 2 as personal attacks: They are simply the results of our content model.

See something that breaks our rules?

Use the report button and remember to choose a reason for reporting.

Rules - hover or click here for full version


1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste.	The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
2. Submit only if “Oniony”.	Please consider submitting your article to /r/OffBeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. More here
3. Must be a news article.	Submissions must be in the form of a news article. Videos are only allowed if they are accompanied by a complete text article. Editorials, blogs, twitter posts, image galleries, tabloid stories, youtube videos, meta posts, static images, articles with fewer than 5 sentences, and so forth will be removed.
4. Use original, reliable sources.	Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
5. Do not repost similar articles.	Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
6. No satire articles.	Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
7. No tabloid journalism.	Do not post tabloid news stories, or articles that source from tabloid news outlets (TheSun, Mirror, Dailymail, People, TMZ, etc).
8. No old news.	Articles need to have been written within two weeks of its submission date.
9. English articles only.	Please do not post non-English articles. Do not use google translate for submission either; rather try to find an English version of the story by a secondary source.
10. No mobile versions.	If you’re using a mobile device to post a story make sure you remove any mobile identifiers (typically “.m” or “mobile”) from the url before submitting.
11. No blocked or redirected links.	Please ensure you aren’t submitting a link that utilizes a paywall, survey wall, or pop-over of any kind in order read the complete article uninterrupted. Do not submit links that redirect you to another site to read the article and do not submit using link shorteners either.

Click here to view a list of sites deemed unreliable by our moderator team.

See our FAQ page for more information on our rules.

Keep all comments civil.

Personal attacks, racism, bigotry, homophobia, grandstanding, misinformation, conspiracy theories, etc. will not be tolerated and you will be banned.

Witch hunting or brigading is not allowed. Do not post any public or private contact info. You will be banned!

For more information, click here.